Male Chastity 101: How to Try It Without Freaking Out

What if the hottest thing you could do for your partner… was not come?

Welcome to Talk Sex with Annette, where we’re diving into one of the most misunderstood—and surprisingly intimate—kinks out there: male chastity. Whether you’ve seen the cages popping up all over your feed this “Locktober,” or you’re just curious what all the denial hype is about, this episode breaks down how to try chastity play without freaking out, fumbling it, or killing the mood.

You’ll learn:
 💥 What chastity play actually is (and isn’t)
 🔒 Why so many men say orgasm denial made them better lovers
🔥 How to safely explore it with your partner—whether you’re the one wearing the cage or holding the key

And stay tuned—on Wednesday, Annette’s joined by a real-life keyholder who shares how locking it up unlocked more pleasure, trust, and connection in her relationship.

It’s kinky, psychological, and maybe even life-changing.
 The question is: can you handle the cage?

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Chapters

• 1:30 New Name, Same Locker Room
• 2:21 Enter Male Chastity and Locktober
• 4:00 What Chastity Is—and Isn’t
• 5:21 The Brain Chemistry of Denial
• 6:36 Getting Started: Talk, Then Try
• 7:16 Devices, Safety, and Sizing
• 9:04 Key Holder Power and Play
• 11:04 Science of Surrender and Closer Bonds
• 11:47 Leveling Up Rules, Rituals, Distance
• 13:01 The One-Week Challenge and Resources
• 13:55 Teaser: Upcoming Guest and How to Reach Us

