Sex With Soft Cocks!

Erectile dysfunction can occur for a number of reasons. From sexual anxiety to medications that make it impossible to get hard, most men and people with penises will be faced with having a soft cock when things are heating up. Believe it or not, it doesn't have to be a problem. Sex with soft cocks can be downright arousing and my guest, sex and intimacy coach Allie Andrews and I sat down to talk about it on this episode of Locker Room Talk & Shots.

• In this episode you will learn:
• What causes ED
• How to lean into soft cock communication and play
• Ways to play with a soft cock
• How to have soft cock sex
• How to keep it hot even when it isn't hard

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Chapters

• 0:45 Empowering Sex Without Erection
• 8:25 Navigating Sex Without Erection
• 18:20 Exploring Pleasure Without Erection
• 33:35 Pleasuring the Soft Cock
• 49:32 Unlocking Pleasure With Soft Cocks

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:45

Do the sex Think fun, honest and feminist as fuck, and always with the goal of fighting the patriarchy. One female orgasm at a time. Welcome to the locker room. Today's locker room talk and shots topic is sex with soft penises soft cocks, if you will. I have been talking to lots of experts on this podcast lately about penis problems. Can't get it hard, come too quick. All of the problems and we've had many experts on that have shared solutions to helping people with penises and men get hard last longer.

Speaker 1: 1:57

But today I want to focus on what I think is most important of all, which is having amazing sex with a man or a person with a penis who is soft and doesn't get hard, because, believe it or not and I know you guys, if you've been listening for any time at all, know that I have said again and again you don't got to get hard to have incredible sex, and I know you're all skeptical, but by the end of today's podcast episode, of today's podcast episode, I am going to turn you into a believer with my guest who is going to help guide this conversation.

Speaker 1: 2:36

Now, before we dive in, I want to remind you all if you are on my audio podcast, you need to go over to my YouTube channel, which I have recently renamed, and it can be found under the handle at TalkSexWithAnnette, and when you go there and subscribe, you get to watch this podcast episode and all of my others and see the beautiful guests I bring on, the fun toys that I share, all right on your computer or your phone, so make sure to head over there and subscribe. Now we're going to dive into this conversation, and my guest today is certified sex and intimacy coach, allie Andrews. She guides individuals and couples to form deeper connections and have better sex. She is passionate about helping people be more embodied and embrace their sexuality, feelings, needs, desires and boundaries so that they can experience more self-love, pleasure and intimacy. This is right up my alley, so can you take a moment to tell my listeners just a little bit more about yourself?

Speaker 2: 3:44

Yes, thanks, thanks, annette. I'm excited to be here. Hi everyone. I guess I want to share just a little bit about my journey to where I am now and to becoming a sex and intimacy coach.

Speaker 2: 3:56

I've been sexual since I was little and intrigued by those warm tinglys that would come watching sex scenes and masturbating at a young age and losing my virginity at a young age. But I sex wasn't always a place of empowerment for me. I certainly had sex when I didn't want to have sex and kind of wasn't ready or even had sex that was painful and uncomfortable. So, fast forward to 2018, I kind of embarked on my own sex and intimacy healing journey and, when I felt ready, decided to like just kind of knew in my gut that eventually, one day, I would be guiding others on that very same path. And so, when I felt ready, I went back to school. I studied with the Somatica Institute in San Francisco and I just, yeah, I pinched myself that I get to help people have amazing emotional and neurotic connections and that, like, I get to orient my life and my work around pleasure. It's really, really amazing and it was the exact medicine that I needed and that, like so many people, really do need.

Speaker 1: 5:04

And I'm excited to have this conversation with you listeners. This is a really important conversation. It is not just for men and people with penises, it is for women and people with vulvas as well. We have been conditioned to orient pleasure and sex and intimacy and satisfaction in our relationships around P and V, penetrative sex and ejaculation, and that's that's how we sum up sex. But it is so so much more at just as Ali was sharing her journey in empowerment, this is part of the journey understanding that sex and intimacy and a fulfilling relationship is so much more than our parts working right, penetration taking place and ejaculation summing up the experience. And by the end of this episode, you are going to have a full guide to how to have sex and intimacy that's deeply fulfilling and satisfying, even when an erection is not possible, when you stay soft the whole time or after you already have penetrative sex and maybe the woman is ready to keep going.

