What Really Happens at Luxury Sex Parties—Where Women Run the Show

You’ve heard the whispers. Maybe even fantasized about it. But what actually happens behind closed doors at high-end sex parties?

In this episode of Talk Sex with Annette, we’re pulling back the velvet curtain with special guest Shannon Wong—a performer, kink educator, and fierce advocate for sex-positive, female-led spaces. From her roots as a SuicideGirl and burlesque dancer to curating experiences in the world of ethical non-monogamy, Shannon gives us the inside scoop on what really goes down at elite sex events—and how women are changing the game.

We dive into:
 🔸 What makes luxury sex parties so different from the rest
 🔸 How consent and communication are everything
🔸 Why women-owned, female-led spaces feel safer, hotter, and more empowering
🔸 What newcomers should actually know before attending a play party

✨ If you’ve ever been curious about the high-end side of sex, kink, and ethical group play, this episode is your invitation to explore with eyes wide open.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Sex Parties
• 9:17 Consent and Safety Protocols
• 16:41 High-End vs Regular Sex Parties
• 32:14 Entertainment and Atmosphere
• 38:43 Female-Led Spaces Change Everything
• 46:36 How to Join Sex Parties
• 53:28 Closing Thoughts and Show Information

Transcript

Speaker 2: 1:03

Do the sex pleasure and desire Around here. Nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats, our most trusted friends and, of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. If you've been here from the beginning, thank you, and if you're new, welcome to my podcast. Where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Now let's talk about sex Cheers.

Speaker 2: 1:38

Today's topic is what really happens at high-end sex parties luxury, consent and women taking the lead. If you've ever wondered what really goes down at a high-end sex party the kind where the atmosphere is as luxurious as the guests buckle up. Because today's episode is about to pull back the curtain, my guest today is Shannon Wong, a powerhouse with a diverse background in performance, kink and advocacy. Shannon has taken her journey from the modeling world to becoming an official suicide girl in 2019. From there, shannon moved to Portland, where I am now, where she supported her education, working in gentlemen's clubs, exploring burlesque and pole dancing and advocating for marginalized communities. With a degree in communications and a passion for performance, she shifted to Los Angeles to broaden her horizons and has become deeply involved in the kink community, specifically focusing on ethical non-monogamy. These days, shannon's focused on working with female-owned sex-positive spaces, while continuing her advocacy and education efforts. While continuing her advocacy and education efforts, she's also starred in Soulmate, a play celebrating alternative lifestyles and offering a safe space for those often left on the fringes. And if that weren't impressive enough, she's also been featured in Boudoir magazine in 2024.

Speaker 2: 3:05

I am going to introduce Shannon to you in just one moment, but before we dive in folks, I want to remind you that I'm over on OnlyFans, where I am sharing my intimacy and sex how-tos and demonstrations, along with audio guided self-pleasure meditations and so much more, all in an effort to help you improve your intimate life. You can also find me on Substack, where I am doing the same. You can find me in both places under my handle. At TalkSexWithAnnette, of course, you can scroll down, where you will find all the links to the places where you want to find me. But for now, welcome Shannon. I would love to give you an opportunity to introduce yourself to my listeners.

Speaker 1: 3:47

Hey, sure, thank you, Annette. My name is Shannon and my stage name is Tatana Jade. That is my Suicide Girl name, as well as usually my dancer name when I moonlight or frequent gentlemen's clubs. Yes, and actually I moved to Portland in 2011 and kind of began my career there dancing before I became a Suicide Girl. Being a Suicide Girl was actually always like my dream During MySpace days. I saw their site and I was just so empowered by like wow, there are these alternative women who just look so different and they're so beautiful and they don't feel shy about their bodies.

Speaker 1: 4:28

I think that really stems from my culture and where I came from, it kind of feels like it's a very you know, chinese culture. It's just such an old culture of like just roots and roots of history and in that it can be very male dominating. There's, there are these unspoken truths about being born a woman that you're born and you must listen and serve your father, and then you must listen and serve your husband and when your husband passes away, you must listen and serve your eldest son. So, being born into a culture that is in that way and being born American, I really struggled with my identity because I would go back to China, sometimes with my parents, and I would feel like an outsider. But I was born in Hawaii and I didn't really feel Hawaiian necessarily, but culturally that's what I connected most with.

