The #1 Mistake About Female Orgasm And How to Actually Fix It

Most people think the secret to the female orgasm is a technique.
 But the truth? The biggest mistake is a mindset.

In this episode, I reveal the #1 reason she’s not finishing—and it’s probably not what you think.
 You’ll learn:

• The real science behind female orgasm
• What turns her OFF (even when she loves you)
• How to use sound, breath, and feedback to get her deeply turned on
• 4 surprising ways to increase HER pleasure—and your own

 This episode will help you become a more confident, connected lover—while getting way more turned on yourself.

You can find my spicy site here. https://talksexwithannette.com/talk-sex-with-me/

My spicy OF handle is @talksexwithannette
My free spicy handle is @annettetalkssex

Subscribe to my e-newsletter: https://she-explores-life.ck.page/e9760c390c

Ask a question, Leave a Comment: https://www.speakpipe.com/LockerRoomTalkPodcast

My substack: https://talksexwithannette.substack.com/

Use code EXPLORES15 for 15% off all Womanizer Products at Womanizer.com.

Get your intimacy questions answered, enjoy erotic audio readings and more.
https://talksexwithannette.com/talk-sex-with-me/

Chapters

• 1:29 Welcome to Talk Sex with Annette
• 2:22 The Number One Mistake About Female Orgasm
• 4:45 What Actually Helps Women Climax
• 8:47 Creating Non-Pressured Intimacy
• 10:35 Using Sound as Powerful Foreplay
• 12:00 Final Thoughts and Call to Action

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:45

Do the sex. I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talkin' Shots. The show has a new name Talk Sex with Annette, but at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious and speak the unspoken about sex, kink, dating, pleasure and desire. Around here, nothing's off limits. Pleasure and desire Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats, our most trusted friends and, of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. If you've been here from the beginning, thank you, and if you're new, welcome to my podcast, where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Now let's talk about sex Cheers.

Speaker 1: 1:38

Today's Talk Sex with Annette topic is in honor of National Female Orgasm Day. It is the number one mistake people make about female orgasm. Let me ask you something have you ever been with a partner doing everything you thought was right Kissing, touching, going down and she still doesn't finish? You're not alone, and here's the truth. Most people think they have to figure her out to get her to orgasm. But the number one mistake isn't a technique problem, it's a mindset problem. The female orgasm is a goal to achieve. It's a state to expand. And when you unlock that, sex becomes hotter, more connected and more deeply arousing for both of you. Because here's what science says when women feel safe, desired and unrestricted in their pleasure, they show up with more enthusiasm, more confidence and more erotic energy. That turns you on too. Her arousal feeds yours. It creates a feedback loop that amplifies both of your experiences. So in today's episode, I'm breaking down the biggest myth about female pleasure and why it's blocking your satisfaction. What actually causes women to shut down, even when they love you, and how to shift from performing to co-creating something orgasmic and unforgettable. This episode will change how you think about sex, and I promise it will make it way more enjoyable, powerful and rousing for you too. But before we dive in, I want to remind you that I'm over on OnlyFans and there I'm sharing my sex and intimacy, how-tos, demonstrations and audio-guided self-pleasure meditations. You can find me there and on Substack, doing a whole lot of the same under my handle at TalkSexForTheNight. You can also scroll down to the information in this episode and find all of the links you need to find me wherever well you want to find me. So I'm looking forward to seeing you there. But for now, let's dive into the myth that's keeping you and your partner from reaching the ever-coveted female orgasm Cheers.

Speaker 1: 4:01

So here's what most people get wrong about the female orgasm. Let's talk about pressure timeline, the unspoken performance expectation. In heterosex especially, orgasm is treated like finish line, something to give her a checkbox that confirms sex was good. But that pressure it's everything that makes orgasms less likely. Makes orgasms less likely. A 2017 study in the Journal of Sex Marital Therapy found that women who felt pressure to orgasm reported lower satisfaction and were less likely to climax at all. Why? Because pressure activates the stress response and stress disconnects the body from pleasure. It pulls her out of her body and into her head. And get this.

Speaker 1: 4:53

A 2023 study in sexuality research and social policy found that women are more likely to fake orgasms when they sense their partner's ego is attached to it. So not only is the orgasm not likely to happen, she might be pretending it did just to make you feel better. So let's call it what it is weaponized pressure disguised as performance. When you treat her climax like a test you have to pass, she stops focusing on sensation and starts focusing on managing you. So here's a surprising takeaway the more you try to make her come, the more her body is going to resist it. But here's the good news when you take the pressure off orgasm and focus on tuning in instead of taking control, everything gets hotter, she moans differently, she moves differently. She gives you access to the most turned on version of herself. So here's what helps women actually climax. Hint, it's not just technique. Yes, the clitoris matters, but orgasm isn't just A 2020 review in Sexual Medicine Reviews found that female orgasm is shaped by psychological factors like trust, emotional safety and body image, the pace and environment of the encounter and how attuned a partner is to her feedback, spoken and unspoken.

