Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now? The New Dating Shift

Why are boyfriends suddenly embarrassing? A recent piece by Vogue titled “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” sparked a global reaction, pointing out that some women are now hesitant to post their partners, claim relationships publicly, or even say “boyfriend” without flinching. 

In this episode, I chat with sex + relationship coach Sienna Sinclair about what’s really behind this trend. 

We explore:

• Why boyfriends may feel like a “brand risk” now
• The emotional labour and identity loss behind the trend
• What it says about visibility, desire & modern relationship expectations
• How to know if your hesitation is a red flag — or a signal for change
• And how real baddies post about their men

If you’ve ever thought “Why do I feel weird saying ‘boyfriend’ out loud?”, or you're a guy wondering why you haven't made her Gram — this episode is your answer.

🎧 Listen to more episodes of Talk Sex with Annette:
https://www.youtube.com/@talksexwithannette

🔞 Want demos, how-tos & guided self-pleasure meditations?
Join me on OnlyFans →https://talksexwithannette.com/talk-sex-with-me/
Subscribe to my Substack → https://talksexwithannette.substack.com/
Subscribe to my e-newsletter: https://she-explores-life.ck.page/e9760c390c

Use code EXPLORES15 for 15% off all Womanizer Products at Womanizer.com.

Get 30% Off Sex Toys & Lube with code EXPLORES30
at thethruster.com: https://bit.ly/3Xsj5wY

Get 15% Off The Life Saving, Erection Enhancing Tech Cockring By Firmtech with my code ANNETTE15 at: https://myfirmtech.com/annettebenedetti

Get your intimacy questions answered, enjoy erotic audio readings and more.
https://talksexwithannette.com/talk-sex-with-me/

Chapters

• 0:00 New Name, Same Locker Room Energy
• 2:22 The Boyfriend Embarrassment Trend Explained
• 4:49 Guest Intro: Catherine’s Path To Intimacy Coaching
• 7:59 Why “Boyfriend Content” Turns Audiences Off
• 10:49 Fear, Mid Men, And Reputation Risk
• 13:49 Situationships, Ambivalence, And Settling
• 17:04 Queer Dynamics Vs Hetero Optics
• 19:54 Independence Tax: Labor, Pay, And Shrinking
• 23:44 The Baddie Double Standard And Control
• 26:44 Are Younger Men Different?
• 29:54 Reading The Feed: Overposting And Insecurity
• 33:23 Soft Launch Strategy For Partners
• 36:23 How Often Should He Be On Your Feed?
• 38:53 Boundaries, Demands, And Digital Ownership
• 41:23 A Message To Men: Rise To The Occasion
• 45:34 Final Takeaways And Where To Find Catherine

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:46

I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talk and Shots. The show has a new name, Talk Sex with Annette. But at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious, and speak the unspoken about sex, kink, dating, pleasure, and desire. Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats, our most trusted friends, and of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest, and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. If you've been here from the beginning, thank you. And if you're new, welcome to my podcast where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Now, let's talk about sex. Cheers. Today's talk sex with a net topic is Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now? The new dating trend no one wants to admit. What if the newest dating trend wasn't a kink or a red flag, but an embarrassment? Because right now in 2025, simply having a boyfriend has become its own kind of cringe. Scroll TikTok and you'll see it. Women muting creators the minute they say, my boyfriend. Vogue is publishing pieces asking if being partnered is now embarrassing. And every day online, you can feel the collective groan when a creator goes from fun, hot, independent woman to girlfriend content. But here's the real question no one wants to touch. Are boyfriends embarrassing, or are women just tired of shrinking the minute they get one? Today we're cracking open the psychology, the pressure, and the quiet panic underneath this trend. The part where women feel like choosing boyfriends means losing a version of themselves. They worked so hard to build. And I couldn't think of anyone better to have this conversation with than Catherine Dreisdell, a New York-based dating and intimacy expert, known online as the woman with 72 O's. She's been featured in cosmopolitan Vice Men's Health and speaks internationally on intimacy and connection. We're diving into why being partnered with a man suddenly feels risky and what the boyfriend ick actually signals and how women can reclaim partnership without disappearing into it. But before we dive in, I want to remind you that I'm over on OnlyFans and there I'm sharing my sex and intimacy, how-tos, demos, and audio guided self-pleasure meditations. I'm also offering one-off questions, a little taste of coaching, if you will. You can also find me on SIPSTAC doing a whole lot of the same, minus the coaching and the demos. And you can find me in both places under my handle at TalkSex Withinit. You can also scroll down to the notes below and you can find links to everywhere you need to find me. I can't wait to see you there. But for now, Catherine, will you take a moment to tell my listeners more about you?

