9 Foreplay Moves Most Guys Skip (And Why Foreplay “Sometimes” Works)

Foreplay shouldn’t feel inconsistent.

If you’ve ever taken your time and still felt like her body wasn’t fully responding — this episode is for you. And if you’ve ever wanted to be into it but felt tense or distracted instead, this one’s for you too.

In this episode of Talk Sex with Annette, I break down 9 foreplay moves most guys skip — not because they don’t care, but because no one ever taught them how arousal actually works.

We’ll talk about why foreplay “sometimes works,” what’s really happening in the nervous system when desire shuts down, and how to lead her body into arousal without rushing, pressure, or performance.

This isn’t about tricks or trying harder.
 It’s about pacing, presence, and learning how to keep desire open instead of overwhelming it.

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Chapters

• 1:29 New Name, Same Unfiltered Space
• 2:21 Why Foreplay Often Fails
• 3:11 Arousal And The Nervous System
• 4:49 Pressure, Expectation, And Shutdown
• 5:33 Nine Moves Overview
• 5:33 Start Sexual, Not Invasive
• 6:07 Tease Breasts Before Touch
• 6:49 Wait Before Going Between Legs
• 7:53 Stay External Longer
• 8:39 Touch Clit Indirectly First
• 9:20 Slow Down As She Rises
• 9:47 Use Your Whole Body
• 10:12 Treat Pleasure As Sex
• 10:38 End While She Wants More
• 11:01 Skill Over Mystery & CTAs

