Soaking, Jump Humping, and Creative Virginity Loopholes

Is it sex if you’re just soaking? What about butt stuff? Or dry humping in your underwear?

In this quick follow-up to our viral episode on virginity, I sit down with Dr. Sue Milstein to unpack the wild “workarounds” people use to technically stay virgins… even when they're doing everything but.

We touch on:

• Soaking 
• Anal sex in purity culture
• and how kids are getting crabs in their armpits

This isn’t just about religious shame. It’s about the myths we carry into adulthood — and what happens when we realize the rules were made up all along.

✨ Got a spicy “Is it sex if…?” question of your own? Drop it in the comments or send it anonymously. We just might answer it in a future episode.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Sex Pleasure and Desire
• 2:24 Understanding Soaking and Jump Humpers
• 5:58 Anal Sex as a Virginity Workaround
• 9:51 Women as Gatekeepers of Sex
• 12:21 Crabs in the Armpits Phenomenon
• 16:56 Sexual Worth and Final Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:03

Do the sex pleasure and desire Around. Here. Nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats, our most trusted friends and, of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. If you've been here from the beginning, thank you, and if you're new, welcome to my podcast. Where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Now let's talk about sex Cheers. Today's Talk Sex with Annette topic is a follow-up to a topic we just had, and I'm titling this one Soaked, jump Pumped and Crabs in the Armpits All the things we do to avoid losing our virginity. I just got done recording a podcast episode with Dr Susan Milstein. We were talking about virginity what is it? We hopped off of the episode and started talking and came up with all of these things we wish we had included and I'm like this makes a perfect mini episode. So we decided we'd come back together and we would talk about some of the links that people have and are going to to not lose their virginity and while still getting their needs met.

Speaker 1: 2:31

And boy, do we have some stories for you? But before we jump in, I am going to give Dr Susan an opportunity to reintroduce herself to you, and then we're going to be talking about getting soaked. So, dr Susan.

Speaker 2: 2:47

Well, dr Sue Milstein, I'm all over social medias. Hey, dr Sue, I have a PhD in human sexuality education. I've talked about sex across the lifespan with people from their teens to their upper 80s and 90s Well, actually, upper 80s. I work in academia, but I also work as the lead consultant for Milstein Health Consulting and we do a lot of work in the community. Live events trivia is always fun. So yeah, that's me in a quick note. I really just want to get to the topic. I'm sure I should be pushing myself more. I am the co-host of Unzipping Taboos. Can't take conversations about sex, and I do. If you've got questions for me, or you've got questions, well, you have them for Annette. I send them to Annette, but you can also submit anonymous sex questions to me and I answer one every Sunday.

Speaker 1: 3:29

Yeah, you're going to want to do that. Guys, we're just going to get into it. You're going to stay to the end, because why wouldn't you? We're going to be telling you some great stories, so let's talk about getting soaked, and what a jump humper is Cheers. We were talking about virginity. If you haven't listened to that episode, go listen to it. I'm launching it right before this one and you're going to hear our take on that. But, for obvious reasons, many people still buy into the concept of virginity, especially people who are parts of religious organizations. Now, they still have their needs and they still want to get them met, and so we're going to talk about the ways in which that happens. The first way we're going to talk about is what Getting soaked, soaking, soaking, soaking. Tell me what that is. What is soaking?

Speaker 2: 4:14

So I actually it was the first time I heard about it someone called it the Provo soak and I was like what does Utah have to do with this? And it was because we were seeing it at BYU University in Utah. What was happening was we were seeing men whose penis was penetrating vagina but that didn't count as losing their virginity because they wouldn't move. So apparently it's not. See, I gave you the wrong definition In the last episode we did. I said it was vaginal penile intercourse, but apparently it's not penetration.

Speaker 1: 4:48

According to them, that's how they've decided to make it. There has to be some thrusting involved.

Speaker 2: 4:52

Fair enough, yes, so as long as they're not thrusting, it doesn't apparently count. And so one of the things we're then talking about is this idea of a jump humper. So if the couple is laying on a top bunk, the jump humper will push up on the bottom bunk to cause movement. But because neither the actual participants are thrusting or moving themselves, they're just moving as a force of nature, I guess it does not count.

Speaker 2: 5:21

And it certainly isn't a threesome. No, no, not at all the fact that you've got three people involved in this process.

Speaker 1: 5:29

No, no, no, yeah, no, yeah. So that's the extent. So you just put the penis in the vagina, hold very still, and then if you've got a good friend, someone who really cares about you, they can like, because, of course, if you're mormons, you're in a bunk bed right, and I guess if you didn't have a bunk they could just jump on the bed or hop on the bed or something.

Speaker 2: 5:50

Just move it around. Yeah, pick the bed Right.

Speaker 1: 5:52

So that's crazy. I get it, though. If that like, I'm also here for it because it sounds like it could be a fun kinky activity, even if you've already lost your air. Quote virginity. I'm like that could be a fun game. That could be a fun role play.

