Gentle FemDOM 101: 5 Steps to Domination He Secretly Craves

FemDom doesn’t have to be scary, it can be soft, playful, and insanely hot.

In this episode of Talk Sex with Annette, I break down 5 simple steps to Gentle FemDom, so you can explore dominance without latex, whips, or dungeon vibes. Because real FemDom is about confidence, not costumes.

 What you’ll learn:

• The body language shift that makes you instantly more commanding
• How to use your voice to turn requests into irresistible commands
• Simple touch and rituals that make your partner crave your lead
• Why praise and aftercare are the real secret weapons of dominance

If you’ve been curious about FemDom or just want to shake up your sex life, this episode gives you the tools to lead with confidence—and make your partner melt.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to the Femdom Starter Pack
• 9:11 What Attracts People to Femdom
• 18:38 Creating the Femdom Mindset
• 27:07 Breaking Down Male Ego & Vulnerability
• 35:34 Types of Femdom Dynamics
• 43:15 Scenes, Role Play & Getting Started
• 54:33 Finding Your Femdom Community

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:07

Do the sex Think fun, honest and feminist as fuck, and always with the goal of fighting the patriarchy. One female orgasm at a time. Welcome to the locker room. Today's locker room talk Shots topic is want to be a Femdom or serve one? Start here. You guys have been asking for it, you've been asking for it and I am delivering. I have an expert here on the topic of Femdom. But before we dive in, I want to remind you that my desire diaries are live on my spicy site. That's right, oh F.

Speaker 1: 1:53

This is an exclusive space where I share my personal sexual adventures and confessions erotic interviews, audio guided self pleasure meditations that's, masturbation meditations, my friends erotic story time I already have one of those up and my own sensual photo and video essays and so much more. So head over there. My handle is TalkSexWithAnette, like it is everywhere else. You can also scroll down to the description of this episode and you're going to find a link that's going to take you there. So join me there for more personalized experience. I'll be answering your questions. So for those of you who keep sending me questions you want answered by an intimacy coach and I haven't gotten back to you because I haven't had the time you can go to there and ask those questions and I will make sure to get you the answers you want. So that is Talk Sex with Annette on OF. I hope to see you there. Who knows, maybe I will have a femdom experience this year and I'll share it with you there. But for now, we're going to talk to the expert who has been doing this for many, many years.

Speaker 1: 3:01

My expert is Ms McKenzie. She is a board certified sexologist, bdsm and intimacy educator, qualified hypnotist, trauma informed relationship and sexual wellness coach, kink lifestyle and professional dominant mentor, owner of Elysium Dungeon, host of kink intimacy and cannabis lounge podcast content creator and author. She does it all. Basically, folks, all I wear, all the hats, all the hats. She is also the founder of BDSM and Intimacy University, which makes and sells beautiful one of a kind BDSM toys and furniture, as well as offers online courses, spicy digital guides, clothing, aftercare items and more. She has been involved in the kink lifestyle professionally and personally for over 20 years and teaching for over 15. So if you were ever questioning whether or not I had an expert here, you know I've really got one now. Welcome, ms McKenzie. You are a highly anticipated guest. Could you tell my listeners. A little bit more about you.

Speaker 2: 4:15

Thank you so much for the introduction. I'm so glad to be here. Thank you so much. I think you pretty much did my introduction. I know our talk today is about femdom and that's definitely one of my specialties. I see a lot of couples, and particularly female-identifying people, that want to be dominant, so that's kind of my specialty here. So I'm really incredibly excited about this topic that we're going to talk about and to maybe give some spicy tips and techniques for some of your listeners.

Speaker 1: 4:55

I love it and I'm excited about this because I've been dipping my toes in the water. I think I got it in me pretty good. But so, listeners, you're going to want to stay to the end because this is going to be a starter pack, a one like a complete starter pack for you. Whether you are a woman who's wanting to try femdomming let's say you're in a partnership and you know you've been the sub for a while and you guys are wanting to spice things up or you think that your male partner is kind of wanting to flip the script but doesn't know how to start, we're going to get you into it. But also, if you are one of my male listeners and you are like I want to find a femdom, or how do I ask my partner, we're going to have it all for you here today and I'm really excited to dive into it. So it's actually morning. Well, it's kind of morning for me, it's not for you. I'm in my coffee stage this morning and I'm ready. Are you ready? Let's talk about dominating dick.

Speaker 2: 6:00

I'm so ready Dominating dick right, right, cheers.

Speaker 1: 6:06

It's actually New Year's Eve, guys, so we're doing this as we're heading in to 2025. Maybe that will be the theme for 2025 dominating dick, I like, I like, yes, at least for me, uh so give you the the um, the wonderful, exciting skills and fun information to have the best dominating year.

Speaker 1: 6:32

I love it. That's exactly what we're going to do, and I, so let's just dive right in. Let's, can you tell me, first of all, why do you think people are drawn to the Femme Dom dynamic, and what does that dynamic really look like?

