Locker Room Talk & Shots Podcast
Locker Room Talk & Shots Podcast
Soft Cock Appreciation Week? Yep! What You Need to Know
Have you heard about Soft Cock Appreciation Week? It's a thing, and in this episode I dive into what it is along with the art of “cockversations” with Soft Cock Appreciation Weeks hostess Erica Leroye, the visionary behind Creative Body Release. Known as the "Chief Erotic Officer," Erica brings her expertise as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker and Erotic Educator to this unique, pleasure-positive celebration of men’s sexual health. We explore how Soft Cock Appreciation Week challenges the rigid expectations around erections and champions a more relaxed, playful approach to intimacy. Erica spills secrets on embracing and enjoying soft cock play, shares juicy insights on letting go of performance pressure, and reveals how partners can unlock deeper, more sensual connections by supporting men’s journeys to self-acceptance. With humor, heart, and some sexy tips, Erica invites us all to rethink what “good” sex means and embrace the magic of going soft.
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Cheers!
Do the sex Think fun, honest and feminist as fuck, and always with the goal of fighting the patriarchy. One female orgasm at a time. Welcome to the locker room. Today's locker room Room Talk and Shots topic is Soft Cock Appreciation Week. Did you know? I did not? Now I do, and this is an exciting follow-up because a few weeks back, a little bit ago, I did do a podcast episode on soft cock play. But we are next leveling that conversation today and I think for people of all genders, this conversation is really going to change the playing field for people in bed receiving pleasure, regardless of how a erection shows up or does not, or stays or leaves or whatever. So I'm very excited to talk about this week that is coming up and I have an expert on the subject who is going to tell us all about soft cock appreciation week and how to appreciate a good soft cock.
Speaker 1:My guest today is Erica Leroy. She is the founder of and chief erotic officer of Creative Body Release, a unique philosophy rooted in over 30 years of mind-body training. A certified sexological body worker, human development specialist and erotic artist slash educator, erica's mission shifted after her fiance's sudden death to undiagnosed diabetes, driving her to demystify the international erectile epidemic. Now, as the host of Soft Cock Appreciation Week, she brings her expertise to help individuals understand and embrace sexual health with compassion. Expertise to help individuals understand and embrace sexual health with compassion, research-based insights and a splash of intuition. I love that. Erica, could you introduce yourself to my listeners and tell them a little bit more about you?
Speaker 2:Sure. Thank you so much, annette, for having me today. I'm so excited to be part of your universe and be in your realm and all of your listeners, so you know we're all in good hands with you. I'm really happy to be here. Like you said, my name is Erica LaRoy. I am a.
Speaker 2:Well, about 12 years ago my journey shifted from working in activism and equity and education, which had been a big part of my life, to working as a. I did my training as a certified sexological body worker and for those who aren't familiar with that, because a lot of people aren't, that is the training that I had was in California and it's the only state board of education technical vocational career path, you know, stamped by the State Board of Ed, specifically to work with genital touch in a body work setting, as well as general somatic sex education and, most importantly, to be able to work in the state of arousal. So I do a lot of work because of my varied background, kind of ancillary or adjacent to healthcare. A lot of my practice is working with people who have erectile issues, have health concerns and maybe have gone to physical therapy or gone to doctors, and they can then come to me and the difference is that in most traditional healthcare settings or sex therapy settings you really only are self-reporting because no one's really watching you.
Speaker 2:So a lot of my work is masturbation coaching to really see how are you doing it, what is happening, and then also, how do you then apply a better training regimen so that then we can have partnered sex, that you know that wherever your body is at right because our body changes that we can maximize the pleasure and the opportunity. So that's sort of in my professional work. That's a lot of what I do, sort of in my professional work. That's a lot of what I do. My passion project now is Soft Cock Appreciation Week, where I am the new hostess. We're in our third year and I was generously passed the baby was given to me to now raise up, adopt and grow.
Speaker 1:So, listeners, this is going to be a fascinating conversation conversation and wherever you are in your life, whether you have a vulva or you have a cock, chances are your intimacy involves someone who has a cock at some point in time, or you know someone with a cock, and certainly we can all be compassionate about the fact that throughout your life, there are different things that can interrupt our ability to show up in intimacy the way we want to, and for men and people with penises, oftentimes that is erectile issues.
Speaker 1:And through this conversation and by the end of this conversation, not only are you going to have access to check out more experts with great information on what to do with, how to handle, how to have fun with, a soft cock, you're also going to get a lot of information here about how to be intimate with, be supportive of, and have great sex with people who have soft cocks. So you're going to want to stay to the end, because that's a lot of information. And then also you're going to have all of the information you need about soft cock appreciation week and how to celebrate it. Let's dive in and let's get ready to talk about soft cocks and appreciating them. Cheers, wonderful.
Speaker 2:Cheers, what are you?
Speaker 1:drinking. I am having some white wine over here. It is what. What are we? We're at three. We're at 312 in the afternoon. It's a wine time, right, what are you? What are you having?
Speaker 2:I am drinking some passion guava orange juice with frozen mango as the ice cube, and Malibu rum, and I chose this drink because my my path to the work that I do now came to me because my partner I was engaged and my partner had erectile issues when we first met, and many of them, through a change in the way that I learned to approach softness. Many of them did remediate with my partner. But there was something that I was aware of that was there, as it was an ejaculation issue, not necessarily an erection issue, but because he was so tender around thinking everything had been psychological and we had transitioned and transformed. You know, I didn't want to say, hey, there's something that I'm noticing that isn't you know, my favorite thing, which was that he had retrograde ejaculation, which, for your view I don't know if you've done an episode on that ejaculation which, for your view, I don't know if you've done an episode on that. So, for those who don't know, retrograde ejaculation is when, instead of the ejaculate coming out of the urethral tube, it gets absorbed back into the body, so you essentially have a dry orgasm. For my partner it was like Tantra. He was able to have multiple orgasms and really feel that.
