The Real Reason Sex Toys Kill the Mood — And How to Make Them Hot as Hell

You want to bring toys into the bedroom… but every time you try, it feels awkward, forced, or like it kills the vibe. So the toys go back in the drawer and you go back to “just us” — even if “just us” has started to feel a little routine.

In this episode of Talk Sex with Annette, I’m joined by Kate Cova (In Bed With Kate) — sex educator, product developer, and one of the most trusted voices in the pleasure product world. Together, we break down exactly how to use sex toys without making it weird, and how to turn them into foreplay that actually brings you closer.

Whether your partner is hesitant, you’re scared of making it awkward, or you’re just tired of guessing what goes where, this episode gives you the language, the mindset, and the toy ideas to start tonight.

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Chapters

• 0:00 New Name, Same No-Taboo Vibe
• 2:22 Today’s Focus: Toys And Foreplay
• 2:49 Guest Intro: Kate’s Sex Ed Journey
• 7:12 Why Toys Feel Scary Or Threatening
• 11:39 Helping Men See Toys As Tools
• 17:26 Scripts To Start The Toy Talk
• 19:23 Foreplay Basics And Arousal Science
• 24:03 Beginner Toys: Lube, Bullets, Wearables
• 28:03 Couples Tech To Close The Orgasm Gap
• 34:24 Foreplay Beyond The Bedroom
• 37:54 Wands, Candles, And Sensory Play
• 41:49 Toys For Him: Strokers And Enhancers
• 45:34 Start Simple, Practice, Then Level Up
• 48:54 Final Advice And Where To Find Kate
• 51:39 Host CTAs And Closing Cheers

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:45

Do the sex.

SPEAKER_00: 0:46

I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talk and Shots. The show has a new name, Talk Sex with Annette. But at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious, and speak the unspoken about sex, kink, dating, pleasure, and desire. Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats, our most trusted friends, and of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest, and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. If you've been here from the beginning, thank you. And if you're new, welcome to my podcast where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Now, let's talk about sex. Cheers. Right, Low. Today's Talk Sex with Annette topic is how to use sex toys and foreplay without killing the mood. You want to bring toys into the bedroom, but every time you try, it either kills the mood or ends up gathering dust in the drawer. Today we're fixing that because the truth is adding toys to foreplay can take your sex life from routine to mind-blowing, but only if you know how to do it right. And I've got the perfect guest to help. I'm joined by Kate Kozlova, the powerhouse behind In Bed with Kate. She is a sex educator, a product developer, YouTuber, and one of the most respected names in the sex toy industry. With over a decade of experience across retail, product innovation, and adult wellness education, she knows exactly what it takes to make toys not just sexy, but deeply connective for couples. In this episode, we are walking you through how to start the conversation without making it weird, which toys are best for beginners, and how to turn toy play into foreplay that brings you closer, not farther apart. So whether your partner's a little hesitant or you're just tired of guessing what goes where, this episode is for you. But before we dive in, I want to remind you that I'm over on OnlyFans, and there I am sharing my sex and intimacy, how-to's, demonstrations, and audio guided self-pleasure meditations, and so much more. I'm also on ZubStack doing the same. You can find me in both places with my handle at TalkSex with Anne, or you can scroll down to the notes section in this episode, and you're going to find links to everywhere you might want to find me. I'm looking forward to seeing you there. But for now, Kate, will you tell my listeners just a little bit more about you?