Speaker 2: 6:52

So I think it really varies on how into they want to be right, because there's some people that like, oh, they want it every once in a while, or they want it in the bedroom or, you know, only in the bedroom, or maybe they want it for their whole life. There's tons of people that are 24-7, tight, dominant, submissive dynamics, and so I guess it depends on that. But I think some of the things that people are attracted to is that it kind of goes against misogynistic societal views that men are supposed to be in charge. Women are kind of seen as less than, and this is our chance to kind of have that role reversal, taking back our power, which I think is so wonderful and amazing. It can also be a way for people to feel more balanced if they take on a more submissive role in their life, in their jobs. A lot of women tend to have jobs that are subservient in some way, you know, waitressing, secretarial, all these kind of things, and so it's a way for them to sort of balance that and be in control in the other aspect of their life.

Speaker 2: 7:59

I think also it could be fun to be responsible for your partner's pleasure, like you are responsible for when your partner receives pleasure. There's an incredible amount of power that comes with that and it's almost intoxicating, you know, oh, like I'm the only one who could provide that pleasure for my partner. It's like really sexy, I think anyway. And then for some also, it may be a way to heal from trauma, right. Maybe they had some sort of sexual assault in the past or any of those kind of things, and I think it's important that this gives them a chance to call the shots and write their own narrative and be in control of everything that happens.

Speaker 2: 8:44

It can be really incredibly healing for a lot of people to be in that role as well. So those are just, I guess, some reasons of why someone might be attracted to that, and then someone on the other side of it wanting their partner to do those things. Maybe they're the CEO or in charge all the time, and it feels nice to be out of control and to let your partner do the things and you just have to accept it. It's very freeing in a way. A lot of people talk about that when they talk about bondage. Surprisingly, that's freeing to be bound. You're not expected to reciprocate or things like that. It's really cool, I think.

Speaker 1: 9:26

Some people have a hard time understanding why people would want to flip the script to what is traditionally conventionally thought of. How, especially if we're talking about a very gendered or gender conventional society, women are supposed to be submissive, to be sexy and feminine, and men are supposed to be dominant, to be super masculine, but there is like this extreme femininity, femininity and being a dominant woman and um and so that I think helps people to understand that right, yeah, for sure, and I I teach a lot of people about like embracing their goddess personality, like that can be.

Speaker 2: 10:10

Teach a lot of people about like embracing their goddess personality, like that can be, because a lot of people think like, oh well, I don't want to be this like in charge necessarily, but I love the idea of being worshipped in this dominating role and like adored and all these things, and so I think like encompassing and sort of trying to embody this goddess personality really helps with that for a lot of people.

Speaker 1: 10:32

So what is the femdom dynamic really look like when you're in it with a partner From a kinky perspective to we've for my listeners, if you're here, you probably also watched my female led relationship podcast episode and I will also include that link and that really focused more on the people who want this in their overall sort of relationship lifestyle. This conversation we're taking it to the bedroom or whatever room dungeon wherever you're going to do it right, or whatever room dungeon, wherever you're going to do it right. Yeah, so I want to talk more about what does femdom dynamic in the sexy, kinky, fun sense look like?

Speaker 2: 11:15

So there's typically a way to sort of set the scene. So, making the mood and sort of setting the scene, you have negotiations. I talk about that a lot in my mentoring and teaching that I think it's very important to have thorough negotiations. I talk about that a lot in, you know, my mentoring and teaching that I think it's very important to have thorough negotiations, not only to keep everything consensual, but we want to make sure that our partners are enjoying themselves and that we'll enjoy ourselves. If we're just doing it for them right and we're not getting any enjoyment out of it and out of dominating our partner, what's the point? It's supposed to be for everyone, for everyone to find some kind of enjoyment and fulfillment out of that. And so talk about, you know, extensive negotiations to have these experiences.

Speaker 2: 12:00

And then what I like to talk about is like teasing.

Speaker 2: 12:05

How do you tease your partner?

Speaker 2: 12:07

And so I always talk about like beforehand, not just in the bedroom but what are you going to do to anticipate this experience, to build this up, to get your partner so hot and heavy that they want to do anything?

Speaker 2: 12:21

You say I just love that, and so you know that may include sending videos to your partner.

Speaker 2: 12:29

That may include maybe sending like a task for them to do, or you to take sexy pictures of yourself and send, or I don't know, an erotica you send to your partner, things like that that can sort of get the juices flowing and get everything already on this mode, that it's going to be this ride that you're going to take them on and then getting into the bedroom, the dungeon, wherever it is, that you're going to have those activities, starting out with like teasing and making things very gentle in the beginning to get them into this you know mode, this headspace that we're looking to achieve.

Speaker 2: 13:13

Some people call it subspace, and so to get there you're building these brain chemicals and so that's kind of like, whether that's wax play or fire play or choking or pegging or any of the things that we can do to dominate and have really fun activities. But I will say learning the skills is important, but I think, more so, learning the skills to mentally dominate someone is more important than the skills of physically dominating somebody. Once you can get into their head and create these floaty, blissful feelings in your partner, like everything else will follow, their body will follow in submitting to you, which I think is really sexy.

Speaker 1: 14:12

Right. So in the femdom dynamic you've got the woman who is the one in control or dominating the submissive man. The man is going to do what she wants Within limits. So within limits with whatever they've understood that they want to do together, both of them meaning like it, like whatever the guy wants, because oftentimes the man has specific things in mind. Some of them want humiliation, domination. Some just want to be restrained Right and like flogged or sensory, whatever there's there's a number of things and she has to be willing to do that.

