Yes, You Can Spank Her Like That—Here’s How to Make It Hot (Not Awkward)

Let’s talk about one of the most craved beginner kinks—spanking—and why most people are doing it completely wrong.

In this episode, I break down the art and psychology of erotic spanking: how to build anticipation, where to touch before you strike, and how to use your hand to sting, seduce, and satisfy. You’ll learn how to read her body’s response in real time, avoid common mistakes, and make it so good she’ll beg you not to stop.

We’re going beyond tired clichés—this isn’t about punishment, it’s about pleasure with precision. Backed by science, psychology, and coaching insights, I’ll teach you how to turn a simple spank into a deeply erotic power move.

By the end of this episode, you’ll know:

• The best positions for safe, sexy spanking
• Where (and how) to strike
• What rhythm and hand placement actually do to the nervous system
• How to read her skin tone and breath like a pro
• And why this kink hits deeper than you think

✨ Whether you're brand new to kink or ready to level up your skills, this is your permission slip to spank with confidence—and connection.

You can find my spicy site here. https://talksexwithannette.com/talk-sex-with-me/

My spicy OF handle is @talksexwithannette
My free spicy handle is @annettetalkssex

Subscribe to my e-newsletter: https://she-explores-life.ck.page/e9760c390c

Ask a question, Leave a Comment: https://www.speakpipe.com/LockerRoomTalkPodcast

My substack: https://talksexwithannette.substack.com/

Use code EXPLORES15 for 15% off all Womanizer Products at Womanizer.com.

Get your intimacy questions answered, enjoy erotic audio readings and more.
https://talksexwithannette.com/talk-sex-with-me/

Chapters

• 0:00 Introducing Talk Sex with Annette
• 2:22 The Science Behind Spanking Arousal
• 5:05 Hand Techniques and Warm-Up Methods
• 7:19 Three Key Spanking Positions Explained
• 8:59 Reading Responses: The Green-Yellow-Red Method
• 12:13 Rhythm, Impact, and Creating Erotic Anticipation
• 13:13 Why Women Crave Spanking Experiences
• 14:57 Closing Thoughts and Contact Information

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:03

Do the sex pleasure and desire Around here. Nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats, our most trusted friends and, of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. If you've been here from the beginning, thank you, and if you're new, welcome to my podcast. Where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Now let's talk about sex Cheers.

Speaker 1: 1:38

Today's Talk Sex with Annette topic is yes, you can spank her like that, and here's how to make it hot, not awkward. Let's get something straight. Spanking is not just foreplay Not awkward, let's get something straight. Spanking is not just foreplay Done right. It's one of the most intimate, arousing and emotionally complex kinds of play you can bring into the bedroom. And the numbers don't lie. A 2020 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that over 70% of women have fantasized about spanking or being spanked In fact, fantasized about spanking or being spanked. In fact, spanking is one of the top five most searched kinks online, but one of the least understood. Why? Because most people aren't doing it right. They're either too hesitant and awkward or too hard and disconnected, like they're trying to swat a fly off her ass instead of seducing her with sensation. But by the end of this episode you'll know exactly how to spank her in a way that turns her on, builds trust and makes her ask for more. No paddles, no shame, no kink experience required, just you, your hand and some very sexy know-how. But before we dive in, I want to remind you that I'm over on OnlyFans and there I am sharing my sex and intimacy how-tos demonstrations and audio guided self-pleasure meditations all designed to help you start experiencing more pleasure and having better sex. Tonight you can find me there with my handle at TalkSexWithAnette. You can also find me over on Substack, where I'm doing a whole lot of the same, and you can find me there with my handle at TalkSexWithAnette as well. In fact, you may just find some spanking tutorials there that you aren't going to want to miss. But for now, let's dive in. Let's get ready to talk about spanking Cheers.

Speaker 1: 3:35

So here's why spanking turns her on, even if she's never asked for it. Let's start with the science. Spanking stimulates two major systems in her body at the same time the somatosensory system, responsible for touch, pressure and sensation, and the endorphin plus adrenaline response triggered by intense rhythmic stimulation. The slight sting of spanking causes a mild stress response. Her brain starts to release adrenaline, but when it's paired with safety connection and arousal, that stress flips into pleasure and her body responds with increased blood flow to the genitals, endorphin and dopamine release and a rush of physical and psychological arousal. And here's the wild part A 2013 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine showed that people who engage in consensual BDSM, including spanking, have lower cortisol levels and more secure attachment traits than those who don't. This isn't about trauma or dysfunction. It's about creating erotic intensity within a framework of trust.

Speaker 1: 4:53

We are going to start your spanking journey with just the hand, and here's why I know what you're thinking. What about floggers, paddles, bells? We're getting there, but today we're starting with your hand. Why? Because your hand is the most intuitive tool you have, sensory rich. You feel how her body responds in real time and connected to your dominance. The moment becomes personal. Shows that touch involving direct skin-to-skin contact versus tools is more emotionally bonding and more arousing in early stage kink exploration, and for her, your hand carries energy, power, heat. That's what she wants to feel.

Speaker 1: 5:41

Let's get into the spanking warm-up Touch. Before you strike, before your hand ever lands on her ass, you have to build the moment. Start with a slow caress. Let your palm rest on one cheek, squeeze gently, let her feel your presence, your intention. Run your hand over her ass in wide, confident strokes. Add pressure, then grip, then pause. Make it sensual before it's spicy. Then say something like you know what I want to do to you right now, or your ass looks too good not to touch. Let her feel how much you want to spank her before you ever do it. That anticipation, before you ever do it, that anticipation, it's half of the arousal. Then go in for a light, teasing smack not a strike, just a signal, a hello and watch her body.