SPEAKER_01: 3:34

Hi, everyone, and thank you so much, Annette, for having me here today. I'm very excited about this conversation. A little bit about myself and why I decided that educating people about sex is my love life calling or my life purpose, even, is because when I was a teenager, I observed how difficult it was to have a conversation about sex, not even toys, but just in general, about safe sex, about being sexually open and positive. And when my peers were, you know, getting pregnant, getting us to this, and I was thinking, like, what the hell? Why nobody explain us what to do with our genitals? Because sex is basically, I'd say, the only thing that really makes us alive. It's a part of nature, and it is a human nature. We should definitely not call it obscene. So that's why when I was studying at my first university, I started working at the adult store, and it was one of the biggest adult retail chains in Europe by that time. And then I gradually built my career, and I became a brand manager. So I started our own line of sex toys, and then we opened the first sex education center in Eastern Europe where we would give lectures about anal sex or how to do prostate massage or how to give skillful blowjobs or hand jobs your partner will never forget. And from there my sex education career took off. And then when I moved to the United States eight years ago, I continued pursuing my path on the homeland of sex toy industry, city of Los Angeles, where I am right now. And I started working on the manufacturing side of the business. So basically, I worked on all sides of the industry, pleasure product industry that is expected to reach$30 billion by 2003. And this is not a coincidence, and I'll explain you why these toys are so popular and why some of them you definitely want to have in your bedside drawer if you want to actually create sex like a form of art. Yeah. So I would say in a partner sex, it's all about adding more ingredients to your play. Because as time goes by, of course, things become boring, monotonous. And that's why this industry exists to save a lot of marriages, to save a lot of couples from breaking up. As you can see, I have a lot of devices on the background. And this is not even all of it. I'm so excited to get started and dive right into that.

SPEAKER_00: 6:32

Yeah. So, and that's exactly what we're gonna do for you, for couples, for people just starting relationships, for people who have friends who they fuck. We are going to help you figure out how to start integrating sex toys into your foreplay, into sex, and take your intimate life from, you know, routine, standard, to an art form, something that you want to come back for more and more and more of. If you have a partner that you really are hoping to get more engaged, if you are one of the many listeners that reach reaches out to me and says, I can't get my wife to want sex more, she'll do it, but she she does it kind of begrudgingly. She's not passionate about it. This is going to be a way to get her interested in coming back for more and more. So I am ready to dive in. Let's talk about using toys to next level your foreplay and your sex life. Kate, I want to start with the fact that you have worked with hundreds of couples over the years. Why do you think so many people feel nervous about introducing sex toys into their sex life, even though the industry is booming?

SPEAKER_01: 7:48

I would say there is a lot of assumptions. There are a lot of different angles how people look at that, depending on their upbringing, depending on their parents, and whether they did create this feeling of sexual shame for them moving forward. Then there are also a lot of people who just don't feel confident enough, and they think that the toy is something that is gonna replace them during sex. But this is just simply lack of knowledge because they don't know about all the toys that you can actually use during sex. And plus, you also have a lot of people who had religious upbringing, right? And everybody really uh interprets it differently. For some people, being religious and being faithful goes well together with the fact that you want to improve your sex life, you want to live with your partner for longer. And for some people, it creates this feeling of shame, frustration, and sometimes people just can't even say the word sex. So for for some couples, it would take watching porn together and see what they both like. For some couples, it will take going to therapists and then writing things on a piece of paper and giving to each other to really dive into what fantasies they have because they just can't even communicate that. So, and again, the lack of general knowledge and understanding of how our bodies work, because not every erogenous zone can be stimulated with fingers or the penis, just these simple things that a lot of men, for example, think that around process for women is very similar to a rouse process for penis owners. All of those things combined together, of course, lead to hesitation in some cases, and plus it really varies from country to country, from from your family and upbringing, like what is your what is your relationship with sex, let me put it this way.

SPEAKER_00: 10:07

Right. So, I mean what it just kind of sum up what you're saying, there are a lot of myths. The myths that a toy is going to replace this in particular penis owners and their the the worth of their penis, there's purity culture that makes people feel ashamed of even having sex for pleasure. So introducing a toy then makes it really more about pleasure and orgasm and play than procreation. And so, and then the just not understanding how especially women's arousal takes place as opposed to a penis owner, and that of course, toys can help facilitate that happening faster and in more ways than one.