Speaker 2:But for me, I was very conscious, because I personally have a very particular orgasm of my own when someone ejaculates inside me, and so I was aware that that was missing, but again, I didn't want to bring it up right, like part of what we're trying to do is like be more kind and compassionate around men and how their bodies work, and not be like what's wrong with you or what is this. So I was, you know, being patient, but in hindsight, my he, he died in his sleep unexpectedly of undiagnosed diabetes, and in hindsight, the retrograde ejaculation was the tell and the work that I really the mission of my work in the world is really to have these open conversations, because I don't want anybody else to lose, you know, a love or a friend, or a father or a partner, because we're not talking about men's sexual health, you know. And so this drink was barry's drink, he, I added the juice he liked, just straight. He did a shot of malibu rum with a shot of, like captain morgan.
Speaker 2:So on the rocks, but we call yeah. So this is, this is, this is for him.
Speaker 1:So oh, let's have another drink to that, to Barry.
Speaker 2:Great Cheers.
Speaker 1:Yes, cheers, I think I love that you started with sharing that story, because when we talk about sex, sex education, regardless of the body, regardless of the sex, gender, etc.
Speaker 1:We don't talk about the pleasure part, we don't talk about performance, we don't talk about how it really relates to our whole health and how things go in the bedroom.
Speaker 1:On the pleasure side of things do indicate what's going on with the whole human, and that could be physical health, that could be mental health, emotional health, and one of the dangers of living in a society that completely ignores the pleasure side of sex is that you are removing education around a huge piece of information that really tells us a whole lot about our whole health and without that information, that's like, that's like just such a huge missing puzzle piece. And your story really reflects that. And and I think talking about soft cocks is so important to talking about men's health and people with penises health right, whole health. So this conversation we're going to have today is not only going to help us enjoy sex more and find new ways to have sex, but also, I think, is going to give us a lot of information around what does a soft cock mean and then how do we integrate it into our lives, right? I would like to start with how did this happen? Where did Soft Cock Appreciation Week come from?
Speaker 2:Yeah, great question. So there's a wonderful woman who is now considered a dear friend of mine, michelle Renee. She has a business human connection coach and she is a surrogate partner and now she's moving out of the world of sexual surrogacy into platonic surrogacy. But in her years of doing surrogacy work and I don't know if you've had any where you're doing it's a safe container for exploring relationship which can include intimacy and sexuality inside of it.
Speaker 2:So it came from that sphere where she would have men come to her saying you know, just fix my dick or I, you know, I'm not whole without my dick working, not whole without my dick working. And she really was like, you know, this is, this isn't what it's about, right, it's not about just your dick, it's, it's all, and that we don't. There's so many other ways to have intimacy, no matter how you show up. So she, just, you know, was around the table one night with a group of friends saying, oh my gosh, you know, what we really need is like a national, you know, soft cock week. And it just so happened that, you know, she placed it inside of November, which is National Erectile Dysfunction Month. So you know, that's an interesting element in itself. But she just, you know, she's a doer, so she created this. It was very low key.
Speaker 2:And then last year, when I came into her life and she mentioned it, my eyes lit up right, because this is my passion project, and so I shadowed her last year, kind of was a support behind the scenes. I was a guest talking about masturbation and then we decided, okay, this is a natural change time for her to, you know, move on in what she's doing and for me to continue this. You know, it's really an awareness building campaign, right? I mean, everything we're doing is free, everything we're offering is free. We're, you know, it's very grassroots. You know, I've been thinking all day today about, you know, the phrase it takes a village to grow a child, to raise a child, and I feel like it takes a village to raise a penis, you know.
Speaker 1:I love this so much right now.
Speaker 2:And it really and I say that too because I think one of the things I've learned by primarily working with men is that when you have erectile issues, for many men this is the first time that they're interacting with being inside of a system that doesn't necessarily work for them. The medical system is very much like okay, well, first you go to your general physician, then we're going to send you to the urologist, then maybe we're going to rule out cardiovascular, then we're going to. So it's so many fragmented specialists and, annette, going back to what you said at the beginning, I mean one of the reasons I love working with the penis as the in is that it is the way to help men experience holistic wellness. I was in alternative wellness and holistic types of the holistic world for many, many years and generally that was where I got a lot of female clients, not a lot of men, but changing over to like.
Speaker 2:Let's talk about sex and erections. Now we're talking about diet. Now we're talking about lifestyle change. Now you know the penis is a good carrot to make those changes.
Speaker 1:I mean it is.
Speaker 2:It is. It is so anyway. So that's how it started. So it started with really just this impulse of you know how do we help? How do we help? We're talking this year.
Speaker 2:One of our slogans is take a penetration vacation, and that isn't necessarily don't fuck, is take a penetration vacation and that isn't necessarily don't fuck, but it's take a vacation from the mindset that we often have that penetration is real sex and everything else is less than. And I think what I see with a lot of men and their partners is that that mindset is really what gets in the way, because it's like, it's like a mathematical equation, it's like a less than greater than, as opposed to, if we think about sex is, you know everything, intercourse, outer course, you know, and the full buffet, then penetration can happen, you know, as the amuse-bouche, it can happen as the green salad, it can happen as the main course, it can happen as the palate cleanser, it can happen, you know, as the dessert, as the aperitif, like the penetration part can happen anywhere and that's not the definition. So that's really, you know, what we're trying to bring forward and my role. What's changed a little bit in my coming into Soft Cock Appreciation Week is this element of yes. However you show up. However the Dick Cock, johnson, peter, whatever we want to call it, shows up, there's pleasure to be had. And Peter, whatever we want to call it, shows up, there's pleasure to be had.
