4 Things You Need to Know to Rekindle Your Sex Life

  In this episode, I’m diving into the top reasons people feel stuck in their sex lives and giving you four powerful strategies to turn things around—starting tonight. Whether you’re single or partnered, you’ll learn how to get clear on what intimacy means to you, discover what truly turns you on, map out your ideal sex life, and identify the blocks holding you back. These tools are designed to help you reconnect with yourself and your partner, sparking the kind of intimacy and pleasure you’ve been craving. Let’s get your sex life back on track—and beyond.
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Chapters

• 0:00 Masturbation Monday
• 6:15 Discovering Your Sexual Blueprint and Desires
• 13:00 Navigating Barriers to Intimacy and Pleasure

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:57

Do the sex. Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me, annette Benedetti, your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats. This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental, physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams. Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure, better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life. Today's Masturbation Monday topic is is your sex life stuck in a rut and sucking? If so, I have four things you can start doing today that are going to get your sex life back on track and perhaps better than it's ever been before.

Speaker 1: 1:50

As a sex and intimacy coach, the number one reason people come to me is that they are unsatisfied with their sex life and their current relationship. Now, it could be that their partner doesn't seem to want to have sex with them anymore. It could be that, even though they're still having some sex, their desires, their fantasies, their sexual and intimate needs are not being met. Or it could be that they have a partner that they absolutely adore, but when it comes time to have sex, they find themselves shutting down, their libido turning off and wanting to avoid connecting intimately. All of these scenarios are super common. If you are currently dealing with one of them, know that you are not alone, and I hear from people every day who are struggling in this way. Now, when people come to me with one of the scenarios I just mentioned, they are usually feeling hopeless and exhausted. They have already tried all of the things to get their sex life back on track. They have read the books, they have listened to the podcasts, they have gone to individual counseling. They have gone to individual counseling. They've gone to couples counseling. In some cases, they've already been to sex therapists and they are still stuck. If you are one of those people and you are feeling stuck right now, know that there is hope and there are things you can still do to get your sex life back on track, and I am going to give you four things you can literally start doing tonight that are going to set the foundation for an incredible sex life in the future.

Speaker 1: 3:30

But before we dive in, I want to remind you that my sex and intimacy how-to videos are now being housed on my Spicy site. That's right, I'm over on OF. I was getting in trouble on other video platforms and also the level of censorship just didn't allow me to give you the information you want, need and deserve in order to improve your intimate life. So you can find me over there at OF, at TalkSexWithAnette that's my handle. You can scroll down.

Speaker 1: 4:02

I'm going to give you all the links in the description of this podcast episode below. That is my subscription-based spicy site. There you not only get those how-tos that are pretty PG, you are also going to find some instructionals going up where you are actually going to see some of the techniques that I'm sharing with you demonstrated. So it's extra spicy over there. Now, if you want access to the how-to videos but you're not ready for the extra spice, totally understand it. I have also put up a spicy site under the handle Annette Talks Sex and there you're just going to get sort of these videos of me talking you through some different how-tos that you can start using to implement in your sex life tonight that are going to massively improve it. So check it out and remember, when you do subscribe, you help keep the lights on in the locker room and also you gain access to a lot of information that is going to improve your sex life, starting tonight.

Speaker 1: 5:07

So now let's dive in. I have four things I'm excited to share with you that, if you start working on right away, are going to help get your sex life back on track. So let's get ready to talk about sex Cheers Now. Each of the four strategies I'm about to share can be done whether you are currently single and only having sex with yourself, or you are in a relationship. These are great things to do, regardless of where you are in your own sex and intimacy journey. So let's get started. The number one thing I want you to start doing right now, as soon as this podcast is over, is getting clear on what sex and intimacy as a space in your life is to you. This is going to be super important for you to know and to be able to share with your partner, and this is going to be super important for your partner to be able to share with you. Now, what do I mean by that? You would be surprised, when this question is asked of someone, how many people don't know how to answer it when finally pushed to come up with an answer.

