WOMEN & BODY COUNT! How many is too many? + CBT & When to Call the Doc! Listener Questions Answered

I'm answering listener's questions in this episode! I address women and body count, whether you should tell your doc that you are into CBT,  why women should or shouldn't approach men first in the dating world, and more!

Episode's mentioned in this episode:
Rating d!cks: https://youtu.be/0Wx2uNBNra0
CBT https://youtu.be/TIISg3f-O2o
How women want men to flirt with them: https://youtu.be/mboFPGlAJKcd

My substack: https://talksexwithannette.substack.com/

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Chapters

• 0:00 Exploring Sex and Self-Love
• 11:37 Understanding Female Attraction and Preferences
• 20:21 Approaching Women

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:44

do the sex. Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me, annette Benedetti, your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats. This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental, physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams. Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure, better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life. For today's Masturbation Monday episode, I have decided to answer some listener questions. I get more questions from listeners than I can keep up with and I certainly can't put out enough episodes to address them all, so I am going to start publishing some podcast episodes where I bulk answer questions from listeners. Today I am going to be answering questions about body count, about cock and ball torture and what you should be telling your doctor, and more. I've pulled some of the hottest questions I've been sent and, trust me, there are many, many more to get to, but that's what I'm going to have time to cover today. Now, if you have a question you want answered, you can head over to my YouTube channel. It's at TalkSexWithAnnette on YouTube. You can drop your question in the comments section and it will get to me, or if you are just a listener or you just want to have a little bit more of a one-on-one interaction, you can email me at Annette, at TalkSexWithAnnette. You can also scroll down to the notes section of every episode and you're going to find a speak pipe link and you can click on that and you can send me a voice message, and I am going to be featuring questions throughout the month from listeners and getting you the answers that you are asking for. So I'm ready to dive in. How about you, cheers? Let's talk about sex.

Speaker 1: 2:47

So I want to kick this episode off with one of the most common questions I receive from men. It's about body count, and this is not the first time I've received a question like this, so I am going to go ahead and give you a couple of answers to it. The question is at what point does a woman become a whore? What body count? I'm going to give you a couple of answers to the men that have sent this to me. I won't give the user's name for this, but I think there are plenty of you out there who have had this question in the back of your mind, so the easiest way for me to answer this for you, if it is an issue for you, body count is an issue for you is, I would ask you, at what number does a man become a whore? And that would be the number for your own sake, that I think you should apply to everyone. And if body count is an issue for you, if it's something you just can't get past, then that's the number you can use and you can judge all people by it, both men and women and people of all genders.

Speaker 1: 4:00

But if I were to answer this question from my point of view, I think the idea of body count making someone a whore and the whole concept of being a whore is sort of childish. It comes from a place of deep insecurity. It comes from a place of ignorance around sex and intimacy and interactions. I would also say that it comes from just a place of deep insecurity and probably lack of experience yourself.

Speaker 1: 4:32

The concept of body count or sex taking something from a woman in particular, because the concept really hasn't been applied to men. It's been used to disempower, to stigmatize and oppress women. It's again a social construct. The reality is having sex with someone takes nothing from a woman. It does not change the essence of who she is, if anything, it adds to her experience, her knowledge, her understandings of her likes and dislikes, of her likes and dislikes. She learns from every experience she has with a person, with a new person, and I think, if anything that adds to her ability in her next situation whether it is just for sex and physical pleasure or it's for romance and intimacy and connection it adds to her ability to discern who's right for her, what she wants to experience, how she wants to give to the other person and, from my point of view, it makes it easier for her to be a better lover for somebody else.

Speaker 1: 5:41

Now, do I think a woman can be with just one person and become an incredible lover? Absolutely, I think if you meet the right person and you're compatible and you're both open to talking about sex and learning from one another, you can build a beautiful, robust sexual life. But do I think that a woman who has multiple lovers is any less worthy of love or a whore from if you're applying a negative connotation to the word whore? Do I think it makes her lesser of a lover? Do I think it makes her better lover? No, I think she just has more experience. She understands the diversity of sexuality that's out there, of sexual expertise that's out there. She understands that there are different bodies out there and probably in some ways she may become a little bit more accepting even of the diversity that's out there.