Speaker 2:And a lot of times, especially if it's physiological, if it's cardiovascular, if it's prostate, if it's diabetes, the erectile changes will happen sooner as a signal than the other parts of the body. Right that erectile changes will signal before, years before a heart attack, years before other symptoms. So that's why, personally, I like to use the word cock, because to me cock is like the rooster that crows and says hey, you know, wake up, wake up. Right that sometimes, if you're not getting that a wake up message, then you know the other side of that is wake up, right that. Sometimes, if you're not getting that a wake up message, then you know the other side of that is wake up and pay attention to. Maybe I should get checked out. Is there something I need to see about my levels? You know my diabetes, my blood sugar levels, my heart, all of that.
Speaker 1:I love the word cock too, and I've had friends tell me they think I use it too much and I should say penis and I just I rarely say penis. I've been trying to say it more but I I feel the rightness of cock and you're right and I love that you bring up that. It is like it. It signals so much to people when it comes to their own health, when it comes to their interest in attraction, if there's nothing standing in the way to their own traumas, that they may be hiding from themselves right, which is something I definitely would like to go over with you.
Speaker 1:Some of the things that create a soft cock in situations where you'd expect it to not be soft, and something I'd like to point out too, is as much as it can be problematic for the person with the penis. Let's be real. I think that, especially in heteronormative situations but partners are often women often struggle when they have a partner who doesn't get hard, thinking that it's something, a reflection of their attraction, and it can hurt how a woman feels about herself, especially within a relationship, and how that maybe she'll worry about. This person isn't attracted to me, or or maybe they want other people. So, addressing the inability to get hard and what happens when a cock remains soft.
Speaker 1:It helps everybody. It's useful information for everybody, right? Absolutely, yeah. So now you are taking this over, before we move into talking about soft cocks and some of the causes and then some of the ways we can because before we end this conversation, I definitely want to get your take on some beautiful ways to interact with a soft cock I want to talk about what happens during soft cock week. Where do people who are getting this information go to celebrate and what do they have access to during the week? First of all, when is the week?
Speaker 2:Okay, so the week begins well. So, officially, soft cock appreciation week begins Sunday, november 10th, at 5 pm Pacific. We will do an opening ConvoCocction live stream. So that will be live streamed, probably on our YouTube channel, which I believe is SoftCoc Week, and on our Instagram, which is at SoftCoc Week. I don't think it will go directly onto our website, so it'll probably be in those two places. So that'll be a 5 pm Pacific. Sunday, the 10th. That will just be an opening ceremony, like the Olympics, you know.
Speaker 2:Then, monday through the following, sunday the 11th through the 17th, I have pre-recorded conversations, or cockversations I'm calling them, that are with amazing people that are bringing ideas around. You know the whys in a different way. You know what contributes to soft cock, what we can do with it, what are. You know, we're just expanding the whys and the what nows. So two conversations we'll release every day on all streaming. You know Spotify, apple, probably, I think, amazon, like all of the streaming platforms. So that will be both in a podcast format, in terms of being able to listen, and then also video on YouTube and, I think, video on Spotify and on our website, softcockweekcom.
Speaker 2:Then, monday through Friday, there will be every day a live component. That will be what I'm calling a soft place to land and that's where you can come for an hour. We'll do a little embodiment type of activity. Come in, you know practice some of the things that have been brought up, and then it's a time to ask questions, share stories, get ideas, have that listener interactive time. So that time is really for you, the audience, the listener, to have a place where you can contribute and ask questions and then on Saturday, the 16th, at 5 pm Pacific, we're having what I'm calling a soft and sexy erotic open mic, because one of the issues that came up last year was the lack of representation of soft cock in porn and erotica.
Speaker 2:There's very little out there and for a lot of people you know the way they get there how do I have sex is through what they see and hear and read in the world of adult, you know erotic entertainment. So we want to help generate more of that by encouraging people to create their own. So we're doing not video this year, but erotic written, painting, drawing content, and so if people would like to participate in the soft cock open mic, you can come as a watcher and you can also come as a participant and if you want to participate, then maybe I'll give you the link that you can put below for how to let me know that you'd like to be a participant. How?
Speaker 1:exciting, so there's just going to be. There's a lot of education that's going to happen, but also opportunity for community and celebration and and appreciation, just like it sounds. Can you list off some of the speakers that are going to be there?
Speaker 2:So I have, we're starting the week because of the open mic happening on the Saturday. We're starting out the week with two wonderful conversations that are really focused on the site, conversations that are really focused on the site on the creation of erotica. So one is with Jet Sitting, jasmine and King Noir, who run together, are wonderful life partners and run together Royal Fetish Films, and they're talking we're talking about a day in the life of a penis on a porn set and really demystifying, you know, demystifying what happens, what's real on a porn set and also what are the things that we can take away. You know, whenystifying what happens, what's real on a porn set and also what are the things that we can take away. You know, when someone is performing they're going eight, 10 hours. Their penis is not hard the whole time. So what are the things that you know, what are the things that we can take away from that? Then we have Mish Middleman who runs recoveringmannet, which is for prostate cancer survivors, and he has been on an exploration the last year to find if there's any good soft cock erotica and porn out there. So we're talking about both finding it why, why we're having trouble finding it and and the process of generating and creating our own.
Speaker 2:I have a number of men. One of the essences this year for me is talking with are models for men to support men, especially around mental health, emotional health, physical health, and yet not usually about erectile health specifically. So, looking at how do we break the barrier? I have people who are working on bringing sound and hacking some of the nitric oxide elements through sound hypnotherapy. We're talking about asexuality as well as an option where I have Jessie Fresh, who does erotic blueprints, and Lee Jagger who has a program called Rock the Bedroom, where she teaches women erotic massage for their partners. And I have a doctor, a functional medical doctor, who is talking about testosterone, because that's often something that comes up is is it low T? What is low T? And then I also have the inventor of something called Ziala, which is a ring that's designed specifically for venous leak, which is one of the most, one of the least understood and most common reasons for erectile issues. So we're breaking down venous leak as well. So we have, you know, a little bit of medical side, a little bit of alternative, a lot of working, you know, with the male, what is masculinity, and also really going into oh and toys. We're talking about toys, and then four of the men that I have sharing specifically are bringing their perspective as Black men, because so many of the issues that impact health actually impact erectile health at a disproportionate rate in the Black community than in other communities.