Speaker 1: 6:33

Another study in the Journal of Sexual Research found that women ranked emotional connection and uninterrupted time as top contributors to climax. Here's something even deeper Many women don't know what fully turns them on because they've been conditioned to prioritize your pleasure over their own. So she may not climax until she's given the space, curiosity and permission to explore what arousal feels like to her. So here's a surprising, actionable takeaway that can change the way you experience intimacy tonight Create a no-pressure session with zero agenda. Let her show you what she enjoys with her own hands. Will you simply watch, affirm and learn, want to feel more confident and powerful in bed. This is where it starts powerful in bed. This is where it starts.

Speaker 1: 7:39

So here's another takeaway Use non-genital touch for at least 10 minutes before any genital contact. This could be light massage, body worship, teasing with breath or just holding her and sinking your breathing. This helps her regulate her nervous system and actually feel her arousal and, trust me, it'll turn you on too. So here is a shift that's going to change everything for you. The move is this Stop trying to get her there and start trying to turn her on. Let her body lead. Your job isn't to perform, it's to ignite. And here's the payoff for you she gets turned on faster, she stays turned on longer, opens up and gives you more feedback, more confidence and more fire, because you're not chasing the result. You're creating a space and she fills it with desire.

Speaker 1: 8:36

Try this. Spend 10 to 15 minutes just exploring arousal. No goal, no rush. Say things like take your time. I love how your body responds. Tell me what lights you up. Mirror her breathing, match her rhythm. Let her guide you. So here's another actionable takeaway that you can try tonight Ask her for feedback during, not after. Try. Do you want more? Do you want me to slow down or does this feel good? Want me to slow down or does this feel good? Is this turning you on Harder, softer? Yes and no questions. Keep it simple for her so she can stay in her body and not get in her head. But she can guide you and let you know if what you're doing is moving her in the right direction. Keep it simple, keep it sexy and you will move in a direction that's going to please you both. Remember communication during sex doesn't break the mood. It builds trust and it builds arousal.

Speaker 1: 9:51

Here's a hot tip Use sound as foreplay. Most people underestimate how erotic it is to hear pleasure, not just feel it. When you stay silent, she has to guess what turns you on. But when you let sound guide the scene, you're amplifying the erotic atmosphere. Try this, you're amplifying the erotic atmosphere. Try this Moan when something feels good. Don't hold it in. Let her hear the effect she's having on you. Breathe audibly. When you're turned on, it creates a rhythm she can sync with Whisper what you see, feel or want. I love the way you move. Watching you touches something primal in me. Don't stop Just like that. This kind of vocal presence creates what researchers call a feedback loop of arousal. It's not just hot, it's bonding and, yes, it turns you on more too. Sound is more than sexy, it's instructional, it's affirming and it's primal. It gives her permission to get louder, to let go and to meet you at that intensity. All right, here's my final challenge to you's be real.

Speaker 1: 11:16

These tips aren't just about her orgasm. Yes, I have received all of the message, especially from men who ask well, why is it all about her? But it's not. It's also about you. These tips are about your pleasure and your experience too, because when you shift from pressure to presence, your own arousal skyrockets, your orgasms deepen, your confidence expands because you're no longer wondering if it's working, you know it is. You're no longer performing, you're co-creating, and the pleasure it lasts longer, it feels fuller and it keeps her coming back for more. So this week, don't ask. Did she come? Ask, did I feel more alive in this moment? Did I get turned on by her turn on? Did I unlock a part of myself? I didn't know was there?

Speaker 1: 12:19

If you want part two on how to close the arousal gap, dm me part two or drop part two in the comment section of this video. If you're on my YouTube channel. You can drop it in the comment section below the video. If you're on my YouTube channel, you can drop it in the comment section below the video. If you are an audio listener, you can email me and I will make sure to start building that out for you so that you can take your intimate life to the next level and start having more orgasmic intimacy with your partner.

Speaker 1: 12:54

If I have missed something here, if there's something you have to say, if you have questions or comments regarding the female orgasm, this is the time for you to let me know. It's the international holiday, so let's start talking about it and let's talk about how her climax equals more climaxes for you and how it's not about one person's pleasure when it comes to engaging in intimacy. It's about everybody's pleasure being amplified more connection and more satisfaction. Connection and more satisfaction. And listen, if you are looking for a cheerleader, if you will, a wing woman in your intimate life, in your dating life, in your breakup recovery life, if you are looking for a sex and intimacy coach, my books are open and I would love to work with you and I would love to help you start having better intimacy, starting tonight. So if you want to know more about that.

Speaker 1: 13:55

You can go to my website, talksexwithannettecom and find out more about it there. You can email me at Annette at TalkSexWithAnnettecom and we can see if we'll be a good fit and start embarking improving your intimate life. And if there is a topic that you want me to cover, make sure to let me know. You can drop it. In the comment section of any video you can also scroll down to where you're going to find a link to my speak pipe. You can send me your voice note and I will do my best to hop on that for you so that you can start having better, more fulfilling intimacy starting tonight. So until next time, listeners. I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.