SPEAKER_00: 3:54

Yeah. Thank you for having me. First of all, a little bit about me. I've been working in this field. My specialty really is on women's pleasure. I've been doing this for about six years. And why I got into this field is I'm someone who experienced like sexual trauma in college. And I realized that, okay, if I was experiencing so much shame and felt like pleasure wasn't for me after something happened to me, why can't other people experience that too? And so in my own healing journey, that's when I learned that I could be multi-orgasmic. And the more healing I did, the more I realized, wow, okay, I can really help people with this. So I got a coaching certification and I specialize in neurolinguistic programming, EFC tapping, and hypnosis. So we go deep in all of that. And then I'm going to grad school right now at Columbia for clinical psychology. So even deeper into psychology of everything. I I just really enjoy teaching so much. I'm going to be teaching some workshops on Temptation Crew tomorrow, actually, for the week of swimmer's crews. So it'll be a lot of fun. I like combining fun, sexy with like the psychology and the science behind why we do server thing.

SPEAKER_01: 5:12

Well, we have a lot in common, some similar origin stories there. And I really admire you for sharing that and turning what happened to you into something that was not only healing for yourself, but will help other people heal as well. And so I feel very honored to have you here for this conversation. Listeners, you're going to want to stay to the end because if you're a woman right now, you are going to get some good insight into how do you manage when you go from being empowered and happy to having a relationship publicly? How can you manage that for yourself? And are your feelings valid around not wanting to be very public about it? Or is there a problem with wanting to post your boyfriend all over the internet? And if you're a guy, if you're a dude, you're going to get some good insight into how to handle it when she says, hmm, I don't really want to post that picture of you. You can hold the camera, just make me look pretty. So stay to the end. This is going to be an insightful conversation for all of us. I am ready to talk about boyfriends being the new ick. Cheers. So, Catherine, I want to dive in. For those of you out there who haven't read the headlines about is having a boyfriend embarrassing? Catherine, can you talk to my listeners a little bit about this new phenomena that's being talked about in the press?

SPEAKER_00: 6:39

Yeah, so I know the Vogue article is sort of what like fueled this. I've seen quite a few Substacks and a lot of TikToks about it. And essentially it boils down to the fact that women are now in this point in time, especially like I think millennial women, this generation is the first generation to really be able to be who you want to be, prioritize other things in your life. And ultimately having a boyfriend or having a man or a husband should be the least interesting thing about you. And it really is getting a lot of cheat, I feel like, in some circles, because it goes completely opposite from what we've been taught and what we've been conditioned to since childhood, right? We were taught from the beginning of time that we're supposed to do everything in our power to make ourselves attractive enough to find and keep a man. And now we're getting to the point, well, okay, I have all of these things that are going on for me. Actually, like you're just a man. So why, why, why is this the pinnacle that I'm supposed to achieve? So that's essentially what the discourse is going on right now.

SPEAKER_01: 7:54

Right. I feel like the gist of it is because my my mother's generation and before, you literally had to find a man to survive, right? You couldn't get a job. That wasn't something available to women. You couldn't even have your own bank account. So your job was to find a man, and then that was the thing you bragged about. Like, look at the man I have. But now women can get a job, can get an education. We are surpassing men in many of the work fields out there, and we don't have to have one. And like you said, it has now even gotten to the point where your boyfriend should be the least interesting thing about you. At least I think that's a sentiment. Don't I I feel like when I have a woman who's a creator or a public figure, and then suddenly it's all about their partner, their boyfriend, their man, I suddenly am kind of like, eh. It takes takes the excitement out of it.

SPEAKER_00: 9:05

Yeah, I hear you. And it's not that like I agree, I feel similarly. I know I'm very lucky in my friend groups that I've like curated because we are also powerful women making it. A lot of us are creators, entrepreneurs, stuff like that. Like, I'd say half of my friends are in long-term partnerships, but we don't often talk about partners at all because we have so many other things that we're celebrating for each other. And it's not that we're not happy when they have those milestones or want to talk about their partners, but that's just not what we're here for. We're here to lift each other up in other ways that are more meaningful, like long term, than just a relationship.

SPEAKER_01: 9:50

How much of this it being embarrassing to post a boyfriend on your social media or to publicize your partnership, how much of that do you think comes from the fact that women don't trust men to last, relationships with men to last? So if you on your Instagram grid have a whole bunch of pictures of your guy and then he sleeps with your best friend, you've got to go through and strip all of those pictures out. Do you think there's an element of that, that the longevity of the relationship, the longevity of the relationship comes into question?