SPEAKER_01: 10:56

But I would say, apart from that, it's just like it's general insecurity, it's fear of being judged, because sometimes people who do have some kinks or fantasies that are that seem to them to be not normal. However, I don't believe that there is a term normal when it comes to sex, because it it will rise from person to person. So, yeah, it's a lot of different factors, it's a fear of rejection if you if you are planning to bring it up for the first time and you really don't know what's your partner's take on that. And of course, just lack of communication because a lot of couples, after 10 years together, they get to the point that they just watch TV together. They don't even talk. It's not even about sex, you know, it's just it's so sex and relationship and quality of your relationship, quality of your communication are interconnected between each other, and there is nothing we can do about it. It's just all these blocks that we have, and we have to free from them, you know. So it has to some personal growth and development have to have to happen sometimes to empower sexually and to actually say it out loud what it is that you want.

SPEAKER_00: 12:12

Right. So, how do we help men in particular? Because I I think we see this primarily in the straight cis heterosexual male cohort, where that they're more opposed to toys than I would say they're bisexual and gay male peers, or even women. So, how do we help those men uh see toys as a tool as opposed to a threat?

SPEAKER_01: 12:48

I would say, first of all, about the difference, right? Why it's more accepted among LGBTQ members is because, first of all, they already had to free themselves sexually, right, to admit that they are different than heterosexual people. They are different from what their parents expected them to be. So it's easier for them to try new things and to explore. When it comes to a heterosexual man, especially these days when we have a trend for masculinity, right, for showing your power, showing your strengths, and now like women have to fight for their place in society again. Unfortunately, this is happening because the history has its cycles. So if we are talking about men like this, it really depends on where they are on the spectrum, right? So, and what is their goal here? If they are so insecure that they get inspired by masculinity and ideas behind that, then it will take more work, right? If it's just a man that just has never simply tried or just doesn't know enough, then it's gonna be an easier journey to get there. So, first of all, I think it's all about how we approach this topic, right? It should never feel like an obligation or like forcing somebody to do something they don't like. And sex should never feel like obligation in general, with toys or without toys. Because if that's happening, then something is off between you two, and maybe that's then maybe you should revisit whether that's your person in general. So I would say it's all about first of all, how we communicate this, and we explain that this is not something to replace, this is something to enjoy together, right? So then we also have to educate people because people who are hesitant again they lack knowledge, and there are so many resources. For example, your podcast or my sex education, or all of the sex education work that is being done every single day, and that explains exactly why it's worth incorporating, for example, clitoral stimulation, or why it makes sense to use a cochlean if you are the one who cannot last longer in bed and you have a problem with premature ejaculation. So, first of all, they need to understand why these toys are built the way they built, and what problems or what issues with intimacy they address and how it can benefit them. From there, we start exploring together, right? So you have couples going to vacation, going somewhere, I don't know, out of town together. Why? To create this mutual experience, right? To create this experience that you can then watch the pictures and remember how good it felt, you can do the same with sex. And again, it's all about adding more ingredients. And then also it's about communication about your needs as a partner. So if, for example, we have a situation where he takes on average five minutes to climax from penetrative sex, and for you it's 15 minutes. This is average for for men and women around the globe. And then you have this orgasm gap, right? So he does finish, but you don't. And until you really open up about it, until you stop faking orgasms, he cannot guess. The men are very straightforward in terms of like you should not expect them to figure it out on their own. You have to be open and trust them enough. Trust that they will not judge, trust that they will understand, and again, I think it's about, you know, like in any other communication or argument, it's about like how many valid reasons you have to do that, right? So then we introduce them, the experience was tool. If it's like something that is more fun for both of you, we can ease into that. For example, you can start with watching porn together and see what really turns him on. Because a lot of women, they are so surprised when they find what their partner watches online because they have never discussed that, even though they've been together for many years. So, yeah, all of these things are very common, and this has to be a shared experience that they enjoy. Once they get on this ride, they might get even more excited than you. You don't know, right? But for example, how do we ease into that? Of course, we don't want to start, you know, with toys for feasting or anything like that, or chastity belts if you are not into kink and BDSM. But if you start with something that just makes sense to use during sex, it can be a bullet, or it can be a wearable vibrator like this one, or it can be something that actually closes orgasm gap. I will dive into this topic later, but basically, yeah, what happens is you just gradually build your way up, right? You can start with something as simple as just adding a lubricant. If you know that you get dry down there and this is not an issue with you or with your vagina, it's just simply your body needs more time to get on the same page as mine, right? First you add the lubricant, then you add lubricant, for example, with some flavor, so that you can actually also enjoy giving oral and it tastes like a dessert, like I don't know, cappuccino or chocolate or whatever it can be. And from there you maybe add a little tiny vibrator. Maybe it will be a cook ring with a clitoral stimulation, or it will be something more advanced, but again, it's all about communication and dialogue. If you cannot communicate about this, then there are issues in other areas of your life and relationship as well. But the most importantly, they should not be threatened. My very first job at the Adult Store when I was 18 years old, because as I said, I knew that it was my calling from the beginning of times. There were so many men that were so hesitant to buy anything because they simply would say, then you will not need me anymore, you know? So this is this is a stigma that we need to break because the toy will not replace, the toy will enhance, the toy will improve your experience, the toy will open up new horizons of pleasure, but it will never replace your penis. And this is the message that every woman out there who has difficulty communicating this with their partner should deliver.