Speaker 1: 5:29

And then coming out to Portland, oregon, or into the mainland United States, I wasn't, you know, I wasn't white. So what could I be Like? What could I identify with? And what I found that I really identified with was just alternative spaces, people who are different. That's how I felt and that's what I stuck with. I think that led me into really digging in school, like I was going to school for communications. But my favorite classes at Portland State University were the class on sex industry, the feminist classes and like family communication and learning all those things like that. I feel really empowered by the things that I'm learning here. I feel really empowered to own my body and to feel that it is mine. And I want to pursue dancing and just see how it goes. And here I am, 12 years later, not really dancing anymore but doing some other stuff, and actually I'm making my way back around performing. So I'm excited to share more.

Speaker 2: 6:28

Welcome and thank you for sharing that. Yeah, it is a journey for women in general to start to feel empowered in their own sexuality. I talk about that a lot here, but specifically you're you know you have a unique journey here that encompasses like a different culture and then dealing with you know not being white in America, which maybe we need to start listening to women about their experiences with that in America. So I appreciate you being open to sharing that unique journey with me and my listeners, and I'm excited to hear about your inside view into the high-end sex parties and sex spaces that are led by women. So, listeners, I know a lot of you are curious about sex parties. What's it all about?

Speaker 2: 7:18

There are a whole bunch of myths and today you are going to learn what it's really all about and by the end of this podcast, maybe you'll know what to do if you want to check them out yourselves Like you want to dip your toe in the water. Maybe put it on one of your New Year's fuck it lists, right? So stay tuned. By the end of this we're going to have it mapped out for you. So, yeah, let's dive in and let's talk about luxury sex parties. All right, cheers, cheers. What is a sex party, and how does a high-end, luxury sex party differ from maybe your average sex party? I'm sure a lot of my listeners have been to neither, so if you could just give us that baseline info?

Speaker 1: 8:11

I'd appreciate it.

Speaker 1: 8:11

Yeah, sure, I've been to so many different kinds of sex parties recently, especially recently, but I would say the thing that might really differ is really the atmosphere and performance-based arts that take place in a high-end sex party.

Speaker 1: 8:31

So I work with Elena Crail. She is a wonderful woman from Ukraine and she is married to somebody who owns a hedge fund, and so this is kind of where my journey began with these like luxury parties is, with her and the business that she wanted to start. So I guess that would be really the main difference is, like, exactly you know, the type of venue that it's at, as well as, like, the types of performances that are taking place or the types of atmosphere models that we hire to make this space a beautiful space, as well as the type of production. The level of production is like something that is very different at high-end sex parties. Like we would hire people who did lighting at Disney to light our entire mansion and we would hire, like, synchronized swimmers to like open the act, like it's like Great Gatsby, and so that's really really different from, you know, people wanting to throw a sex party in their home with their friends or with their community, right?

Speaker 2: 9:39

So let's talk about, just like, sex parties in general. There's an idea that you walk into a sex party and there's just sex happening everywhere immediately. I mean, I think that that's kind of the vision that some people who have watched porn and only seen sex parties there. So can you talk about what a sex party really looks like? Talking about a next level sex party where it's an event with performances that are taking place and where things are carefully curated to create a very specific experience? But let's start with the basic sex party experience.

Speaker 1: 10:23

Yeah. So my friends, I have a lot of friends in the lifestyle Lifestyle is the word we use, the lifestyle community and yeah, normally I mean if it's a small group of people usually it could sometimes be a dinner the whole walking into a room and everyone's having sex, like, unless you're walking in at 3am, it's completely a myth. Nobody starts a sex party that way. I mean, it doesn't usually start that way. It's usually like a small party, a small group having dinner together, getting to know each other, and then it's like it's open-ended to know that the sex will happen. It's not always this way, but sometimes it's a two-story home, so it's like the downstairs part is like where you begin, the upstairs is like where people are having sex and that way there's separate spaces so that people feel safe and comfortable with what they're doing. This is how they should organize it or that's how they would best organize it.

Speaker 2: 11:18

So that there's a separation in space for people who are having sex versus people who don't necessarily want to get involved in it. It's like sometimes people have like a cuddle room, a cuddle tent something set up like that Is sex expected when you go to a sex party, meaning if you are going? Is there an expectation that you will put out so to speak Right.

Speaker 1: 11:41

So no, I don't believe so. I mean, I think that it's assumed that everybody wants to have sex, but it's not an expectation ever of anyone. It's really important during sex parties at least for people who have been organizing it for a while. They all know that people should all arrive at the same time. That's usually very important, and the reason for that is because there should be a consent talk, where a consent speech, where you know the people who are organizing it or the people in the house are sharing the rules about how you know what can be done here, or basically the consent rules that are expected for the people that are in the home to be behaving under.

