Locker Room Talk & Shots Podcast
Locker Room Talk & Shots Podcast
Subspace Exploration! A Woman's 6 Year Journey into the Heart of BDSM
Ever wondered what it truly means to embrace submission and explore the transformative power dynamics within BDSM? My good friend Kerry joins me to share her 6 yearjourney from a vanilla lifestyle to discovering her authentic submissive self. Her experiences shed light on the profound impact that power exchange can have on one’s life and identity, offering invaluable insights for both newcomers and those already familiar with the submissive path.
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Do the sex Think fun, honest and feminist as fuck, and always with the goal of fighting the patriarchy. One female orgasm at a time. Welcome to the locker room. Today's locker room talk and shots topic is subspace exploration One woman's journey into the heart of BDSM. It is Kingtober folks, and if you've been with me for any time now you know that I have thoroughly explored the Femme Dom experience, cocks in cages, women caging cocks, controlling men. Well, this is actually, in all, three years, three plus years of this podcast. This is the first time I've really invited on a true sub submissive, if you will, a woman who went from being pretty average Jane yeah, a mom, a mother, a worker, just, you know, normal vanilla lady to a real sub, a real submissive, an experienced submissive, and I'm not just talking about she takes a couple of spankings.
Speaker 1:Our interview today with my very good friend, carrie is going to take you deep into what it means to become a submissive, who really is submissive and has explored that power exchange thoroughly, and I have witnessed some of it. Just saying we will get to that. She's actually been mentioned in some past podcasts, but you're gonna have to go back and listen to all of my episodes to find the little Easter eggs, but first before we dive in. So this is Carrie. If you are a listener, you can head over to my YouTube channel at TalkSexWithAnnette and you can see Keri's beautiful face and mine. Keri is here today. She is. You are a submissive at heart, though I know you have now dipped your toes in other experiences, but can you tell my listeners just a little bit more about you, who you are, what you want to, what do you want to share?
Speaker 2:little bit more about you, who you are, what you want to, what do you want to share? Yeah, just right now I'm living my best single life, but I've gone through this journey in this past six years. That was incredible and it was profound and it changed me. It changed the way I think about the world around me and about myself, and, man, I'm just kind of really excited to share my perspective, basically.
Speaker 1:Right. Right, Because it was a journey and I actually don't even know all of the details and Carrie and I are very good friends, so a lot of this will kind of be my first time really hearing the step-by-step process of how she went from being vanilla like maybe some of you are, although I don't think all of you, I know I got a good following of people who aren't, and so I think for King Tober this time. Usually I kick it off with a lot of like male chastity stuff and dominating men stuff, but this is going to be a new take. So if you are curious about what it really is like to be a submissive, if you think you might have a little bit of a submissive in you, if you want to explore that a little bit, this is going to be a great episode for you. Or if you're looking for a sub, this would be a great episode to give to your potential sub. So, hey, I'm ready. I'm ready to talk about sex and BDSM, being submissive.
Speaker 1:I think the best way to start this episode is just to start at the beginning. You are not a submissive yet. It is what? Six years ago? Six years ago, and you moved to Portland.
Speaker 2:I know that backstory, so she moves to Portland go, move to Portland and spend a few weeks getting a lay of the land, and then I decide I want to start dating and in my last relationship, which was pretty vanilla, I'd always kind of been drawn and intrigued by kink but didn't know how to pursue it and also was just like felt like it was deeply wrong pursue it and also was just like felt like it was deeply wrong. Um, so got here and it was still in the back of my mind but um was swiping through people on bumble and came across, uh, this man who happened to mention in his profile like he was looking for um, a woman who was like open and kink, friendly, and so I actually engaged with her because I was, like you said, kink, I'm really curious and and so that kind of like sparked a conversation and it was, it was pretty great. We planned to meet pretty quickly. Quickly and we went on our first date and um, wow, it was, it was pretty incredible.
Speaker 2:We went to McMinimins, which is always a great, great first date spot, and, um, we sat down and he was talking about a lot about BDSM and kink and he was talking about it in a way that was like so genuine and warm and he made it feel a lot less scary and so this was the first person I'd ever really spoken to about kink, about BDSM and man. He was just such a gentleman and he made it seem so approachable gentleman. And he made it seem so approachable and was just really respectful. Yeah, so I was like tell me more, Right?
Speaker 1:So first date, what is he telling you about it? Though, Just out of curiosity, if you had been vanilla and he made it feel comfortable, like, how does he bring this up in a way that you're not like whoa buddy, we're on a, you know?
Speaker 2:Oh sure he was talking about. He asked me kind of about my experience and what I was curious about, because I had asked him about the kink portion and he was talking about some of his past experiences, his kink experiences, some scenes he'd done with some women he had dated before. What did he tell you?
Speaker 1:do you remember the first scenes he shared with you that piqued your interest and didn't freak you out?
Speaker 2:um it was talking about. He mentioned like, like bondage, and I that's that's always appealed to me and we can get more into that um, like some bondage scenes, um, what? Um, there's there's other words for this, but basically he called it forced orgasms.