Speaker 1: 14:53

But so you're saying it starts in the head like they've decided they wanted to do this. Maybe she's never done it before.

Speaker 2: 15:00

And to start out by getting him like juiced up mentally, yes, um, I think what a lot of people don't understand is people aren't necessarily automatically aroused all of the time. Most people right. You have to do some work to get them feeling the arousal feelings and excitement feelings. And that includes men too. Sometimes we assume men are always ready and always hard, and that's just not realistic. They need to be romanced and sexified too.

Speaker 1: 15:34

Well. So I think here's an interesting take that I haven't heard approached very much. That maybe we could do together is oftentimes, when we talk to people about how, if you want to try femdoming, how to get the woman in the mood to dominate, because oftentimes the women are like, well, I'm supposed to be feminine.

Speaker 1: 15:55

But what we don't talk about right, timid, timid and submissive, and that's what makes me sexy. But what we don't talk about often is how do we get men, how do we help men who know they want to be dominated, but like there's so much shame around that, for them right Like letting go.

Speaker 2: 16:15

As a society, for sure, right.

Speaker 1: 16:17

How do we help them get into the subspace themselves? Individual to a woman. What is your advice to them?

Speaker 2: 16:35

So two parts you said first is how to get the woman or the femdom into the mood. First, I suggest you take anything from this. One of the things that really helps get people into a mood is creating a powerful list for you, a playlist that you resonate with. Right, like, I have a powerful goddess playlist, and so I listened to that before to get myself in the headspace, because it's not realistic that we're always going to be in the headspace to dominate either. That's just not realistic. We're not robots and so, even though that's like all of my life right, I'm still not all the time like that, and so a playlist really helps with that. Also, doing affirmations like saying in the mirror or saying with your you touch your throat chakra and you say things like I am powerful, I deserve to be worshipped, I'm going to give my partner the most amazing experience they've ever had, whatever it looks like for your affirmations, and saying that beforehand in a really kind of assertive tone to believe it, you know. And so those are a couple things that I suggest to help with the headspace and sort of shifting that, because you know we're in control, so we're supposed to already be in the dominating role to get them to be in the submissive role, because that kind of follows when you're leading and then the other side of it is getting them in the mood. I think there's a couple things. One is reassurance and affirmation and so saying to them oh man, I really love seeing you submissive to me, oh, you're such a good boy for me, or whatever that looks like in saying that it's exciting you, this is turning me on. You realize that this is making me super wet. You know that, right, those kind of things.

Speaker 2: 18:36

Because a lot of the times, someone in a submissive role, if they're not feeling like the dominant, is enjoying themselves or getting turned on or whatever that looks like for that person. They're not super into it, because they feel like, oh well, I'm the only one into this, are they just doing it to please me, right? And that's the opposite of what we're looking for here. And so affirmations and reassurance can really help with that. And that's beforehand, that's during, that's after. Especially, I call it a debrief.

Speaker 2: 19:06

So, after your experiences having conversations about what worked, what didn't work in your time, if there was any limits, that you just learned about yourself, how was the intensity level for you? Questions like that, right? So we want to make it better for next time. That's the whole purpose.

Speaker 2: 19:23

And so having those conversations but also adding in reassurance during that time, like, oh man, I really loved when you, you know, kissed my ass, it really made me feel powerful. How did it make you feel those kind of things, to really reiterate how amazing them being submissive was, so that they're not feeling shame, guilt, embarrassment, all these things that are natural reactions to doing alternative sexuality type activities, because as a society we're really kind of censored with those kind of things and so we're taught that that's not right and all these things. So afterwards, really giving this reassurance to assure that it was hot, this is what I wanted, I feel closer to you, all of those kind of things is a huge piece to that, because then they're not questioning, oh, did I do things that were too much? Oh, did they really like that? It's like you can very much verbally give affirmation that those were wonderful.

Speaker 1: 20:36

Right, right. And also for me, I know when, whatever role I'm going to be in, I'm very switchy. So I have times when I like want to be super bossy and dominating and I have times when I want to be quite the opposite. And something that helps me a lot as a woman is what I wear, from how I wear my hair to like whatever lingerie I'm wearing, shoes, shoes Really I'm shorty, I'm like five foot tall and so oftentimes people can't like envision me as being dominant, but like I totally have like small man syndrome, so just so wild because it doesn't matter what height you are.

Speaker 1: 21:13

You can dominate from any height, right? If you need me to stand on like a fucking ladder and tell you to like get down on your fucking knees, I'll do it, but really it's just my like who I am, but it does help. Like it, it's like I do. I have, like these great stripper, like platform shoes and, you know, corset. That makes me feel very dominant. So, for men, are there similar types of outfits that would help him get what are similar, maybe physically visual things that will help a man go from you know, outside in the world where he feels like he has to be super masculine, like I'm imagining like a big, I'm really into like big men right now, like, but then you bring him in, like how do you undress him so that maybe-.

