The One Clitoral Mistake That’s Kills Orgasms & The Technique That Fixes It!

Most people think they know how the clitoris works.
 They don’t.

In this episode of Talk Sex with Annette, I break down the one clit move that quietly kills orgasms—and the simple shift that changes everything.

We’re talking about why overstimulation backfires, how the nervous system actually responds to touch, and what creates arousal that builds instead of shuts down.

If orgasms feel inconsistent, muted, or harder to reach than they used to be, this episode will change how you think about pleasure.

👉 Follow here, subscribe to the podcast, and visit my website to stay close as the 365 journey begins here: https://talksexwithannette.com/365-days-of-orgasms/

Because pleasure doesn’t come from trying harder.
 It comes from learning how to stay.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And New Show Name
• 2:22 The Clitoral Mistake Explained
• 3:54 Nervous System 101 For Pleasure
• 5:59 Why Microadjusting Kills Arousal
• 7:26 Sensory Entrainment And Rhythm
• 8:44 Three-Step Technique For Consistent Touch
• 11:04 When And How To Change One Variable
• 13:04 What Reliable Pleasure Feels Like
• 14:54 Fewer Interruptions, Deeper Trust

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:45

Do the sex. I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talk and Shots. The show has a new name, Talk Sex with Annette. But at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious, and speak the unspoken about sex, kink, dating, pleasure, and desire. Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats, our most trusted friends, and of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest, and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. If you've been here from the beginning, thank you. And if you're new, welcome to my podcast where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Now, let's talk about sex. Cheers. Ranglo. Today's talk sex with Annette Topic is the clitoral mistake that kills orgasm and the technique that fixes it. If she's ever said, Don't stop, don't stop, no, wait. Okay, stop. Or you were right there and suddenly everything shuts down. That's not chemistry, that's not her being too sensitive. And it's not that you're doing it wrong. It's what happens when clitoral touch keeps changing faster than her nervous system can process pleasure. Her body can't settle, arousal can't build, and orgasm slips away. Once you understand how the clitoris actually responds to touch and how to work with her nervous system instead of against it, orgasms stop feeling random and start feeling reliable. And that's what I'm going to teach you today. But before we dive in, I want to remind you I'm over on OnlyFans, and that's where you're going to find my sex and intimacy, how-tos, demonstrations, and audio guided self-pleasure meditations. I'm also offering one-off coaching sessions over there so you can get those questions answered that you've been wanting me to answer there. You can find me there with my handle at TalkSex withNet. I'm also over on Substack, where I'm doing a whole lot of the same. You can also scroll down to the show notes and you're going to find all the links to all the places you want to find me below. I cannot wait to see you there. But for now, let's figure out how to fix that one clitoral mistake that's keeping her from getting to that big, beautiful O. Cheers. So here is the part most sex advice completely skips. The clitoris is wired primarily through the parasympathetic nervous system. That's the part of the nervous system responsible for laxation, blood flow, lubrication, and orgasm. In other words, pleasure happens when the body feels safe, settled, and unrushed. Now, here's where things break down. Research on arousal shows that pleasure builds through something called sensory summation. That just means this. When the same sensation is repeated steadily, the pleasure signals don't disappear, but they stack. Each second of consistent touch tells the brain, this is safe, this is good, you can stay. But when touch keeps changing, speed, pressure, pattern, the brain has to reprocess every sensation. Instead of building arousal, the nervous system keeps resetting. And when there's too much variation, the body shifts into the parasympathetic nervous system, the stress and performance system. That is the system for alertness, evaluation, and doing things right, not orgasm. So if touch keeps changing, the body stays alert instead of aroused. That's why trying harder doesn't help. It actually pulls the body further away from pleasure. So here's the common clitoral mistake. The mistake isn't pressure, it isn't speed, and it isn't location. The mistake is microadjusting, tiny changes people think are health, like speeding up when she breathes heavily, or slowing down when she gets quiet, or moving just a little to check and see if you can find a place that's better, or changing pressure to see if it's better. Now, if you've been on the receiving end of this, you know how frustrating it can feel. Each change interrupts the nerve pathway that was just starting to build. So instead of arousal deepening, it keeps restarting. But not to worry, I'm here because there is a technique that fixes this. This works because of something called sensory entrainment. You've probably heard me mention it before. Sensory entrainment simply means this: when the body receives steady, predictable sensation, the nervous system begins to synchronize with it. Instead of each nerve firing on its own, on off, on off, the signals start to link together. Pleasure shifts from sharp or fragile to deeper, fuller, and more immersive. This is why rhythm matters more than intensity. So here are steps that are going to fix that clitoral mistake and get her to that big, beautiful O and ensure that she has an incredible journey on the way there, which I would say is almost more important. Step one is choose one pattern. Some examples are a slow circles or side-to-side rocking or same-direction strokes. I've also given several how-to demos over on my OnlyFans that have shown different sorts of patterns you can use with glittoral stimulation, like the figure eight and the Hail