Speaker 1:That's what we called it forced orgasms yeah, um, I would love someone to force me to have an orgasm.
Speaker 2:That is just not something that, as ever, you know, yeah um, and so he was describing some of those, and I was just enthralled it was. I was like oh god, I was just like allalled it was. I was like oh God, I was just like all worked up.
Speaker 1:I was like tell me more, so he intrigues you. It's your first date. Do you go home and taste? Did you get a little tasty poo?
Speaker 2:I did, I did, I did Wait, wait, wait.
Speaker 1:Before we go on because I do know I've got a large male listenership Do not take this conversation as a on your first date. Tell her about your BDSM experience and try and get her to come home. You, you will fuck yourself up, like don't. Just just to be clear, this was a very specific situation that just happened to go right, mm-hmm. Right, yeah, right people right time. Right people, right time. Trying to keep men on the right track on their birthstates.
Speaker 2:Like I felt chemistry and he felt very respectful through the conversation. I felt like he was reading kind of my body language whether I wanted it more or less. Yeah, he was just very aware so that made it very comfortable.
Speaker 1:So he was like come back to my casbah.
Speaker 2:I actually invited him back to my place.
Speaker 1:That is not very submissive of you.
Speaker 2:No, it wasn't so new to it. I was like what is this? So that was great, because that night I squirted for the very first time. He made that happen for me and I didn't even realize my body could do that like I'd seen it in porn before and I was like what? What is really going on there? I wasn't. I wasn't even sure it was a real thing.
Speaker 1:Ironically, at least probably a year later, we would squirt together. He sure did. He was back to the story so he made you squirt, was he did? Did he do any new bd like bdsme, things like how did you start to?
Speaker 2:yeah, um, not on that first date, it was on the second date. How do you make you squirt then? Okay, it was just um, at the end of the uh, like while we were playing, he was like let's, let's try this. And he, he went and got a towel from my bathroom and put it underneath my bottom, thoughtful and I wasn't even completely sure what was going on.
Speaker 2:And so then, like you know, he put his fingers in and started like pulling down, um, and I was just like, and you know, it almost feels like you're going to yes, it does. And I was like fighting against it and and he was like, just just relax, just just let go. And I he was a paramedic and a firefighter, so I was like you know what, if I pee, I pee, he's into it. Like just why not?
Speaker 2:just just like used to it, he's dealt with bodily fluids, fuck it I don't feel a sense of shame about what's about to happen, because he's he's making something happen so yeah, just like let go and was able to squirt. But that's, it was the first date, so it was the second date where things really got interesting.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's get to the second day. So the first date. He makes you squirt your high five.
Speaker 2:You send him on his way not submissive at all, but then you talk and he's like let's, and you're like yeah yes, after I leave, the next morning he sends me a picture and says so much more exploring to do. And it's this steamer trunk at the end of a bed and it's lit, is open, and it's got these crisscross like kind of red ropes and I see like um, like floggers and riding crops and a cane tucked into it. And then it's deep below and I see things I don't understand in that trunk. I'm like I don't know how that functions, but it was like you know, as I come to find out, there's like anal hooks and butt plugs and big dildos and all kinds of toys in there. So, um, so as soon as he sent that photo I was like, oh my.
Speaker 1:God, and so you weren't intimidated by it, you were just curious.
Speaker 2:I was curious and again, he just made it feel really safe and like he was matching my pace and wasn't pushing me into anything. He was just like you seem curious about this. Let me here's this information, Right.
Speaker 1:So things I want to point out like because I think in these episodes, podcast episodes, I think I need to do a better job of pointing out things that work. I love the word curiosity. When you approach anything with curiosity instead of skepticism or judgment, you open yourself to more possibilities. I love that you bring up security, especially when it has to do with sex or new experiences, anything BDSM. The first thing you have to do is lay the ground for people to feel secure and safe, right, yeah, so just putting out those words, I love them. So you set up the second date, and where, where did you meet for that?
Speaker 2:So, um, we went to his house, Just started right there, yeah, okay. So we arrive at his house and so we go into his bedroom and we're kissing and dressing, and then he kind of like bends, turns like we're kissing up against the side of the bed, and then he turns me around and like bends me forward over the bed and then he puts some cuffs around my wrists and my ankles and then he's got this beautiful, like like wood, deep wood, colored, four poster bed and he has straps that he pulls out and he like ties me in and, um, wait, did he ask you ahead of time what you were comfortable?
Speaker 1:was there like, did you have a conversation?
Speaker 2:we did kind of talk about what you were interested, what I was interested okay, yeah, and that was also hard to tease out for me, because it's like being, you know, passing a restaurant outside on the street and somebody saying, what do you want to order from this restaurant? I'm like I don't know what they have on the menu, I don't know what's possible, right? So he was asking me, and I think he was probing to see what I might, because I didn't know how to articulate what I wanted because I was so unfamiliar. So, um, I had definitely expressed an interest in being restrained and so, um, so yeah, like cuffs out on, like pulled, and he, even before he tightened it, he just like took a moment. He was like, do you have any shoulder injuries?