SPEAKER_00: 20:09

Right. And and I think it's interesting you say that because, first of all, I think it's very true. Toys are wonderful and people use them. And even in lesbian relationships with woman on woman sex, what toys never replace is that human contact, that skin-to-skin element, right? It can enhance and arouse you to the point that you're more sensitive and you can really enjoy, whether it's a finger or a tongue or a penis inside of you, it can enhance that experience. But what toys just don't ever really replace is that human contact that throws you over the edge, right? And that gives you a different type of intimacy, like that sort of like it's like the luxury intimacy experiences with another human, but it can prime you to really be able to enjoy that penetrative sex with a body part, another person's body part, whether that's a penis or fingers, so on and so forth. So, what I would like you to tell my listeners right now is can you give them an example, maybe a line or two? What could they say to their partner if they were wanting to bring up introducing toys into foreplay? Can you give them just a couple of lines or a couple of options of things to sit down and say to their partner to open up the subject?

SPEAKER_01: 22:15

Yes, but before we get into that, also the difference between the using toys and having sex with a real person is energy exchange. You don't have this energy exchange with a toy. I mean, you have just mechanical getting you off, yes, it is very likely to happen with a toy, but on an energetic level, nothing is really happening, so that's why it's not comparable. So about how to actually introduce it, I would say make it sound like a playful fantasy. Don't just come back from work and say, okay, let's try this tonight, right? First of all, you can just get something yourself and just show them during the process how it makes you feel. Or you can tell them, oh, you know, like I read this, I don't know, in Cosmopolitan, or I watched this online, I saw it in Sex in the City, and it got me so turned on. Maybe maybe we should try it one day. Maybe we can shop for this together when you are off, right? Or so basically, it should be playful, it should not be criticism, right? You cannot tell them, you know what, I'm not even or I'm not even climbing soon with my clitoris because you don't know where it is. No, you tell them, hey, I imagine me wearing this and while you are controlling it from your phone in public. You know, like some that creates a fantasy, creates a visionary in their brain. Because for men, it's very easy to get turned on when the fantasy aspect is involved. They have to imagine this. So you have to explain it to them in a language that will get them turned on. It can be a sexy text. Let's say, hey, I was just sitting at work. I was thinking, well, how good it would feel if you penetrate me virginally while I have something inside of my butt. What do you think about that? You know, like things like that. Simple, small, I'd say small things like lubricant you can just buy and just use on him. He will not even ask because if you show him a difference, given a blowjob with a lubricant or without, they will never want to go back to having a blowjob without a lubricant. Yeah, like it's it's just a matter of trying. You never know that you like something until you try it. And it applies to everything, to your professional life, to your hobbies. You have to try it. At least once.

SPEAKER_00: 25:08

Right, right. So can we talk about now you've brought it up to them and they're on board? Let's kind of go through some beginner-friendly toys that can be used in foreplay. Maybe starting at basic, and you've already named a couple, obviously, Lube. You brought up the bullet. But let's kind of work our ramp our way up a little bit. What are the possibilities? Starting points and then dream. What are we gonna ramp up to?