SPEAKER_00: 10:32

Yeah, I mean, I do think for some people that's definitely a factor is maybe they've been burned in the past, maybe they've experienced a relationship where they were cheated on, or it just ended badly and they don't want to have to go through it again, like having to like completely wipe out this person from their feed. So there could be some elements of that. I think a more prevalent element is that, and this is just what I've been seeing across the board is a lot of women are in relationships with men who are pretty mid, and I think they're kind of embarrassed by them, truly. I don't know that it's so much of like, I don't trust that they're gonna not cheat on me. I think it's like I actually, if my friends knew of who I actually was seeing, they would tell me to dump him. And I think that's more of what it is, is that there's still this, okay, like you want to be in a relationship, you want to find love, you like partnership, companionship. There's nothing wrong with that. But if your friends knew who this person actually was, they would be like, girl, what the fuck? So I think that's really more of the key of that. And I think some of that, too, some of this fallout is more so coming after the Trump presidency, where there's been an influx of people who are divorcing their Trump supporting MAGA husbands. But there's a huge influx of people realizing that, like, okay, this was not the man I thought I married, or I didn't think it was this bad. And I think given everything, given that a lot of men are lying about political affiliation on dating apps just to get a date or just to get laid, I think that's more of the protection mechanism. It's like they don't want to be tied to someone publicly that could discredit them in some sort of way and discredit their feminist ideals that they're living out in every other aspect of their lives.

SPEAKER_01: 12:27

Right. Because imagine you find out you've posted this dude all over the internet, and then he says something horrific. You know, his real persona slips, and it happens to be incredibly sexist or racist or homophobic, and now you're tied, you cannot wipe it clean. It has now affected your reputation and how people see you. So, well, that makes me ask why do you think so many women are embarrassing themselves by dating men who are beneath them, or at least who they think their friends would see as beneath them?

SPEAKER_00: 13:12

Yeah, well, I think like this goes back to the fear of rejection, fear of abandonment. And what's also prevalent right now is like situationship culture. A lot of people are in these like murky, not really defined relationships, and that's part of why they're not posting on their main feed too. It's like they don't quite have the clarity on where they stand with this person. So why are they gonna post them on their feed if like they're dating, they hold hands in public, but they're not in a relationship because no one's defined it. And I have been like, I've had people comment on my TikToks and stuff saying that like they've been in a situation ship for four years. And I'm like, girl, what are you doing? And like that's not to say that like friends with benefits or fuck buddies can't work because I was a fuck girl back in the day. High school, college, I was chef's kiss. I was a great fuck girl. I booty called them. If they booty called me, they were kicked off the roster. There was no pillow talk, there was no cuddling. I ran a tight ship, like it was great. But the expectation was it was just physical and that was it, and that's why it worked. Now it's like people want, and I'd I I see it more so in Gen Z because of that deep fear of rejection and abandonment, and they're afraid to leave someone that isn't quite giving them what they want because they're afraid nothing else is gonna take its place. And so that's why no one's hitting on people in public. People aren't making moves. There are a lot of people who are still have never had sex ever and still in their mid-20s, which nothing wrong with that, but it's because a lot of people are so afraid of rejection that they're afraid to put themselves out there and they're afraid that they're not gonna get met with who actually needs them. And so they're settling.

SPEAKER_01: 15:06

Right. So something that I also find interesting thinking about this because it does seem specifically a heteronormative issue. So for instance, I don't feel like there's the same hesitation or embarrassing feeling. I'm a I'm a queer woman. I date both men, women, I date people of all genders. So men, women, trans folks, so on and so forth, non-binary individuals. And I don't feel like there is the same embarrassment around the idea of posting a girlfriend if I'm dating a woman. Like, I definitely don't feel like, oh, I don't want anyone to see me with her. Like, that's not a thing. In fact, there's on some level, it feels empowering to be able to share that kind of connection.

SPEAKER_00: 16:00

I think overall, just queer relationships and being more, I don't know, public with them. I think in just in the nature of being involved in a queer relationship, it's like that is revolutionary, right? Like that's already fighting the patriarchy, that's already fighting all of these systems of oppression. So that's more of like a I'm celebrating this, celebrating who I am, celebrating my partner, celebrating our relationship. And often too, and not to say that like all queer people are liberal, but I'd say most are because they are within an oppressed group. And so when you have similar political ideals and you're with a partner that like cares about you and believes certain things and cares about human rights, that's not embarrassing because you're aligned on so many things. Whereas in like heterosexual culture, it's a little different because we're seeing the divide, especially by gender in in beliefs and morals and ethics.

