Locktober 2025: The Orgasm Control Challenge That Makes Men Better Lovers

What if locking it up could actually unlock better sex?

Welcome to Locktober 2025, the orgasm control challenge that’s helping men become more attentive, connected, and seriously better lovers. In this episode of Talk Sex with Annette, I’m joined by Lilith Fox — a queer, BIPOC, neurodivergent, kinky, and polyamorous Board-Certified Sexologist and Certified Sexuality Educator who actually practices chastity play with her partner.

Together, we’re breaking down:
 🔒 What male chastity and orgasm control really are (and what they’re not)
🔥 Why control and delayed gratification can heighten desire and improve intimacy
🧠 How this challenge rewires masculine conditioning and turns focus into foreplay
💋 Tips for couples curious to try Locktober together — safely, confidently, and playfully

This isn’t about shame or denial. It’s about expanding your definition of pleasure, learning self-control, and discovering new ways to connect with your partner.

So if you’ve ever wondered what the deal is with Locktober or why some men swear orgasm control made them better in bed — this one’s for you.

Find out more about Lilith at: https://lilithfoxx.com/

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Chapters

• 0:00 New Name, Same Locker Room Energy
• 2:22 Introducing Locktober: Beyond No Nut
• 4:14 Meet Lilith Fox and Her Journey
• 6:54 What Male Chastity Actually Is
• 9:44 Why It Feels Threatening—and Why It’s Not
• 12:24 How Chastity Makes Men Better Lovers
• 15:14 Redefining Sex: Beyond PIV
• 19:53 ED, Trauma, And Taking Pressure Off
• 22:43 Arousal, Aesthetics, And Cage Styles
• 25:23 Daily Wear: Safety, Fit, and Logistics
• 29:43 Building Tolerance: Materials and Ramping Up
• 33:03 Mental Reframe: Priority, Power, Consent
• 38:54 Service, Rewards, And Real-Life Dynamics
• 42:34 Wearing It Apart: Rekindling Daily Spark
• 46:14 Masculinity Myths and Control
• 49:04 Lilith’s Relationship: From Ask to Indefinite

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:45

Do the sex. I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talk and Shots. The show has a new name, Talk Sex with Annette. But at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious, and speak the unspoken about sex, kink, dating, pleasure, and desire. Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats, our most trusted friends, and of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest, and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. If you've been here from the beginning, thank you. And if you're new, welcome to my podcast where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Now, let's talk about sex. Cheers. Right, Low. Today's Talk Sex with Annette topic is Lochtober 2025, the orgasm control challenge that makes men better lovers. Locktober gets a bad rap. People hear Mill Chastity and picture some poor guy locked in a cage while his partner laughs at him. But here's the truth. Locktober is the orgasm control challenge that can actually make men hotter, sexier, and even better in bed. Why? Because when you give up the right to come whenever you want, you start paying attention in ways that most men oftentimes don't. You feel more, you crave harder, and when the lock finally comes off, you're better equipped to blow her mind. And who better to talk about this than my guest today, Lilith Fox? Lilith is a BIPOC, queer, neurodivergent, kinky, and polyamorous board-certified sexologist, a certified sexuality educator, professional speaker, and inclusivity consultant. She's a graduate of the Kinsey Institute Human Sexuality Intensive, trained in psychological first aid at Johns Hopkins, and she's been an active member of the BDSM and non-monogamy communities for over a decade. Oh, and she actually practices Lochtober with her partner. So today we are breaking down what Lochtober really is, why it's way more than no nut November, which we will be talking about, folks. If you haven't listened to those episodes in the past, I'm going to be touching on them in the future. And how orgasm control might just be the kink that rewires masculinity and makes you a better lover. But before we dive in, I want to remind you that I'm over on OnlyFans, and that's where I am sharing my sex and intimacy how-tos and demonstrations, along with audio guided self-pleasure meditations and one-off sex and intimacy coaching QA's. That's right. If you're not ready to dedicate yourself to a full-fledged coaching service, I'll give you a little taste of what I have to offer and I'll answer some of those questions you guys keep sending me in the mail. You can find me there by my handle at Talk Sex within it. You can find me over on Substack doing a whole lot of the same, minus the coaching and the demos at TalkSexWithanet. Of course, you can scroll down to the notes below this episode, and you're going to find links to everywhere you want to find me. I cannot wait to see you there. But now I would like to give Lilith a moment to introduce herself to you.