Speaker 1: 6:38

So body count to me is again a concept that comes from insecurity, lack of knowledge, sexual shame that's internalized by the person asking the question. If you must internalize the idea of body count being a negative thing, then I would say for you, dear listener, you should apply the same standard to yourself that you are applying to women when it comes to body count. For everybody else who wants to outgrow those concepts and outgrow sexual shame and enjoy a rich, pleasure-filled life that's free of judgment and invites people into your space without using sex against them, I would say start learning how to take that kind of lowbrow judgmental thinking and judging of others out of your mind. So that's my take on this question. That's my answer. I've given you an answer you can use for yourself. If you insist on judging people by the number of people they've been with sexually, I've given you a standard that is fair and easy to apply. I've given you a standard that is fair and easy to apply and then I've given you the answer I would give to people who want to grow sexually, emotionally and as a person.

Speaker 1: 8:02

So the next question comes from the podcast episode Confessions of a Cut Queen and it was submitted by Tristan Bruckman. It is a long question with different aspects to it. I'm going to do my best to fully and adequately answer it. So here it goes. Sometimes, when I'm listening to you, I think she needs to have a dude's dude, a typical guy asking questions as well. Your podcast is fun, but I don't think you think like a guy, so the common questions that a guy would ask aren't being asked. You talk about wieners slash cock. I never say wiener. I never, ever, ever say wiener by picking out the cock first.

Speaker 1: 8:40

Guys want to know on average what women find aesthetically pleasing about a cock. We also wonder why some guys get all the girls to sport fuck in school or at work when we think they're just average looking guys with average riz. What are these guys doing to get all the girls to like them? Or is the conversation among women about the sex that makes the women curious and want to not miss out on the opportunity to have sports sex with this guy, just for the experience? Is it the size of the cock. Is it something he knows how to do with his cock mouth or his fingers? That is magical and creates women to want to try.

Speaker 1: 9:23

When I was in high school long time ago, I knew a guy, kind of nerdy, kind of chubby, that had a bunch of girls that wanted to get with him sexually. Only I heard it's because he had a girthy cock. But when we listen to your show, we keep hearing that every woman is different and size only matters if it's too big or too small. So what is the typical rumor that gets women horny and wants to sport fuck what all the other women have already banged? Well, tristan, that's quite a comment slash question.

Speaker 1: 9:56

First of all, if you want to hear about sex from a dude's dude perspective, there are plenty of bro podcasts out there telling men what they think men should know about sex. I'm here to give you the woman's perspective. I'm here to ask questions and disperse information to you from the woman's perspective so that you know, from our point of view, what we want from men and our lovers during sex. So when you listen to my podcast, that's the kind of insight you're going to get. Now I'm going to start answering this question by addressing your concept of sport fucking. I would say probably the first problem you're going to run into is that women don't look at or talk about sex in the same way dudes do. Sport fucking isn't a thing for us. We don't talk about sport fucking. In fact, just reading the comment or term sport fucking feels like bad sex to me. The idea of being sport fucked by a guy sounds like just a night of being pumped away at and being severely disappointing. I'm talking eye-rolling sex and that's not what women want. And I would suggest that if you are a guy that thinks in those terms or you're still in that frame of mind of sport fucking and what's the other guy that I got that I don't got it might be mindset.

Speaker 1: 11:37

Women, we are able to read a room. We've got sort of a sixth sense. In fact, if you go to my podcast episode on sex talk, I have a neuroscientist on that talks about how women read other people at just this higher level than men do. It's the way our brains are wired. We are reading the subtext of facial cues of words. We're sensing the energy around another person, especially men, when we're talking to them. We sense insecurity, we sense weakness, we sense thirstiness, which is not attractive to us. If you are spending so much time worrying about what the other guy is doing with women instead of focusing on your own self-confidence with women and understanding what they want and building the skills whether that's emotional or sexual to meet their needs, chances are you're putting that off and we are reading it.

Speaker 1: 12:37

Women also don't tend to base their attraction solely on a person's looks. We tend to be more turned on by confidence. We are turned on by a man who knows how to see us and hear us and is interested in and curious about us, and that charisma is a huge turn on for us. What you call Riz, we call charisma, and what maybe another guy sees as charisma isn't what a woman sees as charisma or what you call riz. Some boys and some men just have that kind of confidence that attracts us, makes us curious. A man who can stand on his own and treat us with respect and genuinely interact with us seems to have emotional depth and self-awareness. That's going to be intriguing to a lot of women. Women are going to want to know what it feels like to be in an intimate space with that guy, regardless of his dick size.