SPEAKER_01: 25:38

Okay, so first let me explain about the importance of foreplay for having a you know successful mutual experience, a simultaneous orgasm, maybe even. So the arousal process for men and women is very different, right? So we have the arousal, we have plateau, and then we have orgasm and resolution. So the stages are the same in penis owners and vulgo owners. However, for women, this arousal process is very different. Because for women, it's a responsive design, basically, because of our anatomy. So we respond to stimulation. Men can get heard at any point of time if they just have a little thought, or they just wake up with the morning wood. This does not happen for women. So the reason for that is that our anatomy is different, and for men, engaging in a quickie, in quick sex, is more common and more realistic than, for example, for women without proper tools or without spending enough time on foreplay. Why? Because for women, it takes time to get body on the same page as mine. So, what do I mean by that? For women, this around stage can last anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes. Men can get into sex like right away, right? So they can lose erection fast, or then it can come back. But for women, just to get to the around stage, it does take longer. Now, without natural vaginal lubrication, there is nothing really you can enjoy while having partner sex. So that's why, first of all, about lubrication, this is not your fault, and this is not a lack of the desire from the on the women's side. It's just simply other factors that can affect your ability to produce vaginal liquid. Let's say if you are on birth control, if you are dehydrated, if you simply had alcohol earlier today, as a result, you you become dehydrated. So, or maybe you are just not relaxed enough, maybe you are just emotionally somewhere else, because for women the emotional component is very important, it's not just about physical stimulation, so which means that we have to spend at least 15 to 20 minutes to start this arousal process, right? If we need to, we also can add some lubricant to it. Then, how do we start this arousal process and what it really depends on? First of all, clitoral stimulation. This is so crucial because so many men still believe that clitoris is just this tiny button, just the hood of it, but it's actually four inches long, and there are internal parts that you don't see, but they still have to be stimulated. And your ability to experience G-spot orgasm is also interconnected with clitoral stimulation. So, to get this process going, first you want to spend enough time stimulating clitoris. Unfortunately, not all men are masters and quinilingus, and some of them refuse refuse giving it in general, and that's where the toys come in. Because this is so simple, and it will make this experience so much more pleasurable for both of you if you don't have to you know sit there and wait until it gets on the same page and you can just add a toy to it. So I would say any vibrating product that can be applied to the clitoris will stimulate the blood flow to genital area to your pelvic floor, which will make you more sensitive to stimulation, which will, by the end of the day, make your blood vessels expand and the arousal will begin. So if we are talking about the toys that are multifunctional, let's say like any vibrator like this, if you apply it to the clitoris, your arousal process can take a way less time and effort, right? And you can do other things at the same time. You can enjoy oral sex or given massages, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_00: 31:25

Then you can also make a a note, a note to my listeners who are only on my audio podcast. If you want to head over to my YouTube channel at TalkSexWithanet, you can see different toys that she is holding up. Of course, we'll try to describe them as she's holding them up, but you can actually see them if you head over there to at TalkSexwithanet.

SPEAKER_01: 31:48

The ones that I'm showing right now are actually interactive, so you can also control them from your phone. So this is Kira, the pioneer in interactive toys. So, but the shapes like this, like any mini vibrator, can be applied to the clitoris during foreplay, and it will it makes total sense to try it. So the egg like this, for example, you can use it externally on the clitoris, or you can use it. That's a wearable vibrator. Go somewhere out in the public and let your partner control your pleasure from their phone. It is a very exciting way to play. Or it can be even like something simple as a bullet, but I would prefer something that is made of silicone and where you can play with the different settings and frequences. Also, I would highly suggest to consider some more advanced couple devices. For example, something like this. So this is the part of Luxus, and it's called LuxHeart. So this is the brand new technology for couples that aims to close this orgasm gap that we all are talking about. So what it does, this smart pleasure system, makes partners climax simultaneously, because we all know we all know by now that for man it takes longer, right? So he wears the ring on a penis when it's already erect, right? So he wears before penetrative sex. And she has this clitoral vibe on a clitoris before sex and during also. It will totally work. And what happens here is when he trusts faster, this activates glital part so that vulva owner can catch up and achieve orgasm at the same time. Because obviously, right.