Speaker 2: 12:30

I love that because, listeners, this is important for you to know Should you decide to dip your toe in the water of going to a sex party. There are some red flags you can look for. Right, if you show up to a party and some of these things aren't in place, one where there was no consent talk at the beginning, where there wasn't the expectation of showing up everybody at the same time, and then the opposite experience and I think that you're right, the parties that were held by the person who was not doing those kind of basic things and, I think, winging it versus the person who had all of that in place, the feeling was very different right, feeling safe, feeling welcome, feeling like your. No, was an okay thing to throw out there. In fact, I went to one where they played a consent game to kick it off. It was kind of fun, but so people could like just kind of get into it and understand, like, look, this is See, that's good and important.

Speaker 1: 13:31

It's like if the sex party is starting with a workshop. That's good, smart, right, that's like a B+.

Speaker 2: 13:37

I didn't feel like I had to have sex and in situations I didn't have sex I just kind of. There are spaces to hang out and watch again performances, like you say people demonstrating impact play or demonstrating any number of sensation type experiences and you could just be there and learn or you could go into the room. Understands the importance of consent and how things happen, that you don't have people walking in in the middle of a sex party, where people are already in the middle of intimacy and have new people coming in.

Speaker 1: 14:23

Yeah, but yes, at most high-end places I've experienced that there is A a consent toss, b security or just people that are really that's their job is to make sure that if they see something that's happening or if they sense that someone's uncomfortable, to really help guide a person out of that Right or help guide a person to a situation you know that other people are looking for. It's like hostesses that are there to connect.

Speaker 2: 14:55

Right, right, can we talk about safety? What is the role that that plays in at a sex party?

Speaker 1: 15:02

So there's, I mean at many different sex parties. So there's, I mean at many different sex parties. There are different rules about testing. Usually in LA the ones that I frequent they can accept sometimes a two-week test, sometimes a one-week test. The result doesn't usually get to you until either 24 hours to three to seven days sometimes. So it depends on which sex party you're attending.

Speaker 1: 15:30

But the sex parties that we were throwing we really wanted people to be getting their tests within five days. So you got your test and then you got your results and then it's like a three day window where you can come in with that result of like this is when the lab gave you the result and then you can enter the sex party. And that's not to say that you can't enter, it's just that you would normally get a wristband that says that you've been tested clean. That's like a tested clean wristband or it's like a certain color wristband, but that's how you would differentiate that as well, as usually in sex parties or people who throw lifestyle parties, they know to keep condoms and lube and all sorts of toys and things like that in every room.

Speaker 2: 16:14

So there are safety protocols and, more importantly, there's protection that can be used regardless, because you know people may want to use protection regardless of testing, just for their own safety.

Speaker 1: 16:27

And as well, it's like you normally have staffing. Like I said, you'd have security or hostesses for safety in that level as well, in case anyone were to. I mean, we never want this, but in case anyone were to be forceful or violent usually at a high-end sex party where you have 100 people you're going to need some security.

Speaker 2: 16:48

Right. So what would the anticipation look like at a sort of average sex party versus a high-end sex party? What are the numbers that typically would show up and be invited?

Speaker 1: 17:01

Yeah, totally depends. So like in a house in Bel Air, usually 150 to 200. In a house in Beverly Hills, also usually over $100. It really depends on the location. But normally if you are throwing a very high-end, upscale event like that, you want as many ticket purchases that you can get and of course there should be a level of protection and safety where every single person that is joining for that event had to have been interviewed before.

Speaker 2: 18:05

What would you say the difference between the kind of people you see showing up at, let's say, a dinner party here in Portland that's a sex party versus a high-end sex party? As far as the guest list, what does that look like?

Speaker 1: 18:24

Yes. So when you're throwing a high in sex party price tag is high. The very first party that I worked for, our ticket price was $5,000. Pretty high price. Now what that does is it creates a wall of you can't afford it here, you can't come, we don't want everyone here. And what that tells an audience, if you're in the right circle or around the right community, is that like okay, this is a place for people who don't want to be known that they're doing this. Celebrities, ceos, vps of whatever company, vps of whatever company so that's the type of crowd that would be attending a luxury, high-end sex party. The people that are organizing it are really just inviting people they want to have sex with.

Speaker 2: 19:15

I actually like that differentiation because, again, I have definitely experienced different types and I think the experience where that you are going into a sex party where the hosts are sort of looking out for their own needs and like what they want to experience, versus being in a space where the host is trying to curate something that's there for everybody, everybody right, there's not this hierarchy situation.