Speaker 1: 13:44

Now, as to the dick itself, you said that I don't talk about what makes a dick attractive. That's absolutely not true. If you have gone through all of my podcast episodes, I actually had a full podcast episode on rating dicks and in that podcast episode I talked extensively about what makes the actual cock attractive. Different things we like, different things we don't like. You can go back. It was an episode I did with Jasmine Jafar. I will link it in the comments below. But the reality is, the cock is the same as any other feature on a person that we find attractive. It is going to appeal to us more or less based on how the actual person we are with appeals to us. You may have a beautiful cock, you may have a six pack, you may be genuinely just a conventionally hot human, but if you start talking to us and you have zero personality, or you're rude or you lack depth or you lack self-awareness, we will start to see every feature on your body as unattractive.

Speaker 1: 14:58

Women tend to look beyond the physical. Now, there are some of us that have preferences. I have a natural attraction to dark hair and dark eyes. I just find people with those features attractive. However, the majority of the people I've ended up falling in love with and having relationships with have been blondes. Now that would not be my go-to If someone were to ask me you know what my type is meaning. Physically speaking, I have things that, like, I like to look at or that will turn my head on the street. But if I meet someone with dark hair and dark eyes who is initially attractive and they lack self-awareness, they're rude to me, they don't know how to listen to me, they're not truly interested in me, they're just trying to get me in bed. I will not find them attractive, nor will I be interested in having sex with them. So we are very different in how we look at men and the people we're attracted to.

Speaker 1: 15:57

The reason why I have women on the show is so that you can hear from women. So if you're coming to my show and you're listening to women and you're not believing us, I don't know what to say to you. On my podcast about penis size the Truth About Small Penises. On my podcast about penis size the truth about small penises I had four women come on and tell you what most of us think when it comes to penis size, and I had man after man come on and say we're lying. So if we're going to tell you what we want and you're going to refuse to believe this, I can't help you with that. I'm just giving you the information I have Personally from my own personal perspective. Plus, the women around me are contributing. I'm inviting guests on women who are very knowledgeable in the area of sex and intimacy, and you can either listen to us or continue to do what you're doing, and if you're dropping questions like this in the comment, chances are whatever you're doing isn't working for you. I hope that helps.

Speaker 1: 17:56

This next question is a great question. It comes from my podcast episode on CBT. That's cock and ball torture, and it was a fascinating, fascinating episode. I will again drop the link to this episode in the notes below. This person wrote in and said thank you so much for this video.

Speaker 1: 18:17

I have a question as someone who engages frequently in testicle torture play, do you think this is something I should bring up with my family doctor? Thanks, first of all, I love this question. I love it because it's an important one to be asking, especially if you're participating in kinks that could be uh, dangerous to your physical health or cause damage if not done correctly. You should always have a healthcare provider that you feel comfortable talking to you about any of your intimate issues. You'd be surprised at how much they've heard and the likelihood that you will not shock them at all. I think it's always important, especially if you are in a kink lifestyle or any kind of lifestyle out of the conventional to find a healthcare provider that's open-minded and will make you feel comfortable talking to them about the sex you're having. I would definitely make sure that when you go in for your regular exams to mention this particular part of your intimate life, perhaps have them check just extra close to make sure everything is healthy and functioning correctly. If you have any pains that you are having as a result of your kink, make sure to go to the doctor immediately and tell them exactly what you are doing. That's going to be important to maintaining your sexual health. So yes, emphatic yes to all of my listeners no matter what your I don't know if you are vanilla or if you're into kink please, please, make sure that you have healthcare providers that you feel comfortable talking to about your intimate life. First of all, you should never carry any shame around your personal sexual preferences and the lifestyle that you're choosing, and you should definitely not have anyone in charge of your health who is not fully supportive of your intimate choices and wanting to make sure that you're staying healthy in the lifestyle you've chosen. So thank you for that question. That was a good one. That's a real good one.

Speaker 1: 20:22

My last two questions come from my podcast episode on how to flirt with women successfully. Again, I will drop the link to this episode below so you guys can check it out if you haven't listened to it yet. This question comes from Cap Tandy. He says very cool. I really enjoyed your video. Thank you for posting. Do you think there is much of a difference for older guys when approaching older women? Thank you again for your great video.