Speaker 2:and I was like no, oh, thoughtful, and then like that quickly like and firmly, very sexily, like pulled it and like a very taut and it wow, um. And then, like it did the same with my legs, but so that they were spread and, um, the cuffs were really soft and it's not like they were handcuffs, they were really soft so that like felt like a nice little hug and secure and it started to feel like being like really kind of held and that like felt really nice. Um.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, he took out his flogger and was doing working with that and I was right, all right, wait, so you've never like, let's not just skip over.
Speaker 1:Okay, now he's flogging her. Yeah, so had you been interested? Had you ever experienced impact play before? Never, but you were curious, it's very curious. And did he ask you what to start with, or were you just like?
Speaker 2:he? Um? No, no, I think he was feeling it out, he was he was I noticed he started out with all the softer things and he seemed again just very like, focused on me and my reaction it didn't feel ever feel like he was doing it for his pleasure.
Speaker 1:It felt like he was do you know, if he was a sadist, that doesn't sound very sadistic. There are different types of doms like sadists really just love to hurt people, and then there are doms who just love. I guess that it's not really about just hurting someone, it's just about the power play.
Speaker 2:Um, God, that's a great question. I need to reflect on that more.
Speaker 1:So the first time, uh, you were. Do you remember? The first time you were struck? You experienced the impact, what your thought was what your feeling was.
Speaker 2:Um, I was really into it because, as somebody who struggles with attention and then also, you know, sometimes you get into a sex space and I think I don't know if it for me sex felt so heavy that it felt like a performative space too. And this was taking that away because it was slowly like getting some genuine reaction from me. And so I'll also tell you that, as he started to kind of up the impact into something like the thuddy things, like the big kind of what's the word? I'm looking for.
Speaker 2:The floggers, the thuddy floggers started to move into like riding crops and paddles, something a little more sharp. So then he took out his magic wand and was like putting it between my legs, so kind of starting to mix some like pleasure and a little bit of pain, and so that felt really good and it was again keeping my brain really present, in a way that it was like helping me enjoy the pleasure and be present and in my body, because, like my brain couldn't really escape anywhere else, because, like, be here, now something's happening to your body so it was really mixing that, um, bringing in the pleasure and pain, do you know, like clearly, from those beginning days of just trying out the different types of impact play.
Speaker 1:So, just for people who haven't done this, there are different types of impact implements. So there are floggers that can be a lot lighter. Then you can get floggers that are heavier and cause kind of more pain. That are heavier and cause kind of more pain. You can what writing crops are going to be sharper, kind of pain, and then bamboo which is I.
Speaker 2:I hate to love it and love to hate it I'm not love it at all.
Speaker 1:Uh, yeah, so I want to ask you what? So tell what. What kind of um impact and instruments do you like the most?
Speaker 2:I can occasionally. You know my pain, tolerance changes from day to day, so it really depends Am I well rested, am I well hydrated?
Speaker 1:Emotionally. I think that's an important thing to share with people too. I think people don't realize, like people think you have one kind of pain, tolerance and it really and as a woman who's highly tattooed, I can tell you and has done months and months and years of tattoos like it is strange, what you can take and what you enjoy maybe one day versus the next day can change drastically and I don't know if this is the way it is for you. So I am a switch, I'm like a hardcore switch. I might be. I'm, I'm pretty half and half, wouldn't you say. I mean, you've seen me more as a dominant than a submissive.
Speaker 1:I would say Um, but when I have been in the submissive role, one thing that I think is important for me is to work up like start the pain low and then work it up to whatever it is I feel like I can take.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Is that, or do you like to just go hard? Are you a go hard or go home girl?
Speaker 2:Again, it depends on the day, I might be able to just go really hard and some days I really have to work into it and keep it just low. But I think something about being present really taught me is how much fear is built into pain. Because I noticed in the beginning, like when we were first establishing how much, in the moment when the impact play started to build, how much I'd kind of be bracing and tightening up like ready for the next impact and but you know, in the moments after it would be this, this impact, and then your body would kind of buzz from it and just to like let go into that sensation and and enjoy it, like your endorphins going after that impact. And really learning to let go of the fear of, like what's coming next and truly be present and that's like kind of what started to change across my life is like not living in the fear, really being in the present, you know, instead of anticipating the next shoe dropping so at what point?
Speaker 1:you have this first experience, and so what you he in this first experience. He starts, he like fucking, straps you up to fucking say I know the bed. I know exactly how she was tripped up and you experience the impact play yeah, he mixes in the pleasure. That's your first experience. I assume it ends in sex. Were there any new experiences in that first play session?
Speaker 2:Let's see Squirted again. It was definitely the impact play and different positions. And this is where I'm going to say I dated this man for over like close to six years and never repeat performance. He was a Picasso of pleasure and pain in the bedroom.
Speaker 1:He really was creative. He was so creative and creativity and sex go together. Well, I mean, I don't think people get creative enough in the bedroom. So you did some squirting. Then you had PNV sex. Was that always part of your dynamic? Yes, always. It always ended in that in that. All right, so you get done, uh, you high five and go home, or do you stay the night? Um, I stayed the night.