Speaker 2: 19:48

It's more like we are providing a space so that the people that we invite can all find and experience what they need and want to. I think the level of safety meaning whether safety is physical safety or sexual safety or identity safety is going to be a lot different when that price tag goes up right. I mean one thing I experienced at one of the spaces I walked into that I found strange and I found within specifically this lifestyle group to be strange and I'd love to hear you speak to it because it is something that made me nervous about sex parties. A lot of people in that group were randomly taking out their phone and taking pictures of people. Can we talk about? That was very quick to like, call it out and I was like why are you, why are you all doing that Like? Why are you all videoing and you know without like a conversation up front, so can you speak to that?

Speaker 1: 20:42

Yeah. So I mean, I would say the protection of identity is like 100%, a very serious thing to be taken very seriously. So at a luxury sex party you walk in and the first thing that happens is your phone goes into a safety deposit case that's locked up, so you get like a ticket number and if you lose a ticket number it's okay, because your name is on that ticket as well. And then the person should have their wallet somewhere, because they can't enter the party without proving you're over 21 and that your name is actually on this party list. So they should have their ID on them and their phone tag will also have their name.

Speaker 2: 21:18

Right. So there is no concern about someone pulling out their phone, whether on the down low or, in some cases, overtly. And look, for me it's also like maybe I don't mind taking some nudes to send to whoever I want to, but I like to choose when and how that happens. I like to know where any photo of whatever I decide to do is going. So I love that protocol that's in place. So again for my listeners, even if you can't go to a sex party where you can afford a $5,000 price tag which I know a lot of people can't these are still protocols that you should be asking if they're in place at whatever party you're going to right, what is your policy on having phones and images and stuff like that? How are you making sure my identity is so I can relax and do what?

Speaker 2: 22:19

I want to.

Speaker 1: 22:20

It's hard to relax if you're worried about somebody being creepy and bringing or just like taking a photo of you and then suddenly it's on this.

Speaker 2: 22:29

Can we talk about the entertainment At the high-end parties? There may or may not be an expectation of the time of arrival correct?

Speaker 1: 22:38

Yes, so normally there is an expectation of time of arrival. It's like you get here 9 to 10, doors close at 10, you will not be welcome in past that time. And that's because the consent and workshop like the consent speech and workshops are just so important. So it's not okay. It's not okay for new people to just start rolling in. Right, there are many different types. There are parties where it's a lot looser, and that's, of course, because maybe the person who's hosting it really trusts the conversation that they had in their interview with each member or person, and so they won't always take away phones, but they'll mention it in the consent speech like, hey, no, phones are allowed. If you want to take a selfie, there's a selfie corner. You all can go over there and do that there and there's a designated space for that. Because, of course, people who are throwing these events do want people to know that they're having this event. They do want the members to share that. It's not always so strict, but it just really depends on who's organizing.

Speaker 2: 23:44

Right, right. And then there's entertainment. So you've got your workshops and let's talk about entertainment and food and beverage, correct? Yes?

Speaker 1: 23:55

Yes, so at Upscale Sex Party and it depends on which type which one it is In LA we have a few, so let me just name them. The one that I was a part of, and it was really the only one that I was really organizing, I was the facilitator in operations for this whole thing. It was called Elysian House. We are no longer doing events. We have switched over to wanting to do educational events, but right now we're just on a little pause. My boss recently gave birth, so she's just very busy in her personal life. That leaves some really good female-operated spaces.

Speaker 1: 24:29

Sophia Domina is a very wonderful pioneer in the female-operated space. She makes sure that the guests that attend her events really respect women. They're the workshops about harnessing your inner goddess and to ask for what you want for women and then for men they're being taught a workshop to always respect women. Treat women with respect, ask them in different ways to approach women, because I think that's a really important thing, especially at sex parties, that people don't really understand either, that consent and that intimacy. It really comes from being able to be intimate with someone, to look someone in the eyes and ask them, because someone can say yes, but they really mean no, and if you're not looking at them, you won't know that, and then a person can get really hurt, or they can. You know your mind changes about something like. Things like that happen all the time. So these are some things that are really important to be taught in a consent speech or in a workshop that goes before the sex party begins, right.

Speaker 1: 25:37

So there's that. There's Lovely. Fate is another party. Kismet is another party. There's so many parties Kinky Rabbit, so there's a lot of like high-end, upscale, luxury sex parties in LA right now.

Speaker 2: 25:48

Right, and so they start with these workshops and then they go into the entertainment. Or is the entertainment is just there to set the tone?

