5 Top Sex Mistakes Married Couples Make That Are Killing the Spark

 Welcome to today's episode of Masturbation Monday! We’re diving into "The Top 5 Sex Mistakes Married People Make—and How to Fix Them!" Whether you've been married for years or are in a long-term relationship, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut when it comes to sex. Statistics show that sexual satisfaction drops significantly over time for all orientations—often due to lack of novelty, mismatched libidos, and communication gaps. But don’t worry! We’ve identified the top research-backed reasons why sex can fizzle and gathered practical, sexy solutions to help you reignite the spark. From overcoming the “mind-reader” myth to adding playful variety, we’ll cover it all. Let’s jump in and discover ways to keep the passion alive!

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:44

do the sex. Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me, annette Benedetti, your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats. This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental, physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams. Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure, better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life. Today's Masturbation Monday topic is the top five sex mistakes that couples in long-term relationships or married couples make that are hurting their sex life. Whether you have just tied the knot or you are deep into a long-term relationship, chances are you have encountered some challenges in your sex life. But the good news is you are not alone. According to research, regardless of your sexual orientation, most couples in long-term committed relationships encounter very similar sex life struggles. In fact, I'm going to read off some of the stats to you right now so you can see how, across the board, these challenges when it comes to your sex life and intimacy with a long-term partner are very common. So here's a snapshot of sexual dissatisfaction in long-term relationships, according to orientation, and according to the most recent research For heterosexual couples, around 40 to 50 percent of women report a drop in desire that is often due to routine and lack of novelty. Mismatched libidos affect 61% of couples, leading to frustration, and I know I've gotten a lot of feedback from my listeners when it comes to the mismatched libidos. From my listeners. When it comes to the mismatched libidos For gay male couples, while many engaged in consensual, non-monogamy, satisfaction still drops by 35% after five years, suggesting that relationship dynamics shift over time. For lesbian couples, a drop in sexual frequency affects 50 to 60%, which is famously known as lesbian deathbed, and for bisexual and pansexual individuals like me, 64% experience unmet needs, often due to a desire for more variety. While these stats aren't encouraging, don't despair. I have got the top five reasons that sex lives fizzle for married couples, and I've also got solutions for each that will help reignite the flame before intimacy totally burns out. So let's dive in.

Speaker 1: 3:46

The first most common sex mistake that married couples and people in long-term relationships make is assuming that your partner can read your mind. According to the research, about 75% of couples admit that they assume that their partner knows what their needs in bed are, without ever directly communicating it. If your partner's not a mind reader, they may not pick up on what your desires or fantasies are in bed. This might seem obvious, but it's actually the number one reason that couples experience sexual dissatisfaction. According to a study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 67% of couples that experience dissatisfaction struggle with communicating about sex with one another.

Speaker 1: 4:32

Now, communicating about sex may be difficult, but it's absolutely critical to the health of your sex life. So what is the solution? Well, it's time to get chatty about sex. Save it for pillow talk at night. Talk about your desires, share your interests, watch sexy movies together and share what turns you on with one another. Make sure to add a dash of dirty talk so it feels less like homework and more like fun. I'd like to note that it's really important. Whenever you talk to your partner about sex, you set a scene for a secure situation. That means you don't shame someone for their interests or curiosities. You don't yuck someone else's yum, even if it's something you would never think you'd be interested in. Approach these conversations with curiosity. Feel free to giggle about things that seem strange or that are foreign to you and your own sexual knowledge set. It's all about learning a little bit more about what's going on in each other's minds when the lights go down.

Speaker 1: 5:41

The second most common sex mistake that married couples and couples in long-term relationships make is letting the bedroom become the boardroom Get it Board. Studies show that 60% of married couples report a decline in sexual satisfaction after just three years. Once that initial spark fades, it's easy to start going through the motions Now. Routines are great for a lot of things, but when it comes to sex, they can be a real intimacy killer. So here's a simple solution Try spicing things up with the sex menu exercise. Each partner will write down three things that they want to try and bed. Get ready to start ordering off each other's menu and making reservations for two. Adding new elements to your sex life not only keeps the brain but other parts stimulated.