SPEAKER_01: 4:22

Thanks, Annette. Thanks so much for having me. So, like you said, I'm a queer BIPOC, neurodivergent, sports-certified sexologist. I'm based out of Houston, Texas. I guess a little bit about me is that I didn't always find sexuality to be empowering. I actually grew up in purity culture from a very, very strict household where sex was not talked about. Periods weren't even talked about, let alone sex. And so I've come full circle. And it's funny, if you asked me as a child, if you told me as a child that this is where I'd be now, I would just completely think you're lying. So yeah, I find sex to now be one of the most empowering core parts of the human experience.

SPEAKER_00: 5:04

It's funny. So many of my experts came from sort of the same origin story. I mean, if you asked me, I certainly wouldn't have thought I'd be here today. But I think that's what makes us extra good at our jobs. We know the journey and how empowering and important it is to our whole health and and the society and society's whole health, right? I'm excited to have this conversation. Guys, I don't need to tell you why to stay to the end. I know you know why you're gonna stay to the end, but I'm gonna tell you anyways. By the end of this episode, you're gonna have a little go back. If you're curious and you want to give October a try, it's not too late. We're a weekend, it's okay. You can give it, you can try start, start today, and you're gonna know how to do that, or at least feel better equipped, less afraid, and maybe even inspired to do it. So stay to the end. I'm excited about this conversation. This is one of my favorite times of year. So let's do it. Let's talk about male chastity and how it's gonna make the men of the world better lovers. Cheers. Cheers. So though I have had many podcasts that I am sending out, my past podcast, about Locktober, I would love it if just for somebody who is new to this channel and to the concept, if you could just give a quick explanation about what Locktober is.

SPEAKER_01: 6:28

Absolutely. So during the month of October, people who are identify as male or have a penis, they will lock themselves into a chastity cage or refrain from sex. And it's specifically kind of started out as something with a little more of like from the perspective of like a dominatrix and her sub. So it was a little more from like a degradation perspective, but it's expanded to be so much more than that.

SPEAKER_00: 6:54

And can you explain male chastity to my listenership?

SPEAKER_01: 6:58

Absolutely. So male chastity can be a number of different things. For some people, it can actually be a device that locks onto the penis and/or balls and it prevents erection. It certainly prevents orgasm as well.

SPEAKER_00: 7:14

Now, a lot of people, especially heteromative people, when they hear male chastity, when they hear about a penis being locked in a cage, and especially if the key holder is a woman, instantly there are a lot of negative connotations. I and and especially when it comes to the male ego, the idea of withholding orgasm or having it withheld can be negative. Can you talk about why it feels so threatening to men and why in actual this practice can be empowering to everybody involved?

SPEAKER_01: 7:58

Yeah, so men are conditioned to kind of be the ones in charge during sex. They're conditioned to kind of be the dominant, the one on top, the the one that gives sex as opposed to actually receiving even their own pleasure. And whereas women are supposed to be the submissive ones who receive during sex are the ones, you know, getting fucked, so to speak. And that can, I mean, that just kind of is the total opposite of Locktober and chastity. Chastity was always something historically reserved for women. You always wanted to stay chast for your marriage, stay chast for your future husband one day, or he won't find value in you. So there's a lot there that is associated with women, associated with submission, and goes kind of against how most men were conditioned. And the way we can kind of flip that on its head is looking at it as an opportunity to be much more intentional when it comes to sex and when it comes to pleasure, both our own and our partners, it's gonna have a lot of benefits. Which I'm sure we'll get into more as well.

SPEAKER_00: 9:04

Right. So I said at the beginning of this that male chastity and practicing it can make men better lovers. Do you agree with me? And if so, can you quickly just name some reasons or ways in which that is true?

