6 Ways to Get Your Wife or Girlfriend to Want More Sex

Ever wondered why your female partner doesn't initiate sex as often as you'd like? Discover the secrets behind this common issue in our latest episode of Masturbation with me, Annette Benedetti. Today, we're exploring the intriguing dynamics of spontaneous versus responsive desire and how this understanding can transform your intimate life. Expect to walk away with six actionable, research-backed steps to increase your partner's desire for intimacy, ensuring a more connected and passionate relationship.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:44

do the sex. Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me, annette Benedetti, your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats. This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental, physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams. Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure, better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life. Today's Masturbation Monday topic is six ways to get your wife, girlfriend or female partner to desire more sex with you. I get calls and messages from listeners and clients all the time who are concerned about their sex life with their female partner. The number one complaint I get is that she doesn't want to have as much sex as I want to have, or she doesn't want to have sex anymore at all. And the number one question I get is how can I get her to want to have more sex with me? So today we are going to talk about what makes women not only want sex, but yearn for and chase sex from their partner, and I am going to give you six research-backed actions you can start taking right now, today, tonight, that are going to increase her desire for sex with you. So grab your cup of coffee, get in bed. Let's talk about sex Cheers First of all. If you want your wife, girlfriend, female partner to want or desire more sex from you, you need to understand how women experience sexual desire and what drives their desire for sex with their partners.

Speaker 1: 2:41

When it comes to sexual desire, men and women often experience it differently, with two common types of desire being spontaneous desire and responsive desire. Spontaneous desire is the unprompted feeling of wanting to engage in sexual activity without any external stimuli. It can seem as if it just pops up out of the blue. So who experiences spontaneous desire? Spontaneous desire is often associated with men more, because men report experiencing frequent, unprovoked sexual urges that come out of the blue, without context or the need for emotional connection. In fact, up to 75% of men say that they experience spontaneous desire often. So what is responsive desire? It's just what it sounds like. It is the desire to have sex that comes as a result of something externally happening. It could be kissing, touching, it could be something that causes an emotional connection. It occurs as a result of something happening rather than just spontaneously developing. So who experiences responsive desire? Yep, no surprise here. Responsive desire is more common among women. Research shows that women more often require emotional, psychological or physical cues in order to feel desire. In fact, research shows up to 70% of women report experiencing responsive desire over spontaneous desire. Before we move on, it's important to point out that, though the research that's been done so far has shown that biological men report experiencing spontaneous desire more and biological women report experiencing responsive desire more, most people experience both at some point in time, and obviously there's a gender spectrum. So what's most important here is that everybody gets to know what kind of desire they experience more spontaneous or responsive because that's going to help you know what you need from your partner and it's going to help your partner know what they need to be giving you.

Speaker 1: 5:04

Okay, let's move on to six actions you can start taking tonight that research has shown is likely to make your wife, girlfriend, female partner desire sex from you more, maybe even ask for it more, initiate it more or perhaps chase it. The first thing you're going to do if you want your wife, girlfriend, female partner to start having more sex with you is to start prioritizing emotional connection. You need to prioritize connecting with her on a deeper level. Emotional intimacy is essential to physical intimacy, especially for women. According to research from the Journal of Sex Research, couples who report having a closer emotional connection have more sex, and more sex that is initiated by the female partner. Before you think about the physical, think about the emotional. If you want your wife or girlfriend to desire you more sexually, well, you're going to have to increase that emotional connection.

Speaker 1: 6:11

And here are three simple things you can do to make her feel emotionally connected to you. Number one make sure you are actively listening to her when you guys are in conversation. That means putting away any distractions that may pull you away from focusing on what she's saying. It means showing empathy by responding thoughtfully to what she's saying and finally validate what she's saying. All of this will make her feel heard and understood. Number two you're going to increase the amount of non-sexual physical touch that happens throughout the day. This can be things like holding hands, hugging, touching without the pressure of sex taking place. Research shows that the more non-sexual physical contact a couple has throughout the day, the more connected they feel to one another and the stronger that emotional bond becomes. Finally, you are going to increase the words of affirmation that you give her throughout the day. This can be spontaneous compliments that you wouldn't typically give her about very specific things. It could be telling her how much you appreciate the work she does, or telling her how sexy she is.

Speaker 1: 7:27

Feeling appreciated, noticed, thought about, increases desire and emotional connection. The second thing you are going to do to make your woman desire sex from you more is you're going to work on making her feel desired. Let her know she is still the one that turns you on. Women need to feel desire to want to have sex, and studies show that feeling desired and feeling sexy actually increases a woman's libido. Complimenting her, telling her you still find her sexy, and showing her physical affection often and throughout your days are a good way to make her feel desired and, as a result, in the mood. Research that was published in the Journal of Sexual Research shows that women who feel physically and emotionally desired by their partners report more sexual frequency and satisfaction. Expressing desire without expectation creates an atmosphere where she feels appreciated and not obligated, and that's important.