Speaker 1: 6:16

Some might say sex and intimacy is a place where I experience love and connection and romantic feelings. It's a very romantic place for me. Others might say. Sex is a sanctuary. It's warm and safe and sexy. It's a world of relaxation, pleasure and connection, away from the daily grind that wears me down. Others might say it's a play space. It's not really about love. To me, it's somewhere where I get to be creative and I can pretend like I'm someone else. I can do things that I wouldn't really do out in the everyday real world. It's somewhere where I get to be creative and I can pretend like I'm someone else. I can do things that I wouldn't really do out in the everyday real world. It's fantastical. It's a fantasy play space. For me.

Speaker 1: 7:02

It's so important for you to know exactly what sex as a space in your life is to you and to be able to communicate that with someone else and understand what it is to them.

Speaker 1: 7:18

One of the reasons why this is super important to know is that it's going to give you some information about where you may align with a partner and how you see and interact with sex, and places where you might not be in alignment with another partner.

Speaker 1: 7:35

Now, not being in alignment with someone else on how you view sex in your life doesn't mean you're not compatible. It's just a point of information. Now, when you ask yourself this question, you really sit with this question. You may be surprised at the fact that you come up with a lot of question marks, and it's okay. Surprised at the fact that you come up with a lot of question marks, and it's okay. It's okay If you don't know. It's a place where you can start exploring and building out that answer for yourself. The cool thing about asking yourself this question and coming up with the answer is this answer can grow and change as you have new experiences, as you build out a relationship with someone else. It is not something that is written in stone and has to stay the way you came up with it in the first place. It's flexible, it's fluid. It can grow and change, which is part of what will happen when you come into relationship with someone else. So sit down with yourself tonight.

Speaker 1: 8:33

If you're currently in a relationship with someone else, this is a great activity to sit down and do together, but separately meaning one of you should not be influencing what the other person says sex is to them. Remember, it's perfectly okay if your answers are very different. The information that we are going to extract from this exercise is going to be invaluable to bringing your sex life back together and getting it back on track. The second thing you can do to immediately start improving your sex life is make sure you know what really turns you on, what really brings you pleasure, what is your arousal map. Now, if you are in a partnership, it's also super important that you know what turns them on, what really brings them pleasure and what their arousal map is. Now one of the best ways I have found for getting that information about myself and about my partners is looking into their sexual blueprint. Now I've done a lot of interviews on this. I've done a lot of videos on this. I have many Masturbation Monday episodes that go over the different erotic blueprints. There are five there is the energetic, there is the sensual, the sexual, the shapeshifter and the kinky.

Speaker 1: 10:01

Erotic blueprints are a great way of categorizing types of arousal, types of pleasure, and what I have found is when people take the quiz, they quickly discover there are certain things that just really get them worked up, really turn them on, and having this knowledge is so important. Knowing what gets you riled up and turned on and what gets your partner riled up and turned on, and where those align and where they don't align, is going to really inform how you move forward with one another, how you turn on your partner when you want to really get them in the mood. It also is going to tell you how you might be turning them off. So take some time to sit down, take that quiz I will link it below but, even more importantly, to really explore that question for yourself, like what are the things that get you juiced up and in the mood? What are the things you're thinking of or feeling or experiencing in your body when you are having sex or experiencing? Write it down, get clear and be ready to share that information with your partner.

Speaker 1: 11:25

The third thing I ask my clients to get clear on when they are stuck in a rut in their sex life and want to improve it, is what their ideal sex life would look like Not even ideal what their dream sex life would look like. What would it look like and I'm not talking about kind of a vague outline, I'm talking walk yourself through a day by day of what your sex, intimacy and pleasure filled life would look like. Would it be sex once a day, what would that sex look like? Where would it take place? How would it take place? Who would it take place with? How would they respond to you? Like, walk yourself through a day, a week, a year, of what your ideal sex life would look like. Because if you don't know, if you don't have clarity, absolute clarity, how can you bring it into fruition? How can you share that with a partner and make sure you guys are getting on the same page? Yes, again, you are going to want to know this information about your partner as well and you're going to want to see where you align and where maybe you don't align. Again, this is just more information for how you get your intimate life back on track or how you started off when you get into a new relationship. Right, if you can start a new relationship with this information at your fingertips to share and have, you're going to set yourself up for a great sex life with your partner.

