How To Fist a Woman For Deep, Safe, Next-Level Pleasure

This is your step-by-step guide to vaginal fisting done right—for real connection, full-body pleasure, and the kind of deep, slow sex that leaves her saying “holy fck.”*

In this episode, I walk you through:
 💦 What fisting actually is (hint: it’s not what you’ve seen online)
 🧠 The science behind why it feels so good
 🔥 How to build up to it with care, trust, and a ton of lube
 🤲 A full technique breakdown—from yoni massage to entry, external stimulation, orgasm, and aftercare
 Plus: how to pull out without ruining the moment and why fisting can be deeply emotional and healing

Whether you’re brand new or just want to do it better—this is your complete how-to guide.

And in the next episode? I’ll be joined by a queer sex therapist to take you even deeper. So hit that subscribe button.

Because giving her next-level pleasure isn’t just about going deeper—it’s about knowing how to hold her while she opens up.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Intro: Breaking taboos around fisting
• 4:38 Science and myths behind fisting
• 8:00 Step-by-step guide to proper technique
• 14:04 Managing orgasm and proper aftercare
• 17:45 Final thoughts and next episode preview

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:03

Do the sex pleasure and desire Around here. Nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats, our most trusted friends and, of course, the women's locker room. Think, raw, honest and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. If you've been here from the beginning, thank you, and if you're new, welcome to my podcast. Where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Now let's talk about sex Cheers. Today's Talk, sex with Annette.

Speaker 1: 1:40

Topic is fisting how to do it right, why it's incredible and what most people get wrong. Let's talk about the sex act that gets treated like a joke in porn, a punchline in the group chat and a hell no in the average bedroom. Fisting and to be clear, this episode is all about vaginal fisting. Anal fisting is a whole different topic with very different prep, safety steps and anatomy. That's not today. If the word fisting makes your body tighten or your brain spiral into porn scenes and impossible positions breathe. That's not what we're doing here. Fisting, when done right, is not about pain or shock. It's about surrender, trust. Render trust, deep, slow sensation and, yes, mind-blowing, full-body pleasure. This episode is your real-world guide to vaginal fisting what it is, why it works and the science behind the pleasure. What myths we need to burn and how to do it right, step by step, and, of course, finally, how to bring someone all the way to orgasm, then care for them after. Listen, your fisting tutorial does not end there.

Speaker 1: 2:54

In my next episode, I am joined by a queer kink, affirming sex therapist, who works with women and couples exploring fisting for healing, release and pleasure. It's a full Fisting 101 expert edition. But for now, you've got me. So I want to remind you that you can find me over on OnlyFans, where I am sharing my sex and intimacy how-tos and demonstrations. Yes, there may eventually even be one on fisting. I'm also sharing my audio-guided self-pleasure meditations and so much more. All of this is designed to help you start experiencing deeper, more fulfilling pleasure with yourself or someone else. You can find me there with my handle at TalkSexForTheNight. You can also scroll down to the notes below this episode, and I'm going to give you links to find me wherever well, wherever you want to, but for now, let's dive in to fisting Cheers.

Speaker 1: 3:54

So here's why fisting isn't always what you think it is. Fisting doesn't always mean a full fist. In fact, for many people, it never does. It can mean a partially closed hand using the duckbill shape with the first or second knuckles inserted, and for some that's already more internal stimulation than they've ever experienced before. And it can be incredible.

Speaker 1: 4:18

Fisting isn't about force. It's about slow, intentional stretch. It's about being fully present with someone's body as they open up from the inside out. It's about rhythm, consistency, trust and for many women it's the only kind of penetration that gives them the kind of orgasm they've been craving but couldn't explain. And here's the science. One study in the Journal of Sex Research found that deep internal pressure can create heightened emotional and physical arousal, especially when it bypasses the fast friction-based movements and shifts into slow, full hand touch. Neurologically, this kind of stimulation activates the parasympathetic nervous system responsible for safety, calm and release, which is why fisting isn't just physically intense, it's emotionally intimate.

Speaker 1: 5:13

Here are some common myths about fisting. Let's burn them one by one. The first one is that only kinky people fist. Not true. Plenty of people who don't identify as kinky explore fisting. For them, it's about depth, slowness, surrender or intensity, not dominance or edge play. Number two it has to be a full fist or it doesn't count. Nope, many people reach intense pleasure long before that. Fisting is about depth and expansion, not about a number of knuckles. Number three is one of the most frustrating myths about fisting.