SPEAKER_00: 33:45

For my listeners, this is a toy that aware of so some really fun toys to introduce into your foreplay are couples toys, as she has mentioned. Now there are all different types, as she mentioned, the wearable like eggs that can be activated by the by the foam. But if you go to my YouTube channel now, she'll see there's also a new product out where there's a wearable clitoral piece that actually you can just put on your clit and wear around and activate. And it pairs with a cock ring and that your partner wears and they talk to each other. So this helps close the orgasm gap in that during sex, and even when you're not having sex, one that the cock ring turns on the clitoral piece, the clitoral piece starts vibrating, obviously getting her excited based on his movements. So it also helps kind of bring you together. So you're getting that pleasure together. So this isn't just foreplay. This is actually a toy that's also can be used during sex, right? And the I think the kind of cool thing about this type of system, which is newer, folks. So this is kind of a newer system, is that it doesn't replace the penis at all. In fact, it doesn't work without the penis if that is your partner's concern, right? You gotta have the cock in order to get half of this toy to light up your half. So that's that's a fun new piece as well, correct? And you can go to my YouTube channel and actually see the two separate parts. There's a like a little teardrop clitoral piece that goes right over your clit, and there's a little cock green, a little, it's expandable. It's also for big boys. It's also for big boys. All the sizes. And it's that big, it'll tell you. Gotta be careful, gotta be careful when you're talking about about cock toys, calling them little. So there are a variety of types of of these toys that, you know, I think obviously this would be a little bit more of a more advanced system for someone to use. But starting with like that bullet, like you said, and like earlier, she had just held up kind of a typical, I say typical, but I know for people who haven't been using toys, none of this is typical, but a vibrator that can reach the clit that you can either use on yourself while you're playing with your partner or they can use on you. But I think I like the idea of these couples' toys where either you're wearing something that your partner is controlling. I like those in particular for forepore foreplay because you can take foreplay out of the house. You can like even if you're just in your car and you're stimulating your partner. This is truly a part of speaking to a woman's arousal system, which is that foreplay starting before you even get in bed. And these toys allow you to start playing. The idea of playing with each other before your clothes are off, before you're just getting naked and pushing, you know, the penis in, that's that really can kill sex drive and interest. But this is like arousal, this is anticipation, bringing anticipation into sex by using toys like that. And then, of course, you got the coup de gras, which is a toy that actually helps you during sex close that orgasm gap and provides pleasure to both people's, you know, most important parts, the clitoris and of course the cock, right?

SPEAKER_01: 37:22

Yes, absolutely. And this piece you can use it during foreplay, just like wearing this, like a harness or vibrating butterfly. You don't have to combine it with a ring, but it makes total sense to do so. Because again, there is a 30% orgasm gap, and this ring tells clitoral apart when he's about to climax. So when I first found out about this technology, I was so amazed by the fact that finally somebody decided to close the orgasm gap with the help of technology, because technology is in every part of our lives, you know, sex is the exemption for sure. And yeah, so if you are not ready to use something during sex, things like, for example, wounds. There are many different wounds on the market, and some of them you can only use externally, some of them you can insert, like this one, for example. But the wounds usually do have an immerse power, and whether you need to stimulate your neck to relieve pain, or your back, or perineum, or clitoris, or nipples, all of that can be accomplished with just one type of product that is wound vibrator. And yeah, I mean, there are so many different things that you can implement when it comes not just to toys, but also some intimate cosmetics, for example. I really get turned on from the idea of using the massage candles during foreplay, right?

SPEAKER_00: 38:53

I love massage candles. If you, folks, actually, I think it's fair to say that that's a great entry-level product. The idea of using a massage candle, and there are so many good ones out there that not only smell good, but feel so good on the skin. And I think many of them work better than massage oils. I would argue that. And that's a great entry-level product. And again, this brings in like building the anticipation, it's that skin-on-skin contact and something to enhance it. It's a great example of enhancing what you already have, right? And and anybody of any gender is gonna be like in for a massage, especially one that leads to the genitals, right? I love that.