Speaker 2:So we really wanted to encourage having their voices. You know, come forth as well. The conversations are so juicy and yummy. There's so many good tips, there's so many, and these I should say these conversations because they're long these conversations will be available for free year round after this. So if you can't get all of it in during the week, you know as soon as I say all of it in, if you can't get all of it in during the week, then these are available and we'll make a short form version as well. So you can't get all of it in during the week, then these are available and we'll make a short form version as well, so you can at least get some tips and feel like you're getting you know a general essence of things during the week.
Speaker 1:I want to talk now about how, regardless of going in and seeing these talks, we can participate at home or wherever we decide to go in our own soft cock appreciation, week, month, life. But I want to start with, maybe an overview, a quick overview of some of the reasons people may experience having a soft cock, even in incredibly arousing situations.
Speaker 2:Yeah, good, well, I was thinking about this. So one of the frameworks that I'm using this year is our, our. One of our taglines is transforming the D in ED from dysfunction and disappointment to discovery and delight. So let's kind of go through and I and there's actually a fifth D that I'm going to put in there for us.
Speaker 2:So first of all, there's dysfunction, right, dysfunction is the medical term. So we're talking about, you know, things that are related to your car. You know, we know that erectile health and cardiovascular health are very tied together. So sometimes, you know, if you have heart disease, high blood pressure, cardiovascular issues that are genetic or lifestyle related, that's going to impact the penis. Then diabetes is another huge one, right, that's going to impact erectile health, both the nerves and the blood flow. Prostate health definitely, you know if you end up needing to have a prostatectomy, if you have prostate cancer, even, you know, enlarged prostate, all those things are kind of all of these are lumped into the dysfunction side of things because they do need medical attention. And then there's other things cancer health, other health issues, medication that we might be taking for mental health issues, right, hormone imbalances all of those things might be grouped under the label of dysfunction because they may need some more intervention beyond, like sometimes it's just pills or pumps or you know, injections but other types. So that's one element and for that part, I should say we're partnering with a wonderful physical therapist. Dr Susie Gronski is actually doing a summit, a men's pelvic pleasure summit, the 9th and 10th, foreplay for us, and Her Summit has more like medical doctors, sex therapists. It's kind of coming more from that stream and we have a $20 discount code for Her Summit available on our website.
Speaker 2:If people want to really have the inclusiveness of how people are thinking alternatively, from the dysfunction side of things, then we have disappointment. Well, then we have. Then I'm going to add the next D. The next D I would add is dysmorphia, and I think for those so for those who don't know that word that's about body image and body acceptance and not feeling at home in your body, or the way you see yourself isn't necessarily the way other people see you. And one of the things that I see in that is that a lot of men, especially when it comes to their penis, when it comes to their dick, when it comes to their cock, they do have body dysmorphia because they're judging themselves, based on porn, based on, maybe, what they saw in the locker room when they were younger and they didn't have. And so it goes to the episode you had about. You know, small dick size, but that you know the sense of that one carries inside themselves of I'm not good enough, my body isn't good enough, my body isn't.
Speaker 2:The relationship that the mind has with your own body can really get in the way of your body's ability to then feel like I'm invited to this play date If the inner dialogue that's happening between the mind and the cock is you're not good enough. I mean, why would the cock show up, right? If I was having a play date with you and my messaging to you was you're doing it all wrong. Why aren't you like this? Why aren't you taller? Why aren't your boobs bigger? Why you would be like fuck you, erica, I'm not going to come hang out with you, right? So sometimes that element is what needs to be addressed, and you know partners can can play a part in helping with that.
Speaker 2:Then we have disappointment, which is just especially, I think, as we are aging. There's this idea of I really want my body to be what it once was. I want my sex to be what it once was. I want to have, and I see this especially, I think, women maybe because our bodies are more fluid, we change monthly, we're used to having more of a ebb and flow and a cycle. I think it's easier for us to accept that. Of course, things aren't static, but for a lot of men, when they hit andropause, when they hit middle age and the cock just naturally goes through changes, it's really a mindfuck for them, and so there's a lot of disappointment in. I'm not what I was, and that can be. You know, then, why a cock is showing up soft, right.
Speaker 2:So then then it's the, then we have the bridge right. So once we kind of name all of those things, then you have to make a decision, right, and the decision is is this the way that I want to continue? And do I want to say either you know what, sex isn't that important to me I meet a lot of men, you know, who have that or I'm just going to live in this state of being upset and disappointed and all this place. Or am I going to say the goal in life is to feel good, and just because I'm not having erections, maybe I'm still able to have orgasms, or maybe I don't have ejaculation anymore, but I still have sensation. I mean, there are all sorts of ways that we can, you know, have. We can triangulate the, the blood flow, the um, the ejaculate and the orgasm. And you know, the orgasm is like for many people it isn't until they lose the erection that they discover oh, it's not one in the same thing. And I can have.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's one of the things that I think is so incredible about soft cock is like the orgasms that I get to witness and be part of with men, where it's not like all about the hardness. And so then, you know, there's all of these other kinds of orgasms that happen in the nervous system as a result of having that softer accessibility to the nerves. So then we're really in this place of let's discover what's possible, what's new, what's different. Yes, I'm not. It's, you know, the turn on that just gave me. The immediate hard on isn't necessarily what's happening anymore. So, yeah, I have to be a little bit more conscious, I have to have some, I have to do a little bit more work, by myself or with my partner, to figure out what gets me off, what, what do I enjoy? And that can either be a you know, a bummer, or it can be a blessing, and that's where we then get to delight, right.