Speaker 1: 26:03

Yes, it's. The entertainment is there to either set the tone or it just it depends. Like some, some of it is like a story, some of it is a theme in general, like for ours, we would always have a story. So it's like you're guided through an experience. You walk in the doors this is what you see. It's like the garden of eden. There's a big snake in the garden and then there's all these little stories, like you're at a festival and you're doing all these different side quests and then at a certain time the lights turn red. And when the lights turn red, that means everyone can have sex now. So it's like a guided thing where we expect that the audience will start to connect and make connections and talk to each other and find out what their kinks are before the lights turn red, before things are going to happen. And then other parties it's a little bit different where they'll provide really like sexy atmospheric events, like a tarot, like a topless tarot reader, like a very sexy burlesque fire dancer, and then sometimes they'll have like a performance sex, like a sex act performance. That will happen as well to set the tone or other events.

Speaker 1: 28:14

There's other things. There's kissing booths, sometimes, like I've been to. Yeah, I've been to so many. I forgot to mention.

Speaker 1: 28:19

There's another party called the play as well, and they do very fantastic events that sounds amazing, that's awesome and it's lifestyle and like knowing, like, ok, you know, these are the different parties that do this and that to get a different experience.

Speaker 2: 28:34

I think there is an idea also that these spaces are dominated by horny men who want to get fucked, but you mentioned that the reality is there are some of these spaces are actually created by powerful women. So I would love for you to speak to the reality and the difference between a space that's created by a guy or led by a guy, and these spaces that are now being created by women that are now being created by women.

Speaker 1: 29:07

So I think that in the world of sex work in general, there's always the creepy dude that just wants to be around all these beautiful women, like always I mean every gentleman's club that I've worked at so far. And then there's that, with the sex clubs too, the difference, I mean it feels starkly different. Like to feel respected, you know, with your wands, to feel really safe, is so important for us women. If the women aren't feeling safe, like it's just not really a vibe, so it's not a good vibe, and so I think that that's yeah, it's just very starkly different. Like sometimes the way that us as performers, we get spoken to about the expectations it's, it's feel really, really different. And I'm not saying that that's for all really different, and I'm not saying that that's for all spaces, Like I'm not saying all men who run sex clubs are this way, but in general there is a huge difference. Like when it's run and operated by a woman, that person really cares about the safety and the feelings that each of the women in the party are having.

Speaker 2: 30:25

In the woman-owned and run and created spaces, there's a deeper understanding of what women need to feel safe and sexy. If you want to get us in the mood, we have to feel safe.

Speaker 1: 30:37

That is key. Like I would say that the type of entertainment normally if it's female-operated burlesque, it's very beautiful, like very respecting and praising the goddess, women, and sometimes in the male operated spaces it's very just like. This is the performance there's a girl, she's getting eiffel towered by these two dudes and it's not necessarily empowering.

Speaker 2: 31:15

But yeah, it's overtly just like sex, sex, sex instead of seduction. And I think that that makes sense to me because, as a sex coach and an intimacy coach, one of the things I talk about a lot is, you know, oftentimes men are just more sexual, like they're turned on by immediate, like visualizing the most graphic sexual thing Women like to be seduced, like to be in this orgasmic seductive state. That's what gets us turned on and keeps us turned on and opens us up to turned on and keeps us turned on and opens us up to sexual experiences, right, so it makes sense to me that a man throwing a sex party would be like just have her get pounded on stage, whereas a woman would be like I want to see beautiful, like sensual performances and visuals and sounds and stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 32:06

Speaking on that too, I want to mention that I've been retired from dancing for the past two years. Of course, I've been in Lent, which is maybe once a year where I'll do like a little. I'll do a ton of data is getting on the polls. But I'm here in New York and I'm going to be working in a female-operated space and I'm really excited about that. So I just want to share, because this is the first time that I've found a space that is feeling so safe for me. So I do want to share that. That is a thing. It's called the Rosewood Theater and it's the theater. It's the venue where they filmed Anora, so it's technically a lap dance party, but there are performers and I'm hoping that I can be a performer there and I'm excited to come out of my retirement and just do the thing again. Do the whole spinning on the pole, do the performance. I feel really, really safe in that and empowered I would imagine, yeah, yeah, definitely.

Speaker 2: 33:05

I think that sexually, truly sexually empowered women want to empower other women, want to share that like knowledge and experience and gift with other women, because we know that when women are sexually empowered that they're safer. But also, sexually empowered women tend to be girls, right Meaning we have each other's back.

Speaker 2: 33:36

We aren't competing against each other, we're competing for each other. Right, and we know that the more women that are kind of in the same mind frame and powerful energy that we are, then the more that becomes accessible to other women and the more power we have as a collective. So I could imagine being in a sexual space that is run by a sexually empowered, strong woman is going to feel a lot better to the women who are working her venue.