SPEAKER_01: 17:10

Yeah. And those things are for the most part political, right? People want to say, oh, well, I don't want to get political. Well, you you don't have a choice because your whole existence is governed by politics. So here we are, you know. What do you think about uh kind of what I mentioned at the beginning that women risk losing their hard fought independence and whatever they've built when partnering with a man? Do you feel there is truth to that? And if so, why?

SPEAKER_00: 17:52

Oh, a hundred percent. And this is something that's been proven in studies. I wish I had the actual like sources to say I can look it up and send it to you. But there was a study that was done a few years ago that show shows that women are the happiest, single women are the happiest, and married men are the happiest. And that's because when women are single, and I guess in the more like heterocentric, they're able to pour all of that time, attention, money, effort into themselves, into their communities, because we are community-driven type people. We have our friend networks, we go to group classes together, we do all of these things. So we're able to fuel and funnel all of that into ourselves and have a much more fulfilling life. Versus when partnered with a man, unfortunately, we know that like the division of labor, especially domestic labor, is not quite equal. And especially with the rise of partnerships wanting to go 50-50, it's like that's not equitable because most of the time women are carrying probably 80 or 90 percent of the invisible labor that happens in the home. That's not just cooking and cleaning, it's like arranging the kids' schedule, it's getting the gifts for birthday, arranging stuff for Christmas with the holidays with your family and this and that. And they're doing so much stuff. So when they're singled, they don't have all of those extra burdens that are on their plate. And I think this also feeds into the pay gap, too, between women and men. A lot of men are able to succeed in their careers, are able to get paid more money because there's oftentimes a woman behind the scenes carrying all the extra stuff that he clearly is not doing in the home.

SPEAKER_01: 19:44

The relationships aren't equitable, especially like the whole paying 50-50 on dates when it's in a heteronormative a man and a woman date. Paying 50-50 on a date with a man is not equitable. Not already. When it's as easy for me to climb the corporate ladder as it is for them to climb the corporate ladder, when their expectation is to take care of the children as much as it is a woman's. Oh, then we can we we can talk 50-50 then. I think it's interesting because when I look back on my last relationship, which lasted just short of three years with a man, I rarely posted photos of him. Like I was so careful of it. And there were when I think about the reasons that I did that, the ones I admitted to myself and the one and him, and the ones that I didn't, it was like a couple of things. It was a yes, I felt like it would devalue me as sort of a feminist, like sexy, like I felt like instantly I would be less sexy because there's suddenly like he owns me. Like there's that that, oh, if a woman is with a man, there's this ownership that happens, and you can no longer shouldn't be sexy. You shouldn't be desirable to other uh people or presenting yourself that way online. I think the other thing was like, well, what if this doesn't last? There's always that question, and for good reason, because obviously it didn't, and not trusting the longevity and what that would look like then. Then you've got to tell people you're going through a breakup, right? Then your content becomes breakup material like inevitably, right? And then there was also the aspect of feeling like I was shrinking in that relationship. It was harder for me to do my interviews and speak as openly as I do now. I don't give a fuck what anyone hears me say when I'm not with a man in a in a heteronormative relationship. I don't feel like even when I'm dating women, I don't feel like they get all up in their feelings about the things I say as much, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 22:17

No, I feel you. And I think like this has also been very prevalent on social media too. Like I've been seeing a lot of posts of like men who like a baddie until they're dating one. It's like if you can't handle a body, don't date a baddie. Because if you liked how hot she dressed and all the things she did and how she poured all that into herself when she was single, she's gonna keep doing that when you're in a relationship. And if you're so insecure that you don't like it, date someone else. You don't dim a baddie's shine because like that's probably the reason why you're attracted in the first place. Yeah, I feel like there's just like so I feel like there's just so much to say here. Demetrius.

SPEAKER_01: 23:03

I think that's so true though. I think that it is like men that pursue baddies and then they get them and they like want it want to extinguish that light. But the minute the light starts to dim, they lose interest. Right? Then they're like, got her. Oh, now she like is crazy about me or really into me over it. I want to find the next one to ruin. There is that cycle. There are a lot of men that do that. Now I'm not saying all men. So don't come at me with not all men. Not all men, but it is men. But it is men. Like we say men for a reason because until it's no men, it is all men because we don't know which one of you is going to do that, and because it's so fucking prevalent, it's so prevalent. I am curious about your take on the age range of this. Do you feel like younger men are pursuing what women differently? Like that they understand sort of this dynamic of the independent woman and not being the most important thing in her life. Are the generations changing as far as like men and relationships and how they or you know, I older generations, my parents' generation, my gen, I'm I'm Gen X, but like Gen X is I'm sorry, Gen Xers, but I'm so disappointed in us all. I'm so fucking disappointed in us all. Like we're still feeding into the whole, you know, my man, like we we haven't come a long way. Millennials really, I think, kicked our ass and saying, uh-uh, no more of this shit, right? But so I am wondering younger, especially younger millennials and Gen Zers, are the are the guys better than Gen X-Men? Please tell me yes.