Speaker 2:yes, um, that's sweet. Yeah, it's sweet. Um, but he was a firefighter and left at like four in the morning for a shift, so he left me with a magic wand and was like, please masturbate in the morning and did you I did I sure did, I, sure did. I want to make sure my the sheet smelled like me when he got back home. You marked your territory.
Speaker 1:All right, so you leave and you are sitting in that space of like what just had. This is your first experience. What was that? Like the, the aftermath, wow.
Speaker 2:I just I couldn't wait to have more and explore more.
Speaker 1:I just felt.
Speaker 2:That's when I kind of started looking at toys and looking what I could have and starting to be more curious about my own pleasure, like how can I touch my body. And at the time he was starting to like give me instructions. He's like I want you to have at least two orgasms a day. Like want you to get to know your body.
Speaker 1:He virtually gave you a assignment, so it went hard quick with the two of you. He was like, he was like, all right, so this is going to continue and this is how it continues, lower apart.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I mean, we had some really good chemistry, yeah, just I felt great.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So at this point did you start looking into, like am I? At what point did you go? I think I'm a submissive, I. Or was there a moment where you're like I wonder if I would like to be a dom or this thing? And I think, like we were both non-monogamous and he was dating other women and then sometimes, as you know, sometimes other women would join us. And I remember seeing a conversation where he was yeah. I remember seeing a conversation where he was telling a woman yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm dumb, and, and Carrie is more submissive, and I was like what's that?
Speaker 1:So that's when you so. So all right, Was that well into the really? At what point Did you just keep kind of doing this thing with him?
Speaker 2:And then one day he says that I think it was it was several months into the relationship when I had seen those terms and at the same time he'd encouraged me to go to this, uh, women's group that met at a local sex club and it was for women who were swinger, poly, non-monogamous ethically, you know, just just very sex positive, I mean we'll plug it right now If you are in Portland, it is called.
Speaker 1:well, now it's called.
Speaker 2:Now it's called broadcast and it's open to anybody who would feel at home in a femme space.
Speaker 1:I may go on occasion. We may go on occasion. Yes, you have this first date. You go home. He's giving you assignments. I assume you're getting together how frequently?
Speaker 2:assignments. I assume you're getting together how frequently?
Speaker 1:um, at that point I think it was about twice a week. So, and what is he adding in? Like you've already, you're experiencing all the different types of impact. What are some other things you start to experience, and at what point? Because clearly there's a point where other women are starting to be invited in. It becomes more of not a one-on-one situation. And was that hard for you? Like when you realized that was going to happen?
Speaker 2:like Okay, both great questions. So your first question was talking about how things more got introduced. Yeah, we would keep going on dates and then he would do something different, like one time he had a remote controlled vibrator in me and as I was ordering dinner he was like messing with it and I was just like struggling to keep a face to order while he was playing with that. And then another time we went and saw a movie and it was my first time like with a butt plug and it was like the enjoy the extra large, weighted butt plug and man, that was. I really felt that. But you know what that made anal, like the beginning of having anal sex, just so much more comfortable, a lot more pleasurable. Yeah, so that was great.
Speaker 2:So it was he always, always we were having dates and doing little ideas. We'd go to, maybe like lovers or you know, some of the local sex shops and kind of like shop for things together. He'd ask me what was making me curious. And then we visited some of the local sex clubs several times and it was. I remember this moment.
Speaker 2:We were at the sex club and, man, he was kind of pushing me up against a window where this couple was playing on the in the bedroom on the other side of the window and he was kind of like rubbing up against me and I kept on wanting to, like you know, hide my face so that these people didn't see me staring at them. And he kept on like moving my head and he was like I want you to watch while I touch you and I was like, okay, it was, it was just really great it was. He was always doing something fun and new and interesting and again kept on asking me like what my desires were and kind of teasing those out in just a way that felt really like safe for me.
Speaker 1:What was the first time you experienced what is known as subspace, and could you explain to people what subspace is?
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, I think it was several times in when he had we had impact play and he had a hard point in his bedroom and if you don't know what it was, it's just like, uh, like a really intense um it's, it's like a hook you can put in it, um, and he had it hidden, hidden behind a, um, a smoke alarm. So he had that in his bedroom and I was suspended from that and um he was. He had Velcroed something around my thigh and it was um in it. He tucked the magic wand, so it was like right against my bits and, uh, pussy, pussy my pussy.
Speaker 1:It was right there, my pit.
Speaker 2:I like that um, and yeah, so I was standing up and he was going and man, I just reached this buzzy, beautiful space where I kind of let go of, like I don't know all the like again the performative elements of sex and I was like really in my pleasure and he was really serving my pleasure Like he got off from like giving, so like very focused on me and again he provided a very non-judgmental space. He was a paramedic, so I wasn't too worried about letting go or anything too terrible happening. It was a great foundation on which to explore.