Speaker 1: 34:06

I was speaking with some of the dancers and performers there and they were telling me yes, I left Sapphire where I was working in New York, and I just feel so much better here. It's like really safe. I don't feel disrespected by the people in management. I don't feel disrespected by the men that come in here, because when it is a dominant female energy that is operating the space, it is a dominant female energy that is operating the space. It's like they're really careful of who they're letting in as well. Right? So it's another point of like in these really really well operated spaces, there's like some type of interview process. There's some type of trust in orderpoken, then that person is removed.

Speaker 2: 34:50

Right.

Speaker 1: 34:51

So because some of them are member-based correct.

Speaker 2: 34:53

Yes, yes, yeah, no-transcript. There are some great guys out there who are respectful and they want to be in spaces that empower women. Most of the men in my life don't want to be the creepy guy in the room, right, want to understand what makes women feel safe and turned on right. Nobody in my life of course I vet from men who are friends to men I've dated wants to be the creepy dude in the room. They appreciate going through a process to make sure that their idea of how to interact is appropriate. For my listeners who are here right now and they're like okay, sex party sounds fun, and they're like I want that experience. How would one go about getting on an invite list or getting to go to a party like this?

Speaker 1: 36:01

yeah. So usually you know there's like the if people are throwing a, sometimes it's word of mouth, sometimes they're putting an ad out there. But if there's a website, you know you just go to the sign up, sign me up, and then there will be like some type of form that you fill out and then you'll get a phone call and you'll be interviewed that way. But I know Portland has Is it Club? Is it Pravada, pravada.

Speaker 2: 36:30

Pravada is. So it's not definitely at the level of what you're talking about and I've been to Pravada many times but it is membership based. You can sign up for a membership, but you can also just go and pay to get in for a night.

Speaker 1: 36:47

So there's spaces like that. I think it's difficult to be in the know, but once you find those people like the lifestyle communities, it gets easier. Maybe a good site that people use is like FetLife or something you know to kind of find out like where are these events happening? Like, what are these these things? And FetLife is basically like the Facebook of like kinky people wanting to meet up with other people to have sex.

Speaker 2: 37:12

Right. So can you define lifestyle as you are using it for my listeners, because I know that lifestyle can sometimes be used to describe swingers, but it's not just swingers, correct?

Speaker 1: 37:28

It's more of an umbrella term now at the moment, just because all of this like open relationship thing it's starting to blend and now there's just so many things, you know, as we evolve, there's just more and more terms like people are like okay, like first there was polyamory, like open relationships, swingers, like what did all these things mean? Now there's relationship anarchy and like it's just like okay, like there's relationship anarchy and like it's just like okay, like there's so many ways to identify ourselves these days and it all kind of falls under lifestyle. Like sometimes people in lifestyle are swingers, they're married and they just want to do that together as a couple. Some people are solo polyamorous. They are doing it themselves, but they do have partners. They are doing it themselves, but they do have partners.

Speaker 1: 38:23

But in general, I think that lifestyle is just encompassing, like the people that are open-minded. Yeah, and it can be like so vanilla and then go like really not vanilla. I think that on the kink level, I definitely fall into vanilla, like all of my lifestyle friends are like you're the most vanilla person I know, fall into vanilla. Like all of my lifestyle friends are like you're the most vanilla person I know. And then all my civilian friends are like you're just the craziest person I know and I'm like wait till you meet my friend.

Speaker 2: 38:47

Right, right, it's so funny, it's perspective. Right, it's perspective. What seems kinky to you? Like I know within the actual kink world, people who are super kinky would consider me pretty vanilla. You know, open, but like I'll dip my toe in the water of certain things, but I would say I still stay sort of on the lower end of how far kink can go. Right, yeah, because it's just this massive world full of options.

Speaker 1: 39:23

So many options. I went to Folsom Street Fair. I've never attended that event before, but I'm exploring kink even more now. Sex is fun and sex is great and we all love it, but I just want to make sex like the safest possible for everyone. If there was a place and a time and, you know, like a way for people to be educated on how to approach so many situations like this would all be so much more fun. Sex would be just so much more fun. Right, yeah, and I think that comes from like my own experience too with like trauma and and in working in the space well you know, and I've been very open on my podcast about my own history with sexual assault and rape.

