15 Painful SEX Mistakes WOMEN Make That Need to Stop Now!

This is a listener-request episode. After publishing my podcast on the painful mistakes men make in bed, a listener reached out and asked me to do create an episode focused on women. So here it is. I researched what docs have to say and then reached out to my girlfriend group and boy did they deliver. Pay attention ladies. You don't want to make these mistakes in bed!

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Chapters

• 0:00 Masturbation Monday
• 14:47 Navigating Sexual Boundaries and Communication

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:44

Do the sex. Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me, annette Benedetti, your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats. This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental, physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams. Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure, better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life. Today's Masturbation Monday topic comes to you by listener request.

Speaker 1: 1:24

Some of you may remember, a while ago I did an episode that was titled five painful mistakes men make in bed that must stop, and it was basically five mistakes men make that hurt women during sex, things that are painful, that we don't like and we want you to stop. Well, much to my surprise, a woman, one of my female listeners, reached out and she said I really enjoyed your video. Five painful mistakes that men make in bed that must stop. Women weigh in. She says maybe do five painful mistakes women make in bed that must stop Like, from your perspective, five things you three girls have done on accident that have hurt a guy. I'm sure the three of you could easily come up with. Five hurt a guy I'm sure the three of you could easily come up with five. Well, I took this request seriously and I didn't just reach out to a couple of my other girlfriends, I reached out to a whole group of them and what I have managed to put together for you guys is a list of 15 things women do in bed. Some of them are just things that we know need to stop and that doctors say please don't do this, these things hurt men. And then my friends, I sent a message over a group text and I'm telling you my phone was going off for hours Women very eagerly sharing things they've learned over time that they feel like hurt men in many different ways and that they are actively working in their own sex lives to stop doing in order to make sex better for everyone. So today I am going to be sharing the 15 things that women are doing in bed regularly, either each of us individually, but also collectively, agreeing on that we do that. We figure probably all women need to know. Stop doing these things in bed without consent, especially unless you want to hurt your dude. So I don't know if you guys are ready or not, but here they come. Let's talk about sex Cheers. All right, I'm just going to dive right in with some obvious ones that I'm pretty sure all the guys are going to agree with.

Speaker 1: 3:32

Number one harsh hand jobs. Ladies, you got to lube up even for the hand jobs. A dry hand job can do a lot of damage to a guy. Not only is it incredibly uncomfortable, it can make them raw and then the rest of sex shouldn't move on to penetration isn't going to be fun for anyone. So yeah, like ask a guy how it's going, don't be afraid to use your saliva, make it a blow job plus a hand job, or to use lube or some sort of body safe massage oil to give a really good hand job and get your guy in the mood. So that is number one. Also, for the ladies, make sure your hands are clean. Your fingernails aren't super sharp. If they're long, you're going to want to keep those fingernails away from the shaft, away from the tip, and just like we ask with guys if you've got a lot of calluses from work, and just like we ask with guys if you've got a lot of calluses from work, do some you know callus removal on your hands to make sure they're nice and soft and they don't irritate that very sensitive skin down there.

Speaker 1: 4:38

Number two using teeth during blowjobs, unless they are really into it. Again, this is a consent thing. There are some men and people with penises that love a little bit of the feel of teeth during sex and blowjobs, but this is a conversation to be had in advance. Most dudes are going to tell you they don't want teeth during a blowjob. So, ladies, you're going to need to use your lips to protect your teeth and make sure they're not scratching up and down that skin Again. Again, some guys like that, but that's a conversation that you have in advance. Also, guys, this may mean that your blow job needs to not go incredibly long. Our lips can only handle covering the teeth and that kind of pressure for so long. So let's give grace to one another. Don't bite down unless he says use those teeth, babe.

Speaker 1: 5:35

Number three butt play without prior consent and butt play without lube. I know most of us have done this. I will freely admit in my younger days I might have slipped a finger in the butt while going down without consent. Don't do that. Don't, don't do that. A lot of men just aren't comfortable with butt stuff, or they need to be really comfortable, or with someone that they have a trusting relationship with. Butt play is always a conversation in advance and even if they are into it, it's super important to make sure they're prepped for it, to make sure you have lube you can't that your fingernails aren't too long. You cannot just just just go in there without consent, prior warning, a conversation Also during anal play. It's really important. You may have a guy who's into it, but you need to be in communication the whole time, just shoving objects, fingers, whatever it is in the butt, without conversation, without lube, doing it too quickly, either on entry or if you're using butt plugs, especially that have that wider end and you pull it out too quick, you can damage a person. But yeah, so butt stuff with guys. We're going to be careful, gentle, we're going to have a conversation. It's something we're going to have lube for and we're going to take care of our fingernails ahead of time right, we're going to take care of our fingernails ahead of time, right.