Speaker 1: 8:35

The third thing you're going to do if you want your partner, your girlfriend or wife to want to have more sex with you is you are going to share the load. Housework is foreplay. Nothing says let's get it on like a clean kitchen and folded laundry. Believe it or not, research shows that when men share the household chores, women feel more supported and report being more into the sexy activities. Sharing the mental and physical load of home responsibilities makes women feel more supported and lowers their stress. Now we know that stress is a huge libido killer for women. For women, so by helping out at home, you are going to take that stress and she is going to have more of a mental capacity and headspace for the good stuff, meaning the sexy stuff and getting it on later on. If you don't believe me, research that was published in the journal Family Psychology found that women who were in egalitarian relationships where the load of the housework was shared with their partners reported more sexual satisfaction.

Speaker 1: 9:41

Number four spicing things up in your relationship is going to go a long way towards making your woman want to have more sex with you. Routine is the enemy of desire, so keep things fresh. Trying new things in the bedroom or even in daily life can help rekindle the excitement in your relationship. Research shows that novelty plays a critical role in maintaining sexual desire in a relationship over the long term. Couples who introduce variety into their relationship, whether it's through a new activity, surprises or sexual exploration report, feeling closer and having a more sexually satisfying relationship. Novelty boosts dopamine production, which is the brain's feel-good hormone. This enhances attraction and excitement between partners. Remember the beginning of your relationship, when everything felt exciting and new? We're basically going to try and recreate that and bring back that NRE, new relationship energy. You know, when you guys couldn't keep your hands off each other.

Speaker 1: 10:44

The fifth thing we're going to do to increase your partner's desire to have sex with you is we're going to make time for a sexy talk, sexy communication, communication about our desires, needs, wants and curiosities. There is plenty of research out there that shows that couples that talk about sex regularly with one another have a much higher level of sexual satisfaction in their relationships. It's really important, though, when you set aside time for conversations about sex, that you do it in a safe container, that you both understand that you are going to approach these conversations with open communication. You're going to create a safe space where neither of you yuck each other's yum. Women are more likely to initiate sex when they feel like their sexual needs are getting met, so make sure these conversations are a two-way conversation.

Speaker 1: 11:39

These conversations should not be approached in a way. That's I need more sex from you. I want you to give me more head or go down on me more, or I want to do this. It should be a fun, sexy, two-way conversation about hey, here's something I've been curious about, or remember that time when we did XYZ. I've been thinking about that lately and I'd like to try that again. Or hey, are there any interesting sexual things you've been wanting to do or desiring? A good time to bring up conversations like this could also be when you're at a movie and you see a sexy scene on the screen. Afterward, bring it up, ask your partner what she thinks about it, ask her if it's something she would like to try.

Speaker 1: 12:27

Talking about sex with your partner can feel awkward sometimes, especially if things well haven't been very sexy between you. So it might be important at first to set a very structured time whether weekly, bi-weekly or whatever to sit down and talk about sex intimacy with one another. Talk about what's working, what's not working, talk about your fantasies, talk about ways you can be intimate without being sexual. The more you have these conversations, the more natural they become, and then they can move out of a structured format and into your daily intimate interactions with one another. And finally, number six if you want your partner to want to have more sex with you, then you are going to start building anticipation into your day. You're going to tease, flirt and play all day long. You need to start bringing heat to the bedroom before you even get there. Sexual anticipation heightens desire. Studies show that couples who participate in playful teasing and flirting throughout the day bang a whole lot more. And that's what you want. You can send each other flirty texts. You can leave a sexy note on the pillow. In the morning, you can surprise her with a new toy that shows up all wrapped in a pretty package.

Speaker 1: 13:53

Flirting and non-sexual touch goes a long way when it comes to building eroticism into your relationship. It's so important to remember to do these flirty, fun things that aren't directly attached to immediate sex all throughout your time with each other. That way, when it gets to the time of day whether that's morning, noon or night where you have the space to actually have sex, you're already in the mood. You've already laid the groundwork. She already knows that you desire her and you have made her feel desired. So when there is the space to actually engage in sexual activity anything from like oral sex, to genital touch, to penetration. She's already in the mood and wanting it. Do not wait until you want to have sex in the moment to show her you desire her and to try and build that anticipation. It is very difficult to take a woman from zero, not in the mood at all, to wanting to have sex and anticipating it in like 10 to 15 minutes. That moves her into feeling obligated and once she feels obligated, it's just not going to happen. So there you go. Those are six things you can start doing today that are guaranteed to start building her desire. Perhaps implement one and make it a part of your regular daily activity with your wife or girlfriend or partner and then add another once it's become routine and slowly you're going to build an environment that's conducive to her feeling like she wants to engage sexually with you.

Speaker 1: 15:43

Now I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you have any other things that you find your partner reacts to? Do you have any questions? Comments? You know what to do. Scroll down and click on my speak pipe below. You can leave me a message. If you are on my YouTube channel, you can drop a comment or a question in the comment section right below the video. You can email me at Annette at TalkSexWithAnnettecom. If you and your partner are struggling to build intimacy and excitement in your relationship. I have spots available in my personal coaching practice. Feel free to reach out to me any of the ways I just mentioned, and I'd love to work with you. So that's a wrap for Masturbation Monday. Until next time, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.