Speaker 2: 40:08

I bring it up a lot and I think it's important because what I'm seeing myself is that a lot of the people, the women who are in this space educating others on sex and all kinds of sex and creating sex positive spaces, are women who have experienced sexual assault. There's sort of this idea that if you've been sexually assaulted then you never want to have sex again and that you're this quote broken person. And I think what I would like people to see is that women are resilient and powerful and that our sexual energy is powerful and in many ways in our culture it's been taken away from us, sometimes violently, but when we get it back we can build beautiful things. And sex is supposed to be a beautiful thing, right and a fun thing and a pleasure-filled thing that nourishes your body and your mind and your spirit. And the people who I think are on the forefront of that and bringing that back into, hopefully eventually, the norm in our society are women and women who have experienced the ugly side of sex when it's weaponized and used against us. So I agree with you 100% it will be nice if there ever comes a day when we can stop hearing stories of women being assaulted.

Speaker 2: 41:33

And I think the other thing you brought up this has again come up as a theme in my podcast a lot. Sometimes a yes isn't a yes, and I love that you brought up workshops to educate people around that, because sometimes men don't know that they get the yes and they think it's a yes because they don't know how to read what's really going on, and then women experience trauma by following through with something they didn't want to do in the first place. So it's great to have women creating spaces for sex parties and sexual pleasure, but leading those with education to help that be a better experience.

Speaker 1: 42:09

I would like you to tell my listeners what is the age range on these parties as young as like 21 to sometimes people even in their 60s, like in general it's a very wide range of people that want to come Like somehow, like some really young women, just want to experience all sorts of things. So many people have so many different kinks.

Speaker 2: 42:33

And then some people that attend are like married couples that you know are looking to swing with other married couples right, so it really spans the age range people don't, don't count yourself out if you're in your 40s, 50s and 60s, I would say here in portland, provada it's, I see mostly maybe mid 30s and up. It does seem like, you know, probably different venues also draw different people yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1: 43:05

It just again always depends on the people hosting it and then what they're like advertising kind of is yeah.

Speaker 2: 43:14

So for people who are interested in the sex party experience and maybe, like, the dream is to eventually end up at one of these high-end sex parties, luxury sex parties can you give them? Can you leave my listeners with like, where do they get started?

Speaker 1: 43:33

For a person that's kind of dipping their toe into sex parties it. For a person that's kind of dipping their toe into sex parties like locally, I would say that usually people would post that they're throwing events on the set life webs. That's usually where you'd easily be able to find out like is something going on? And then from that you'll be able to really meet like the organizers. It's really important that you introduce yourself to the organizers because then you'll find out about more of the events that are going on. And that's really how for me I started up on the very top like the most expensive sex party you can go to. So now, always attending all the free events and it does.

Speaker 1: 44:13

It does get more, more difficult like to go to private events if it's not you hosting it or your friends hosting it, because it's like usually that type of crowd, it's like we're not really selling tickets, we're just inviting who we want to sleep with, right? So I would say the best way to look for that, if you're looking for that, is to maybe see if there's anything going on on FetLife. Sometimes Reddit communities will you know, speak about like this is a fun event and attend those events. So there's like the kinky events that they have in Seattle and Portland. They have like the really, really big ones Always like see if there is some type of kinky event happening Trade shows, things like that?

Speaker 2: 44:57

What about starting out at a sex club?

Speaker 1: 45:00

Yes, I would say so, that too. So it's just like find your local, like where it's happening or what's going on, and then you'll be able to either get invited to a party or you can ask about if there's any events happening. But also, just speaking to organizers of this space, and they can always let you know. You know, if you become friends with them, they'll tell you like, oh yeah, like so-and-so is having a dinner party, you know like, and then have that kind of trade-off of like oh, I would really like to go, like, you know, can you get me in? And it is all usually very vetted, right. So that's how you would start, as like a person who doesn't know anything.

Speaker 2: 45:39

And things to look for in a good sex party experience. Maybe questions to ask before deciding to go so that you know that you're going to an ethical, safe event.

Speaker 1: 45:50

It's always good to ask if they're requiring testing. That's a good place to start. Are they requiring testing? Are they providing? Because at least you know if they're not providing condoms and protection in that way that you can at least bring your own. So that's always a good thing to be aware of. I would definitely ask if there's a cell phone policy. I'm worried about that.

Speaker 2: 46:16

I mean, not everyone's worried, Some people are they want to do it Right, I mean anything that's important to you, for you to relax and feel safe and feel good. Ask that information up front. I think it's also a good sign if they're giving a lot of that information up front, because transparency is, you know, sexy.

Speaker 1: 46:36

And you would know, based on that initial conversation before you attend the event, you will know if there is a consent speech or a required check-in time, and that's like a really huge thing to look for, like even at festivals these days, like there's like a consent thing in the porter potty, like you know, if someone's too someone's too fucked up, like you know, do this or help them this way, and it's like that's how you know you're at a safe event is like you're in the bathroom and it's like there's a sign, right, right, like it's very upfront. When it's like a safe space, like they're, they're usually very upfront about it being consent based.