Speaker 2: 6:08

Right, and even if you're not like when I talk about these people, always like those Mormons, which I don't really love judging anybody but I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa. If you're a guy and you've ever played Just the Tip as a way of like, well, it doesn't really count, it's the same thing.

Speaker 1: 6:24

So Just the Tip is technically a getting around losing the virginity thing as well. Of course it is. I just think about it feels real good because it hits your G spot. So I like to play.

Speaker 2: 6:35

Just the.

Speaker 1: 6:35

Tip.

Speaker 2: 6:36

But it doesn't count, no one's losing anything.

Speaker 1: 6:40

We forgot to talk about that of the cultural and stigma stuff but we didn't talk about hey. Also, if you are worried about virginity and it's really ruining your sex life, these are some great tips for you to still get off, get a little kinky and technically still be a virgin. You're welcome.

Speaker 2: 7:00

There we go, problem solved.

Speaker 1: 7:04

Problem solved, so just the tip also does not take. Your virginity folks Problem solved, so just the tip Also does not take your virginity folks. You get your G-spot hit, you might have an orgasm, and if you have a hymen, it will stay.

Speaker 2: 7:15

I'm selling it. There we go, a new thing we'll push.

Speaker 1: 7:20

I've actually known people who were of a certain religion who had anal sex to avoid losing their virginity, Like they felt that taking it in the butt.

Speaker 2: 7:35

I mean it totally discounts the definition of vaginal penal.

Speaker 2: 7:38

Yeah, it discounts gay sex but I know, when I was living back in the DC area, washington DC area, we kind of got some calls about this because there were kids in middle school who were engaging in anal sex in the school stairwells, which does not seem like a very romantic place, and when they were talking to them like, well, we didn't do it, so it's not a big deal, but there's a lot of consent issues there's also, and with that age group, I mean I hate to talk about disease, but we have to talk about, you know, sti prevention and whether or not that was even part of a conversation.

Speaker 1: 8:11

And you're right, technically you may still be a virgin, but there's a lot there that concerned me when we were hearing about that and that is with the concept of virginity really hinging on that hymen, and so that really puts it all on on the girl really, you know and then what he's capable of talking her into, like well, okay so you won't do this, but will you do that?

Speaker 2: 8:38

okay, so I can't go all the way, but will you do? You know, just the tip, it's a lot of. It sets up this culture where she again is the gatekeeper and he has to, like, wear her down or sometimes somehow get her to give in something instead of just respecting. Like this isn't really what I want to do, it's okay. Well then, how about this? Let Like why are we negotiating if someone said no?

Speaker 1: 9:02

You know what's interesting to me as you keep bringing up gatekeeper one of the comments I get all of the time very nasty, very aggressive, from guys, and I know you motherfuckers are listening right now. They are constantly telling me that I'm a liar about women wanting sex and loving sex, and what they'll say is this over and over again Women are the gatekeepers of sex. They just use sex to control us. They're the gatekeepers. They don't want it, and here's what I'm going to tell you.

Speaker 1: 9:31

This conversation shows where that originates. If you don't want us to gatekeep sex, don't put us in the position of having to gatekeep sex. If you don't set us up to lose value by losing our virginity versus having our sexual debut, which I want to sell, then we don't have to gatekeep anything. We can be enthusiastically like, yeah, let's bang, let's go play around and have sex, because it's not going to come with consequences of being judged when I share pleasure with you. So if you want to come to my comment section with your angry little man rage and talk about us as gatekeepers of sex, take some responsibility, right? We don't want it. We don't want to be the gatekeepers of sex. We want to have great sex.

Speaker 2: 10:27

I can promise you Let me echo that in case they're saying that you're lying Most women would love to have mind-blowing sexes or orgasms as much as possible. Maybe not penetrating of sex all the time, depending on how they're feeling, but yes to orgasms as often as they could probably get them. But that's, yeah, that's. Let me just put that in it. Let me back you up on that one.

Speaker 1: 10:49

It's not a lie I also argue that a sexually empowered woman who's stripped the shame away. We're also as horny as guys. Oh, oh yeah, and maybe more so in our 40s I'm 15. Oh my God, she will not shut up.

Speaker 2: 11:05

Yeah, no, and everyone always told us, like, oh, when you get to a certain age, it stops happening. That is not true.

Speaker 1: 11:11

And sexually empowered.

Speaker 2: 11:12

Women are also way more independent, which is what scares men. Some men, some men, some men are there for it. They're like, yes, do your thing, I respect it, but if a woman can, get off on her own terms, which may or may not involve you.

Speaker 1: 11:28

That's threatening and speaking of getting off in interesting ways. There was also another interesting way that people are getting their needs met while not losing their virginity. Now, this one is an interesting story to me. It involves areas of the body.

Speaker 2: 11:43

I was contacted by a reporter about this, also out of BYU. I do want to say I don't work or live there. I don't know if these stories were corroborated. I've heard stories like this from all parts of the country. It's not specific to a certain area. It's just where it happened to come up that they were finding cases of pubic lice in the armpit.

Speaker 1: 12:04

That's crabs. That's crabs, guys, that's crabs.