SPEAKER_01: 9:22

I do agree with you. And the reason being is there's so much that you can focus on when you don't have just the classic, you know, PIV sex on the table. You have to get more creative, both again, with your own pleasure and your partner's pleasure. It kind of, I don't want to say forces you, but I would say encourages you to focus on your partner's pleasure, which is something that for a lot of women, they don't receive in bed. And you not only have to kind of focus on the pleasure, you start to kind of value sex a little more, I would say, because you kind of, you know, you know what you're missing. So that anticipation is there, that like heightened intimacy is there. You have to start building patience and self-control because for once, it's not about you. It is about your partner. And you so you you focus on them, you focus on their pleasure. My partner describes it as their pleasure suddenly is on the back seat, but it's so much more heightened, kind of like you know, a kid that isn't allowed to have candy. You're gonna want that candy more. There is an emotional and psychological shift. There's definitely a vulnerability there that a lot of men in particular don't get to experience because they're conditioned to not have emotions, to not experience vulnerability in any capacity. It's associated with weakness. But you have to be vulnerable when you're in chastity, especially when someone else is your key holder. And that kind of allows you, I guess, the canvas to sort of paint on with this erotic repertoire. You now get to explore more. You get to try things that you didn't try before because it's a whole lot easier to just resort to, you know, known patterns. So I would say I completely agree with you that it does make men better lovers.

SPEAKER_00: 11:08

Let's talk about this erotic canvas. You let's say a couple. I'm gonna you can lock your own cock into a cage, by the way. You can do all of this on your own. But I want to talk in sort of the context of being partnered and the canvas that then exists. People are like, oh, well, you lock up his penis, and then what do we, what do we do, right? What does it look like? Why would one want to lock up their partner's penis? What happens after? What's what's the game plan then?

SPEAKER_01: 11:45

Yeah, the game plan is to expand your definition of sex. So many people just see sex as PIB sex, penis in vagina. They're not seeing it as anything else, whereas like oral sex can be just as satisfying, can be just as empowering and fulfilling. And yet we often see that as the precursor to actual sex in quotes. So now we get to focus on making oral the experience. We get to focus on maybe kissing and like, you know, caressing and touching, just sharing space together. You can have your partner show you how they pleasure themselves. It's often something not done because we just fall into old patterns and old methods of behavior where it's a whole lot easier to just do what you know. And a lot of couples fall into ruts that way as well.

SPEAKER_00: 12:34

So as far as like the heart of the fingering and using your hands. Like as a queer woman myself, I mean, I have partners that don't have penises. And you know, we have incredible sex, and our hands are instruments that are used. And can do a lot more than a penis can.

SPEAKER_01: 12:57

Yeah, absolutely. You have hands, you have toys, you can bring vibration into the fun. There's a lot there that just a lot of people haven't explored because it's a whole lot easier again to just do what you know. But this kind of for being in chastity kind of forces you to explore a little more.

SPEAKER_00: 13:15

And also the end of sex is no longer marked by the male orgasm. Yes. Right?

SPEAKER_01: 13:21

Absolutely. Yeah. The end of sex happens when you're when you're both ready for it to be over. It's a much more collaborative experience as opposed to just kind of the one and done. It's done at this point because of the male orgasm.

SPEAKER_00: 13:34

Yeah, you're gonna have those like two-hour sessions or three-hour sessions if you want to, because you know, because his penis is not running the show. I mean, not that it I always think you can keep having sex after orgasm, anyways, but I think in our system we tend to mark the end of sex by the end of the initial climax, which is too bad. But we do.

SPEAKER_01: 14:02

And the other side of it too is if you are a person who struggles with things like erectile dysfunction or just performance anxiety, chastity is a really great way to kind of just take that off the table and again focus on pleasure. For a lot of people who are survivors of sexual assault, it can be really difficult to connect back to pleasure. And that can be a really powerful way of reclaiming your own sexuality, even if somebody else is your key holder, kind of reclaiming that power and again redefining pleasure for yourself.

SPEAKER_00: 14:34

I hadn't even thought about that. As especially if someone who's struggling with ED that's charged by anxiety and sort of the mental wiring around sex, that could be incredibly empowering because the penis is taken off the table. And also, can we just talk about how arousing it can be for a woman to see a cock in a cage? Like, I don't know, for me, maybe that's lingerie. That's that's lingerie for me. Like, I can just look at that and then then you get the pleasure from other parts of the body looking at that, the the penis in the cage, and then having someone with it on pleasure you in other ways that's hot.

SPEAKER_01: 15:18

So hot, absolutely, and there's so many different styles of cages, too. So you can find one that works for you. Some people really love like the more cagey looking one where it's kind of the cot kind of peeks out from the holes, others like a more fuller cage where the cot goes completely into it's kind of completely encased. So there's a lot of different styles as well. Just like you said, lingerie. That's a really great analogy for it.

SPEAKER_00: 15:42

100%. I like I like the bars. I like to see the bars over it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01: 15:46

I do too. And it's really fun when you tease your partner and they actually do get the erection and it kind of pokes out a little bit from the bars.