Speaker 2: 47:13

So, on that note, there's usually going to be alcohol provided at these places, right? Are there safety measures with that so that you don't end up with, like you know, trashed people being sloppy oh?

Speaker 1: 47:25

yeah, yeah, I mean typically sometimes they'll stop serving drinks at a certain time, and also normally, I would say, at a high-end sex party, it's like the security is there and will know like, because if someone doesn't seem like they're even able to give consent, then it's like it's not potential, so then you're gonna really have to sit out and have like there should be like a timeout slash. You know, that's why you have spaces where people aren't having sex too right, because, well, in order for us to be consensual, you need to be able to give consent. And if you're really fucked up, how are you going to do that?

Speaker 2: 48:01

Right and I want to reassert that. You can go to these events and not have sex. You can go just to see what it's like and to meet people and you know you might lightly make out if you want to. I have been to the sex club so many times and never done anything, you know, either just danced or sat and visited with people, watched whatever show they were putting on. That happens more often than people realize.

Speaker 1: 48:28

I don't usually have sex at sex parties, but I actually almost only attend sex parties, which is really funny, and it's like all my friends are just in the lifestyle, like I just love to be surrounded, and the reason for that is because normally when you're attending a sex party, the type of environment that it's building if it's organized very well is a space for people to leave bullshit at the door, like when you know that you're going to be naked. You're going to start off vulnerable. You're going to start off with an open heart, you're going to be a listener of the person that you're connecting with, and I think that's why I love sex parties so much. Went to LA and I thought, oh no, I'm going to meet all these materialistic people, like everything you hear about LA, like I'm so scared. But I entered the lifestyle community there and I feel the complete opposite.

Speaker 2: 49:21

Right.

Speaker 1: 49:22

Like at sex parties. Those are the parties in LA where nobody's asking you what is your job? What can you get me? What watch are you wearing? You're not wearing a watch.

Speaker 2: 49:30

I love that. So I mean you heard it from our guest. She goes to the sex parties and doesn't have sex most of the time at least. I do think that's more common than people realize. It is the atmosphere that is created when you're in these spaces that allows you just to be more authentic. It's hard because a lot of people's concept comes again from porn and porn sort of dirties it up right. But these places can be really again luxurious, high-end, sexy, kind, friendly and open. It's a great experience.

Speaker 2: 50:04

If you're looking at being more expansive and being more accepting and having a more rich, full sex life and a lot of eroticism in your life, it's worth dipping your toe in the water. Thank you for giving voice to these women, created and led spaces right. This isn't just a bunch of dirty guys bringing a whole bunch of people in. They want to fuck. There are women leading in these spaces and creating safe, sexy spaces for all people, which is wonderful. Can you tell my listeners where they can find you if they want to know more about you or catch one of your shows, because I know you have plays going on.

Speaker 1: 50:45

Yes, yes, thank you so much. I love, love sharing. So right now I am performing in New York City. Our opening night for my show Soulmate is on the 19th, that is Saturday. And yeah, so that's New York City Saturdays at 8 pm. Sundays at 2 pm matinee at the Actors Temple, and I also will be performing and working at the Rosewood Theater. And to find me, my tag on everything is Instagram, is LittleWanton or KatanaJTV. Littlewanton is little and wanton, spelled all the way out, and then KatanaJTV K-A-T-A-N-A-J-A-D-E-T-V. And those are my tags for Twitter and TikTok.

Speaker 2: 51:45

If any of you are looking for a sex or intimacy coach. You want a cheerleader, a guide. If you will and those are my tags for Twitter and TikTok reach out to me and you can email me at Annette at TalkSexWithAnnettecom. If you have questions for Shannon and you are on my YouTube channel, which is at TalkSexWithAnnette, you can leave a comment in the comment section and I will get in touch with her and let her know what you have to say. You can also email me at Annette at TalkSexWithAnnette. Thank you again for joining me today.

Speaker 1: 52:16

Thank you so much and I just wanted to say, for those of you who are in New York City and if you're interested in dipping your toes a little bit about this open lifestyle, that is what our show is about. It was written for me and kind of based on my life and my business partner's life as well. We're very, very open people and it's like a very nice introduction to that open lifestyle. It's a dating, modern dating, comedy and drama. You can find information. We have our podcast, it's Soulmate Play, and our website is soulmateofficialcom.

Speaker 2: 52:52

Awesome. Go check it out To my listeners. Until next time, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.