SPEAKER_00: 24:56

Yes, yes and no. I think it depends on the particular man. And like I will say, like historically, so I'm 32. I'm very much a millennial. And I'd say historically from beginning when I started dating, I was often dating older men, like even like older, older, like men in their 40s and 60s when I was in college. Not quite age appropriate, but I just liked that. But within that power dynamic always came the control aspect, which I didn't like. And then more I got into my mid-20s, that's when I started shifting more into my mommy dom persona to where I was powerful badass, to where I saw all of the shots. And just in that shift in my confidence and how I communicate and the partners that I attract, I started attracting more men who actually, yeah, they like the baddie than I am. And six my dating is now skewing younger and younger and younger and younger. And like I will say, I'd say right now, the average age of man that I go on dates with is 28 and I'm 32. And like that's across the board. And it's not even men in their like mid to late 20s, it's like men in their early 20s. And I think part of that, it's like the power dynamic has switched where they know that if they're dating an older woman like the Cougar, she already has her life figured out, she already knows what she wants, she can communicate very clearly, she asks for what she needs and she expects to get it. And so they're really happy to be that person to like deliver that to you because most of them aren't established in their career, but they give you the attention, they don't you a lot of them have into therapy, so they're emotionally aware. There are still some fuckboys in there, as in any generation. Like, I'm not gonna say all Gen Z men are better, but a lot of them are a little bit more emotionally in tune. And I think part of that is like due to how more normalized conversations of like mental health and social media is like a cash money too. In some ways it's been detrimental, but in other ways it's allowing us to be more open-minded and connect with people on like a deeper level. So I'd say Gen Z men, like there's hope for them.

SPEAKER_01: 27:18

Really quick before I go into my next question, you dated older men, much older. Yeah, this is much older. Really do know the difference, and younger, not much younger, but younger. And so you do you do see that generational difference in in sort of wanting to dim the light versus being proud of the light and wanting to kind of bask in it and let you be your badass self. You just see the generational shift, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 27:48

And like I have dated as young as 21, and that was too much of a difference for me. I'm like, we don't have enough in common there, and I want someone that kind of knows what they're doing in life. But I have noticed just in my own personal experiences with dating and dating younger men more recently, like the last few years, more of that is like supportive people who like actually want to be a partner versus men who are my age. Sometimes there's this like weird subconscious, maybe like competition. Like if they're they want to do slightly better than you or make slightly more money than you. And then for the really older men, some of them it's more of like a control where they want you to be arm candy or they're already retired and then they're willing to put in effort to like help you grow your career. But I'd say that's still like weird power dynamics, and I don't particularly like that anymore.

SPEAKER_01: 28:45

When you see women who are heavily posting their partners, can we talk about that? This podcast is about it being embarrassing now to have a boyfriend. When we say that, what we really mean is to publicly have a boyfriend that you are posting everywhere and bragging about. Now, there is a whole cohort of women where every post is about their hubby and how I hate that fucking word, hubby. The minute someone says that, I'm like, mm, side eye heavy side eye. But you know, there are those women that make their boyfriends, their husbands, their whole personality. Talk to me about a why you think they do that, and B, how does the rest of the world view that?

SPEAKER_00: 29:39

So I feel like there's like two lenses to look at this. I'd say lens number one is like the everyday woman, like the woman who isn't an influencer, just the regular average person who just uses social media for friends or whatever. I'd say that kind of woman that posts their husband usually, or their boyfriend or partner, whatever, and that's their whole identity. There's probably a deep seated like insecurity that like they're not good enough without their partner. And this is what makes them kind of give social capital, which is part of why like marriage existed to begin with, right? Marriage was a business arrangement, it was to help women with social capital to move up in the world, to have more experiences, to have access to money and houses and stuff like that. So I do think some of those women are still stuck in some of that archaic belief systems, and it's not their fault because it's been engraned for so long. And then I think the other set of women are the ones who are the influencers where all they're doing is couples' content. And again, I I engage. I watch it. There are a few couples' content that I like, but I'm also just wow, is this really your whole personality? And sometimes you keep doing it because it's like that's what's paying the bills. So it's like, how genuine is it actually? You don't really know. And then months later you find out there's a very public breakup, but no one shares any detail and you feel like you know them because there's a parasocial relationship. And that in some ways, some people who have broken up with their partners who are influencers, who are very public, like couples content, decides not to post their relationships anymore going forward because of that experience. So it's interesting to see like that dynamic of sort of like both ends of the spectrum.

