How to Top as a Submissive (Without Topping from the Bottom)

Submission isn’t weakness. It’s power offered—not power lost.

In this episode of Talk Sex with Annette, we’re pulling back the curtain on one of the most misunderstood dynamics in kink: how to top as a submissive.

This isn’t about topping from the bottom. It’s about guiding the scene with your breath, movement, and energy — without ever taking control away from your Dominant.

We’ll explore:
 🖤 How powerful submissives shape the rhythm of a scene
 🫧 Using breath, body language & sound to guide without leading
 🕯️ The difference between topping from the bottom vs. intentional submission
 🫦 Why great Doms listen to their subs — and follow their cues
🖤 How to turn surrender into the sexiest power you hold

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Chapters

• 1:29 New Name, Same Locker Room
• 2:22 Kinktober and The Core Thesis
• 3:22 Offerings and Where to Find Me
• 4:10 Redefining Submission’s Power
• 5:05 Topping vs Topping From the Bottom
• 5:59 Five Ways Subs Guide the Scene
• 8:50 Negotiation, Cues, and Trust
• 10:22 Your Body’s Language and Learning Curve
• 11:29 The Challenge: Be the Lead
• 12:19 Questions, Comments, and Coaching CTA

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:45

Do the sex. I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talk and Shots. The show has a new name, Talk Sex with Annette. But at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious, and speak the unspoken about sex, kink, dating, pleasure, and desire. Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats, our most trusted friends, and of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest, and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. If you've been here from the beginning, thank you. And if you're new, welcome to my podcast where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Now, let's talk about sex. Cheers. Welcome to Kinktober. In honor of this special month, today's Talk Sex with the Net topic is how to top as a submissive without topping from the bottom. Here's a truth a lot of people in the kink world don't talk about. Submission isn't weakness. In fact, a powerful submissive can run the entire scene without ever taking control. Submission isn't weakness, it's power offered, not power lost. Today we're diving into something that makes seasoned kinksters sit up and listen. How to top as a submissive. No, this isn't about topping from the bottom, which is usually unnegotiated control. This is about guiding the scene with your surrender. It's about being on your knees and still holding all the power. If you've ever wanted to feel more powerful inside your submission or understand what a skilled submissive actually brings to a power exchange, this episode is for you. But before we dive in, I want to remind you that I'm over on OnlyFans and There. I'm sharing my sex and intimacy how-tos and demonstrations, along with audio guided self-pleasure meditations. And now I'm also offering some coaching. If you aren't ready to dive into a full regimen of sex and intimacy coaching, you can ask me your one-off questions there. I will give you your answers. You'll get a taste of what intimacy coaching is like. You can also find me over on Substack doing a whole lot of the same, minus the coaching and of course the demos. And you can find me in both places with my handle at TalkSex with the net. You can also scroll down to the show notes and find links to everywhere you want to find me there. I'm looking forward to seeing you in all the places. But for now, let's dive in to how to be a submissive and still top. Cheers. So let's stop by redefining submission. One of the biggest misconceptions in Kink is that the dominant leads everything. But here's the reality: the submissive sets the tone, the pace, and often the emotional depth of the scene. A skilled Dom isn't just acting on you, they're reading you. And a powerful stub doesn't control the scene directly. They invite the Dom deeper through breath, movement, and energy. A skilled submissive doesn't take control. They make the Dom want to follow their rhythm. This is topping as a submissive, guiding, not grabbing the reins. So let's talk about the difference between topping from the bottom and powerful submission. Topping from the bottom is unnegotiated control. It's when someone claims to be submissive, but starts running the show without consent. Think giving orders that weren't discussed, resisting agreed-upon power, and trying to control the DOM's flow. Not sexy, not consensual. Topping as a submissive, on the other hand, is fully embodied surrender, communicating through breath, voice, and movement, and guiding the scene within the negotiated dynamic. This kind of submission turns a good scene into something unforgettable. A submissive can lead without taking control. That's the magic. So here are some ways you can top as a submissive. Number one, use your breath as a guide. Your breath is language. When you gasp, sigh, moan, or breathe deeper, you signal arousal, need, or the desire for something more. A skill dominant reads that want them to slow down, deepen your breath, and soften your body. Want them to take you harder, let your breath quicken and your sound open. Your breath is language. Learn to speak with it. And look, this is a language that you can also talk about outside of a scene. You can talk to them outside of the bedroom about the way you breathe when you want different things. Then once you're in the scene, they can listen and read your body. Number two, let your body do the talking. Subtle movements like arching your back, shifting your hips, leaning into touch can be invitations that shape the scene. You're not taking control, you're drawing them in. Some examples are arching up equals yes, more, or pulling back, not yet. Going still, stay right here. Think of it as conducting through sensation. Number three, you can use ritualized language and sound. Soft begging, whispered praise, or ritual phrases can turn your reactions into structure. Some examples are saying please, whispered through a gasp, or right there. Or yes, sir, or yes, ma'am. These aren't orders, they're threads the Dom can follow. A great way to look at it is that a powerful submissive doesn't bark orders, they whisper invitations. Number four is responsive energy. When you're deep in submission, your energy becomes magnetic. You're not pushing or resisting, you're surrendering with intention. That surrender is what drives DOMS wild. It's the fuel that they follow. So here's your pro tip: this works during impact play, oral rope scenes, power exchange, rituals, everything. Finally, number five is the invisible leash. Some submissives guide their dominant with nothing more than a glance, a whimper, the way they shift their weight. This kind of control is subtle, erotic, and powerful. The best control isn't loud. It's the way you breathe, move, and surrender. So let's talk negotiation and trust. This kind of play only works when there's deep trust in negotiation. A dominant needs to know your cues and boundaries ahead of time. You're not just steering the car, you're shaping the map. You'll both follow. And that's what makes it a Dom sub-dynamic, not absolute chaos. Listen, all these tips I've just given you are ways that as a sub, you can steer the dynamic with your DOM. These are not things you should assume they're going to understand if you haven't had conversations ahead of time. Some great sexy discussions you can have before you get into a scene is how does your body show pleasure? How does your body say yes, no, hold it right there? Keep doing that. Talk about your breath. Let them experience it after you talk in the scene. Talk about how your body reacts. The way your body and my body react may be different. This can demand a little bit of a learning curve. Paying attention to yourself in the bedroom and in the scenes, you might be surprised at all of the ways your body is talking for you without you even knowing. So gaining that piece of knowledge and using it to topple your subbing, that's just magic. And it's going to make your Dom very happy. Powerful submission is built on trust, not control. So here's your challenge from me. The next time you're in a scene, stop trying to just receive, breathe, move, whisper. Let your submission speak for you. Don't take the lead. Be the lead. If you're a submissive, this will change the way you play. If you're a dominant, learn to listen to your sub. They're already telling you everything you need to know to make this scene more than they could hope for. Are you a sub? Do you have questions or comments, opinions on this topic? Drop them in the comment section below. Or if you're on my audio podcast, you can head over to my YouTube channel at TalkSexwithanet. Drop a comment below this video. Or you can email me at Annette at talkssexwithanet.com. If you're a Dom, you have thoughts and opinions, I would love to hear them. Or if you're new to the Dom sub dynamic and you're just getting kinky for Kinktober and have questions, make sure to send them my way. Of course, if you're looking for a sex and intimacy coach, my books are open. You can find out more about what I offer as a coach on my website, talksexwithhanet.com, or reach out to me via email at Annette at talkssexhenet.com. Scroll down to the notes below. You're gonna find my speak pipe. Send me a voicemail. So until next time, happy Kingtober. I'll see y'all in the locker room. Cheers.