Speaker 1: 6:26

I've been in that position a lot. The woman is ready to keep going. I've been in that position a lot. How do you continue to have sex when you can't get it up again? So stay to the end. I promise that tonight your sex life will improve. Are you ready to talk about sex with Slav Cox? Because I am ready. Cheers want to briefly talk about the reasons why some people can't get hard and are in this position of needing to know how to have intimacy even with a soft cock. I've gone over in past episodes a lot of the reasons, but I think it only makes sense to maybe address some of the really important reasons that someone might need to come to this episode and listen.

Speaker 2: 7:16

Yeah, so there's like medical reasons, right, like a really you know important. If you are struggling with erectile dysfunction, it is important that you check, you know, with your doctor because it can be an early sign of heart disease. Also, you know type 2 diabetes. But one of the most common reasons that I've seen recently I'm not sure about you is people that are on medications, especially like SSRIs, like Prozac or you know other antidepressants that are so supporting of their mental health. But it's like that piece about sexual health kind of gets left out of the conversation often. So I have clients that'll be like I don't know why I'm not getting hard and then we'll kind of get into, they'll share that, you know. Eventually they'll share that they're on Prozac or something and I'll be like, okay, that's probably the reason. So let's take away the shame that this is something about you and like your body and just say, okay, this medication is, is what's contributing, um, and you know you can go to your doctor and see if there are alternatives as well. Uh, cause, often there are um, and you know other reasons.

Speaker 2: 8:25

I would say like a lot of it is is mental, can be mental health related too. I have clients who have a lot of shame or guilt around their sexuality, and that's been with them since they've been young and it's just carried over into adulthood where they're really not able to get erections consistently. And then there is, of course, performance anxiety. Right, there's so much pressure on cocks to like be hard and stay hard and like always be ready for sex, and that's just not realistic for anybody to always be ready for sex, whatever your gender, genitals are. So I think that that you know the mental health aspects are also really important and often can be somewhat addressed with some coaching or, you know, some therapy, specifically, you know, targeting that. So, yeah, those are some of the things that I see.

Speaker 1: 9:19

I have actually had listeners share that they're on medication for mental health and then it affects their ability to get hard, which then affects their mental health. It's a vicious cycle. But what I want to focus on today is starting people on the path of knowing how to have incredibly satisfying sex, even when they aren't hard. And this is for people with penises and men, but it's also for women and vulva owners, because I think oftentimes something we haven't really focused on on this podcast is that, as a woman, if you are with a man and he doesn't get hard, it can oftentimes affect our sense of self esteem, like what is it about me that keeps him from being able to get hard? And I've heard a lot of women say that and feel like something is wrong with them because men either don't get hard with them or go limp during sex with them. So let's dive in. Where would you start this conversation with people that were coming to you with this concern?

Speaker 2: 10:36

Yeah. So I think, yeah, I think that's so common. Like so many vulva owners, women like we, our desire is to feel desired. Like we want to feel desired and like a hard cock can like really make us feel desired sometimes. So when that's not happening, it can be, yeah, like what? What's wrong with me? And I think it's so important to one like build up our sense of you know.

Speaker 2: 11:03

I would probably start with like building up, you know, that individual's sense of self-worth and confidence in other ways and like helping her or them find that within themselves as much as possible and like really fill their own cup.

Speaker 2: 11:18

Because you know, if you have that sense of like connection with your sexuality, empowerment in your sexuality, you know how to pleasure yourself and you're feeling, you know, confident in your life, then it's going to be easier to not take that so personally from your partner.

Speaker 2: 11:38

And also just normalizing the conversation around it and helping you know whether it's a couple or it's an individual, like helping them feel more comfortable to talk about.

Speaker 2: 11:49

You know I'm I notice you know when you don't get hard like I, I start to take it personally and be able to share that in a vulnerable way and then you know, have them share what they're feeling, cause they probably have some shame coming up. They probably have, you know, lots of feelings coming up as well that maybe they don't share. Um, just really having that conversation and being able to maybe get some reassurance from your partner, the reassurance that you need in that moment, knowing what that would look like for you and being able to ask for it. And you know also just this education piece around there is such thing as like arousal, non-concordance, where someone can feel turned on and not be hard or not be wet, and that's just reality, right, like most people aren't taught that, but that is, you know, they could still be very much turned on by you and just not getting hard. So that's also really important to normalize.