Speaker 2: 22:07

Part of it has to do with what we wear. So talking to them about what we wear and how that would initiate the power exchange, right. So like, as an example, my male partner that I have is very bigger, much bigger than I am, and I'm six foot and he's much bigger than I am, and so, lucky, lucky and so I am lucky, and so coming up with, you know, things that made him feel submissive, like like, for instance, he calls me goddess and so like I will adorn myself in jewelry and that makes him feel very like, subservient to me. At that time I also pay attention to. I've said to him, like, you know, what is there?

Speaker 2: 22:54

Certain colors that I wear that makes me feel, makes me look more powerful, right, and so red is kind of my power color and so I'd wear that. He'd know I'm in Dom mode. And then to put them in something, there's a couple things A you can have, like cuffs, have them wear cuffs on their wrists, on their ankles, a collar A collar is definitely a way to shift headspace. You automatically put a collar and leash on someone. There's no way they feel dominant.

Speaker 1: 23:29

I love a collar and leash on a man especially if there's like black leather and metal and I'm holding it.

Speaker 2: 23:39

I love the idea of like a beast chained up, like to do what I want oh.

Speaker 1: 23:44

God, I hadn't even thought of it that way. All right guys. So look if you want entry level. God, I hadn't even thought of it that way. All right guys. So look if you want entry level that doesn't turn on every fucking person. I know the idea of this. Like goddess holding a chain and leash and this man just like on it, leashed like, oh, leashed a beast. I just got goosebumps thinking about it. I did too. All right, 2025 bucket list. Bucket list right there, check. I got to find my beast. I got to find a beast.

Speaker 2: 24:17

Also, the other thing is like, obviously you've done the female led relationship type thing and that's very clothed woman, naked male, and so having them not wear anything and not use furniture is a huge way to like. You're going to sit on your knees, you're going to be on your knees on the floor, you're not sitting on the furniture with me or, and like I said, and naked. There's no way that you're naked on the ground, not feeling submissive. That's like almost impossible, unless you're really fighting it, I guess.

Speaker 1: 24:51

If you're nice, I'll give you a pillow to sit on.

Speaker 2: 24:55

Exactly, yeah, for sure. And it's all about positioning too. Positioning is a really great way to get people into headspace. Having them on all fours, doing they call them sort of slave training positions. Have them on all fours, have them just on their knees with their hands out, ready to serve you. There's some really hot positions that like it's very hard to feel dominant or not submissive when you're crawling for this person or begging. Begging is so hot.

Speaker 1: 25:31

Well, I love it when a man says please, oh my God.

Speaker 2: 25:35

Yes, that's one. Orgasm control is one of my favorite things in the entire world and having them like please can I come, and I said no, no, you have to earn that Like. You don't necessarily need skills to do that. That's why I like that. It's very you can play with that in a way that's very teasing and erotic. That doesn't need a lot of incredible skill physical skill to do.

Speaker 1: 26:02

Right, yeah, that this cut guys. This is like making it as easy as possible for you. So here's a question what are some traits that make a good dom?

Speaker 2: 26:13

Being ethical, really being able to be a good listener and pay attention to what they like and don't like. You know, a lot of people think that it's yelling and being bossy, and that's the exact opposite of what a dominant is. A dominant is someone who cares about their person and nurtures them and supports them and wants to push them in really healthy, positive ways to help them have, you know, a better future, a better life, all these things for fulfillment. And so being ethical, I think, is a huge piece to it. And having empathy, because some of the things we do in the kink and BDSM world can be incredibly painful mentally and physically, whatever you're doing activities, and so knowing that you have empathy for your partner or your play partner, whatever it is, and caring about their journey and you know you could be sadistic, but there's still supposed to be care and empathy for your person and taking care of them and supporting them those are just some things.

Speaker 2: 27:22

I think being creative is another one, because I mean the world of BDSM is vast and if you are on FetLife or any of those kind of resources, there are like 500,000 fetishes on there, and so the idea that there's so many things that you could do and if you open your mind up to possibilities, it's endless. It's endless. It's endless the things that you can do and experience with your partner and elevate your relationship as a whole, not just in the bedroom. But BDSM has an incredible amount of positive effects mental health and anxiety and work performance and closeness and trust built and communication built in a relationship. There's an incredible amount of benefits to kink and experiencing that with your partner and I think being open to that, the possibilities and that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1: 28:29

Yeah, another big benefit is like the diversity to your sex life. It adds like things won't get boring. You always have something kind of new to explore. So I'm going to turn that question around. I'm going to turn that question around what are some traits that make a really good submissive in a femdom relationship?

Speaker 2: 28:49

So I'm definitely of the mindset that, like there aren't certain things that make a submissive, you know a lot of people will be like, well, am I submissive enough? Or you know those kinds of things, and I think anybody could be a submissive, anybody. But I think there are some positive qualities that I think are important. I think respectful, because nobody wants to be in a dominating position and being disrespected. I think being guidable, like you're comfortable with, like someone else guiding you.

Speaker 2: 29:23

Because if you're just going to be fighting it the whole way I call it topping from the bottom If you're going to be doing that the whole entire time, like you're not going to have the experience that you expect and you're not going to be out of control and that's the whole purpose. So if you're fighting that the whole way which my experience has taught me, a lot of men like to do that they like to be almost forced into submission, and not that that's necessarily a super bad thing. But are you doing it like it's? Like they want it, but they want to be pushed to do it, and I think it's more of a positive, you know trait to just be open-minded to that and like I'm willing to do what you want within reason, obviously, yeah, being like open minded and and and willing to go where your partner wants you to go. If you're not willing to do that, then you're not.