Mary, which is one of my faves. But choose one and commit to it. Step two is choose one pressure, light, medium, or firm. Stay there. Step three is hold it for two to three minutes. Now, this part matters more than people realize. Most people change touch right before the nervous system has had enough time to entrain. Here's what's happening during that time biologically. In the first 30 to 60 seconds, the nerves are just registering sensation. They're kind of waking up and going, oh, okay, what's happening here? Around the 60 to 90 second mark, the body begins to recognize the pattern. Then between two to three minutes, the sensory signals start communicating as a network instead of individually. That's when pleasure spreads, it deepens, and it becomes easier to stay with. For some bodies, especially if there's stress, anxiety, or past pressure around orgasm, you guys know what I'm talking about. It can take a little longer, and that's normal. More time doesn't mean something's wrong, it means the body is settling. Think of it like warming up an engine. If you keep turning it on and off, it never gets going. Consistency is what lets pleasure actually build. Obviously, at some point you are going to want to change things up during an intimate session with your partner. But here's when to change, okay, and what that change should look like. This is the rule no one explains. You change after sensation spreads, not when you get bored. Here are signs it's time to change. First, she might ask you, she might say faster, harder, deeper. You're gonna do what she says, obviously. Second, her breathing may deepen. She may seem to really be sinking into it and maybe moving towards your hand, looking for more pressure. She could start shifting her hips, searching for a new spot. That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It means that she's getting into it and she's ready for more. So here's what the change should look like when it's clear to you that it's time to make it. This part is really important. Change one variable only, change speed or pressure or pattern. Never all three at one time. Think of it like turning a dial, not flipping a switch. So this is for partners because obviously this is something you can do in your own self-pleasure session, or you can do with a partner. But if you are with a partner, listen, this practice trains something rare and powerful. The ability to stay steady, pleasure builds. Most people rush because they get anxious. Great lovers can tolerate intensity without interfering. When you do that, our body stops bracing, trust deepens, orgasms require less effort. And best of all, desire shows up faster next time. Let me say that again. Desire shows up faster next time, and so does orgasm. Skill beats guessing every time. So, as the giver, if you are a man or a person with a penis, here is what this feels like for her when it works. When this lands, pleasure stops feeling sharp, fragile, or easy to lose, like something she's gotta like really concentrate to keep hold of. Instead, when this lands, pleasure stops feeling sharp, fragile, or easy to lose. Instead of something you should have to hold on to, it starts feeling like it's carrying you. People often describe this like a wave-like sensation, not spiky, it rises and falls and returns. Other people have said attention drops out of the head and into the body. So it becomes a very embodied experience. That's definitely what we want, right? Other people have said pleasure feels immersive, like you're inside the experience instead of watching it. Again, that's all about becoming more embodied. Another common description is the body stays open instead of tensing and bracing. So you might see her face look more relaxed, her body is going to stop clenching, she might move more fluidly. It's because that's what she's feeling, right? She's not bracing for the loss of the pleasure and that ever-elusive orgasm to run away. It basically becomes easy for her to stay present even as intensity builds. There's less effort, there's less monitoring, and there's less, am I doing this right? And there's a whole lot more of a quiet sense of, oh, I can stay here. That's the shift. This is how orgasms move from is this going to happen ever? Are they getting tired and bored to, oh, there it is. Not because anything dramatic changed, but because the nervous system finally felt safe enough to let pleasure deepen. It's that easy and that hard. Better orgasms don't come from more technique, they come from fewer interruptions. Consistency builds trust. Trust allows the body to relax. And relaxation is what makes surrender possible. When the nervous system knows what to expect, it stops bracing. And when the body stops bracing, pleasure has somewhere to go. That's not magic. That's how arousal actually works. If this shifted something for you, don't rush past it. Touch doesn't need to be perfect, it needs to be predictable enough for pleasure to grow. This one practice can change how sex feels for her and for you. But real change happens when the body learns this over time, again and again and again. That's why I'm launching 365 days of orgasms. It's already underway. It's not a challenge, it's a daily pleasure practice. Small intentional moments that retrain your body to experience desire, arousal, and orgasm with less effort and more trust. If you want to go deeper, everything starts there. So save this and then keep up with my 365 days of orgasms journey that I'm taking everybody on. You can find it on my YouTube channel under the playlist 365 Days of Orgasms. You can head over to my social media, my TikTok account, my Instagram account, and my Facebook account, all under at TalkSex of Withinet, where I'm posting videos and posting daily prompts, and I'm guiding you on a year-long pleasure journey. And again, if you're looking for a sex and intimacy coach, you want some help along the way in whatever journey you're on. My books are open, and you can find out more about that at talkswithanet.com. You're also going to find my 365 days of orgasms. Everything is at talksexwithinet.com. I'm looking forward to going on this journey with you. Until next time, I'll see y'all in the locker room. Cheers.