Speaker 1: 5:52

Fisting makes you loose. That is some patriarchal garbage we are throwing out today. The vagina is incredibly elastic. It's designed to stretch and rebound With arousal and care. It expands, afterwards it contracts. The vagina is a giant muscle and, like any other, it can be stretched and then it returns to its original shape. When an athlete stretches their calf muscle, it doesn't stay stretched long, it contracts back to its original shape and functions even better. A woman who enjoys fisting is not ruined, she's just capable. This is not about broken bodies. This is about expansive pleasure.

Speaker 1: 6:36

The next myth is it's rare, freaky or not something real. People do this one's important. Fisting is way more common than people think, but you don't hear about it because it's wrapped in shame. Many women try it, many women love it, but most never talk about it. They're afraid of being judged, called loose, called extreme. So it stays hidden and that silence keeps other women from exploring it too. So let's consider this episode a public unshaming. Now that you know what fisting is, we've dispelled some of the myths. We've talked about the science behind it.

Speaker 1: 7:15

Let's jump into our how-to Step one prep like a pro you are going to need to wash your hands, trim and file your nails. No excuses, have those hands in really good shape. If you have calluses, I'm going to have you buff those off. We want a nice smooth hand that's not going to create any scratching or tearing upon entry and or exit. Lube is a non-negotiable Use. A ton Silicone-based is best for longevity. And finally, check in. Make sure you are both an enthusiastic yes and in a good headspace. There is no rushing this.

Speaker 1: 7:56

Step two start with a yoni massage. Foreplay is a must here and I highly recommend the yoni massage Also. I have already done a video on that. I'm going to tag it below if you want a step-by-step how-to for a yoni massage that will have her begging for your fist. This phase is he. It sets the tone for everything that comes next.

Speaker 1: 8:24

So step three we're going to begin internal play First. Start with adding one and then two fingers and gently exploring. Feel how her body reacts to you, both inside and out. You may feel the G-spot start to swell with pleasure. You may feel her begin to get wetter. You may also start to feel some expansion start to happen, a widening of the vaginal canal. The next thing you can do is start to stimulate the G-spot. You can use the come hither motion. I'm not a big fan of how it's been taught in the past. I like to tell people to use more of a tapping motion. You're tapping against that G-spot and saying hello and asking if it wants more, and then, as she starts to get more excited, you can lengthen your strokes and begin to stimulate the A-spot which is deeper inside of her. Breathe with her through this process, read her cues. Only move forward if she's fully aroused and relaxed.

Speaker 1: 9:42

As her body expands, you can add fingers slowly, three, then four, using the duckbill shape, fingers together, thumb tucked in. You are going to ask for permission every step of the way. Ask her yes and no questions. Does this feel good? Would you like more? Would you like deeper? Does this feel good? Would you like more? Would you like deeper? Step four is adding external stimulation. This is only going to make it feel better. You don't have to rely on internal pressure alone While you're inside. Try rubbing her external clit with your thumb or free hand. You can add oral stimulation during the buildup. A vibrator over her clit or pubic mound can add rhythm to the whole experience. Let her guide the movement by grinding into your hand. Combining external with internal stimulation often leads to stronger orgasms and emotional release.

Speaker 1: 10:44

Step five is full entry. Once you've built up to four fingers, pause, let her feel the stretch. This is a great opportunity to encourage her, especially if she's a little bit on the praise kink side. You can throw out a good girl. You can ask her to open for you and praise her as her body begins to bloom on the inside. That adds just this extra sexy touch that is going to make her feel more connected with you and feel like you are gaining pleasure from the whole experience too.

Speaker 1: 11:24

If she gives the green light, rotate your wrist slightly, use a slow, curved motion to slide in. Follow the shape of her body, not your idea of what should happen. So you're going to move with the shape of her body and as her body is opening, you're going to feel where space is opening up that you can move into Again. You're going to do this slowly, with care, and make sure that there's no catching or pulling that is going to cause pain or damage to her body. The key here is steady, sustained pressure, not thrusting.

Speaker 1: 12:05

So step six is what do you do once you are inside. You are going to keep your hand relaxed, your energy grounded. You can try pulsing gently. You can rock the base of your palm into her G spot. You can hold still and let her move against you. Continue talking to her. Ask her what she wants.