Speaker 1: 30:19

You're not really doing what BDSM is meant to do work on and question the sort of ingrained bullshit that society has told you about who you should be in the bedroom.

Speaker 2: 30:41

because I call it breaking down the male ego, right, you kind of have to do that a little bit as a as a femdom if you're looking to add this into your life in some capacity.

Speaker 1: 30:53

What are some approaches to breaking down the male ego in a femdom experience?

Speaker 2: 30:59

I can give you some examples of things I've done. Have them read feminist books, have them recite things. So, as an example, depending on your dynamic, right, like it might be like now they have an affirmation that's women are superior and that's now their affirmation. So you may have them say that in the morning, right at night, something like that. Or having them pay attention to how they react to women in life, like in their job. So now, paying more attention to how they interact with women, giving them more respect and really being kind of on them about that.

Speaker 2: 31:42

Putting them in positions this is my sadistic side Putting them in positions where now they're going to cry. So you know, I'm a dacrophiliac, which means I love making people cry consensually, and so something about male tears and like really hitting that point of like, oh wow, like I hit, you know, because it's very hard to feel this male ego when you're crying. It's very, very, very hard to do that, and so having someone maybe on the ground, on their knees, crying in some capacity, really does do that. If you don't want to go that extreme, it could be more in life, making you more dominant in life, so not just the bedroom. So that's definitely a way to break the ego so that they're like oh well, it doesn't matter, I'm going to be male, I'm going to be this alpha person outside of the bedroom. So they kind of still have that personality. And if you take some of that away, it definitely breaks the ego down a little bit more too, right?

Speaker 1: 32:43

Makes it easier in the bedroom. Yeah, I would imagine.

Speaker 1: 32:46

There you go, and I would imagine that I also think, when any person is broken down to sort of the crying place, it reduces. It doesn't reduce you, it brings you back to being a person, not a gender or a gender role. Right, and because when we allow ourselves to be just the gender role, it really can take some of our humanity away from us, and especially for men who, in our society, a patriarchal society, what it means to be a man is very dangerous and harmful and oppressive to every other gender.

Speaker 1: 33:25

Right, so kind of bringing them down to just their human ness and allowing them to maybe see the dynamic from a different position, one where they're being dominated one where they're, you know, not not taught dog, which which also can create, I would imagine, more love and appreciation and connection to other humans, especially the human who's dominating you.

Speaker 2: 33:53

Absolutely Also supporting their vulnerable side. So really truly like taking in when they're vulnerable and telling them how much you appreciate that. That doesn't make you less than that makes you more Like I want you more. I'm more attracted to you when you're vulnerable, because I think as a society we don't support men being vulnerable at all and so supporting them when they are struggling or in scene and not in scene, you know, supporting their vulnerability and really saying how much you appreciate it, I think can really really help that too, because male ego has it typically where vulnerability is not a thing, that's a weakness, not a strength.

Speaker 1: 34:45

Right, and I have had a lot of male listeners write into me and ask me, like how do I get my partner to be as responsive during sex, or be as excited, or like I feel like I'm the only one trying to make it happen, and so on and so forth. So I do think that that feedback is so big for them, like words of affirmation in a bedroom setting, especially a kink setting, is going to be a big piece to guiding them. So how about now we talk about what are some dynamics, fem dom dynamics. There's not just one right, there are different sort of types of dynamic.

Speaker 1: 35:29

I want to start with that and then talk about some scenes people could set up, as they give it a shot.

Speaker 2: 35:36

There's a lot of identifiers for femdoms. I can just give a couple examples. One is a mommy dom, so one that's very caring and nurturing and supportive and possibly caregiver kind of ish. A lot of women tend to have that kind of type at least a little bit of that in them, and so that's definitely a big one, like the goddess type that's your archetype that you go off of. There's things like a medical mistress, someone who's very into the aesthetic of the look of BDSM, like it's not necessarily about the activities but about the look of it, and the aesthetic is very arousing to them. So there's that. There's a switchy dom, so like someone who's not the kind of like what you said you are, so like you can be dominant but you also can be submissive, so there's a level of understanding of what the other person feels like, and so that can be a really cool connection and dynamic. I don't know why I'm blanking right now. There's just a few of them.

Speaker 1: 36:48

So some femdom dynamics include impact play right and topping by pegging, but not all of them do. There's a variety of ways this can play out right.

Speaker 2: 37:04

Absolutely. You know there's tons of activities that I think there's a typical thing that people see when they think of femdom right In their mind, like maybe a woman holding a crop, or like some tools and implements that are very femdom-ish, like a woman holding a cane oh, that's another one is authoritarian, so someone who's very disciplinary, so there's that that's very into the punishment and discipline aspect. There's a lot of pieces to that and then like so the tools that they're holding or the scene that they set up or things like that can be very like the mommy dom might be, like you're holding a wooden spoon and you're spanking them over your knee or something in that capacity, or doing adult baby type stuff, if that's what it is. Or, you know, age regression type play that plays a lot in the mommy dom realm.