Speaker 1: 6:39

The third most common sex mistake that married people and people in long-term relationships make is making sex the last priority. Many couples make the mistake of thinking that great sex just happens, but according to a study at the Kinsey Institute, over 70% of the couples that have a satisfying sex life actually prioritize sex. Whether it's setting aside time for sex and intimacy or just making your partner feel desired and wanted, prioritizing intimacy can keep a connection alive. Remember, this is not about scheduling passion. It's about making opportunities for it to thrive. Solution I know you might not love this one, but research has found that partners who schedule sex at least one night a week are more connected and feel more satisfied than those who let it slide. Schedule a naughty date night and prioritize it like you would any other meeting. Make sure the kids are taken care of. If you have kids, put away your phones and create a space to explore with one another. Also, scheduling sex earlier in the evening, before you're completely exhausted, can make a big difference. Schedule a lunch date and catch a nooner. There are so many opportunities to make throughout your week and every day that will help you stay connected and not lose that special spark.

Speaker 1: 8:09

The fourth most common sex mistake that married couples make is not prioritizing physical affection outside of sex. Sex starts outside of the bedroom. I don't know how many times I've said it, but sex doesn't start in the bedroom. Couples who prioritize physical and and emotional intimacy outside of the bedroom fare far better inside the bedroom. Over the long term, it's those small acts of intimacy that really keep the bond alive. So my solution to this issue if you find yourself not engaging in enough intimacy outside of the bedroom is to implement the five-minute rule At its lowest level. The five-minute rule is simply this engage in five minutes of physical and emotional intimacy every day. That is outside of the bedroom and comes with zero expectation of intimacy inside the bedroom after Now.

Speaker 1: 9:27

I think that is the very base level of this exercise. I would say go for five minutes in the morning when you have time, before you're going to work. If you see each other at noon or in the afternoon, five minutes then, and definitely five to 10 minutes in the evening, again with zero expectation that it's going to lead to actual penetrative sex. You want to up your game. Throw in some sexting throughout the day or sexy pictures that you send to one another. Again, there's no expectation that you're going to have sex later on that evening. Now, if it happens, that means you're doing an extra good job.

Speaker 1: 10:04

And finally, the fifth most common sex mistake that couples in long-term relationships and marriages make is shaming each other's desires and avoiding exploration. There's nothing that's going to kill your sex life quicker. Feeling unable to share your desires, wants and needs and fantasies in the bedroom with your partner not only leads to dissatisfaction, but it's a quick road to resentment as well. A study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that 30% of individuals in long-term relationships have fantasies or desires that they've never shared with their partners for fear of judgment. Instead of shaming each other's fantasies and desires, approach these conversations with open-mindedness and curiosity. You might be surprised that you are able to find new levels of connectedness and sexual satisfaction by doing this.

Speaker 1: 11:01

A simple solution to this problem is to set up one day a week for sexperimentation with your partner. Try a new position, get some new toys to try out, try a new technique. Curious about a kink that's out there? You can give it a soft try. You don't have to jump in to the deep end of some new kink or fetish you've heard about. You can dip your toe in the water and I've got a lot of podcasts about how to do that. But if you're curious, you know you can always drop me a note, send me a voice note or email me and I'll give you some great instruction on how to give something new a try with your partner. Think about it as research. You never know. You may find that there's lots of new stuff out there that you really, really like to do. Listen, keeping sex steamy in a long-term relationship isn't always easy, but it's definitely possible with a little bit of experimentation, a whole lot of communication and some sexy adventure. So if your sex life feels a little stale, try some of the solutions I've offered, and remember the most important thing is to keep connecting, keep communicating and, of course, keep having fun.

Speaker 1: 12:13

If you have any questions or comments about something that you heard in this episode, or you're looking for an intimacy coach to help you and your partner reignite the spark in your sex life, make sure you reach out to me. You can drop a comment below. If you're on my YouTube channel, which is at TalkSexWithAnnette, you can leave me a comment in the notes below this, or you can email me at Annette. At TalkSexWithAnnettecom. You can leave me a comment in the notes below this, or you can email me at Annette. At talk sex with Annettecom, you can always scroll down, click on my speak pipe and send me a message as well. Until next time, I'll see y'all in the locker room. Cheers.