Speaker 2:And yeah, so I was entering that subspace and again, very just like buzzy, beautiful, freeing, and afterward when we'd play like that and I would reach that like subspace where it's just, I tend to go a little nonverbal, so I need to, I need instruction, like go here helping you know, do this next thing, um, but yeah, and then like hold afterward, because you really you know it's that oxytocin that's really going after an orgasm and that kind of experience and, um, like really making the most of it as it's in your bloodstream at what point were you like okay, I'm submissive, like that's, that's my thing, that's my, this is who I am um?
Speaker 2:I think it was pretty early on, after he had kind of I'd seen that conversation and I was like, and I was looking it up and I was like, oh, oh, that's me. And then after that he had sent me around that time he'd also sent me that, which is that a BDSM test?
Speaker 1:that I think everybody takes and I was like one of the highest rated things was just being yeah, yeah, being submissive and I mean by the time I met you, you like you really had a pain, tolerance and interest that was beyond, like, definitely beyond mine, yeah, and was that something that built over time, and was that something that you desired or that you just like? How did that?
Speaker 2:how did that happen for you? That was something I really played with. A lot was kind of exploring the edges of pain and pleasure, and I really liked taking it to the edge because I think the more I took it to the edge, the more I felt I was in this really buzzy subspace. That felt really beautiful and freeing to me. Oh, you know what? I want to circle back around to the question you had about other women, and I think, coming from monogamous relationships, that was I.
Speaker 2:You know, it was kind of always like well, he's been with her for several hours and I haven't heard and it's everything okay and oh my God, am I going to lose this amazing thing? You know a lot of that insecurity playing. But early, very early on, he had given me the ethical slut and so I had read that and I love that he gave that to me so early because I felt like it really set the foundation of understanding the dynamic that could exist there that, like you, won't be there. There's so many beautiful things in that book, but it really kind of kind of opened my mind to this idea of, like, romance and pleasure. It doesn't have to look the way we've always been told it has a really beautiful way it can look Right.
Speaker 1:I'm going to fast forward, though, just to be clear. Like I met the two of them and you say that I was on the dating apps and I met both of them, you say I matched with him first, but I swear to God, I remember it as matching with both of you and talking to you first. Okay, let's talk about it.
Speaker 2:We're gonna look, we are going to problem solve a problem we have here, okay I felt like, um, I had seen you on bumble and I remembered you because you had these like beautiful pictures that were mostly white, but then you had your black hair and I think you were in yoga poses, and then I'm not sure that like you and I actually, and so you talked to him and then but then we did match then we did at some point yeah, so maybe.
Speaker 1:I looked for you afterwards because he maybe he shared a picture of you and then we met and my interest was primarily with Carrie. I mean, mean, clearly it was like clear, and so I was never in the situation where you were never in the situation with me, where I was alone with him. He was in the situation that you and I spent time alone together. But I know because he would could ask about that, and I'm like yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna do that yeah, I mean he was, he was fine and good and everything, but I like the girlies, um.
Speaker 1:so just to clarify but you there was this dynamic did so, but for you guys mostly it would be him. He would meet women and yeah, but you guys came out together to meet me, yeah, and did you do that typically with other women?
Speaker 2:We did a handful of times. Yeah, I think I was also trying to match with women at the time, just very embracing the idea of ethical non monogamy and trying to find people who would kind of fill more of my emotional bucket and and so like I was kind of meeting people like that, but it wasn't a Venn diagram of people who would be good for play for all three of us, as opposed to like meeting my needs over here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's hard, that's a hard thing to do. So, along with impact play, being a submissive, there's more to being submissive than just impact play. We obviously have focused on that also, because I know that that's that was kind of a big part of your journey. But can you talk about other aspects of being a submissive that you experienced and enjoyed and discovered on your path, because not all submissives even enjoy impact play?
Speaker 2:correct, sure, correct, sure yeah, no, there's what a spectrum of experiences you can have as a sub. Um, yeah, like he'd occasionally kind of remind me to do things like it was really nice, kind of caring stuff you tend to hear about like doms who really take care of their subs, so like, have you had water today? Have you eaten? How did you sleep? Are you taking care of yourself? Yeah, and kind of pushing me sometimes toward my goals, like he's like I would like you when, when I was struggling with my work. He's like before we see each other again, I want to see 10 applications that you've sent out to new jobs.
Speaker 1:Right, okay, right. Okay, right so doing some of that self growth kind of thing. When you brought a third person in, what did that look like? You being submissive?
Speaker 2:Um, it was a lot of like him directing and I think it was so important for me because I think a lot of the women knew that they were coming into an established relationship. I didn't want them to feel like there was competition or I was going to be jealous. It was like a lot of my focus was on the woman whenever she came, like on her pleasure and trying to, because I thought like he had created such a beautiful thing for me and I was able to access that space with him and I wanted other women to experience that too, like so I mean that was that helped mitigate some of my feelings of like, like the, the jealousy that can creep in sometimes, that that really helped it. But, like in the bedroom and there was other women, I think the submissive side really came out as like he was kind of directing the scene and kind of taking a more dominant role, like, um, if we ventured into any kind of play, really he was, he was the one that was the director of it.