Speaker 1:Right, Right. It sounds like to me it's sort of the same process that men are going through now with women and women are going through with themselves, which is like, yes, we don't show on the outside necessarily our arousal, right, and even our wetness isn't a good measure of our excitement when we don't get turned on. We can mask it and we can hide it and we can act like we're turned on on the outside, so we don't have that same indicator that everyone can tell oh, you're not hard, you're not aroused. However, we aren't having orgasms, and so our partners are having to take time and we're having to learn what arouses us and how to have orgasms and all the different types of orgasms we can have. And it sounds like that when men are well struggling or faced with having a soft cock, then they are needing to learn to go through this same process with their own bodies. Absolutely, Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And that's why, like for me, why masturbation coaching whether I'm doing it with men or with women, or any gender identity, is so critical. Because you know I'm a really firm believer, just as a movement educator of you have to train for what you want to be good at. You know you can't I'm a really firm believer, just as a movement educator of you have to train for what you want to be good at. You know you can't get mad at your body because it's not doing what you want it to do on a Saturday night date when you haven't been doing anything during the week to prepare for it. Right, I mean so how you masturbate, and especially if you're having bodily changes, if there's an element in which your dick feels different than it used to, then it's on you to play with it, invite it to the party, you know, enjoy it, discover along with it. You know not that I'm frustrated and why aren't you responding? But like oh, you know, do you like it like this? Hey, you know, do you like this lube or this lube? Do you like this music or this music? Do you like me to watch? You know these boobs or these boobs? Like, you know, if you, one of the first things I always ask men when I work with them is you know, was there ever a time where your penis was your buddy, was it your friend, like in childhood and adolescence, like, and if so, like? Let's get back to that, because chances are that your mental messaging is really kind of like the punishing adult. You know, to a young child, the penis is very childlike. It just wants to be invited to play Right, and that's something that you know as partners. Going back to something that you said before, annette, is that, like, like, the things for me as a partner that have really changed in my relationship to soft cock is I really feel it's important for me to have an energy that's inviting. I want an invitation and adoration. I adore you.
Speaker 2:Right to the penis, like, you know, when I, when I see it, I'm like hi, you know, there you are, and it doesn't and and especially if it's not hard, I don't need it to like jump out into my face. I enjoy that. It's starting out just like how you know it's been tucked into pants all day. You know, of course it's going to be like small and contracted and tight and you know I enjoy being able to like. Let's take our time to invite you to come forward and feel the invitation to rise at whatever speed you need to. We have time, you know, to to see what, what happens.
Speaker 2:So there's that element. There's also I mean, I, you know, I, I love being able to explore it, right. So I think, having that, that delicious curiosity you know of this, is something you know that the way I touch, whether you get hard or not, there's responsiveness, right, I like to say it's like a sea cucumber, right, and then also learning, you know, um, and this is sort of like a tip. So, you know, I don't know if I'm staying, and this might be tangential, but in terms of what I've learned is, it is a little bit on me to be in my masturbation practice, to be toning my vaginal capacity to, you know, expand and contract.
Speaker 2:I generally recommend for people who have a vulva that they get a dildo that is similar in size and shape to their partner and then, you know, have some contractibility, work on that, because a lot of times the reason that someone maybe can get hard but not stay hard is because nothing is happening that's helping to keep the blood pumping Right, and so if you're just, you know, a vessel, then it's harder, like the, the blood itself, the blood flow itself, and especially like if you're on top, because the horizontal position is really one of the hardest positions, because you're going like the heart, the blood flow is going like this and then it has to go up Right. So if you're the rider, it's really helpful to be able, and even if they're soft right, like you and I have talked about the joy of like when they're kind of more down at the bottom, softer, and maybe you know they're kind of almost slipping out, but not quite. If we are able to, you know, do some like little pelvic oh, I'm sure that's exactly what I do I.
Speaker 1:Little pelvic oh, I'm sure that's exactly what I do I. So, um, eric and I are talking about she had listened to, um, my podcast episode on sex with small penises. If you haven't listened to it, you need to. Uh, and one of the things that I said in that episode, um and I and I'm definitely not alone, but oftentimes I've become more orgasmic, and when I was younger, especially because I did not get a lot of joy out of penetration but what I would notice is, as a cock started to shrink and become soft, I would suddenly start to feel pleasure inside and get really close to orgasm. Of course, I think that's because it's hitting now my G spot perfectly.
Speaker 1:And then it just feels good.
Speaker 2:It feels good and it also is something that we don't have as our own experience. I mean, while the clitoris is, you know, homologous and similar to the penis, you know we don't have like I, we don't have that a part of our body that has that kind of change that can happen. I mean I love having a soft cock in my mouth. For that reason, I love starting soft and being able to feel, you know, oh, there's some uh, responsiveness, right, that it's like it's just, it's such a responsive organ when we invite it to be, when we're not putting pressure on it to already be something, right. I mean that's why I love soft cock as a metaphor, right, Because we have this expectation on men to, you know, kind of already, already be it, already be the beat. You know, come hard, be ready, be the one who's pursuing us, be the one and to be able to create environments where they get to receive, where we get to create space for them to relax and feel like we accept them for who they are. I mean that's really a gift. And then, you know, in the world of like attachment theory, which I know a lot of people you know are bringing into their sex lives nowadays. But you know, the essence of healthy attachment is I want to feel seen, I want to feel heard and I want to feel accepted for who I am today, with room to grow into who I have yet to become, Right, and when we offer that energy to the people that we love. You know, that's where growth happens, whether it's the growth of a child becoming an adult or, you know, a friend or a sister or a lover, you know, to be able to offer to the penis, to be able to offer, hey, you know, I see you, I hear you, I hear where you're at right now, Right, Like, and I'm giving you the space to be exactly where you are.
Speaker 2:And you know, become however you need to be, and that for some people, that might just be today, right, Like, for some people, erectile issues might just be. You know, this is a one-off or this is stress dependent or medication dependent, and for others, it may be. This is never going to happen again, right, I'm never going to be, you know, a hard dick. But that's where, like, oh, I really love anal play. Oh, I really love, you know, nipple play. Oh, I really love the way, you know, when you touch behind my knees, or when you, you know we do some role play. I mean, there's so many other things that can arise even when the dick doesn't.