Speaker 1: 38:02

And I do have a whole podcast on that. I had a woman on who was a mommy dom and knows all about the age regression and stuff. I would say from I'm definitely not a mommy Dom, like I don't know. And there's something about me young guys constantly are, you know? Reaching out to me, hey, do you want a bad little boy? And I'm like no, I'm like not my thing, that's but I and it's interesting, I haven't really played with the goddess thing, but that appeals to me. I am definitely more like authoritarian. I love the idea of telling people what to do and punishing them and pleasuring them and punishing them at the same time. Like that is really hot. There's also a pleasure, dom.

Speaker 2: 38:48

There's also a pleasure dom that all they're focused on is the person's pleasure. They may torture them with pleasure, but it's all a pleasure dom that all they're focused on is the person's pleasure. They may torture them with pleasure, but it's all about pleasure. Yes, so that just think of another one I've definitely done pleasure doming, which is exciting.

Speaker 1: 39:00

Uh, that's interesting because I, you know, I guess I didn't even have a word for it but yeah, pleasure doming is something that I have done and I really enjoy as well where I do, and something maybe you can speak to from the femdom side of it, because a lot of women may not have tapped into this yet. But there is like this surge of like orgasmic pleasure you get, without the physical orgasm, from topping someone else and doming someone else and having them do what you want to do else and having them do what you want to do, especially in a vulnerable sexual, exposed way, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 39:38

You know, and for me, initially I had only done that with women, but as I've started to do it with men, I'm like that little surge of like, hmm. Hmm, you know, yeah, men, I'm like that little surge of it like and it is a different type of it's like an inner I would it's like an energetic orgasm experience you get from doing that and I think and I would love to hear your opinion on this One thing that I talk about on this podcast a lot is how part of the patriarchy and controlling women men controlling women over the course of time has been severing our connection with our sexuality, because women, in my opinion, my belief, people can argue it if they want we own the sexual space in this world. We literally are the key holders to sex.

Speaker 2: 40:31

We get pulled down, and pulled down because they don't want us to have that power.

Speaker 1: 40:34

That is our superpower and I don't think we even know exactly what all we can do with it yet, because I think we're only starting to. People like you, myself and many of the other people, women out in the space, are just starting to rebuild those connections Right Absolutely and tap into that.

Speaker 2: 40:52

Right.

Speaker 1: 40:54

And I think, in taking the femdom and you can experience that power from any submissive. But femdom really is about re-embracing that power, right? And I think that when you have a male partner who's willing to be open to experiencing that, it's going to be an incredible high for both of you. Right, absolutely. You get to finally get to like reconnect with your sexual power, which you know has been severed and he gets to bask in the glory of that, whatever that looks like.

Speaker 2: 41:33

What a lucky boy.

Speaker 1: 41:34

What a lucky good boy.

Speaker 2: 41:39

So there's a really cool thing that I thought of when you said that it's called DOM space or top space, whatever you want to call it, however you identify. But what happens in top space and DOM space is we go through what's called a flow state, and so flow state is a thing that kind of are. We get very laser focused and really in this sort of ebb and flow and what I've noticed with dom space A, it's very addicting, incredibly addicting. People say it's like a drug, this power that they get, and they're like. Some people say they're like drunk on this power kind of, and it is, it's true, it is.

Speaker 2: 42:21

If you've ever experienced this, it is like this drunk power that you get, and I think sometimes you have to make sure and keep that ego in check right a little bit. But yeah, there's like this major, like rush and power that comes with it. That actually helps after the experience. So they've had studies shown on this that people who have experienced top space and going into this incredible headspace that they go into when they dominate, they get this work performance afterwards that's out of this world, this energy, this motivation and goal-oriented that they didn't get prior to that, and it happens in bursts, it'll be like, okay, I'll feel like that for a week afterwards or two weeks afterwards. Submissives can get that too, absolutely, but we're talking about doms here.

Speaker 1: 43:15

So yeah, that I mean that resonates. That resonates to one thing that I've noticed, and I'll tell you what guys I can't like. Youtube will yank my episode down if I go into depth on this experience, but I will say this I was doming a gentleman and it was the first time I really experienced this, and I always get the emotional rush, but it wasn't something where I actually got touched much at all, like that wasn't really part of it. But this one day I decided, okay, I'm going to like allow you to touch my lady bits.

Speaker 1: 43:51

And what shocked me because I'm someone who it can take a while to like work me up and like to an orgasmic state when touching my lady bits, my pussy, but the minute his fingertips were allowed to graze, I was like on fire. I was like, oh my God, I think I'm going to come. I have never had that happen in my entire fucking life, never before, and so it is something that is sort of like a new thing I'm interested in exploring. And then also the high afterwards I don't need those platforms. I walk down the street and I'm just like you're going to do what I want, and so are you, and if I want that, so that's very resonant, yeah, but so we get this like these.

Speaker 2: 44:43

The brush of brain chemicals is what gives us this arousal feeling and kind of orgasmic, like you said. You know, especially if you're dopamine deficient, normally this ups your dopamine, your oxytocin, your adrenaline, all these things that are euphoric. They call it like a runner's high. It feels like a runner's high and that in turn all of the blood flow, all of those things happening for sure, gets arousal going and our body juiced up and all of those things that we want to happen. But a lot of it is the rush of brain chemicals that happen when we play.