Speaker 1:Well, a lot of people talk about how submissives also have power in the relationship. Uh, how would you say that showed up in your experience and did you feel powerful in your experience?
Speaker 2:I think I did because I felt like whatever was happening in the bedroom, I had the final say. I could say I don't want this to happen anymore. I was the one who was giving permission for this to happen and I was giving that permission because I felt so safe. Yeah, the trust that has to happen to be that vulnerable, to be tied up and let yourself go and let yourself have these multiple orgasms where you're like I might squirt, I might pee, I don't know what's going to happen.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, right, you felt like you, in the end had the final word, even though he was the one directing yes, so it did make you feel powerful. It did.
Speaker 2:And you know what I wrote down this little thing that I had read, powerful it did. And you know what I wrote down this little thing that I had read oh, the surrender in it felt very peaceful and kind of even my own control in the situation. That it felt like shelter. It felt like a safe shelter.
Speaker 1:In this journey. So, because this happened over six years, right, what? Over six years? What are things that grew and expanded Like from you know your think about your first date to like this place in your life now?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I felt like I mean it to take a long way to chip away those performative elements, even though, like he had taken me into the space where I could be a sub. It was still like really trying to fight through the chatter in my mind, like the idea that you have to perform. Am I making noises? Do I, as he's folding me up in two? Do I still look sexy? We all feel that yes, yeah, and I think near the end there was a lot there. There was, there was fewer, we were doing less BDSM and that was fine.
Speaker 2:But it was like we had come to this space where, like he really knew my body and knew how to make me react and would spend an entire hour doing all these different scenes, making me come in different ways in different positions, was always happy to do what I asked. But, like, the orgasms I started to have became like profound and existential and I felt like it was, it was, it was just, it was really incredible. It was really incredible. It almost having those play sessions with him. It felt like it became spiritual, like I had a whole routine of getting ready before and like shaving myself and perfuming myself and putting on my best lotion and getting in that that space, like almost like the way people would prepare for church, like just very mindfully and very thoughtfully, almost like the way people would prepare for church, like just very mindfully and very thoughtfully, because really man accessing that space with him it felt like heaven, like in a way I can't even begin to describe it. It was so incredible and how did it affect?
Speaker 2:other areas of your life. Okay, that was again. I talked about how the pain and learning to not fear what's coming next, just kind of being very present in the moment, that was a huge thing. It made me, like, more confident because here's somebody who has seen me at my most vulnerable and they are still there. They are still there, they still care about me, they still love me. Um, it made me more confident at work, um, and then also man, he set off amazing things in my life. Like I met really amazing sex positive like me and um, and it put me so in touch with, like my sexuality, which had been deeply buried for so long, and realize how much of a like a sexual being I am. And, um, I think it made me come across as more confident. I feel like it just made me more open and seeing how non-judgmental like him holding this really amazing non-judgmental space, like really holding this really amazing non-judgmental space like really taught me how to hold that for myself and for others.
Speaker 1:Before we move on, because I want to get to kind of where you're at now, but before we move on, are there any experiences in particular, or things about this journey into subspace, into becoming a sub rather, that you would really like to share and let listeners know about? Who are curious, who you know, think maybe you know there, I think there are a lot of people who are like. I want to, I want to be dominated, but they don't know what, what that all really means, sure.
Speaker 2:Sure, um, I think the one thing you'll probably see as you look online look out for the fake doms, the people who are asking like you should call me daddy right away, and you need to do this right away before, like, any sort of trust is established. I think that's really important for people to understand and I think it's important to do some of the reading, do the work, educate yourself. I'm so grateful I had that foundation Because, like I had this educational foundation on which to build what was happening next, instead of somebody else kind of driving the train on my experience, so I think that was really helpful.
Speaker 1:Also, how much pain you take and can take does not dictate how good of a submissive you are.
Speaker 1:It's so true like if anyone's trying to tell you like I had, uh, an experience in my relationship with someone who was more dominant than me, where the the pain dynamic, the way the pain was being delivered, was unpleasant to me, and I would say, hello, I would be like that's too much and they would basically mock me for not being able to take as much and, you know, make comments like kind of cutting me down, uh, like about, like I was kind of a wuss and that that should be a red flag for you. That should be a red flag for you. You don't have to be someone that can go from zero to 100. Like if someone just starts wailing on you and they may tell you that your ability or inability to withstand that dictates how good of a submissive you are, that should be a red flag to you. This is someone like a good Dom, someone who is someone who cares about you. First of all, is someone who is wants to bring you into the pain and pleasure dynamic in a way that creates an ecstasy for you. Yeah, they don't want to like traumatize you and hurt you and you don't have to be able to take as much pain.