SPEAKER_01: 39:42

And massage candles are good not only because not only from the perspective of massage, but also wax play is one of the very common fantasies that a lot of people just afraid to try because it does burn the skin when you use the wax candle. Massage candles that are specifically designed for this purpose, they only contain oil and pheromones, and when they burn, the oil is not that hot because it melts under a different temperature. So it's super safe and it's so sexy when you pour it on yourself like this. And yes, it's totally combined with other toys too. Or yeah, so depending on what's the goal is, like if you want to be more in the kind of fantasy aspect of things, lingerie, roll costumes, massage candles, massage oils, then there is also I just did a review of this product, and there is the product for your bus that you can enjoy together in a romantic setting, and it turns your bus into a lubricant. So you basically you are covered in lubricant and you are taking this bus with your partner. It's an amazing sensory experience. And you know, even the small things, for example, blindfold, right? You blindfold your partner, and then let's say you are using, I don't know, something like this or other masturbator on them.

SPEAKER_00: 41:11

Pull out just for my listeners, she's kind of pulling out masturbators. So here's a good point as well that we have not mentioned yet, which is kind of funny. That they're also toys for men. And I can tell you from my personal experience, using toys, I've gotten different types of masturbators, also I would call blowjob enhancers, but take the work off me and add sensation to the cock. Toys are also for men. Toys also enhance a man's experience. And I, as a woman, never feel like I'm being replaced by a toy I'm using to help me give a better blowjob. Do I feel like I'm I'm less valuable in the process? No, I just feel like I get to rest a little bit more and give you more pleasure with an, you know, adding in a masturbator or a vibrator on the cock. So, and I think it's something that's becoming more well known, at least, is that there are a lot of toys to enhance his pleasure. So, a suggestion I would give is if you are going to bring up toys with your partner, if you're especially a Volva owner or a woman doing this, bring up the idea of toys to use on him as well. So it doesn't just sound like you're not good enough. I want to use toys. It could be like, oh, I want to try using this on your cock, or I want to try using, you know, this on whatever body part, maybe if you're trying to like, you know, get a little anal play in there too. Make it about his pleasure as well.

SPEAKER_01: 42:51

Yes, that is a very good idea. If he is open to that, or even if he is not, you know, because for some men, I don't know, buying realistic pussy might feel a little bit offensive or even more insecure. But if it's something that you can use during blowjob, let's say it's a popping candy that you put in your mouth and pops in your mouth together with the penis, or if he if he has this blindfold on his eyes and you are giving him a hand job with the egg like this, or with a handheld, a handheld masturbator, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 43:29

Right.

SPEAKER_01: 43:30

So this for sure will I say open up his sensors more and will make him more open to the idea of trying more things, you know, adding more ingredients. And also there are some toys that you can use in sync with each other, right?

SPEAKER_00: 43:51

So let's say if you have this and he has this, you can even explain what you're holding up for my listeners?

SPEAKER_01: 44:00

So this one is the automated interactive male stroker that provides 240 strokes per minute. But the point is that apart from using solar, you can also sync it to a vibrator on a long distance. So let's say if you are engaging in foreplay and you are watching a porn video together, whenever you do trust in and out of vagina, it transfers the signal to the stroker and makes it go on the same exact pace, and vice versa. So yeah, I mean there are so many different things that you can implement, but it really depends on what is more appealing. Uh, because for some people it will be just handcuffs, for some people it will be just using a crop with this blindfold, and for some people it will be like you know, empowered devices or interactive or ep-controlled. But as long as you are ready to start and see where this journey takes you.

SPEAKER_00: 45:01

Right. So start simple, folks. You you may not jump to the synced vibrating stroker and dildo, although I'm definitely ready for that. Especially if you have a partner who's timid about it, it's start small, right? Start with the vibrators, start with the massage candles. And then once you integrate them into your sex life and you get used to, and remember, practice makes perfect. The first time you use a sex toy with someone, it may not go seamlessly. It may be funny, awkward, slip out, sound weird, but that's part of the playfulness of sex, right? Getting to navigate that together. And the more you do it, the better it gets. Practice makes perfect. And when you find a toy that you really get good at, then you can look at the next level. Okay, what do we want to try now? But I think the trick really is, and I think you'd agree, is opening the door, getting that first toy in there. Start getting the products in there and making sex an experience, enhancing it, right? Like enhancing it as you said, adding more to it so that it doesn't feel like work. It feels like play, it feels like an adventure, it feels like a vacation, a mini vacation you're taking together.