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:46

I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talk and Shots. The show has a new name, Talk Sex with Annette. But at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious, and speak the unspoken about sex, kink, dating, pleasure, and desire. Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats, our most trusted friends, and of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest, and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. If you've been here from the beginning, thank you. And if you're new, welcome to my podcast where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Now, let's talk about sex. Cheers. Ranglo. What if the hottest thing you could do for your partner was not come? You heard me right. Welcome to the world of male chastity, the kink that's got half the internet locking up their pleasure and discovering that denial might just be the new desire. Today's Talk Sex with the Net topic is how to try male chastity without freaking out or messing it up. The question is, can you handle the cage? Today we're diving into one of the most misunderstood, misrepresented, and let's be real, strangely magnetic kinks there is. Chastity play. What is it? Why it works, how you can start experimenting safely, whether you're the one wearing the cage or the one holding the key. So if you've ever wondered what the deal is with October, why some men say giving up orgasm made them better lovers, this one's for you. And I want you to stay tuned on Wednesday when I will be dropping an episode with a special guest who is a key holder and is gonna tell me and all of you how engaging in chastity play made both her and her partner better lovers and helped them create an incredible intimate life together. But before we dive in, I want to remind you that I'm over on OnlyFans and there I'm sharing my sex and intimacy how-tos, demos, and audio guided self-pleasure meditations. I am also offering up some sex and intimacy coaching advice there. You can ask one-off questions if you are not ready to dive into a full coaching regimen. You can also find me over on Substack doing a whole lot of the same, minus the coaching and of course the how-to demos. You can find me in both places by my handle at TalkSex within it. You can also scroll down to the notes section below, and you're gonna find links to everywhere you want to find me. I'm looking forward to you joining me there. But for now, let's dive in to male chastity and Locktober. Can you handle the cage? Cheers. What is chastity really? Well, let's start with what it isn't. It's not punishment, it's not about humiliation or pain, unless that's your thing and you've consented to it. At its core, male chastity is a form of erotic power exchange. One partner, the key holder, takes control of when, how, or if the other person experiences sexual release. Sometimes this happens through agreement and self-control, sometimes through a physical device called a chastity cage. The point isn't suffering, it's about anticipation. It's about letting arousal build so high it becomes a full body experience. Think of it as mindfulness meets kink, the art of staying aroused, focused, and connected without rushing to the finish line. Why is chastity play so powerful? Here's where the science gets sexy. When orgasm is delayed, dopamine, your anticipation hormone, stays high. That's the same chemical that fires when you crave something you can't quite have. Meanwhile, prolactin, the hormone that makes you feel tired and satisfied after a climax, stays low. That means desire doesn't die, it lingers, and it loops. So instead of chasing a five-second climax, chastity lets you live in craving. It trains your brain and your body to stay turned on. And here's the twist: when you stop centering the male orgasm as the goal, sex becomes a shared playground. Many key holders, usually women, say it's the first time they felt truly prioritized. And for men, chastity becomes freedom. It gives them permission to drop performance pressure, stop equating sex with penetration, and to feel everything else. The results, deeper connection, more creativity, and when it's finally time to release fireworks. So, how are you gonna get started with chastity play or a Locktober experience? I'm gonna walk you through it. First, let's talk about how to do this without injuring anything important. Step one is talk before you lock. You need a real conversation. Why do you want to try this? Is it about surrender, curiosity, deeper connection? Agree on how long you'll play, what's allowed, and what's absolutely off limits. Consent and clarity are what makes us hot, not handcuffs. Step two is start with mental chastity. No cage yet, just commitment. Go three to five days without orgasm. You can still touch, tease, and get aroused, just no release. If you're partnered, let your partner call the shots. If you're solo, practice self-control. Notice what happens. Most people report increased sensitivity and an almost electric kind of awareness. Step three, when you're ready, explore physical chastity. There are several types of cages. One is an open bar lattice style cage. You can see here it's great for airflow, it's easy to clean, and it allows teasing through the bars of the cage. The other is a solid, more tube style cage. It's more restrictive, discrete, under clothing, and often used for longer-term wear. There's also soft silicone styles, which are lightweight, flexible, and perfect for beginners. And then there's a micro or nub cage. It's compact and advanced, it's extremely controlling and better for experienced players. Whichever you choose, comfort and hygiene come first. You should always be able to urinate, clean, and move comfortably. If you feel pain, discoloration, or numbness, take it off immediately, no exceptions. Make sure to use Body Safe Lubricant when putting it on. Check your circulation and always have an emergency key. So more than one. If you are new to sizing and materials, sign up for my e newsletter. I am sending out a full guide that walks you through how to measure, how to choose your cage. It's really a full step-by-step guide for chastity, and I will be sending out several of those following this episode and my Wednesday episode. So make sure you hit that subscribe button. Scroll down below, you're gonna find a link to my e newsletter. Also for my audio listeners, if you are wondering what these cages I just described look like, you can come on over to my YouTube channel at TalkSucks for the net and you'll see my examples that I have put up. So now let's talk about how key holders can make the whole experience hotter. Because yes, key holders own a big role in this. If you're the one holding the key, congratulations, you hold all the power with consent, of course. But this isn't about cruelty, it's about creativity. Start with short lockups: an hour, half a day, overnight. Set rules. Maybe your partner has to ask permission to touch you. Maybe they earn release by focusing on your pleasure or doing something like doing the dishes for the evening. Reward good behavior with small privileges, a few minutes of teasing, a taste, or a guided edge session. Key holders tell me this is one of the most empowering, playful dynamics they've ever experienced. It's a real-time confidence builder. And the best part, you can customize it. Some couples go full Locktober. I'm talking 30 days of chastity. Others do just a weekend. There's no wrong way to do Locktober or Chastity Play. If you need some ideas for what to do to start getting creative in Chastity Play, I also will be sending out a chastity calendar and it contains some fun play scenarios to help you along your way. You can take some of those ideas and implement them or use them to come up with your own. Let's talk about the science of surrender and chastity play. When you're locked up, your brain changes how it experiences pleasure. That constant state of arousal keeps dopamine flowing. And that in turn increases oxytocin, the bonding hormone, every time you interact with your partner. That's why chastity couples often say they've never felt closer. And for many men, chastity leads to better erections, longer stamina, and more control when they do orgasm. Think of it as a gym workout for your arousal system. You're literally training your nervous system to delay gratification, and that pays off everywhere. Let's talk leveling up. Once you're comfortable with short-term play, here are a few ways to explore deeper. Add sensory play, nipple teasing, massage, temperature play. I've over the course of the past year given you lots of ideas for sensory play, but get creative. Set tasks or rituals that build connection. We're talking about that reward system. You can also include key holder rules. You can do daily check-ins or good morning messages. Get creative with this as well. You get to make up what the rules are for chastity play, and then of course, make sure your caged person is following them. If they do, let the fun begin. And finally, if you're in a long distance relationship, don't count yourself out of the chastity play. There are long distance key holder apps you can use. Again, you don't have to have a cage. This can be a verbal agreement. The bottom line is the goal is to build tension, control, and trust. So here's your challenge from me. Try one week of chastity. No orgasm, no release, just intentional teasing and attention. See how it changes your focus, your connection, and your arousal. And when you're ready, you take it further. Join my e-newsletter and I will send you the full guide to measuring, choosing a cage if you want to take it to that level. Again, you don't even have to use a cage, but I'm going to give you ideas for chastity play. You're getting your full starter kit and beyond. If you're not ready to try a whole week, try one day, try two days and see how infusing that chastity connection throughout every moment of every day for two days affects your relationship. And again, don't forget to tune in to Wednesday's episode. I am going to be joined by Lilith Fox, a BIPOC queer sexologist, educator, and kink expert. And we're going to go deeper into Locktober and Chastity Play, and we're going to talk about how it can actually make men better in bed and intimacy better for everybody involved. If you are a key holder or someone who is caged at this moment, I would love to hear from you. If you are on my YouTube channel, you know what to do. Drop a comment below the video and I will try to get back to you. If you are an audio listener, you know you can email me at Annette at talksexwithanet.com. You can also scroll down to the notes below this, and you're gonna find my speakpipe. You can send me a voicemail. I love to get your comments, your input, and your questions. Now, if you are looking for a sex and intimacy coach, a wingwoman, if you will, on your own intimate journey, my books are open, and you can find out more about that and me and everything that I'm doing at talkswithanette.com. So, hey guys, until next time. I'll see you in the locker room. In fact, I'll be holding the key to it. Cheers.