Speaker 1:I don't feel like I'm any less of when I am submissive a sub than Carrie, because I don't want as much pain as she does. It's all about what your body enjoys and reacts to. So watch for red flags. Watch for red flags. And it can be hard. Because I would say this when you say that the bond with someone who you've had that experience with is so strong, when you've allowed someone A to uh make you that vulnerable, restraining and, and you know, bringing about this pain pleasure dynamic, it can be really hard to say to them I'm not enjoying that, yeah, like this, I'm not enjoying this, but it's super important for you, for your dom, to make you feel safe doing that and to be able to take your feedback. And it sounds like he did that. He was very much that way. Like you should be able to give good feedback.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and a good Dom will look for you to speak up to yours for yourself. Like we'll encourage it. Be like like even with even with my partner he would. He'd be like what kind of ice cream do you want? And I'd show some indecisiveness because I'm a lifelong people pleaser. And he'd be like if you don't pick this ice cream out, I'm going to pull down your pants right here and everybody in the store is going to come spank you.
Speaker 1:And you're like I'm not picking anything, so yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And also there are different types of being submissive. Right Were you into humiliation, so there's pain and pleasure. So that's one thing I just want to get to really like fold into this. This is about her journey. I mean, we are in no way going to be able to touch every kind of dom sub dynamic. There are so many different. I am a sliver of the pie, sliver Right, and your primary it sounds like your primary submissive type was restraint impact. I remember a little electrostimulation. I may have been there for that. That was great. That was my first experience with it.
Speaker 2:I was like what the fuck?
Speaker 1:And now I'm like what the fuck? What about humiliation?
Speaker 2:Ooh, I tried humiliation, but it's just something that doesn't resonate for me. It just, yeah, it didn't feel good like somebody tried slapping me and I was like, oh, like there was just something, that was just. It felt too disrespectful in a way to me and I, just when I get into my subspace, I feel very like goddess and to be slapped or like spit on. I was like that's taking me right out of my goddess space.
Speaker 2:Yes, but you know what Some people want to be sub goddess, and some people want to be dirty sub slut and you know what. Whatever makes you feel good and feel safe, and just as long as you're feeling like respected and's that's really important.
Speaker 1:All right. So today you are single. Today, have you dipped your toe into being a dominant at all? Have you tried that role? I don't. Have you tried that, have we?
Speaker 2:I have like with a woman I was dating, I kind of co topped her with her male partner. Like with a woman I was dating, I kind of co-topped her with her male partner and I really did enjoy that. It wasn't necessarily like super sexual or turn on for me, but it was like really nice to provide that for my partner and kind of like wield some of that like pleasure and power.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Oh, trying to picture that, I can kind of picture it, though I don't know You've, I've, I've known you, you've gained this kind of attitude. Yeah, a little bit of a.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a little bit yeah.
Speaker 1:Do you find it hard to find people to top you now Um? Are you looking for?
Speaker 2:it. Where are you at now in your own journey? I've carried so much of that pleasure. I'm so grateful for that pleasure and I'm carrying so much of that forward in my, in my experiences, and even as I masturbate and touch myself and trying to find, like trying to find that beautiful space again, like it won't be exact, I'm coming close, coming, I got that. So yeah, kind of that's, that's where I'm at. I mean, it would be nice to find, but we'll see Right, it's a journey. It's a journey and you know what? I'll probably never find that same thing again.
Speaker 1:But you could find something just as good or better, but different, different, yeah, different. That's kind of the way it is. What are some things right now that you're like, oh, I kind of want to try that. Do you have anything on the horizon that you're like I'd like to try this thing? I'd like to take myself.
Speaker 1:Now that you're you know, you went from literally vanilla to, I mean again, folks. I was in the room with them, so I know what that and I'm. Can I just get my perspective really quick on my experience, because I've never told this story in depth and I don't even know if I can remember in detail, because it was more than once, it was a couple times, right, see, that's where it like, because it's a lot when you are in these intense sexual situations, it's a lot. It gets all blurred in your head in like the best of ways and I only had really good experiences there. But I was really into Miss Carrie over here. That was my main. Was that an interesting dynamic for you? I've never even, I've never even asked her these questions. Here you go, you get to be here for it for the first time. Folks, was that different for you to have a woman that was there, that you knew was primarily there for you.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, yeah, I thought it was interesting, um, and I think I'm somebody who doesn't really like to be perceived, so that's like sometimes why BDSM was hard, because all the focus was on me and else to take, because it would be a really sexy scene and I loved sitting there and kind of like watching the two of you do things and it was really pleasurable for me.
Speaker 1:But very interesting and different, right right, interesting and and different right right.
Speaker 1:well, I know that you did express at the time it was nice to know that I was into you and there was no like jealousy, uh, that was going to come oh my gosh yes, of like me being like oh, but I'm into this guy and you're with him, like so all of that was removed and from my end it was like what was happening was like oh, to make you feel good, like I knew he was gonna be fine, he was gonna be fine, yeah, yeah I think, um, I really appreciated that dynamic because I've had the experiences where women you know they, they were more interested in him and then at points would ask him to be exclusive and he was like that's, that's not on the table for me, so right, um, and then you know, even though I thought I was kind of maybe building a friendship with these women sometimes and that that would end right, so it was like a whole new thing to navigate I was unique folks.