Speaker 1: 7:11

Number four Now this one may be something that women are less familiar with, but for some men and people with penises, after they orgasm, the tip of their penis and for some of them, their whole penis becomes extremely sensitive, to the point where it's actually painful if you keep touching it or playing with it or trying to have sex with it. So that is something to listen to, watch for a reaction to, especially if your partner has had an orgasm before you and they're semi-hard, they may feel pressured to allow you to continue to use it to pleasure yourself, but it can be really painful for them. So, having that conversation ahead of time, watching for the cues and then having a plan in place If they do come before you, what can you do to continue to enjoy sex until you have your orgasm or until they're ready to go again? Number five blue balls. We've all heard of blue balls, where you play with somebody a long time, maybe even you get off, but he doesn't. Oftentimes, having extended play sessions, sex sessions I make that mistake a lot. Having extended play sessions that are of sexual nature and exciting for a guy and get him really hard without ever having release, can cause really painful case of blue balls. Now, some people are into that, but a lot of guys don't want to have to suffer for hours and hours and maybe a day afterwards with painful balls. So finding a way to help him release and relieve himself is a nice thing to do. Now that doesn't mean when you're done having sex or being, you know, involved in penetration, you have to continue to do that. You can find sexy ways to continue to play with him, keep him excited and help release or make sure to leave this space and give him the opportunity to take care of the deed, should it still need to be done. Blue ball sucks. We don't want our partners to be in pain unless that's consensual and part of your play practice.

Speaker 1: 9:22

Number six so this is just a real one, and I've encountered it in my own sex life many, many times. Men feel oftentimes pressure to perform that's different than women, and sometimes a performance tactic that we complain about, which is being able to rigorously pump away at us for a long, long, long time. What can happen oftentimes is muscles can get pulled. This is a very real thing. Laugh all you want, but I've definitely been in partnerships where one or the other, but especially the guy, has ended up with sore muscles, muscles pulled in the hips, sometimes in the lower back.

Speaker 1: 10:05

I think it's really important to pay attention to your partner during sex and take a turn on top. Make sure that if you are having extended play or sex sessions. Everybody is getting the rest position, the princess position, if you will, for a little while. Because if you pull a muscle during sex and you're enjoying having rigorous athletic sex, it's going to put them out of commission for a while. But that pressure to perform can really lead to pushing some physical boundaries, and if you are a woman who's worn a strap-on, you know how much work goes into being the person in that primary position pumping away. It is a lot of work. So make sure to take care of your partner's body, give them a rest, hop on and take control for a while.

Speaker 1: 10:52

Seven, not using lube when you are on top. This is something actually a lot of my friends weighed in about. Yes, sometimes, women, maybe we just want to get the job done, maybe we're not paying attention and we don't have enough lube on, and this can lead to tears for him as well as for you. It's important to always have lube on hand and even if maybe he doesn't recognize it at the moment, if you feel things drying up, make sure to add moisture to the situation. As much as it can hurt you. It can tear the skin on his penis. It can lead to a lot of really bad injuries for everyone. So, on the topic of not having lube, there are two injuries specifically that my gal friends, lady friends, talked about, that I'm going to address here. So I'm going to give this a seven and an eight.

Speaker 1: 11:48

First of all, without lube, not only does it make them feel like rough and raw, but a real injury that can happen is that you come down on a penis you are not wet, open, moist, and you just hit it, bounce off of it. We all know I think almost all of us have had this happen, and not only is it likely going to hurt you, you can actually cause the bending of the penis when it's hard, which can lead to a fracture in the penis, and that that's no fun. That's no fun for anyone. If you want to be using that penis for days to come, months to come, then you don't want to fracture it. The other thing that someone, one of my girlfriends, said is she said no lube, make sure that there's lube. She said literally tore a frenulum once. So the frenulum for those of you who don't know it is the band of tissue where your foreskin intersects with the head or the glands, and you can still have one even if you have been cut, if you've had a circumcision and that is still a very delicate area that can be torn and hurt. But specifically in uncircumcised penises you can have a lot of tearing and discomfort if you come down on that hard and there is no lube. So lube, lube, lube, lube. And look. I love to advocate for men always having lube on hand. But ladies, ladies, you know your body, you know which lube is going to keep you from having the pH imbalance. You should also always have some in your pocket, in your purse, in your hoe, on the go bag, I don't care where you put it, make sure you have it on you.