Speaker 1: 6:39

Let's start by breaking down these three beginner-friendly spanking positions and the psychology behind each. Number one is over the lap or over the knee spanking she's face down across your lap, legs dangling off to the side. This position is great for intimacy, control and whisper direction. It creates vulnerability in a safe, held position and the psychological impact. It's deeply connected to parental power but re-eroticized through consent and adult context. The second spanking position is bent over the bed spanking she's standing chest against the bed or couch, ass arched towards you. This position is perfect for spanking during foreplay or mid session. You can reach around for a clip play or penetration after. The psychological impact positions you above her and triggers erotic submission. The third spanking position is face down, ass up, pillow under the hips if you're being polite. She's laying on her stomach, hips elevated. It's great for deeper impact, play and aftercare. It feels passive but totally receptive. The psychological impact combines helplessness and anticipation, without restraining her.

Speaker 1: 8:05

Okay, now we've got our positions down, let's focus on one of the most important techniques where to spank and chow to do it right. This is where so many people go wrong. Spanking is all about placement and technique. So here's where to aim. Go for the fleshy lower part of the butt cheeks, where there's more cushion and fewer bones. Avoid the tailbone, lower back and hip bones. You want to hit the sweet spot that just jiggles when she walks.

Speaker 1: 8:38

Here's how to strike. Keep your fingers together, your palm relaxed but firm. Hit with the meaty part of your palm, not your fingertips. Think of it like drumming. Let your hand bounce off her skin, don't slap through her and don't overextend. Here's an advanced tip. Aim a little to the side of center so each cheek gets its own attention. After each smack, let your hand linger, rub the heat into her skin and show her that you're watching how her body responds.

Speaker 1: 9:13

Here is a spanking must. Read her response in real time with a green, yellow, red method. Consent is non-negotiable in any kind of impact play. Not all spanking feels good all of the time. That's why you need to read her like a sex coach. Use the green, yellow, red framework borrowed from trauma-informed kink spaces. Now, please note, you should talk about safe words in advance and you can use green, yellow and red as your safe word directions during the spanking experience. But this is a great way for the spanker to actually see and read green, yellow and red in their partner's body responses body responses.

Speaker 1: 10:17

As the person who is spanking, it is your job to stay absolutely in tune with your partner as you spank them. So green is yes, I want more. Again. They can verbalize this. However. She will show you in her body when she arches her back, moans, pushes into your hand. Yellow, which means it's almost too much. I may need you to slow down or stop. Will show in her body when she stiffens, winces or stops breathing. This is your cue to slow down and to check in. And red means stop. This doesn't feel good, this is too much. She will pull away. She may say no or red, or she may look scared. So stop immediately, no questions asked. When you see any of these signs in her body and look, you can check in without breaking the mood. Say things to her like do you want more? Can you take more? Is it too much Harder, softer, do you need me to stop? Make consent part of the seduction? Consent is sexy. All right, here's the good part.

Speaker 1: 11:29

Let's talk spanking rhythm versus impact and why her brain craves the build. Rhythm isn't just for music, it's for arousal. When you spank her in a steady, escalating rhythm, you're mimicking something her body already understands the cycle of sexual tension and release. Teasing strokes equal anticipation. Increasing pressure equals rising arousal. Sudden sting plus praise equals climax energy. This is neurosomatic play. You're training her body to associate spanking with dopamine release and erotic pleasure. That's why it works. So mix it up Spank, rub, spank, pause or tap, tap, smack or hold the cheek and then let it go. Give it a good grip and release. Keep her guessing that edge of the erotic unknown is erotic gold.

Speaker 1: 12:29

Here's why women crave spanking in the bedroom. And no, it's not daddy issues. Let's kill that myth right now. Women don't want to be spanked because they're broken. They want to be spanked because they're safe enough to surrender. Power exchange play allows her to let go of control, drop into her body and feel taken, claimed, devoured in a way that's consensual, conscious and hot as fuck. A safe, well-timed spanking can give her permission to get wild. It's not trauma, reenactment, it's freedom. So tonight, don't just grab her ass, command it, warm it up, read her body, strike with intention and speak to her like she's the most fuckable masterpiece you've ever seen. Spanking isn't awkward when it's earned and when it's done right. She'll flinch every time she sits down tomorrow and smile thinking about you and speaking of you.

Speaker 1: 13:33

If you are on your own intimacy, pleasure or sexual journey and you would like a wing woman, a sidekick, a cheerleader, a coach, if you will, my sex and intimacy coaching books are open and I'd love to work with you.

Speaker 1: 13:45

You can find out more about that by going to my website, which is TalkSexWithAnnettecom. You can reach out to me personally at Ann, which is TalkSexWithAnettecom. You can reach out to me personally at Annette at TalkSexWithAnettecom. I would love to help you experience more pleasure and intimacy in your life, starting tonight, and if you have any questions about this how-to tutorial on spanking, please feel free to reach out to me Now if you are a listener. You can go over to my YouTube channel, which is at TalkSexWithAnnette, and you can drop a comment below the video and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

Speaker 1: 14:20

You can also email me at Annette at TalkSexWithAnnettecom, or scroll down to the notes in this episode and you're going to find a link to my speak pipe and you can leave me a message there. So I would love to hear from you and I'd love to help you on your own spanking journey, if you are either wanting to spank or you've got a partner who's been asking you to spank them. And until next time, folks, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.