Speaker 1: 12:28

Some women not all will enjoy more of a thrusting motion. But don't go straight to thrusting without asking her first. Usually what happens is she'll start pushing against you, thrusting against you. That's your cue to start moving into her in more of a thrusting type of motion. Once you are fully involved in the experience, cue into her. You can continue talking to her. Or perhaps she needs your silence and stillness so that her body can open and receive you. This is not the time for you to check out in any way. This is where the deep connection takes place. This is not the time for you to check out in any way. This is where the deep connection takes place. This is where the surrender happens. This is where you give her the gift of an experience that she will not forget anytime soon.

Speaker 1: 13:20

The next step is what to do when she orgasms. This is incredibly important. When she starts shaking, moaning, crying or going quiet, that's your cue to stay steady. Keep the pressure consistent. Hold her body with your free arm. Don't change anything unless she tells you to. You can also whisper something grounding Say I got you. Just ride it out Again. Reaffirm Good girl, if she likes a good girl. This is a really wonderful time to say it in a low, steady, grounding, reverent voice. Pro tip, your arm and your wrist might get really tired. You may need to support it with your other arm. Sometimes you can use your body as a prop or to help you continue thrusting if your arm is getting tired, but this is the moment for you to put your full self into it. You are running a marathon and you are almost to that glorious finish line.

Speaker 1: 14:30

The final step is how to pull out Once she's orgasmed. You are not done. This step is crucial. Do not pull out fast. That can cause a lot of pain, especially if her body is still clenched down on you. Instead, you can curl your fingers slightly, slowly rotate your hand on exit. Let her body guide you back out gently. Her body will help you. You will feel it pushing you out. Pro tip, the exit can feel as intimate as the entry. So stay present, stay with her and enjoy what you have accomplished. Finally, aftercare this is not a step to be bypassed.

Speaker 1: 15:24

Fisting can be intense, emotionally and physically, for both of you. Trust me, if you are on the giving end, this is an incredible experience. You will experience a high dom space, if you will, of your own, once your hand is out. Something I love to do that I think is really sweet and helpful, is to just place my palm over the vulva and allow the nerves to settle. Of course, ask her, make sure this is something that she wants. You should know in advance what is going to feel good to her. If you are unsure, perhaps hold her, help her nervous system settle, come back to center. She might want to be embraced. She might want you to give her space and go get her water, something to drink, maybe something to eat. She may just want to sit there and breathe together.

Speaker 1: 16:25

But after fisting, I highly suggest some communication, a debriefing, if you will Talk about what it felt like for her, what it felt like for you, what did she like, what would she like to do differently in the future, what felt really really good and what maybe didn't hit the right spot. This will make your next experience even better and bring you closer together. It's the moment where you can really bond and feel how incredible the experience truly was. Most importantly, honor what happened, don't minimize it. So if you've been curious about fisting or maybe afraid of it, I hope this helped you see the potential for what it really is Not a kink badge, not a porn stunt, but a deep, intentional, vulnerable, pleasurable way to connect with somebody's body. When done right, fisting can be healing. It can unlock orgasms that no other act has. It can bring you so much closer to the person you're holding. In the next episode, I'm bringing in a sex therapist who's going to talk about the emotional, therapeutic and relational side of fisting. You're not going to want to miss it, so make sure you're subscribed and that you tune in on Wednesday or if you're watching this in the future.

Speaker 1: 17:48

After both episodes have dropped, you can scroll down to the notes section of this episode and you're going to find a link to that episode as well. If you have questions or comments about fisting or anything I've said in this episode, please feel free to send me your questions. You can drop them in the comments section below the video on YouTube. If you're one of my listeners, you can head over to my YouTube channel at TalkSexWithAnette and drop a comment below the video, or you can email me at Annette at TalkSexWithAnettecom. You can also scroll down to the speak pipe link below and send me a voice message. And if you are looking for a cheerleader or a wing woman, if you will, on your own pleasure journey, my sex and intimacy coaching books are open and I would love to work with you. You can find out more about that on my website, talksexwithanettecom. I hope you enjoyed this tutorial, that your next or first fisting experience is incredible. So until next time I'll see y'all in the locker room. Cheers.