Speaker 1:So let's move into, because I think I want to like have the end part of this podcast really to also be user-friendly. Obviously, you're going to want to gear up for soft cock week. You're going to want to put it on your schedule to check out the talks, you want to be informed about all of the different reasons why someone's cock may be soft, but we want to really celebrate this week and the soft cock by coming up with learning from you and we can be creative together. I've got a great imagination All of the ways that we can handle and play with a soft cock, a person with the whole person with the soft cock. I would love to talk to you right now and spend some time at the end of this episode now talking about how do we enjoy a soft cock, how do we create a fun, pleasure-filled sex life with someone who has a soft cock?
Speaker 2:Okay, so let's talk about a couple of things. So first of all, I mean obviously and we can circle back to these if we want to but obviously you know handling it, you know getting good with your hands and really you know, just like one of the things that I see, because, again, I spend a lot of time in my professional life with people who think that they don't have erectile function anymore. But I'm really well-trained in giving you know professional genital massage, trained in giving you know professional genital massage, and the majority of the men that I work with, if they don't have another issue, discover, oh my gosh, you know, with skilled handwork, I actually do have more. So I think, if nothing else, it's really important for people to know these two tips about soft, about if, if, if you want to see if you have more capacity, right. So again, in this situation I'm talking about people who maybe maybe your partner is just tired or, you know, is stressed out and there still is some capacity. So, if there's still if.
Speaker 2:So the things you want to pay attention to are knowing that there is cock tissue, the three columns that make up the blood firmness inside the pelvis too. So a lot of people don't give enough attention to the inner cock that is, in the perineum between the anus and the testicles, in the perineum between the anus and the testicles. So that if the way I think about that, annette, is, you know, if you're only focused on the outside and the outside is limp, right, let's say the outside is limp, and especially as we age, if the inner part, if this tissue, which is spongy tissue, isn't engorging and filling, well then of course this I mean, even if you get up a little bit, there's no structure to it. So we really want to make sure it's like a scaffolding you can't put like the fifth floor on top of like nothing. You have to build, you know, the first four floors. So that's something that I see a lot of people can bring more in is like connecting to massaging that, that area, the perineal area, seeing if that happens.
Speaker 2:The other tip around, that is, just know that there are these three tubes, because a lot of people, men and their partners, don't even know the basic anatomy. So go look at it, because it really helps to have a visual idea of what's going on in there, as you're touching, as you're sucking, as you're playing. So that's, if there is capacity to. You know, and you want to see, like maybe I could get some more Handwork is really the way to do that. Really get good with your hands, sculpting, you know, really think I like to think of the soft cock as, like you know, clay that I have I get to enjoy molding and building and playing with. Now, let's say, it doesn't get hard right, so something that is really nice is to get in.
Speaker 2:So the soft, the soft cock works really well as a vibrator, right, have you tried, you've done this, so you know what you a good position would be. You know the person. If we're talking about a vulva, someone with a vulva laying back or sitting, kind of, you know, like laying, but maybe up on pillows or on your elbows, legs spread, and then the person with the penis either kneeling or kind of laying with your legs over them and then holding the shaft right, it can be soft and really using that beautiful round head only like a magic wand right, like we, you know, and really, and taking that coronal head and like magic wand right, and taking that coronal head and rubbing it on the clitoris, rubbing it in the labia, like, really like painting, using the penis to paint and enjoy and play with. And because the frenulum, that area, that like little line that connects the head to the shaft on the underside of the penis, is very sensitive, like the clitoris. So doing like having that frenulum to clit stimulation can be explosive orgasmic types of energy currents. So that's a wonderful thing to do with a soft cock. You can put a soft cock inside, as you mentioned, right, it takes some handwork, it takes some work you know together to do.
Speaker 2:I think such an important part of this is the togetherness, right, that we're working together, that I'm not expecting you, as the person with the penis to, you know, figure it all out on your own, because I might need to open my, my vaginal opening differently to take you in.
Speaker 2:I love to just breathe on a soft penis, you know, to get really close to it and just and give it that warm breath and let it have some of that energy.
Speaker 2:You know that that response, the soft penis, responds to the sensual right To give it the oil, to give it the breath, to give it, you know, some feathers or some you know, furs or different tactile things, just to stimulate all of those rich nerves in there.
Speaker 2:Um, I own a couple packers, which are for people who don't know what trans men will use, um, you know, if they're not having surgery to to have a penis in their pants.
Speaker 2:Um, and they're flaccid, and I have a couple of those, in various sizes, that I use to masturbate with, so that I am on my own exploring what a soft penis touch can do, you know, so that when I am with one, I already have ideas for what works for my body, right, because what I'm saying works for my body might be different than what works for your body or someone else's body. So I generally recommend like we were talking about masturbation as preparation before, I recommend that I think everybody with a vulva or or or an asshole, you know um should get this type of toy in their toy box, because chances are at some point in your life even if it's not an issue now you're going to come in contact with someone where the penis is going to be flaccid. And if you have some ideas already of like, oh well, I already have been playing and I know that I like this or I can do this what a gift that is.
Speaker 1:I like, I like grinding on a soft cock. I mean for me. I'm, you know, I'm bisexual, so I also have sex with women. And there's the whole scissoring thing which I have found very challenging, you know, to get two pussies to really come together. And grind is an act of acrobatics at times. And the beautiful thing with a soft cock is it's actually much more accessible for grinding right, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, I also find. So I'm a squirter and I also find that it's like if my partner has been hard and then they subside, that often like then, if I'm like on top of them, if we are like scissoring a little bit more, and then I'm the one using it to like tap and kind of move it around on me. That is when I'm way more explosive in what I can squirt than if it's hard and tapping on me.
