5 Post-Election Tips for Sexual Assault & Rape Survivors: A Love Note

  The recent election has left many survivors of sexual assault and rape feeling triggered, betrayed, and unsafe. Watching known perpetrators ascend to power can reopen wounds, leaving us questioning who we can trust. In this episode, I share practical tips to help survivors protect their peace, find safe spaces, and maintain their healing journey during these challenging times. I’ll also provide guidance for partners and allies on how to offer meaningful support. Remember, you’re not alone—together, we can rise stronger. If you need immediate support, contact RAINN’s hotline at 800-656-4673 or chat online at rainn.org.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Empowerment Tips for Rape Survivors
• 7:16 Navigating Post-Election Challenges as Survivors

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:44

do the sex. Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me, annette Benedetti, your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats. This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental, physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams. Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure, better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life. Today's topic is a bit of a love note to sexual assault and rape survivors in post-election times election times. Today I am going to be sharing tips for sexual assault and rape survivors in post-election America.

Speaker 1: 1:36

As a rape and sexual assault survivor, I know how terrifying and even triggering it can be to watch convicted and known perpetrators rise to the highest positions. To watch convicted and known perpetrators rise to the highest positions in our government. Also, watching people who are supposed to be the people who love us and want to protect us in our lives choose to vote for power over decency can rip open wounds that we have worked so hard to heal. For some of us, this moment might bring us back to those feelings of being voiceless and alone and like there's no one to protect us. And for others of us who were lucky enough to have the resources and support to fight for justice, like E Jean Carroll. It might make us feel like there really is no justice out there for us and for our perpetrators, and for others of us still. It may heighten those fears of being at risk and not knowing who's safe at all. But regardless of how we were victimized, we all share one truth we are survivors. We are warriors. We know how to fight for our lives and heal. You survived this before, just like I did, and we will do it again together.

Speaker 1: 2:54

Launching this podcast three years ago is one of the biggest steps I ever took in my healing journey. Being raped at 13, with no one to support me. I felt small, dirty, ashamed and voiceless. But I fought to regain my voice and my power, and I am not going back, and you don't have to either. This podcast episode is truly dedicated to all of the rape and sexual assault survivors out there who feel abandoned not only by our country, but by some of their communities, loved ones, even family members.

Speaker 1: 3:33

I am going to be sharing five of my favorite tips for sort of regulating your emotions and continuing on your healing and empowerment journey, even in these trying and frightening times. These tips are things that I am doing regularly myself. They're tried and true and they're helping me feel powerful and motivated instead of afraid and weak, and I hope that they will do the same for you. If you are someone who isn't a survivor, but you love someone who is, please take a moment to listen to this podcast episode so that you can support that special person in your life, perhaps share some of the tips this episode with them, or even just like be there for them right now, because they need you. Together, we will keep moving forward stronger, braver and even more unapologetically ourselves, so let's dive in Cheers.

Speaker 1: 4:34

My first tip for SA and rape survivors in post-election times is it's okay to tune out and turn off the news and constant barrage of negative information and constant barrage of negative information coming at you. When you are triggered and in a heightened state because you've been told that your future is now at risk, it's normal to want to stay in that heightened place of alertedness. It's normal to want to be scanning the news all the time to see if something has suddenly happened that you have to deal with. I promise you that an hour by hour watch of the local news or the national news or what you see on the headlines of CNN or whatever news you are following, is not going to help you to feel regulated right now or be safer in the future. I want to encourage you to turn off the news, turn it off on the TV, shut down that tab on your computer, set one or two days a week to check in and when I say check into the news, what I mean is to tune in, catch up, maybe spend an hour at most reading what's going on in the world, and then tune right back out and get back to life and implementing some of the tips that I am going to share with you in just a moment.

Speaker 1: 6:12

If you are just so nervous about something happening that you feel like you need to know right now should an emergency arise, I want to encourage you to perhaps find a point person, someone that you trust, someone that you know has your safety and best interest in mind, and tell them hey, I am tuning out of the news for a little bit. I am going to work on regulating my emotions, building my resilience and finding and maintaining my peace in the face of current events, but I feel like, in order to feel safe. I need someone out there who's going to let me know something really big happens that I need to know right now. They are going to be your point person for emergency news. You might need Chances are, and my hope is that you won't need them at all but just knowing that there's someone out there looking out for you A that's going to feel good. B it lets you kind of lower your defenses and step away.