Speaker 1: 20:50

So just to recap, if you haven't watched or listened to that video, I had two of my good friends on. We are all single and we talked about how we wanted to be flirted with and we talked a lot about some great times to approach us. If you want to approach us opportunities at bars or when we're out and you see us at a table and most of the advice we give really is around reading the room, reading the situation we're in, not expecting an immediate response if we're out with our friends and taking cues. If you approach us and we are not responsive but polite to take that as a nice little walk away, so go back and listen. We gave a lot of our thoughts about being approached and flirting and I do believe this applies for all ages. I think younger or older, we are all looking for men who want to approach us and flirt with us. To do it in a way that makes us feel safe and sexy. It gives us a little space to decide if we want to engage or if it's not a situation for us.

Speaker 1: 22:01

Again, when it comes to the dating situation for men and women out there, there is an imbalance. Women are more at risk for sexual assault, physical assault. We are constantly having to have our sensors out there for potential danger. We can't always just enjoy the flirting right. Men are mostly worried about rejection. They're worried about rejection and we are worried about being killed Two very different situations. So the things that I talk about in my episode apply for women of all ages because unfortunately, regardless of our age, we all have sort of the same big concerns. Regardless of our age, we all have sort of the same big concerns.

Speaker 1: 22:47

Thank you for the question. I thought that was a great question. Please send more if you have any. My next question that came from Gino.

Speaker 1: 22:54

Gino Vasquez is for the same episode on flirting. He says why don't women, who have all this knowledge on social cues and how to read people and intuition and discernment, empaths? Why aren't you using your superpowers to approach men? It would be easier for you guys to approach, right? I am going to go back to what I just said in my last comment. It's never going to be easier for us to approach. In my last comment. It's never going to be easier for us to approach. We are always having to think first about our safety. I would also like to say we do approach.

Speaker 1: 23:32

Oftentimes, when we see someone that we are really attracted to, who's putting off the right energy, we will approach, we'll flirt, we'll look, we'll give the look, we'll give the come hither, we'll find a reason to bump into them and make small talk. If that's not happening for you, I think it's a really good opportunity to self-reflect and think about how you're showing up for flirting. Is there some sort of feeling you're putting off that's raising a little bit of a red flag for women? It may not be anything you're doing on purpose. I mean, most of the time we don't sit and look at ourselves as a threat or a possible threat to other people. It's hard for us to see ourselves in that view, right, but as a man, I think it would be very useful to take a moment to say oh, am I super big? Do I present myself in a way that may be scary to a woman who doesn't know that I'm really just a gentle giant, that, yes, I've got all of these tattoos and walk around like a bad boy, but deep down I'm a soft teddy bear? We, we, we won't know until we get to know you. And if you do recognize that there's something that might be a little bit scary to us. I'm a five foot tall woman, you know I'm looking for threats out there everywhere.

Speaker 1: 24:55

If you can recognize something that might be seen as intimidating, that might be seen as not approachable, it's a great opportunity for you to figure out kind of a witty way to approach a woman and put her at ease around that I also want to suggest to you that, knowing that women have these skills, the skill set, quote superpowers. I love that you put it that way, because I would say, yes, women do have superpowers. We are just using them to protect ourselves and not for flirting. For the most part, these are skills you can build for yourself. One of the things that women find really attractive is a man who is working to learn how to read her and read the environment, to take note of her cues and follow them. That is super sexy. It's really sexy. It's sexy when I look over at a guy and I give him the look and he reads it and reacts to it. That suggests to me compatibility. So if you're wondering why we don't approach you again, we're protecting ourselves and trying to stay alive while still getting to meet people. So there is your answer. Thank you, it's a fair question and I hope you feel it's a fair answer.

Speaker 1: 26:19

These are just a handful of the questions I've received in the last several months that I haven't gotten to. There are more. If you have a question you would like me to answer, make sure to queue it up. Drop a comment below a video on my YouTube channel at TalkSexWithAnnette. Send me an email, annette, at TalkSexWithAnnettecom, or drop a voice note below If you have questions or you want a wing woman in your own journey with dating or your sex life with your partner. I am taking clients right now in my intimacy coaching business. I coach individuals, I coach couples. I love to do it. I love being your sidekick as you navigate your journey towards a pleasure filled life. You can contact me about that via email. You can also find out more about it on my website, talksexwithanettecom. So until next time, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.