SPEAKER_01: 31:58

A phenomenon that I have noticed is when a woman who's otherwise not posted a lot about her partner, male partner, or husband, suddenly starts posting a lot about how wonderful he is. I always clock it and I'm like, something's going down in that relationship. It is always an indicator that, and I can guess that there's a couple of months until you see the whatever, whatever it is that's going on beneath is going to come to the surface.

SPEAKER_00: 32:31

Yeah, I feel like, yeah, no, I definitely I've watched that too for sure. I feel like in some ways maybe it's like uh insecurity happening or conversations or disagreements within the relationship, like, okay, you're ashamed of me or embarrassed of me, so post me more. So usually there's something deeper. And also, if not fighting, it's maybe like almost, I don't know, the manifesting. I don't know how into like spirituality, like TikTok you are, like Dululu is the Solulu. Like a lot of people, you know, they're trying to create a manifestation that their relationship is better than it actually is. So they're like, okay, if I'm posting my partner that's so amazing, like then maybe he'll start showing up like that. And it's funny, there is content that I've seen of like women posting like things that are like funny that their partners do, and they're getting roasted in the comments. And everyone's like, why would you let this man do this to you? Like, this is so embarrassing. And I think that comes back to the main point. It's like, okay, it's not just their beliefs, it's like how they treat you, it's how they speak to you. Like, how do you allow this to happen? And like domestic violence, like, not all abuse is physical abuse. There's so many different dynamics at play that we never fully know what's going on in a relationship, but it's just something to keep in mind that there's always something deeper.

SPEAKER_01: 33:59

I've learned a lot from watching women post like things they think are funny. They're they're shitty things that their male partners do to them. And they're like, oh, ha ha. A good example was there was this trend where women were videoing how their husbands or boyfriends walked way ahead of them out in public when they were going places, like they're going into the restaurant and the boyfriend's already up at the door, walking, not holding the door open. And I was like, and I was like, oh, this is what my, you know, whoever I was dating at the time does does to me. And then you go out to the comments, and people are like, why would you want to be with a man who won't even walk next to you when you're out on a date or when you're traveling or anything like that? And so I think that there has been this education that has been going on on social media. And I would argue that a lot of women in my age range are being schooled by younger women, seeing how younger women are yucking and icking a lot of the things men do that for my generation and older were like standard. We just accepted this is how men are. And now younger women are like, why the fuck would you let a man do that to you? And and women my age who start to go through divorces and and breakups are like, oh, I don't have to butt up with that. That is embarrassing. But the men are still doing the same thing.

SPEAKER_00: 35:23

And unfortunately, there probably will be a woman who will tolerate that behavior. But I do think having social in this way with everyday people posting their partners, I think this is collectively helping all women, regardless of generations. It's like we're all able to raise our standards and realize that like being single is not the worst thing in the world. Like I'm very happily single. I enjoy my singlehood. Like the thought of being in a relationship right now kind of makes me want to vomit. And that's because I'm like in grad school right now. I'm working on my career, on my business. I have so many good friends, like I'm traveling the world, I'm doing all of the things that I wanted to do. And right now, a relationship would like slow me down. And I think having that power, that shift in power, like, okay, being single at the end of this is not the end of the world because my life is already so full. And I think like that's really what is shifting back to like the whole point of this whole relationship is like you don't have to be in a relationship to be fulfilled. Like you can find that anywhere. And oh no, you're gonna end up a single cat lady. Like, actually, that doesn't sound so bad.

SPEAKER_01: 36:42

Yeah, I think that that's kind of a collective understanding now that you can have a very fulfilled life and all the things you want and more without having a boyfriend or a husband. You no longer need a man, it isn't a necessity to live, to survive, to survive, much less to acquire an incredible life. And instead, you get to pick and choose your partner and choose people who are gonna add to your life and lift you up. So I think we're at the point in this conversation where what we can do for our listeners is talk about maybe we can do a comparison, how a baddie would or would not showcase their boyfriend, and how old school women would and showcase their boyfriend. So let's say the standard has been you're going to a pumpkin patch with your boyfriend, right? And you want to showcase that you're going to have this pumpkin patch experience. In the past, it would have been you and your boyfriend holding pumpkins together, like your head up with a or I don't know, something like that, right? Modern day baddie.