Speaker 1: 45:28

It isn't just for submissives it's for dominance and tops too, which is funny because people don't talk about dominance and tops too and or understanding what a lot of times you don't see doms actually getting fucked like and we think, oh, they aren't getting fucked, so are they experiencing pleasure? And there is a dom space where the pleasure is like it is just different.

Speaker 1: 46:04

And on another level on another level and absolutely sexual, but in a again, it's a different way. So I'm glad we've touched on that here. Can we, before we go, set up some scenes, potential scenes for people wanting to try it? But they're like where do I start? What kinds of scenarios could I be comfortable with or could I get into? Now, we've already talked about a couple that really, you know, are good little brain teasers, like the goddess, like if you've got a female partner that you want to get into this and she seems to be like hesitant. She's like I like feeling feminine, I want to feel like the girly girl, like you've got this goddess scenario right. She can be this goddess that you are worshiping and you know, think about some of the hot movies, like Helen of Troy, maybe that I don't know. You know where you've got these warrior men that come and fall at the feet of.

Speaker 2: 47:13

TV show Spartacus. Oh, that's a good one. Watch the show the goddesses, and they're like you know, they call it she's like the domino of the house and they, the slaves just like, adore her and brush her hair and bathe her and, you know, you know, orally serve her and just all of these things just very, very sexy. That is it. That is still. You could be feminine and gentle and it doesn't matter, it's just on another level.

Speaker 1: 47:46

All right, all right. That is on my 2025 fuck it list too. I want, I want, I want that experience.

Speaker 2: 47:54

I.

Speaker 1: 47:54

I'll manifest that for you yeah, having like a man or men, maybe a couple, oh yeah.

Speaker 2: 48:04

Have you had that? Yes, and it is. Oh talk about a rush, talk about a rush.

Speaker 1: 48:16

Okay, so there's one one, there you go. Let her know she can be a goddess Um.

Speaker 2: 48:23

I was thinking of, uh, another one that I think could be incredible for people. That's like I guess it also could help you get into headspace role play. So I know it sounds very, you know, elementary maybe I'll say, but role play does so many things for so many people. It helps them not be themselves for a moment and so, as a dominant that isn't used to being in this role, you are somebody else, you are, you create. Maybe you wear a wig, maybe you wear different makeup, you have a different name, you dress differently, you act differently, you might have an accent. Just as an example, you do this kind of headspace where you're doing just I don't know. Say, for instance, you met at a bar and now you're going to, you know, lure him back to your, to your, to your, you know, humble abode and and, and you know, tease him. But but like having some kind of role play with creating that you're a different person and persona really really, really helps people. It helps submissives too.

Speaker 2: 49:36

I've noticed if they are this boss, that's going to get it turned around on them from their secretary. Right, you've been really mean to the secretary. Now she's going to turn around on you and punish you for it Right. There's a headspace that they go in that isn't necessarily themselves. So I think it takes away from some shame, guilt, embarrassment, all of those feelings that we may feel because you know it was you but it wasn't you. And so there's there's a huge piece to that and you can create. So I mean there are tons and tons and tons of role play ideas to get people into Headspace and then you really get into it. Like you know, you can create background noise that kind of solidifies your experience that you're having, or invite other people or you know some of the activities make it so it fits with your role play scenario. That's a really fun way to do it and also for a lot of people feels very liberating to be able to do what they want because they're not themselves.

Speaker 1: 50:42

Yeah, I like that. I like the idea of make him your secretary. How fun. Yeah, he is your secretary. How fun.

Speaker 2: 50:50

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 50:50

He is your secretary, oh my.

Speaker 2: 50:53

God.

Speaker 1: 50:54

That would be fun there's. I liked what you mentioned in the beginning you could be an animal trainer, a beast tamer.

Speaker 2: 51:02

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I like doing. A lot of my role plays involve like turning it around. So you thought you were in power and now I'm in power. There's a lot, because it really shows the power imbalance that then happens. You know I've done, oh, you were sneaking, you were peeking into my window while I was getting ready and now you're a neighbor and you're going to be punished for that, or I'm going to tell everyone that you were doing that.

Speaker 2: 51:30

There's like really fun ways to play with role play and even if you're not a good actor, you can still do it. It's not. You don't need to be this amazing actor to be able to role play, and I think sometimes having outfits and accessories and a setting can really help you stay into that headspace, right? A little tip if you're doing roleplay, create safe words and gestures that relate to your roleplay, so as an example, so to not get people out of headspace. So say, for example, you have your safe word as red right, which is very common.

Speaker 2: 52:07

You don't want to necessarily say that in the middle of a roleplay. If you want to go back as read right, which is very common. You don't want to necessarily say that in the middle of a role play. If you want to go back into it, right. If you're stopping it and it's done, that's different. But if you're doing it as a pause, it kind of really breaks headspace. So saying something just as an example say, you're doing a teacher-student role play, right, you can say the safe word may be oh, I hear the principal coming down the hall. So it's like that's a pause for us to go back to whatever and then go back into it.