Speaker 1: 7:16

Other than that, you do not need to be tuning into the news more than once or twice a week and again keeping those sessions to maybe an hour tops. Do not set aside Friday before your weekend to scroll the news all day long. That also means that in your social media feeds you are going to have to try and curate the information you get a little bit. Now, some of that is hard because of algorithms, but what I have done for myself on the different TikTok and reels is the second. I see something pop up and it's newsy or it has to do with MAGA. I just swipe right off of it and I found the more that I swipe away from things quicker. Or I will answer the little survey about whether I want to see more of it or not, the less that's showing up in my feed. You deserve a break.

Speaker 1: 8:08

Yes, it's important for all of us to be aware and active and helping to make change happen in our world. That does not mean you have to be bombarded all day long with what is happening. We already know it's not great and our job right now is to get as centered and healthy and strong as we can so that we can play our part in what's coming down the pipeline. So this brings me to my second piece of advice for SA and rape survivors in post-election times. We are going to talk about intimacy and your partner, if you have one Now, how being in this triggered place affects your intimate relationships.

Speaker 1: 8:52

Well, that can vary. Some of you may crave more intimacy and to be closer to your partner or a partner. Some of you may need space and don't feel like being touched. And here is my biggest piece of advice for you and it's a great exercise and practice in using your voice. It's important for you to share what's going on and your heart and mind and body with your partner. Share how you're feeling, that you are in a heightened state of awareness, feeling at risk, that knowing that perpetrators are entering our higher level of government has you scared, has you feeling triggered, makes you feel unsafe. Having these conversations with your partner is crucial, and seeing that your partner can hold space for you and listen and be there for you is going to help a lot. So my message to partners is you are not here to fix anything. You are here to listen and hold space and give comfort and let your person know that you hear them, you believe them, you love them and you're by their side. That is the role of an intimate partner when trying to support someone who has experienced sexual assault or rape and cannot escape, of course, what's going on in our country right now. Just be there. Another little piece of advice for partners and people with partners is this is a great time to ask your partner to be that news point person. Not only that, but your partner is going to be a great ally in whatever happens. Moving forward, which brings me to my next piece of advice Right now, sa and rape survivors need to start carefully curating their company and who they spend time with. If you have an intimate partner, they're going to play a crucial role in this.

Speaker 1: 10:59

I understand that I am very privileged in my ability to not work with people who don't support my ethics and morals, who have voted against my rights as a human. I know that it comes from a whole lot of privilege that I can curate a community that completely supports things I believe in and my experiences. I know that not everybody has that ability. So having a partner who can help you control your environment a little bit, who comes in and out, who can have your back if you have to tell a family member, for instance, I can't spend time with you right now, like right now, when I'm around you, I don't feel safe. I start to experience a lot of anxiety. So I need time and space from you. Right now is time for you to call in your closest folks, the people you can talk to, the people who hear you, the people who honor your needs. If you have family members or your whole family isn't behind you right now, doesn't understand what you're feeling or experiencing, it's going to be super important for you to find people to place in your life who are going to be able to support you.

Speaker 1: 12:21

Now again, I'm very privileged in that I have a beautiful community of people who support me, but I've had to build that up over time, and one way that I did that was I looked for online communities. You can also dive into local resources where you can find SA assault survivor groups. You can talk to either your therapist or reach out to a therapist to find resources for support. There's something in almost every community and there's certainly a lot of resources online. I really encourage joining groups. In my case, I created a group because I couldn't find the group of people I needed to be in community with, so I started my own.

Speaker 1: 13:08

But remember, you control who has access to you. You can say no and this is a great time to practice saying no and you can reach out to people who you know need community and are facing similar struggles as you are and invite them into community. Another thing that I think is really important to know is you don't have to have a big circle of friends. You don't have to have a huge community of people you hang out with. It really can just be two or three other people but start to really build that tight knit community that is going to support you and be with you through whatever is to come, a safe place for you to spend your time and feel seen and heard, as you deserve to be, which brings me to my fourth piece of advice Spend your time in places that are safe.