Speaker 1: 13:26

Number nine another way in which men often times get injured during sex is back injuries. Back injuries are one of the most common injuries men have from sex. Now, yes, this can happen from a pull when they're up in front and they're pumping a wave at you. But another thing that women have to be careful about if you are on top or in any sort of power position and you're bouncing, you know you're showing them how sexy you are. You come down too hard on that body when they are laying just slightly off kilter, or you just come down too hard you can when they are laying just slightly off kilter or you just come down too hard, you can damage the lower back. So it's really important to pay attention to what's going on with a guy when you're riding him and be in communication, make sure it feels good, make sure you're not coming down too hard and causing pain or discomfort to the low back. I think this is also a good time to talk about knowing your partner well enough to know if they have any pre-existing injuries or areas on their body that you need to be aware of before you have some really great ongoing, long like vigorous sex. Know if they have a weak lower back and, if so and you are on top putting your full weight down on them in that area is going to be something you need to be very careful about. So don't do that.

Speaker 1: 14:47

So, number 10 and on, I'm going to be reading messages that my girlfriends sent to me that were their primary sort of brainstorm, things that came up when I asked them about things that women do to men that hurt them and that they need to not do or have a discussion about ahead of time. One that came up right away, biting scratching if not discussed first. I think this is a really good one to mention here because I think women oftentimes, through porn and the media, we get this idea that like biting and scratching like shows how passionate we are and some men love that. But again, that is a conversation to have in advance. For some people A maybe they don't want the marks. B maybe that kind of pain is a turn off. Not all people who are men just because they're men, men want to be bitten and scratched. Make sure you talk about adding pain to the pleasure experience prior to doing it during sex with your partner.

Speaker 1: 16:46

11. This one kind of surprised me a little bit and I'm very interested in hearing what you guys think about this one. She says telling them to come if you don't already know they like that. This immediately makes them feel either adverse to being told what to do or like they have to perform. All right, all right. I know I know that I have mentioned on this podcast many times that telling a woman to come or asking her when she's going to come or is she close to coming, is like one of the worst things you can do. Um, and I could see how, uh, telling a guy to come like could be very sexy. But I agree, have this conversation in advance. Don't just like expect them to be able to pop, to pop off on command.

Speaker 1: 17:33

I think that sometimes a lot of the discussion around men and sex makes it sound like they're fast and it gets done fast and it's over, and that's. That's not actually true. A lot of men struggle to come, or well, struggled to come, if they are put under pressure. Also, making the orgasm the focal point of sex for any gender can become problematic. Number 12, telling them you just want to have sex without ramping up to it. So I would love to have you guys go back and listen to my sexual blueprint podcast. One of the sexual blueprints that people have is the sexual blueprint and, believe it or not, while most of the time we assume men are the ones that just want to jump into sex and bang away and be done, that's actually not true. There are a lot of women who just want to get to it, like, start right in with penetration, go at it and be done, and that's making a big assumption that that's what your guy is into and that can put a lot of pressure on a guy A to get hard, b to enjoy it and like really, there are going to be plenty of men who want more of a sensual experience or want more of a full body ramp up, slowly, get into the juiciness of it extended a sex session. So don't assume that you're just going to walk up, pull his pants down. He's going to be into it Number 13.

Speaker 1: 18:58

Now my friend started out by saying and this is sort of anti-feminist. I disagree, but we can talk about that later she says being a take only partner, so only wanting to be the bottom and never switching to the top, never giving blowjobs but expecting to be eaten out. First of all, I don't think it's ever anti-feminist for a woman, as a sexual partner, to be an equal partner and talk to their partner about what they are willing to do, what they're not willing to do and how to make sure that both people within the relationship are getting their needs met. Now, if you don't like to go down on a guy, that's totally acceptable. You should never have to do something you don't want to do. But there are so many different things you can do to make up for that need. If it's something he really wants to experience, there are well, not only again really wonderful hand jobs that can be given, but there are plenty of toys that can be included and things you can do to make sure your guy is getting a full experience as well. But I think this is like a super important piece to talk about. In bed, it can be really hurtful to a man to feel like he is the one, the only one, who's into it, he's the only one who's giving, he's the one who's responsible for her orgasm, but he does not feel like he's in a position to request his needs being met. This is a two-way thing, and if you love each other, if you're in a sexual relationship and you love each other or even just like each other a lot, you're going to want to make sure that both parties are feeling fulfilled at the end of getting it on right.