SPEAKER_01: 46:18

Yeah, absolutely. Just think about that. Like when you are cooking, for example, right? And you have a chicken breast and it's dry. It's dry, it's just like just the chicken breast, and you don't use anything else. It's dry, it does not have any flavor. Why wouldn't you add some sauce to it? Why wouldn't you add some spices to it, right? So that's the same for partner sex. When it's your first sex, of course, you might be very excited and happy and it will feel perfect. But after a year, two, three, four, five, sex also becomes some. No, I I don't want to call it work, but it requires some effort from both sides to keep it interesting, to keep it sexual. Creativity. Yeah, creativity because sexual energy is actually it's a creative energy. So if you if you are afraid to be creative and bad, uh there is a victims you are afraid of being creative in other areas of your life too.

SPEAKER_00: 47:19

So yeah. No one wants that. Right. Thank you so much, listeners. I think you have a lot of ideas here. She's giving you some scripts to open the idea of bringing sex toys into the bedroom. You have a lot of beginner-friendly ideas. We definitely gave you some advanced ideas. And hey, you know, there are some people who like to just like go in go. If you're gonna go in, go in hard, you can go straight to advance and figure it out. But I feel like you've got sort of a good go package for tonight if you want to bring this up with your partner. If you are one of my many listeners who has reached out and said, my partner just doesn't desire me. My partner, you know, I'm trying to do the things for her, but she just doesn't want to have sex. Maybe go to her tonight and say, Hey, how would you like to play with a toy or buy a toy with me tonight? How would you like to just try, you know, maybe bring it up to her, have her listen to this podcast with you. She might get excited about that. So it's just, it's just an idea. Start getting creative, add ingredients to that dried chicken. Maybe she's sick of dried chicken. Maybe she wants some chicken with sauce and spices. Exactly. And and Key will love it more with spices and a sauce too, you know? Right. Yes, absolutely. Thank you so much. Will you do me a favor and take a moment to tell my listeners where they can find you if they want to find out more about you and what you offer?

SPEAKER_01: 48:54

Thank you so much for for your time. And thank you so much for this stimulating conversation. And for listeners who would like to continue their sexual exploration and sex education, please check out my YouTube channel, Inbed with Skate. Also, you can find Inbed with Skate on Patreon, Vimeo, Rumble, and everywhere else, because YouTube recently deleted my channel, but I did prove them that sex education is not obscene, and this is just a part of our human nature. So, yes, now you can find it on YouTube as well. And I'm so happy to share this with you. And of course, there are so many other things that I would like to share, but we have limited time. So it's all about making this first step towards satisfying and sexually fulfilling experience. And again, if there is an theme associated with this, please try to dive into where it's coming from and don't judge until you try. And I wish you a wonderful and exciting sex life. And if it's not like that right now, it's all in your hands to make it a different experience for yourself and your partner. Don't get settled with whatever.

SPEAKER_00: 50:17

And you do deserve better sex. Thank you so much. So, listeners, this has been a great intro into how to use sex toys. Well, mostly for for for play, but also for better sex. So I'm hoping that all of you go out and give it a try. If you have any questions or comments, especially on this video or this topic, make sure to make your way over to my YouTube channel at TalkSex withinet. You can drop a comment below the video or a question. And so I know exactly what you're referring to. You can also reach out to me directly at Annette at TalkSex withinet and email me or scroll down to the comment section in this video. And there is a speak pipe. You can send me a voicemail. I would love to talk to you and answer all of your questions. Thank you so much for joining me, Kate. I really appreciate it. Thank you. And so cheers to sex and foreplay and toys. Lots of toys. And until next time, listeners, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers. Cheers.