SPEAKER_00: 15:55

Yep. Yep. All right. We're on the same page. We're on the same page. And and I think also that if there's someone who is struggling with ED, that is something that could allow them to start to feel full and feel the erection come on because it doesn't, you know, there's not the stress around it. You can or you can't. It doesn't matter. The fun is going to happen anyway. I want to back up a little bit for again for my listeners who aren't as familiar with especially October, and they're like, oh, well, when does it when does the penis go in the cage? When does it come out? Like, what do you do throughout the day? Do you wear the cage throughout the day? Can we get into some specifics so they get a better picture of what it can look like on a day-to-day basis? And then, of course, in October, what it can look like during the month of October.

SPEAKER_01: 16:45

Yeah. So you want to have a cage that fits well. That is the biggest priority because it's a safety issue. There's an inner ring that you actually have to measure. A lot of websites and companies that sell cages will have a guide on like how to measure and like how, especially with their product. So you want to prioritize getting a good fit. Don't be afraid to contact the companies directly too, because they can actually help out with the fit as well. So that should be your biggest priority, making sure you get one that fits. Then you kind of decide, kind of negotiate with your partner how you want it to look wearing it. Do you want to wear it indefinitely for the whole month? Do you just want to have it on at night? Do you just want to have it on during the day? Are you going to, you know, take it out once a week? How do you want to do that? It's there's no health risks with like keeping it in, provided it's a well-fitting cage. There's no health risks with wearing it indefinitely. That said, you always want to, like if you're going to a doctor's appointment or something, you definitely want to be out of your cage to allow for your doctor to, you know, fully examine your physical health. Or, you know, I don't there are some cages that are made with materials that are safe for TSA, but I just don't personally feel comfortable flying in a in a cage. Just, you know, you don't want to deal with that. It's awkward, if nothing else. So yeah, you you first want to kind of talk about with your partner how long you want to wear the cage. How often do you want them to be the one to take you out? Do you want to be the one to take yourself out? Do you know, do you want to ask permission to come out of the cage? These are all different things to kind of consider for some people. And you are able, just for the listeners that don't know, you are able to actually urinate while still wearing it for most of them. So it can be something that you genuinely have on for long periods of time. A lot of people will maybe take it off for cleaning, although you can get like q-tips and such and like clean even with it on as well.

SPEAKER_00: 19:09

And so when you start very first time, would you recommend how long would you recommend wearing it the first time?

SPEAKER_01: 19:17

Yeah. So it's gonna really depend on the material. There are, and the reason being is some material can feel a little heavier than others. And so it's gonna take getting used to. The metal ones in particular take some getting used to. The plastic ones can be a little lighter, so you may be able to kind of jump right into wearing those for extended periods of time, but you want to work up to it. So if you've never worn a cage before, try wearing it for maybe 20, 30 minutes, see how you feel. It should never be painful. So make sure that you're not hurting anywhere, it's not pinching anywhere. And you can like kind of work your way up to wearing it as long as you want. For some people, that looks like maybe the first week you're just wearing it during the day and then taking it off at night. Some people jump right in and they just completely lock up. But I don't really recommend that because again, you don't know what it's gonna feel like. And if you're uncomfortable the whole time, it's just not a fun experience. Right, right.

SPEAKER_00: 20:12

And there are silicone cages as well. Absolutely, yeah. Start with a soft cage and work your way up. By the way, for all my listeners, along with this video, I'm gonna be sending out a full guide for how to measure the different types of cages are out there. I've got all of that stuff put together. You can also scroll down to the notes in this episode, and you're gonna see links to those, those informational pieces. So if you're like, I'm ready to go, you can have that information.

SPEAKER_01: 20:44

That's good.

SPEAKER_00: 20:44

That information before you start. And yeah, oftentimes people will just buy a cage and then it doesn't fit, and it's a it can be a money sinkhole. I want to get back to talking about how this can improve a man's skill set in bed. And I kind of want to take it beyond just the skill set, right? This is a mental reframe from the conditioning most men have received from the time they were very young, right? What sex is supposed to look like, how they're supposed to be in bed. When you're in a cage, I would argue that almost all of that's taken away, right? You're no longer leading, guiding everything, setting the obviously this is all consensual, and you and your partner have, you know, created your contract. So you are in control. However, once you've done it's sort of on her terms, assuming you have a key holder. Let's talk about the mental reframe. Let's start there and then we'll get into specific skill sets. How can practicing male chastity, especially if you're like, let's do it for the month of October and see what's what happens, how can it change the way a man not only looks at what sex can be and how they can be in sex, but also how they look at their partner? How can it reframe how they look at their partner?