Speaker 1:I'm also really big. I'm a big fan of 69, and particularly with a partner with a soft cock, and I'm going to tell you why. For some reason that position for me I orgasm really easily, just whatever that positioning is and while it's enjoyable and also I have a very much my mouth sensation to my pussy sensation, there's like a link there. For me, however, it's nice when they're soft, maybe because they've already come or because I don't feel the expectation of necessarily prioritizing their penis. While I'm enjoying the sensation and sucking and stuff like that, I'm kind of focused on my own pleasure. Being in that situation. I feel like sometimes, if there is a hard cock in the room, it can feel so demanding, like it should be the center of everything, and the thing that I love about it wants to be right, it wants to be, it really wants to be, and I feel like the thing about a semi hard cock or a soft cock is that suddenly everything becomes more equal, it becomes about everybody's pleasure in the room.
Speaker 1:And then I also, from what I've heard from partners who have been soft, it's like they get more off on the giving pleasure, like it fulfills a different side of them, which I understand. As someone who enjoys topping and doming, oftentimes in my relationships with women, but also men I can really get off on just the giving of the pleasure, giving of the sensation. I don't need to be touched, I don't need to have an orgasm, I'll be fulfilled by that. And I feel like oftentimes the first time a guy really experiences that is when he's soft or for some reason not rising to the occasion. So he's like let me do things to you. And then he's like, oh, that was really exciting.
Speaker 2:I agree. I agree with that, and I also have a tip about that, because one of the things that I've seen with men where they really have very little erectile function is that they do tend to. Then some, many of them then tend to really relish their role as the giver. And what I've seen with that is that the mouth and in one of our episodes during self-cock week we talk about this, in the one with Jasmine and King that when the mouth, it's like the mouth is a sensory organ and we also have an episode you were saying about the mouth and the pussy connection. We have a one about sound. That also where we go into what that connection is. So that's a good one.
Speaker 2:But when, when, when someone with a penis is really orally focused as like what gives them pleasure or what they feel is their compensation, but all of the attention is only on what they're experiencing in their mouth, it can and it can be very it can stay up here in the head, and so my tip for that is let your mouth be the mouth of your dick, like, really make sure that the sensations that you're experiencing in this part of the body, that that the signaling is in service all the way down the torso, all the way down.
Speaker 2:Because if it is, if we're only focused here just from a neurological point of view, you know you may be cutting off an opportunity to have some arousal that you may not think you have access to, but that's only because the signaling is going mouth to brain, mouth to brain, mouth to brain and not mouth to genital, up the spine to brain, right. So we want to really bring the way that we take in the sensory experience so that we feel like our genitals are connected, no matter what genitals you have down there, that the mouth is the mouth of your know, the mouth is the mouth of your pussy, the mouth is the mouth of your dick or your butt or whatever it is.
Speaker 1:I love making sure you're making that connection for me. Like it happens pretty well, very easily in 69. But like I feel like there's some like connection that naturally happens for me, but I've worked that connection right, yeah, so it comes naturally, and that's something I think people have to learn too is how to work a connection like that and you can do it through practice at home by yourself. I am definitely interested in talking to you more about masturbation. I don't know if you know my listeners know I did a 365 days of orgasms challenge in 2022, where I masturbated every day, learned a lot, so I would love to have that conversation with you sometime. But I think for people with soft cocks and their partners making sure to kind of work and like don't stop touching the cock because it's soft- so let me just say there's two other things I feel like we should.
Speaker 2:We should give as practical things. So, first of all, a question that often gets asked is what about a condom? Because it's really hard to put a condom on a soft cock right. So a couple of things about that. You know, and this is for people who you know are in part in relationships where they need a barrier protection. So one thing is that the female condom if people aren't aware of that, the female condom works really well for partners where there's soft cock, because the female condom is bigger and it's worn by the woman. You can have it in before intimacy begins and then it doesn't matter if you're soft because you're not having to put the condom on the soft penis. The other thing again is you know, if that's not the option, practice. You know if that's not the option, practice In masturbation, practice putting condoms on your soft penis and for the partner you know being part of the putting the, because almost always, even if you're hard, almost always the penis gets soft when it's time to make that adjustment right.
Speaker 2:So making that a joint activity right, like that may be, you're soft, but then, once I get it on partway I'll take you in my mouth a little bit to bring some blood in. Then I'll roll it down. Or again, like maybe I'll use my hand like a cock ring and kind of help, I'll do this part while you do this part. But oftentimes the putting on the condom is feel it feels really like shit and rushed, and then the penis like it's like so making, just like acknowledging that that is part of it. Lube is really important for for soft cocks too, like you know, it's just the more it's lubed up then you know, the easier it is to slide in places we haven't even talked about, like I love a soft cock, like in my cleavage and really letting that be, you know an experience that it can have. I have enough cleavage to do that.
Speaker 1:I do not. We could try put it on the nipple. A nipple likes a soft cock.
Speaker 2:You can put it in your armpit or even in between your thighs. There's lots of places that it can slide in and out Between your ass, cheeks Come on guys Astral cheeks, exactly. So the other thing is, for a lot of people they think that once the male ejaculation happens, that sex is over. And so for people who have concern about rapid ejaculation, there can be a lot of disappointment, erectile disappointment, because they've come too quick, they lose their erection, you know, and like now, everyone's feeling like, eh, that wasn't what I wanted, and a lot of people, a lot of what I recommend for people who are, you know, this is a different type of exploring soft cock. So maybe you don't, you know, maybe the dysfunction, maybe the erection isn't the problem, but it's the rapid ejaculation.