Speaker 2: 12:07

Yeah, so we're talking about crabs. We're talking about the ability of these things to crawl and they can crawl up bodies. Like, if we're seeing pubic lice on your genitals and you're a hairy person, we're going to tell you to shave, like nipples to knees we're going to tell you to shave, so theoretically they can get to your armpits. That's probably not how that's happening.

Speaker 1: 12:27

No, they're humping armpits, which makes sense, and actually I think that's a kink. I think I've come across. I'll have to look it up but I think there is a kink that has to do with armpits and I have never used my armpit as I've never put a dick between my pits. I don't want to yuck other people's yum. Maybe it would be fun. Yeah, might be some friction, depending on who. This is Lube or massage oil and then stick it in there. But what is?

Speaker 2: 12:59

the position that that's happening at, like how you could do it with one. You could have one person full of everything. You felt that you could have one person sitting and one person standing, so that would put it maybe at about the right level, depending on height oh, if you're on your knees in front of the guy that's sitting, oh, that could be kind of hot.

Speaker 1: 13:15

Actually, it could be not terrible. I mean, it's just not something I've ever thought of. There you go. My armpit.

Speaker 2: 13:22

Virginity is still intact you have yet to make your armpit sexual debut.

Speaker 1: 13:29

There we go oh no, I'm curious.

Speaker 2: 13:32

I'm gonna have to see, like, how that lines up, but it's you, it's this idea of how far people will go Because we're sexual creatures and we have sexual needs. And when that is at war with what you are being told and I'm not trying to put down anyone's religious beliefs but when your body is screaming for release and you feel the need to meet it, people can get creative.

Speaker 1: 13:57

Right and you're with someone who's sexy and all that stuff. And here's what I want to say If you want to try soaking, if you want to be a jump bumper which sounds like you know if you want to try fucking an armpit, I'm here for it. I'm here for it. I think that sounds like some fun sexual play. However, if you're only doing it as a result of like shame and stigma, I can promise you that if you are a young woman and you are stressed about the stigma of losing virginity, so you're doing soaking or taking it up the butt or letting your partner hump your armpit, it probably doesn't feel good. That's probably not a good feeling. You should only be doing those things if it turns you on and it's fun and kinky play.

Speaker 2: 14:51

So and it can brand you in all those ways that we talked about, like, oh well, she didn't really go all the way, but she did everything else, right. So that branding, and again, fuck what everybody says, but if it's going to bother you, that's a problem, right right For sure.

Speaker 1: 15:11

Any other methods, workarounds that I don't know about, Because I didn't know about these and I knew about butt stuff.

Speaker 2: 15:15

but I didn't soaking?

Speaker 1: 15:17

I hadn't heard of.

Speaker 2: 15:19

Yeah, no, I think those are the big ones, just the alternate activities and the soaking. But yeah, it just drives me nuts because people are like, oh, you know that soaking thing I'm like most people have at least heard of, Just the Tip, so it's not like it's an unheard of thing.

Speaker 1: 15:37

It's just labeled a little differently. So Right, and Just the Tip is super fun too when you're not worried about it, when you're not really worried about, or when it can end with a great thrust because you're having an orgasm. That's a fun game to play, you know. Orgasm, that's a fun game to play, you know not, oh, but I can't because then it's like this bad thing that ruins me.

Speaker 1: 15:55

So I think ending this with there is. I want to say this is my opinion and my perspective on what I would like people to embrace. There is no sexual act, however it takes place, that can take away your worth, diminish you. That can take away your worth, diminish you, make you less of a worthy human, make you less of a value to society, to your loved ones or to yourself. Don't let people fool you. There is nothing to be taken there. There's only experience to be gained. I would agree with that and to all of the jump humpers out there, cheers Like way to be a good friend Before we sign off thank you for coming back. We had to go over these because I learned something.

Speaker 1: 16:36

This was too important to skip, but do remind my listeners where they can find you.

Speaker 2: 16:42

Absolutely so Unzipping Taboos, candid conversations about sex. You can find us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. New episodes come out every Wednesday at 8 am. Sorry if you're not East Coast, but you can listen to it whenever you want. You can also find me on Instagram and Substack and YouTube as HeyDrSue. So H-E-Y-D-R-S-U-E, and you can find ways to submit questions if you've got them. I'm always happy to answer anonymous questions, so if you've got questions that came out of this show or came out of somewhere else, just let me know.

Speaker 1: 17:13

Perfect, Perfect. Yeah, I'm still reeling over this one, yeah, guys. Oh, if we missed any, if we missed any of the workarounds, feel free to share them. You can drop them in the comment section of this YouTube video at TalkSexWithAnette. You can email me. You can scroll down to the SpeakPipe link below and leave me a voicemail. You damn well bet there's going to be an article written about this one on my Substack. So thank you so much for joining me, Sue. This was a very enlightening and fun humorous at times conversation.

Speaker 2: 17:53

Thank you for having me. This was a great conversation.

Speaker 1: 17:57

And to my listeners until next time I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.