Speaker 1: 14:09

I'm talking about safe spaces. What does that mean? Whether you are looking for a place to get dinner tonight, you're wanting to go out dancing, you're wanting to go shopping for the day, or you're wanting to go shopping for the day, or you're wanting to take dance classes, a little bit of online sleuthing often reveals a lot about a business or an institution, a company. You can tell with just a little bit of research what businesses, morals and ethics are in line with yours, where you're going to be able to go and know that they are looking out for your best interest. Spend your time there, spend your money there, meet people in those places. They are going to draw like-minded people, and the wonderful thing about prioritizing spending time and money in safe spaces is that not only are you going to be getting something out of it, which is the opportunity to be out and about in public in areas where you know you are taken care of, but you're also going to be putting money into those places so that they can grow and thrive, and we all know that in America, money tends to be a big change maker. So make sure that you're not only keeping yourself safe and regulated wherever you may be at, but you're also supporting those safe spaces so that they can continue to serve people like you and me.

Speaker 1: 15:44

Now, if you are out and about, you may wonder well, how do I know if a place is safe or not? A lot of places. If you look in the window, look for stickers, look for posters, there are often little bat signals, if you will. For the rest of us, business owners want to draw people that share the same values as they do, and if you look close enough, even at, maybe, the merchandise they're selling, you are going to see a sign that tells you that they're a place for you or not. Again, prioritize spending your time and money in those places that actually take that extra little effort, maybe even a risk, depending on what area of the country you're living in, to let you know that they are a safe place for you.

Speaker 1: 16:30

And finally, one of my favorite tips for SA and rape survivors living in post-election America is do at least one little thing each day that makes you feel empowered. For me, I do small things like try products from Black woman-owned businesses and then share them with my community to help give back to the people who are on the front line of fighting for my rights and everybody's rights. I donate money, even a small amount at a time, to nonprofits that serve women and sexual assault survivors. I like to create art that makes a statement. I obviously do things like create this episode so that I feel like I'm connecting with and doing something for other people. Now I know that being this public about something like this isn't something that's accessible to all of us. It's just not, and I honor that.

Speaker 1: 17:33

But finding small ways that you feel like you're making a difference goes a long way to healing. Healing the wound you have inside. Taking action to not only support yourself but others, even if you're doing quietly, can feel really good, and it also makes a big difference in the long run to everybody else. So every day, wake up in the morning, feel gratitude that you're here, that you're on your healing journey, and then come up with one way you could do just a little something to feel more empowered. And finally, I just want to say to all of the sexual assault and rape survivors out there who are really struggling to stay emotionally regulated Prioritize taking care of yourself right now.

Speaker 1: 18:30

If you feel like you need help, reach out for help. Ask the people you trust in your community, no matter how big or small that is. If you don't currently have a community and you feel like you're in crisis, I'm going to drop some hotlines that you can call in the notes below this podcast episode. Scroll down and you will see some survivor hotlines you can call there, not just for individuals who have recently experienced assault. They are there for survivors who feel like they are in crisis and need help. If you aren't sure if you're in crisis or not, reach out to a therapist. Look for an SA survivor group. But don't be alone in this, because you're not alone. There are so many of us out here and we are in this together. We are in this together. You can email me. If you want to email me. You can scroll down to my speak pipe. You can leave me a voice note. If you just need to talk to someone, I can voice note you back in a moment of connection if that's what you need.

Speaker 1: 19:43

But now is the time to really prioritize your mental, physical and emotional health. Do things that feed your soul. Treat yourself as if you're your own best friend. What would you say to your best friend, your daughter, your child, if they came to you and told you that they had been through what you've been through and that they are struggling, seeing what's happening in our country right now? How would you treat them? What would you do to help them feel supported and better? Give yourself that same amount of love and compassion. Be so compassionate and patient for yourself right now, because everything you are feeling right now is valid. Your feelings are valid. I see you, I believe you and I'm here for you. So until next time, I'll see you guys in the locker room. Cheers.