SPEAKER_00: 37:59

A modern day baddie, if she posts him at all on the main feed, it likely will be inside of a photo dump carousel, where he definitely is not the first slide. It's probably a solo shot of her. Maybe they also went with friends. So maybe there will be some memes in there, some fall foliage, the pumpkins they selected. And then maybe he might be between like slides six and eight, if his face is even there. And if he's not, it could just be like a side of his arm, the back of his head. Like it's more of like a soft launch kind of situation. It's not necessarily like full post. And I have been seeing a rise of even like within my personal friends, like not posting their partners much to their main feed until they get engaged or until they get married. That's when they hard launch bully because they're like, okay, this is commitment and like this is forever. But yeah, most baddies won't post their man on their main feed and definitely not on the main photo, depending on how long they've been together for, but most probably won't.

SPEAKER_01: 39:10

I love that. So there you go, guys. Look, ladies, listen to this advice. First of all, you never have to put him on the on the main feed photo. We can talk about in a second how you can, but do it in a photo dump. Maybe it's a group of friends, you know, a little bit abstract. And he doesn't even have to go on it at all, on your grid at all, until you've got a real commitment, a ring on the finger, or you've already walked down the aisle, right? That is an option. He doesn't have to be there. So now let's say you're engaged and you go out to romantic dinner and it's beautiful, and you want to like showcase this romantic dinner. Can you give some examples of like how can you kind of show that he's there with you without, you know, dimming your light in photos?

SPEAKER_00: 40:08

Yeah, so I feel like it depends on like whether or not you want to show his actual face. So I'd say if you're on a romantic dinner, maybe you just got engaged, you have the ring. A photo you could do is like with your man in the background, you taking a photo of the ring with just you can see him in the background, but it's like the ring and this. If you're sitting together, like in a more dimly lit kind of boost situation, the lighting has to be better on you, you're slightly forward because that's people want to see you and pay attention to you. Other like power dynamic kind of stuff, even too, like if you were like standing, like standing slightly forward ways that you're holding each other. There's just ways to show that that it's like you're the one that calls the shots, not this man.

SPEAKER_01: 42:02

I love that. And how often would you say once you're in a really committed relationship? Well, let's say your dude cares about this stuff. Now, there are going to be men who don't care, but I can definitely tell you I got the side eye from my last long-term male partner when he's like, Why am I not showing up in your photos? Well, today I can tell you now you see why you weren't in my photos. But how often would you say that even when you are in like a committed married relationship, should your man show up in your feed?

SPEAKER_00: 42:36

I mean, I think this is gonna depend on like your particular relationship. I don't think there's like a blanket frequency that like makes sense for everyone because it's just gonna depend. I think it also depends on like how much you're posting in general. So it's like if you're someone that only posts around the holidays or when you're going to a friend's wedding or like a vacation, maybe you only post four times a year. So if you post them twice out of the four times, that's pretty good odds. But if you're someone who's posting all the time, you're a content creator posting every single day. So maybe it wouldn't be that often. Maybe it'd be once a month or once a week or whatever. Maybe it's all stories often, but not on your main feed. If that's not how you're monetizing your account is through like couples' content. So it's not to say that you can't have your man front and center, but that's something for you to, I guess, like negotiate with your partner on like whether or not that's even important to you.

SPEAKER_01: 43:36

Also, if you post them too often, we're all gonna assume something's going wrong, just telling you, or that you're a little insecure. I'm just being honest. I'm just being honest. I'll definitely be side-eyeing any woman that's like constantly focusing on the guy. It it feels like it demonstrates insecurity to me. And I tend to clock it correctly about nine out of ten times. So there is that. Does your guy have a right to demand to be in your feed? What's your opinion on that?

SPEAKER_00: 44:12

I don't think anyone has a right to demand anything, period. I think everything is a discussion and a conversation, however. Same thing with like at the beginning of a relationship, like you should have a conversation on like what cheating is because it's different for every person. Like, some people think porn is cheating, some people think subscribing to OnlyFans is I don't. I'm like, yeah, watch porn, let's watch it together. Like that's fine. You can like other Instagram bodies. I don't care, I'm not insecure. But for some people, like that is a huge thing. So I think having a conversation about it, just like everything, it's like each individual relationship is a different experience. So what you did in one relationship might not work for the next one. And that's why having that open dialogue with your partner is important. I think also, too, some of why men want to be posted on the main scene is that they want it's more of like an ownership thing of like they want other men to like know that, like, okay, she's taken, like, don't come in the DMs. But are they posting on their own account? Are they someone that doesn't use social media at all? So it seems kind of one-sided and more of like an ego trend than actually like we're in a happy, healthy relationship, and like I want to show off my relationship because we are in love and we're so happy. So I think it's like the motivations of that, it's important to figure out like what's actually behind it.

SPEAKER_01: 45:38

I love that. So, do you have any last advice to send out to guys who are reading about seeing these headlines saying it's embarrassing to have a boyfriend? I mean, they've gotta have feelings about it. So, what would you say to them?