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:45

Do the sex. I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talk and Shots. The show has a new name, Talk Sex with Annette. But at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious, and speak the unspoken about sex, kink, dating, pleasure, and desire. Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats, our most trusted friends, and of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest, and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. If you've been here from the beginning, thank you. And if you're new, welcome to my podcast where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Now, let's talk about sex. Cheers. Today's Talk Sex within Net topic is nine four-play moves that most people skip. If you've ever spent time kissing, touching, slowing down, and still felt like her body wasn't fully responding, this episode is for you. And if you're a partner who's been on the other side of that, wanting to be into it, but feeling tense, distracted, or disconnected, this episode is for you too. Because what most people think foreplay is supposed to do is wrong. We've been taught that foreplay is about warming her up, getting her ready, or doing the right thing so sex can happen. But foreplay doesn't work like that. And today I'm going to walk you through exactly why foreplay often fails, what's actually happening in her body when it does, and nine foreplay moves that most people skip, not because they don't care, but because no one ever taught them how arousal actually works. Not by trying harder, not by performing better, but by leading her nervous system differently. But before we dive in, just a quick reminder to subscribe to this podcast, whether you are on YouTube or on my audio podcast outlets, so you can get more how-tos just like this one. Also, I'm over on OnlyFans, and there I'm sharing my sex and intimacy how-tos, audio guided self-pleasure meditations, and an opportunity to experience my sex and intimacy coaching over there. You can find me there with my handle at TalkSex withinet. You can also find me on Substack doing a whole lot of the same. And my handle there is at TalkSex with the Net. You can scroll down to the show notes, and I'm gonna have links to everywhere you want to find me there. I can't wait to see you in all of the places. All right, let's get into it. Let's talk about foreplay. Cheers. First, we need to clear something up. Foreplay doesn't just create arousal. Foreplay creates the conditions where arousal can happen. Because female arousal is not driven by effort, it's driven by the nervous system, specifically the parasympathetic nervous system, the part of the body responsible for relaxation, blood flow, lubrication, and openness. The moment her body feels rushed, evaluated, or pressured, even subtly, the sympathetic nervous system kicks in. That's stress. And stress blocks arousal. So when foreplay feels inconsistent, it's not about desire, it's about state. Here's what usually happens when foreplay isn't landing. Touching becomes more sexual, faster, pressure increases instead of slowing down, movement replaces presence, and both people start monitoring the outcome. From her body's perspective, that feels like something is expected of me. It puts her in this feels like work state of mind. And expectation shuts things down. She may even start avoiding intimacy at this point. So the goal here isn't to stimulate her harder, the goal is to downshift the system. And that's exactly what the moves I'm about to give you actually do. So let's get into it. Here are the nine foreplay moves most people skip that are going to be a game changer in your sex and intimacy life. Foreplay move number one, start sexual but not invasive. This is where a lot of people get confused. So let me be clear. Foreplay should be sexual but not demanding. What most people do is either grab too aggressively or stay so neutral and never goes anywhere. Instead, start with sexual adjacent touch. Hands on her hips, her waist, her lower back, or the tops of her thighs. It should be firm, it should be grounding, and it should be intentional. This tells her body you're wanted without saying, perform for me. Foreplay move number two, tease the breasts before you grab them. Breasts are erotic, but timing matters. What usually happens is immediate squeezing, nipple focus, or rushing straight to stimulation. What works better is anticipation. Cup underneath the breasts, circle around them, brush over them slowly before touching them directly. You're letting the blood flow and sensitivity build before you ask her body to respond. That's right. Blood flow is as important for vulval stimulation as it is for breast and nipple stimulation and arousal. You need that blood flow before arousal kicks off and full stimulation can be enjoyed. Foreplay move number three, let arousal show up before you go between her legs. This is a big one. Going to her vulva and intimate physical areas too early often feels overwhelming, not exciting. This is when you might see her pull away, slow down, stop, or say things like, I'm too tired, I have a headache, or withdraw in any number of creative ways. Instead, let arousal build through desire, filled eye contact, words of praise, and want whispered in her ear. Kissing, grinding, body contact and pressure. Let her feel your desire through authentic closeness before direct touch. Her desire will build. And here's some good news. Yours well, too. And for men who do this, you're more likely to feel confident, get harder, and last longer if and when you move into penetrative intimacy. When her body feels warmer, softer, and more responsive, that's your cue, not the clock and not impatience. Foreplay move number four, stay external longer than feels efficient. This is where most people rush and accidentally shut down arousal. Once you move between her legs, stay external. Hands on the outer labia, slow, steady pressure, gentle spreading, rhythm over intensity. Most people hurry past this part, but this is where arousal actually deepens instead of spiking and dropping. If you want to learn how to do this properly, I've made a full video on yoni massage that's linked below with warm-up techniques and how not to rush. I also have demos up on my OnlyFans right now that show what this actually looks like. Remember this. Slow builds more, rushing kills it. Four play move number five, touch the clitoris indirectly first. The clitoris becomes more sensitive as rousal builds. Too much too soon often feels irritating, even painful instead of pleasurable. Again, I have a full episode on ways to touch the clit that includes indirect touch linked below. And I have demos on my OF that show techniques like layering, circling, and figurate. Bottom line, don't start by going straight at it. Touch around it, over the hood, alongside it, and let her body pull you closer instead of you forcing the contact. For play move number six, slow down right when you want to speed up. This is the moment most people blow it. She responds, you get excited, you speed up. That instinct shows up with your hands and it shows up during oral two. Do the opposite. When arousal starts, slow your pace. Keep pressure steady. Let intensity come from consistency, not speed. That's how you keep her nervous system open instead of overwhelmed. Foreplay move number seven, use your whole body, not just your hands. Foreplay isn't a hand or a team for her body. Let her feel you. Press your hips into hers, let your chest meet hers. Stay close enough that she feels your warmth and presence. Hold eye contact. Move slowly. Stay grounded. Arousal responds to being held in desire, not just stimulated. Foreplay move number eight is treat pleasure as sex and intimacy, not a lead up. Foreplay dies when it feels like a waiting room for penetration. If everything is just leading somewhere else, her body feels rushed instead of wanted. Instead, treat oral, manual touch, grinding, kissing, all of it as sex and intimacy itself. Stay present, stay engaged, don't rush toward the next thing. When pressure drops, desire expands. And finally, foreplay move number nine. End it while she still wants more. This one is advanced, and yes, it takes restraint because sometimes the hottest move is stopping while desire is still high. Stay close, stay connected, don't rush to finish the moment. Let her body remember wanting. That's how you build lasting desire, not burnout, not over stimulation. Look, foreplay isn't about doing less, it's about doing the right intimate and sexual things at the right pace. When you understand how Rosal actually builds in her body, touch becomes clearer, sex becomes easier, and desire stops feeling unpredictable. That's not a mystery. That's skill. If this has resonated with you or you have questions or comments, you know what to do. If you're on my YouTube channel, scroll down, drop a comment below the video. If you're on my audio podcast, you can go over to my YouTube channel or you can email me at Annette at talksexwithanette.com and give me your thoughts. Send me your questions. Tell me how this all works for you when you try it tonight in your own intimate life. And remember, if you're looking for some help in your own intimate life, you want a cheerleader, a guide, a wingwoman, if you will, my sex and intimacy coaching books are open. You can find out more about that by going to my website, talksexwithenet.com, or you can email me again at Annette at talksexwithanet.com to book your first session and take your next step to having the sex life you've always dreamed of. Until next time, I'll see y'all in the locker room. Cheers.