Speaker 1: 20:46

Number 14, being totally silent, not discussing the things you like or you didn't like, and just expecting them to know and not creating the space for him to do the same. So, according to my friend, one thing that she feels she has done in the past that has hurt her partner during sex was like just expecting him to know what to do, not creating a space for him to tell her what he wanted, and I think it's very true. When people, even if they love each other, when they get into intimate relationships, when they get into bed and they feel scared to express their needs and have that conversation, it's not only going to create sort of an unfulfilling sexual situation, it can cause a lot of hurt feelings in bed. And we talk about getting hurt from sex. Oftentimes we focus on the physical, but sex is a very vulnerable and an intimate place for two people or more to be with each other and it's really important that during intimacy we are paying attention to each other and it's really important that during intimacy we are paying attention to each other's emotional needs as well as physical needs and well-being.

Speaker 1: 21:55

Fifteen, the final one and actually many women chimed in on this one. This again for me, kind of came out of left field. It wasn't what I was thinking of when I was thinking of the things that women do during sex that hurt men. And again, I think that's because when I went into this whole topic with my friends, I was expecting us just to talk about physical things, um, and this really made me remember how important it is that women also pay attention to the emotional needs of men during sex. And apparently my lady friends are doing that because many of them piped up and here are some of the comments trying to get them to talk dirty to you, with you, without discussing if they are comfortable receiving it or saying it, using terms or pet names etc. Without talking to them. One of my girlfriends said in my experience they don't get into it and then either feel ashamed or uncomfortable with the things I'm saying and she says and I'm pretty PG until I'm not so again having the talk around, dirty talk.

Speaker 1: 23:05

You know, I think it's very common for people to get into throwing around some terms. They may have a little humiliation involved. Whether you're trying to get your partner to say those things, call you all the, you know all the dirty, spicy names, or you're calling them those names. It's so important, it's so important in an intimate situation to be having that conversation before you start calling them your dirty little slut. That conversation before you start calling them your dirty little slut Like daddy, don't throw out a daddy unless you know that daddy isn't going to wig him out. It can really wig a guy out. So I love that piece.

Speaker 1: 23:40

Now, just for funsies, I thought I'd read you just a couple of other comments, word by word, that my girlfriend sent. One of my girlfriends said yes, one time my partner and I were going at it kind of rough and he slipped out and upon reentry he came at me with force and his giant cock ripped open my clit. It bled. Not fun, poor taco. His cock hurt too. That's a really common injury I think that many of us have had and we discussed in depth in my text round table. Another one of my friends said oh, getting too vigorous while bouncing on top We've already discussed this and coming down at the wrong angle or while being on top, grinding up and down the length while it's in oof. I saw the look on his face and it haunts me still. So there you go. Uh, these are things you got to be in communication with, because that might sound good to one man to another, maybe putting him through a grinder hell if, if you will.

Speaker 1: 24:51

Russian dominatrix Lucy chimed in and said I mean, you can break a penis if you fall off or into it in a weird way. This is true Again. I have mentioned to this in this podcast already. So there is my roundup of 15 things plus some fun little stories from my girlfriends. If you have any other things that you can think of that women do in bed that can lead to short or long-term injury, whether emotional, mental or physical, I would love to hear about them and what you propose we do to make sure that when we are in bed with you, we are not bending cocks, breaking them, hurting our partner, pulling muscles, putting them out of commission or like sending them to therapy. All right, this was fun.

Speaker 1: 25:39

If you have topics or requests you would like me to cover, do what my dear listener did and send them to me. I will reach out to my community, I will find people to chime in and I will let you know what we're all thinking out here. If you're looking for a side kick in your own intimacy journey or you are looking for a coach or someone to help you through a personal intimate challenge, whether on your own or with a partner, remember my intimacy and sex coaching books are open. I am taking clients still. Just reach out to me at Annette at TalkSexWithAnnettecom. You can also check out my offerings on TalkSexWithAnnettecom, you know.

Speaker 1: 26:24

As always, if you have something to contribute, say to me. You want to say your piece. If you are on my YouTube channel at TalkSexWithAnnette. You can drop a comment below this video. I will check it out. I will try to get back to you. You can also email me again at Annette. At TalkSexWithAnnette Also, you can scroll down, subscribe to my newsletter and check out my speak pipe link. You can go to that link and you can send me a voicemail. I've actually had people use this function quite a bit and it's been super helpful. They've caught some errors I've made, which has been wonderful. They have sent me their thoughts, their questions and in some cases I'm able to respond in real time by voicemail. So until next time, guys. Hey, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.