SPEAKER_01: 22:11

Yeah, so there is a priority that's almost put on your partner a lot of ways, maybe even a level of ownership, even if you're not practicing kink and it's not like a kink relationship, they are your key holders, you know, the keeper of the keys. They are the ones that essentially, in a lot of ways, own your pleasure. And that's not a bad thing. That can actually be an incredibly empowering position to be in, despite what, you know, how the optics look. Even in kink, submissives are some of the, you know, the people actually in control. And so it's the same here. You are the one that kind of dictates what happens to your cock, how long you're wearing the cage. It's all up to like your comfort and your body, it's ultimately your body. So you have more control than you think while still relinquishing that control in terms of how to expand it and like how it translates to hold on, let me take a step back. So, your question, the other part of your question was how it can essentially expand things. Right, reframe like how you're looking at sex. So, yes, you your priority shifts. Your priority shifts from your own orgasm, which can for a lot of men, you know, cloud their judgment when it comes to even caring about their partner's pleasure or even their partner's pleasure is kind of seen as like the it's nice if she orgasms, but like it's also normalized if she doesn't. Obviously, there are some relationships that that are not quite as one-sided like that, but it does happen. And having to kind of re-prioritize your needs and reprioritize what sex looks like can really be, I would say, empowering for the couple as well.

SPEAKER_00: 24:00

Absolutely. I also think that because oftentimes they lock on to the idea of reaching the orgasm, they end because society has said, well, if women don't have orgasm, that can be really normal. They're really hard to give orgasms to, and some of them don't orgasm that whole false, false narrative. Many men miss out on the energetic rush, the sexual rush that you get from really giving and controlling your partner's pleasure. I love to top, I love to top in such a way that I'm not even being touched sexually because I get this full-body, energetic, emotional rush and hot off of being in control of and giving my partner pleasure. And for a lot of men, A, there's not pleasure education there. So they don't know how to get a woman off, right? They don't know where all the sweet spots are, how to listen to her body and and bring her to an orgasmic state or erotic state, and then they go in with her penis and thrust away and come, and they're like, I did it.

unknown: 25:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 25:23

Even though only 20% of people actually come that way.

SPEAKER_00: 25:28

Yeah. I'm not one of them. I'm not one of them. So I don't know what I don't know what that's like. I'm sure it's lovely. But but it gives you the opportunity to build that skill and experience that rush, right? Because at least, and I know that it depends on the relationship. And I'm not, I'd love to get into what your relationship looks like a little bit more. Again, my friend Dominatrix Lucy came on and really has shared a lot about her dynamic, which did include, you know, giving her husband chores and things to do for her to earn release from the cage and ways to pleasure her that would get, you know, there would be a reward system and stuff like that. She really has outlined that. Again, I will share those episodes linked below and in e-newsletters. But it helped him learn what she needed and wanted and what would fulfill her from a household logistical place. He did dishes to get his treats or to, you know, oral sex to whatever it was that she needed to be fulfilled. And so he really knows how to please her and pleasure her in all of those ways now. And she considers him, of course, an incredible lover. But so those are some ways in which I think in that dynamic it helped. Do you have other thoughts on how that works or different ways in which that can look?

SPEAKER_01: 27:00

Yeah. So one thing it can also do, and my partner says this all the time about like his experience with the chastity cage, is it makes him feel secure. Think of it like a like a warm hug in a lot of ways. So there's that aspect of it too that we don't expect. So it's not always taking away from. It can definitely be like a giving to. And in terms of like giving pleasure with the cage, like he said, you derive this emotional, physical, orgasmic fulfillment, even without, you know, having an orgasm. It's from giving that pleasure. That's absolutely something here. You can even add in kink if you wanted to. And even as the cage holder, the cage wearer, rather, you can be the one to give your partner an orgasm and still own that orgasm and be the one that gave it to them. You can, oh, there's so much you can do. I'm like, how do I decide? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 27:55

I hadn't thought about this, but I guess you could even top with a cage on.

SPEAKER_01: 28:00

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. You can top with a cage, you can get bratty with it, steal your keys back. There's a lot you can do there.