Speaker 1: 52:37

I love that. That's so smart, because I always have a little tip. I like that, I like that. So well then, I think a good way to sum this podcast up, because I mean, I feel like we could talk about it forever, like we get like this is just an endless topic. But I think that we've given the listeners a lot of like insights into why this might be interesting to one person or the other. So if you're someone in like a woman and you're like I know my dude is into this, but that makes me feel weird, now no-transcript.

Speaker 2: 53:34

Before going into this sorry I didn't mean to interrupt but before going into this, like having a good understanding, going to classes and having an understanding of these kind of things can give you the confidence to do these things. Like a lot of people like how do you build the confidence to do that? Like I don't have the confidence going to classes and learning things. So you have like a word to what you're thinking. Right, you have an idea, you have practical uses to what you're thinking can really help and build a lot of confidence and help you embody a dominant persona.

Speaker 1: 54:08

Can really help and build a lot of confidence and help you embody a dominant persona. Yeah, and then you can use that dominance in other areas of your life. But yeah, so can we give people some tips, your top tips for getting started or getting into femdom type sexy relationship.

Speaker 2: 54:29

Join the kink community in some way, even if you don't want to be publicly out there playing right, because a lot of people are very private and that's okay. Come up with maybe a different name, a different kind of alias for your kink name, and create and go to like online k King community type things. Fetlife is a really great resource, not for dating it's not really a good thing for dating but it is for finding events and it is for finding maybe potential friends that are into the same things you're into. But I think having other friends that are Dami as well or can be Dami, is incredibly helpful, because now you can ask them questions, you can learn from them and their experiences what's worked, what hasn't worked. You can ask for advice and, if you have the money, get a mentor, because it is life-changing. What having someone who has the experience can give you to help you embody this role a little bit more, because it is scary You're doing things that could potentially really injure your person. Yeah, you need to know what you're doing.

Speaker 2: 55:40

Yeah, and not just physically. You can injure, you know people can be triggered. There's a lot of things that can happen that can be a roadblock for why people don't want to do the things right, because they're scared, and so this can give you more confidence and like things happen. We're doing things that aren't inherently safe and probably aren't inherently sane and sometimes, and so having the ability to know what to do in case something goes wrong can be incredibly confident building too, and so having these things being able to talk to people definitely join the King community, because also it can be validating to know that you're not alone, and you probably have the same, you know, fear of mistakes or things like that. That can be really addressed in a way that can help you, you know, for future.

Speaker 2: 56:40

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So definitely like because it can help you gain insights and perspectives to talk to other people that are in there that know this. Insights and perspectives to talk to other people that are in there that know this. And also it can be fun to have friends that you can tell about this, because in a vanilla society, we can't exactly tell everyone what we do on the weekends or in our bedroom or our dungeon right. It's people who you know there's shame and judgment in the world, and so to have people that you can talk about very freely with is so helpful and just it feels like you're a part of something.

Speaker 1: 57:18

Yeah, I know that it has certainly helped me to create like a community around sort of alternative sexuality sexual experiences, people who are, you know, in the same world as I am and see me as I am and not like it's not like, oh, that's weird. Everyone's like, oh yeah, that's that, that's what some people do, just another Tuesday, just another Tuesday. And and hopefully those kinds of communities will grow and grow so that eventually this is all encompassing and we all understand that, that sex, sexuality, pleasure is vast and multifaceted and it's all okay as long as there's consent right.

Speaker 2: 58:08

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 58:09

Yes, wonderful. Well, so can you tell my listeners where they can find you if they want to find out more about the Femdom experience and learning about it?

Speaker 2: 58:21

You can go to my website, ms McKenzie M-I-S-S-M-A-C-K-E-N-Z-E-E. I know it's spelled different, but here we are so you can visit that. I'm on a bunch of different socials. I just started a YouTube channel. I know I'm late to the game, but realized that that's important to be there. You can view my podcast and I teach classes at least twice a week, so I'm always teaching virtual classes that um get recorded so you can watch whenever you want. At any time you can review them. I teach anything from dominance and power exchange and fem dom stuff to bondage, to hypnosis, um, which is really freaking sexy to do in doming situations. I teach sex magic, anything in the sexuality and kink realm and possibly spirituality realm. I probably have you and so, yeah, I also have BDSM and Intimacy. My Etsy store that has a bunch of. I also have BDSM and Intimacy. My Etsy store that has a bunch of guides and education type stuff. So, yeah, Wonderful.

Speaker 1: 59:35

Well, check her out. So there's a little bit of something for everyone there. Head over and check her out and make sure to connect with me and all the places as well. You know, if you are listening to this, you can see our beautiful places on my YouTube channel at TalkSexWithAnette. If you are looking for an intimacy coach, you guys know I have my books open and I'm having a great time working with people. You can find that at TalkSexWithAnettecom. And if you want to hear about my spicy doming experience in detail, where I can't get in trouble, head over to my spicy site. Again, you can go down to the link. I will have everything linked in the notes of this podcast episode and you can listen to my stories over there. Thank you so much for joining me today, ms McKenzie. I really appreciate it.

Speaker 2: 1:00:31

I know this has been a long time coming.

Speaker 1: 1:00:33

Yes, and it's been worth it. So until next time, folks. I will see you in the locker room. Cheers.