Speaker 1: 13:01

And finally, the fourth thing that I want you to explore, discover and get clear on is what are the things that are barriers, challenges or breaks, like hitting the brakes to your ability to experience pleasure, breaks to your ability to experience pleasure, to your desire to engage in sex and intimacy? Touch exploration, what are the things that come up? We hear from women more often than men are. Stress can be a break or a barrier or a challenge. Feeling like sex is work. But, on the other hand, oftentimes men are like I'm always in the mood, I always want to have sex, but that's because of the way maybe you're looking at sex. You're thinking of sex as P and V intimacy, whereas perhaps your partner is like I want to have romanticism, romanticism turns me on, I want to do this romantic thing.

Speaker 1: 14:24

And that is a challenge for you as a man, as a cis man. The idea of like oh, I've got to do all this work, I've got to like bring you flowers earlier in the day and then I've got to like clean the house so that you're relaxed, and maybe that is shutting you down on an intimate level, and maybe that is shutting you down on an intimate level, like that's where sex starts for your partner, but for you that's where it ends, because, like that's not your thing, that doesn't do it for you. You don't see that necessarily as sex or intimacy. So, understanding where breaks happen along the way, and I think it's really important for people to understand this. Also, when I'm talking about breaks to sex and intimacy, don't forget the intimacy part, because flirting is part of sex.

Speaker 1: 15:13

Remember, foreplay is part of sex and foreplay starts long before you've ever even touched right. It's getting each other in the mood and for a lot of people, what they don't realize is their breaks are starting there. Their challenge is there and they don't wanna do that part. They wanna get to the like the penis in the vagina, the touching of the private parts because that's in their mind what sex is. But for many, many people, and especially women and people with vulvas, intimacy and sex starts way before you even touch and that's where a lot of the breaks are happening for their partners. So getting clear on the things that stop you from moving forward with intimacy, that stop you from moving forward with sex Again, that information is going to be invaluable.

Speaker 1: 16:07

I have given you four things you can start working on tonight and if you get clear on all of those four things and know them inside and out, I guarantee you having that knowledge is going to start improving your sex life right now. Now, if you are in a relationship and you are able to do this with your partner and exchange this information, just exchanging it and knowing these things about your partner is going to immediately improve your sex life. Now, I want this all to come with a warning that what you are going to find out is that there are areas where you and your partner are not in alignment at all, and maybe that feels scary to you at first, but what you're also going to see is where you do align, and that is the yummy space where you two can start working together to create a sex life that's really wonderful for both of you, and understand there are ways, tactics, approaches to growing that sweet yummy space where you do align so that it starts to encompass more. There also are ways that you yourself, on your own, can learn to fulfill some of the needs and desires that perhaps aren't in alignment with your partner's relationship to sex, and I'm going to be sharing a lot more about that. I'm going to be giving you tactics to help set you up for good sexual relationships with partners, but also to help you, if you're currently in a relationship that is struggling sexually, to get your sex life unstuck, and not only just back on track, but to a point where it's exceeding your expectations and dreams for intimacy with your partner.

Speaker 1: 18:02

I'd love to hear your thoughts, any questions, comments. You know what to do. You can drop them in the comment section below. If you're watching this on YouTube, you can message me at Annette at TalkSexWithAnnettecom. You can scroll down to the speak pipe below and send me a voice message. Also, if you are looking for someone to help you get your sex life unstuck, or you would just like a wing woman in your own journey, with your own relationship with pleasure, my books are open. You can go to TalkSexWithAnnettecom and find out more about my intimacy and sex coaching services. I would love to help you out. So until next time, folks, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.