Speaker 1:I was unique yeah that's what I tell myself, at least. Um, all right. So now, moving on from the end of this relationship where you are now, you have all of this experience. You've really found yourself as a submissive, which is interesting to me, because even in my own journey of knowing you, I feel like you're outside of the bedroom. Persona has evolved so much. You are so much more decisive and assertive and, yeah, I would say, dominant. Yeah, it is true, you're more dominant now in your everyday life than when I met you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think it was really kind of being in that subspace, because you are really in control of something really important to you, your pleasure, and you're the one actually, at the end of the day, calling the shots. You get to say yes or no to it.
Speaker 1:And yeah, it just it changed my brain right, right. And I think you're just so open to experiences too. Like sometimes we spend a lot of time, carrie and I, talking about the things we're going through now, um, and how we perceive them, and and I would say, like you, having gone through what you have and I have never gone through that sort of awakening, not in that short a period of time, not that profound, not with that intensity for certain, and I think for you it really opened up your just ability to perceive things from a little bit more of a non I want to say non-emotional place but that's not true A place of compassion and kind of coming outside of everything and looking down at it, where I get like caught up in the weeds of being in it.
Speaker 1:We talk about that a lot and I'm like I don't know, I'm not that big of a person man, I can't do that. But so, from where you are now, with all of this growth and all of this person man, I can't do that. But so, from where you are now, with all of this growth and all of this perspective, what are some things you're like I want, I want to try this or that. Here's maybe the next path I'll take. Do you have any of that mapped out? What are you open to?
Speaker 2:I still feel open to so many things that I still haven't tried, since the, the menu of things you can do, sex wise and even within bdsm it's. It's so long, um like, we sometimes played with shibari and that was incredible and I went to somebody who who does shibari professionally and did a photo shoot and was suspended and and bound and how safe that felt and God, it would be so incredible to be suspended and also have some like pleasure going on too. You and I should go to a class.
Speaker 1:That'd be fun. You know what I know Carrie is open to folks Sharing toys with me and, lucky you, you can be part of our experience because she is joining me on two girls sharing toys with me. And lucky you, you can be part of our experience because she is joining me on two girls sharing toys. If you have not checked out my sex toy reviews, you should do that now, hopefully, maybe not, maybe not. But by the time this is published which is happening really soon because we are in King Tober we will have put together some two girls sharing toys, sex toys review reviews and I have some that I've launched already with my beautiful friend Andy. But Carrie and I have been sharing toys and we have three that we're getting ready to review for you and we will be launching. So I know that she definitely is ready for that and I want you guys to check those out, see what toys we are going to be looking into.
Speaker 1:Who knows, maybe, since you're my, you might be my kinkiest girlfriend. I don't know my other girlfriend. The minute anyone hears this, I'll get like the phone calls like I'm kinkiest book. What do you mean? But I don't know. You may be at the next level there.
Speaker 2:That's funny to hear you say, like from where I was six years ago, to like you have your own podcast and here you are, you're right, so my journey has been quite.
Speaker 1:I guess I'm totally different than when you yeah, I'm in a way different place. You're so different. God. We both have way better hair than we did our. Incredible when I think about what our hair looked like do you remember our haircuts shorter? Well, whatever we thought we were cute we thought each other, we were cute um, yeah.
Speaker 1:So who knows, maybe we'll be able to get some kinky uh sex toy products, uh, to try out you know, separately, maybe you never know and review for you. So stay tuned to that. Thank you for sharing. There's so much to this story and this guys. This was just an overview, and like sort of dipping the toe into the water, of what it means to be submissive, and I don't know why I haven't done a lot of content on it. Maybe because I don't. I don't personally, I've, I have, I have submissive goals. I, I have submissive goals. I have a submissive side to me that I enjoy. I find it really hard to find partners, though, who feel comfortable dominating me. I don't understand why, though. Yeah, no, just joking, and I do like being dominant a lot, especially with women. I think that's more natural for me. I'm short, but I'm mighty right. Yes, you are. Thank you Can confirm.
Speaker 1:But I do want to dive more into it, and actually even for myself, because I would love to explore my own submissive side a little bit more.
Speaker 1:I just have no idea how to do that. So hopefully Carrie will join me more and maybe we can start drilling down into the submissive experience. So seriously, if you have questions about the submissive experience, anything something you want to know more about, questions for Carrie uh, please email me at Annette at talk sex with Annettecom, or draw you're on my YouTube channel, which is at TalkSexWithAnette. You can drop a message or into the comments section. I will bring her back on. We'll go through your questions together and answer them. We could totally do that. That would be super fun. I'd love to. You can scroll down and I've got my speak pipe. You can send us a voice message. We'd even play it right here and then answer it on our video. That would be super fun for us, because I do want to answer your questions. I know that people have a lot of questions about what it means to be submissive and I don't fucking know.
Speaker 2:She does, and I know just what I know is like one part of an entire iceberg.
Speaker 1:But we also have a community that we can reach out to. A great community, a great community, and there are subs out there, so many, yeah. So we did it, we did it, we did it. It's been a long time in the coming Threesomes happened. Lots of things happened Years passed.
Speaker 2:And here we are, here we are.
Speaker 1:Until next time, folks, I'll see you in the locker room locker room Cheers.