SPEAKER_00: 45:58

There's so many things to say, and I feel like I've been on so many soapbox lately, too, about I don't know, like the rise of incel culture. And I will say, even though there's so much discourse around this, and even if it might seem like this is pushing you further and further away from having a relationship, that women are opting out of this, that's not necessarily the case. The case is that unfortunately for you, and fortunately for everyone, is you have to rise to the occasion to be worthy of having that kind of partnership, that the way that you operated in the past, the way that your fathers, your grandfathers operated in the past is no longer acceptable. And so if you do want a happy, healthy relationship with good communication and great sex, that requires work that you got to put in. So maybe go see a therapist if you haven't already. Maybe cultivate relationships with your bros, your friends, and actually talk about deep shit, not just who's playing on sports and like drinking beers on the weekend, like actually have deep conversations, do things that are fulfilling, do things that are moving your life forward. And then that's when you're ready to start putting yourself out there and like building that type of relationship, and also know that just because you're dating someone doesn't mean they have to put you number one priority. Because I I personally believe every single person, you have to be your own first priority because no one else should do it. We have to put ourselves first, and a happy, healthy relationship understands that it's like we are both full individuals on our own, and the partnership is what allows it to expand. So, like, don't let this dissuade you from thinking that a relationship is possible and please don't consume red content. I know it's being pushed at their feed so hard, but just know that like it's possible. You just have to put in some more work and time and care.

SPEAKER_01: 48:05

Right. And understanding that if you want to have a really good relationship with a baddie, you need to also be aware of your privilege in the situation and be willing to use that to lift her up and understand why you are a handicap if you are being put out front in her life, right? Understand the power differential there. Do what you can to help keep her empowered so she can keep being the baddie that you want to be with so badly. You know? It feels really good when you have a partner regardless of gender, but especially a man who like is like, fuck yeah, you're a badass. Yeah, I'm gonna brag about you. I'm gonna do what I can to make sure your shine keeps shining. And and also it makes you look really hot when you're not insecure or made insecure by a woman being a badass. Like a man who can hold his own in a woman's light, that's fucking hot. And they're definitely getting laid, that's for sure. They're definitely getting laid. Any last thoughts you want to give send out here on this topic? On the topic of is having a boyfriend embarrassing? This is your opportunity to send the last message.

SPEAKER_00: 49:24

Yeah, I mean, I guess just bringing it home. It's like fundamentally having a boyfriend is not embarrassing, but putting your relationship at the forefront is only gonna diminish your shine and prevent you from actually creating the fulfilling life that you're capable of and that you desire. So, like, not bashing relationships, just we need to collectively kind of deprioritize romantic relationships and put that effort and energy into other things that are lifting us up. Right.

SPEAKER_01: 49:57

And I love how you started this conversation saying that your relationship should be the least interesting thing about you. And in a way, that's the truth in your relationship too, right? Like the thing that drew people to you or you to your other person wasn't the relationship. It was like all of the shit they were doing. And we should be supporting our partners and continuing all of that, right? And our partnership is just sort of the icing on the cake and the cool thing to have that support and get, you know, sex. The sex is great, hopefully. But I love, I love that that was the first thing you said because I think that's so important for people to remember. Well, thank you for joining me for this conversation. I really appreciate it. Can you take a moment to tell my listeners all the places they can find you and get in touch with you should they want to?

SPEAKER_00: 50:49

Yeah, thank you for having me on. My name is Katherine Drysdale. You can find me. I'm on TikTok and Instagram at I am Catherine Drysdale. That's where all my stuff is. I have coaching, I have workshops, I have relationship compatibility guide. If your picker is a little off, that should help. And all sorts of fun, relatable content online.

SPEAKER_01: 51:15

So go and check her out. I love the idea of a relationship compatibility. Maybe I want to check that out.

SPEAKER_00: 51:21

Yeah, I've sent it to a few friends, and they one of them ended up leaving a four-year-long relationship because she realized it wasn't actually the partner for her because that's well.

SPEAKER_01: 51:34

Hey guys, are you really hesitant? Are you posting your partner too much these days? You might want to check out that relationship compatibility test.

SPEAKER_00: 51:43

I'm not just ending relationships though. I've had clients who end up moving in with their partners after working with me, but like I very much will call you out on your bullshit. So if there's cracks, I'll find them.

SPEAKER_01: 51:56

I like that. I like that. All right, we'll check her out. Of course, I'm gonna have a link to where you can find Catherine in the show notes below. So head down there, then you can find both of us after you listen to this conversation. Thank you again for joining me today, Catherine. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. And to all my listeners, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.