SPEAKER_00: 28:11

I hadn't thought about that perspective at all. That would be kind of hot to be topped by someone who is wearing a cage. Yeah, I get into that. You can get really creative and think outside of the box. And the other thing that I've heard is that also it can bring back the spark to a relationship by wearing it throughout the day when you're apart, that just it being worn and rubbing well creates sort of like, you know, you'll become aware and aroused by it and think about your partner knowing they've got the key to it and create that spark and fire throughout the day if you're wearing it for a whole day. Some people only wear it for a couple of hours at first, but and then work up to a full day and then can work up to longer than that. But it can be a way to create a connection during the day when you're typically apart.

SPEAKER_01: 29:00

Yeah, absolutely. It really would kind of remind you of the oath you've taken, so to speak, the connection that you have, the ownership, lots of things.

SPEAKER_00: 29:11

And I know that a lot of men come to me for advice within their relationship, wanting to reignite the spark, wanting to figure out how do I get my partner in the mood for intimacy when I get home. It seems like I come home and I, you know, whatever will rubber back. But she's this is an a way to play throughout the day. And I always suggest like my feeling about sex and sensuality and connection is something that should be woven in throughout the day in your relationship every day. It's not like you disconnect, go through your day, come home, you flip a switch, and it's sex time. That's that's gonna be really challenging, especially for women who tend to, you know, not have that instant turn on, need to be warmed up. You know, they're more responsive. So adding chastity into a connection is just one way that you can tie it into your daily interactions and stay connected.

SPEAKER_01: 30:13

Absolutely. And it forces you again to think outside the box so you don't fall into those ruts of just drink just going into PIB sex. You have to get creative. And that definitely brings the spark back.

SPEAKER_00: 30:28

What would you say to someone who still after this conversation is convinced that it's emasculating to men, that a mass a truly masculine man wouldn't take part in an activity like this?

SPEAKER_01: 30:41

I would ask them, is eating pussy ultimately submissive? And they would say, well, no, look what I'm doing for my partner. She is loving it. Well, at the same time, it could be a submissive act, it could not be. The act itself is neutral. The energy you bring to it is ultimately what tips the scales one way or the other. And same it for chastity. I would say just give it a try. You never know how you're gonna actually feel once you have it on. If you hate it, you don't have to wear it again. If you love it, then there's there's a whole new world has been opened. To you for exploration.

SPEAKER_00: 31:16

I love that. Would you share a little bit about your relationship? I know that this is a part of your dynamic with a partner. Your partner is male, obviously, husband, partner, husband, yeah. Could you share with male listeners your dynamic, how it started, so that they get a better idea of how this type of thing begins and how it can look in a relationship?

SPEAKER_01: 31:43

Of course. So he actually was the one to approach me about male chastity. I'd never even heard of it at the time. I didn't, I mean, I knew it conceptually, but I didn't know it was something people did in modern day. I genuinely thought it was like a medieval thing and that was that. I didn't realize that there are some people who would not only wear it, but be willing to wear it and be the ones to be the one starting that conversation. So he approached me. He, you know, asked permission. He's my submissive, by the way, as well. We do practice a cake relationship and he asked me for permission to buy a cage. And I said, Of course, I want to make sure this is safe. I want to make sure that medically nothing is wrong with it and it's gonna fit well. And so I was part of the process for helping him shop for the cage. And I think that really helped because I definitely had some anxieties about it. I was like, I don't want to lock your cock up. Like there, that's my toy getting locked up. That's not fair. But having myself be part of the process of actually choosing it allowed me to have a little bit of that control that. I remember because I really loved it. And we started off by, and this is many years ago now, we started off by him just wearing it during the day. And he was like a cat-to-cat nip with me. Like he constantly wanted to touch me. He constantly was just like, Can I please go down on you? I just want to, I just want to pleasure you. I'm like lusting for it. And it was great. And then we started to explore wearing it past Locktober and actually going into more of an indefinite wear of the chastity cage. He takes it up for cleaning, but but beyond that, now he wears a cobra cage. So it's a little more flexible. It's more of that bar design, and it's made from this waterproof 3D printed material. And it's a lot, I don't want to say safer than the Holy Trainer, but the Holy Trainer was a hard plastic. So this one's a lot lighter, it's a lot more comfortable for like daily wear. So we switched to that cage. And since then, I mean he's been in chastity indefinitely for years now.

SPEAKER_00: 33:55

And you hold a key. I do. Do you put it on? The the key?