Speaker 2:Really learn to enjoy and explore in the refractory period. So the refractory period is after you come and until the next time. And I have found that the majority of men that I work with Annette, they have this mindset that I've come, I'm done. I think that's a masturbation mindset, not a partnered mindset, but again, it's a habit, so it transfers over. So I always encourage people when they're having a date with themselves or with somebody else people, when they're having a date with themselves or with somebody else, make it more about time than it is about the coming Right. So if I say, if we're saying, well, we're playing together for an hour, if you come in the first three minutes, we're not done, you know we are not done. And that was really what I learned in my experience with my partner who passed away because you know he had, he called his, he called his erectile realities, ebbs and flows, and so we really had, like you know if, if you're in, you know if you're hard and you're in, you're in. If you come quickly, you know what. What else are we going to do? We're so much more to do and learning how to enjoy the refractory period. That's where, like, rather than oral, is foreplay, penetration, is real sex, and then we're done. It's well, if I'm hard, you know, let me penetrate, if I come, whatever, and then, like you know, if you don't like the mess, clean it up a little, but then come back, and that's where the oral can happen, that's where the massage can happen, that's where the teasing, the lap dance, all of the different things and more often than not, you know, depending on age and other circumstances.
Speaker 2:Often there is a second wave and a lot of people just never hang out long enough to catch it. But when they do, that erection is often because the reflex of ejaculate is not as strong. That second wave can often bring an erection that has a different quality to it than the one that you had before. But if you haven't hung out to experience it, you might think that you have more of an issue than you do. And again I want to be clear that for a number of people you know, erections are just off the table and that's okay too right. But even in that, hang out in the refractory period, because you can still come, you might still have an orgasm, you might still have an. You don't need a hard dick to have an ejaculation or an orgasm. But don't let those signals mean now that's the end, unless you both agree that that's the end.
Speaker 1:That is golden advice to many men and people with penises give up after they come, and I would give the exact same advice to continue to play. See what happens. I would give that advice to their partners too. Like, just just because they come, don't stop touching, don't stop playing with it, play with it, caress it in that refractory, you'd be surprised at what happens Exactly.
Speaker 2:I think you know. I think the barrier for a lot of people is a feeling of like, if there's been ejaculation, like, ooh, it's messy and I don't want to keep playing. So you know it's okay to take breaks again. In our conversation with the adult entertainment performers you know we talk about, you know it's okay to take breaks, it's okay to stop, go to the bathroom, get some water, get a warm wash cloth and then come back. Right, that doing the cleanup process again doesn't mean we're done. It just means you know, if you're not going to take me in your mouth because you know I've just ejaculated, then let me take care of that. Or you, you know, let me go get a cloth and wipe you down and then I'll take you in my mouth. Find the workarounds.
Speaker 2:So much of this is about, you know, figuring out what's the barrier in your mind. I mean, as much as it pains me that you know that my partner isn't here. What I learned by being with someone who didn't have consistently strong erections, you know, was the biggest blessing in my life. You know it completely changed the way I think about sex and sexuality for my own body, you know. And now, when I'm with partners or when I'm with clients and the work that I do experience of, oh my, I mean.
Speaker 2:This is why we're trying, this is why we're having the soft cock erotica right, because until you have representation and experience and stories and imaginations that say, oh my God, this is so good, this is so good, this is so delicious, you know that, that you don't know what you don't know. And and it's easy for the mind to say not only do I not know it, but that thing probably you know it's not, you know it's not good, because if it was, I would see it. If it was, more people would talk about it if it was. And that's really why we have soft cock appreciation week, because we just need to talk about that. This is normal. That erectile dysfunction, you know from the medical community, is like 50% of men at 50. I mean, it's going. The chances that you're going to encounter a soft dick at some point in your personal journey are pretty high.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You need to know what to do with it. You know you need to know how to make it feel welcomed.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. Thank you so much for taking time to talk to me about this, not only to tell my listeners about Soft Cock Appreciation Week we need to spread the word but also to give them tangible takeaways, things that they can start doing right now in relationship with either a person with soft cock or as a person with a soft cock, and also highlighting that soft cock can also be a warning sign for other conditions. So if you are experiencing for the first time a hard time getting an erection, it's important to go to your doctor and to have a just a good medical checkup to make sure you know your health is where it should be.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, Annette, for having me on. I really I look forward to your listeners, your viewers, your audience, joining us at, you know, at SoftCockWeek on Instagram, and SoftCockWeekcom is our website, and you know it's going to be a fun week. I mean, it's all free, it's all you know, crowdsourced deliciousness and I really, I'm really excited to be sharing it with you and yours.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm excited too. And is there any where people can go to connect with you directly?
Speaker 2:Yes, so I have. Right now I don't have a, an official website, so I'll give you my flow page that has all my information that you can find me at Erica Leroy on Instagram and you can always reach me at info at creativebodyreleasecom. You can email me and I work. Um. You know I work virtually. I work in person. I do many retreats, um, yeah, so I'm very available.
Speaker 1:How exciting, uh, listeners, if you have questions for Erica, I first of all you know how to get ahold of me. You can email me at Annette at talksexwithannettecom. You can also scroll down. You can leave a message on my speak pipe below or you can drop a comment specifically on my YouTube channel. Go to at TalkSexWithAnette on YouTube and if you leave a comment under the video, it's a great way to for me to stay organized about what you want to know. Then I can get in touch with Erica. We can start answering your questions. I am absolutely confident that Erica is going to be coming back on and addressing all sorts of questions and topics in the future, so please make sure to reach out to me. I know a lot of you reach out to me with questions about this topic and related topics oftentimes, so this is a great opportunity for me to partner with someone and get you the answers you want to know.
Speaker 2:I love questions, I love. I have a motto, Annette, that I think you'll appreciate, which is curiosity may kill the cat, but it makes the pussy purr, Ooh.
Speaker 2:I love that, so so bring bring your curiosity, bring bring it on. You know, what do you want to know? What are you curious about? You know and curiosity is different than anxiety, right, that it's the same thing? I don't know. But we can either be I don't know or we can be like I don't know, right? Like let's discover. Let's discover this together. So I'm here to help you discover what's possible.
Speaker 1:I love that. Thank you so much for joining. You're welcome and to my listeners, until next time I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.