SPEAKER_01: 34:02

The cage out and take it off. So he actually puts it on because it's a little complicated to get the cock through and everything, and then he holds it and waits for me, and then I put the lock in.

SPEAKER_00: 34:13

Oh well, that's hot. And and it's around the clock, except for when you're yes. When you're playing with it for your own pleasure. Yeah. It's interesting to me that your first reaction was that you felt like it almost took control away from you.

SPEAKER_01: 34:33

Yeah. Because it was, it felt like a like a third party was suddenly coming in and like changing an important aspect of our relationship. It felt like something that I not only didn't understand, is I didn't understand why you would want to do it. At that point, I hadn't done a lot of research, so I didn't really know. Didn't understand. I uh felt like it was a third element, kind of controlling an aspect of a relationship that I didn't necessarily want initially. And so yeah, I felt like I had an aspect of control taken away.

SPEAKER_00: 35:07

I would like to point out that this is a great example of also men are asking about this. Men that if you saw them walking around on the street, they're very masculine presenting. I I think the whole, like frankly, I think it's silly that we have all this, like we base so much on the idea of what masculine manly men, like you know, wood shopping salt on earth masculine men where you know those kind of men are locking up their cock. They see it as exciting, arousing, they're powerful, and and people who are powerful people oftentimes want to experience having handing that over to someone for for a bit, especially a feminine being. Because a lot of our power is in our beauty and our sexual energy, and our sexual energy's ability to run the show, right?

SPEAKER_01: 36:12

Absolutely. In my experience, I've seen more of the like masculine presenting man be into chastity than the other way around. And that like initially really surprised me, but but now it doesn't. Like you said, people in power want to relinquish that power sometimes.

SPEAKER_00: 37:30

It's exhausting, it's exhausting, and it allows you to be aroused because you know, oftentimes the stress of being in power is a libido killer because stress is a dick shrinker, it's a glit shrinker, it is a libido killer. So when that stress is lifted from you, when someone takes it from you, it can allow, you know, the fire to to grow. Yeah, and something that people have a hard time understanding.

SPEAKER_01: 38:05

When you have that responsibility and that stress and everything kind of taken away from you, the only thing left is pleasure. So at that point, you get to explore it in a way that's kind of just untethered by anything else, and just pleasure for the sake of pleasure. You don't have you don't have an end goal necessarily. And so that makes it one of the most liberating experiences you can have.

SPEAKER_00: 38:28

If you're if you're not buying into it, imagine this. Imagine having no choice but to touch and explore your woman's body for hours. Like that's all you get to do because your cock's locked away. You get to touch her everywhere, you get to taste her, you get to do all of the things you've been thinking about doing, but she's been like, nah. Because she doesn't want to just have you crawl on top of her, pound away, and be done. Yeah. So it come on. I mean, like, who doesn't want to get to do that with a woman? Yeah, absolutely. Like they do that. So again, if you're wondering how does male chastity improve a man in bed, I think we've listed it's gonna help you grow your skill set. You're gonna get an opportunity to really learn how to pleasure a woman. This is not something you were ever taught it is not your fault. It's not your fault that you don't know how to give a woman an orgasm because nobody's teaching that in our mainstream schools, education systems. You have to like seek out that kind of knowledge. And then once you're in a relationship with a woman, society tells you your only job is to get her pregnant, to get your dick in her, to come to get that's what we're taught, right?

SPEAKER_01: 39:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 39:56

Chastity is a great opportunity for you to learn how to really be a good lover and to give her pleasure and to receive pleasure through it, right? Because she's also one, you know, one way we didn't discuss is when using your cock as the sole organ of pleasure on your body is taken away. Other part areas of your body are going to start lighting up. You're going to start paying attention to the other areas of your body that get aroused and bring you pleasure. So your own pleasure is going to become expansive.

SPEAKER_01: 40:31

Yes, definitely. One exercise I always recommend for couples, whether you do chastity or not, is pleasure mapping together, figuring out the erogenous and pleasure zones of your body. And it's just an exploratory, fun activity to do together. Pay attention to where all the tingles feel. Pay attention to just what feels good. What do you want them to do? And that can really go hand in hand with chastity because, like you said, it kind of enhances those other sensations.

SPEAKER_00: 41:01

Great. And people are off. I know that I am still finding, yeah, I'm 51 years old and I am still finding places on my body. I'm like, oh, I didn't know that would turn me on.

unknown: 41:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 41:11

You know, and and that's all over my body, from my head down to my toes. I think it's important to start seeing what areas of your body are erogenous or turn you off.

SPEAKER_01: 41:23

Yeah. It's a lifelong journey, pleasure. It's it's not a one and done. It's not a okay, I've figured them all out now. This is how I'm going to come from here on out. No, it's an ever-expansive, it's it's affected by so many aspects of our life. It kind of grows with us.

unknown: 41:41

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 41:41

And when we take our genitals out of the equation and start exploring other areas, then we find new routes to pleasure and fulfillment.

SPEAKER_01: 41:52

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00: 41:53

I think we've sold it. What do you think? Have we convinced them? I think so too. I love it. So for my listeners at this point in the conversation, let's say we've convinced one or two, or even encouraged someone who's out there who's afraid to ask their partner to go ahead and make the leap this October and say, hey, I've been interested in chastity. I don't know if you know, but it is October. Will you try this thing with me? Can you give them like some next steps? You've listened to the podcast. What can they do right now to give it a try this month?

SPEAKER_01: 42:31

So ta again, talk to your partner, have them listen to this episode as well. Listen to it together. So have the conversation as to kind of what experience you want to have, be very intentional about it. Then go cage shopping together. Yeah. And one thing I also wanted to say is you don't have to, I mean, it's it's great to have a cage, super fun. You also don't have to have one. You can just have sort of like a psychological chastity. And especially if like cost is a barrier to you, or you just you're not ready to take that plunge and actually wear a device.

SPEAKER_00: 43:05

My last question to you is not for the male listeners here, it's for the female listeners here. Or if you're a male listener, this is the section that you hand over to your female partner. What would you say to the woman in this dynamic who it's being brought to her? And she's like, You want to do what? What would you say to her about it? What would you say to her if her instant reaction is like, My man wants to be in a cage? Give some words of advice to the women who may be hearing about this right now.

SPEAKER_01: 43:41

Yeah. Why wouldn't you want your partner to kind of set aside how sex has always been for y'all and focus on you? Focus on your pleasure and getting to know your body and allowing you to be the one that kind of guides the conversation and guides where your sex life grows and how it grows. Why wouldn't you want to do that? That to me is so fun. And you don't have to turn into the leather-waring dominatrix either. You can just be yourself in this, but your your pri I would say your priorities for a month have shifted. Just give it a try for a month. That's it. Or just a week, even a day. You don't have to like commit to a full month either.

SPEAKER_00: 44:24

Imagine learning new things about your own pleasure. Imagine having more orgasms. Imagine being able to assign kitchen duty to him so that yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 44:37

It's no longer about like, you know, it's no longer about like how do we how do we work hard to get you an orgasm in a not fun way? Now it's like it's a fun way. We're we're working hard, but we're like exploring. It's an exploratory, fun, experiential phase.

SPEAKER_00: 44:55

Yes. So, folks, I am going to be sending a full guide to male chastity. I am going to be sending a calendar of activities you can do throughout the month as well. So that you have some ideas of how you can play throughout the month. Now you know how it's going to make you better in bed or more knowledgeable in bed or capable of receiving more pleasure in bed. Because I know oftentimes for women it's hard for us to just lay back and receive. You're going to get practice that you may find you never want to stop doing that. So that you can really use this month to improve your sex life. Thank you so much for this conversation. Can you tell my listeners where they can find you if they want to learn more about you or learn learn more from you?

SPEAKER_01: 45:43

Absolutely. So you can find me at lilithfox.com and that's Fox of Two X's. I'm also on Instagram, Facebook, and Blue Sky at the Lilith Fox. And yeah, you can just kind of reach out to me directly. I make a lot of content and yeah, it'll be fun.

SPEAKER_00: 45:59

And if you're listening to this and you have qu questions or comments, you can scroll down to the comment section. If you're on my YouTube channel at TalkSexwithanet, you can drop your comment, your question below the video. If you are an audio listener, you can email me at Annette at talksexwithanet.com. I will try to get back to you as soon as possible. If you have a question for Lilith, we'll get it to her. So make sure that you send those to me. Also, if you have a story you want to share, I love your stories. I like to hear your take on these topics. So make sure to sound off and let me know what your thoughts are. Thank you again so much for joining.

SPEAKER_01: 46:38

Thanks so much for having me.

SPEAKER_00: 46:40

And to my listeners, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers. Cheers.