Speaker 1: 12:51

Listeners. I want you to rewind and listen to that again. You can have a partner who's turned on and does not get a hard on. You can have a partner who is turned on and does not get wet. And I think it's largely at this point accepted that women can still be turned on and does not get wet. And I think it's largely at this point accepted that women can still be turned on and not get wet. And we've got lube, right, we've got lube to take care of that.

Speaker 1: 13:18

But when it's someone with a penis like, there's no easy fix for that, no quick fix for that in a bedroom situation to suddenly make this person hard outside of. You know, maybe Viagra if that works. But we're trying to get past that. The whole point is a person can be aroused and not get hard, and that's something we all just need to start to internalize and accept.

Speaker 1: 13:50

So, as you said, the communication piece with this is super. That is the starting point. It is absolutely the starting point. And so what would you say in a situation where two people come together, especially in the beginning of a relationship, and they're ripping off their clothes, they're making out, they're getting ready to have sex? I know most of us have had this situation, either, as you know, the man and the person with the cock, or being the woman on the other end and the person, just you know, isn't getting hard. What would you suggest they communicate in that moment? To not deflate or take the sexual charge out of the situation and to continue moving forward in a way that keeps everyone feeling really good about the situation.

Speaker 2: 15:37

Yeah, I mean, I think, like communicating their desire.

Speaker 2: 15:41

You know like I feel so turned on by you and like this is so exciting for me and you know, sometimes, or I I have I have trouble getting hard and you know it has nothing to do with you and I want to, I want to keep going and keep playing, but I just want to, you know, name that, that's that's going on.

Speaker 2: 16:02

So like really, yeah, bringing bringing your desire through your words so that again you can kind of show that you're into it, you're excited, but like this is, this is the reality of the situation and I think, on the receiving end of that, as much as you can to, you know, not shut down or like pull away, cause I think a lot of times as women, we can kind of like pull away and be like, oh, like shrink, and be like, oh, you don't really want me, and kind of make it about us, and that just creates more pressure on the cock and creates more distance and less intimacy.

Speaker 2: 16:37

So, you know, if, if you can kind of be like, yeah, it's totally fine, like I still want to, you know, play with your flaccid cock, like that's fine, like I've heard I've heard men say that having their soft cock, like in a, in someone's mouth is just so intimate and it feels so good for them, but it's something that they almost never experienced, because the other person's like, if it's getting soft, I better stop, um, or if it's not hard yet, it's not, it's not ready. So I think just you know continuing to also bring your desire and also you know share feelings that are coming up too. That's, that's an important piece. But as much as you can, yeah, just like try not to take it personally and and try to like enjoy it, enjoy the moment, and we're, I know we're going to be giving more tools to do that as well you can lean into the situation and just be like, yeah, like I'm into you too and there are so many other things that you can ask for.

Speaker 1: 17:53

If you can switch your mind frame over, it's kind of a bonus in some ways, because then sex doesn't become all about the penis and it can really become about your needs and your satisfaction and orgasm being like the center of the situation, which is fucking amazing.

Speaker 2: 18:16

Totally. I love that you said that. I think, yeah, centering the vulva owner's orgasm. And so many men that I coach, they come to me and it's like their desire is to give their partner pleasure, like when their partner is turned on, when their partner is, you know, vocal and expressive that they're enjoying themselves. That's when they feel like the most fulfilled from sex. Um sure, you know it's great to get off or whatever, but like, ultimately there's so much more you know that men and you know all people get out of sex than just that orgasm. And if you're, you're in a man listening, you know, like being able to know how to really pleasure a vulva owner and like really, yeah, just make her feel good. That's, that's going to feel so good for you too.

Speaker 1: 19:05

Let's get to it. You've communicated, the cock is limp, but you're both turned on. Let's go into the multitude of ways, because there really are a lot of different ways that you can have satisfying sex with a soft penis. So let's just dive in and that's what we're all here for. What are some of the ways? Where do you want to start?

Speaker 2: 19:26

I think we should just start by like saying that sex is this term that really can mean what you want it to mean. It doesn't only include intercourse, right, like there's so many other ways to have sex, like you said in the beginning. So kind of taking that like penetration off the table not to say that that absolutely can't happen with a soft cock, because there are ways to kind of play with that, but kind of taking that piece off the table. I think it starts by like knowing what you you know, knowing what you like, you know if you're a vulva owner. Like knowing, knowing, knowing what you like and being able to kind of show your partner. So we could maybe start with like hand play or oral. I mean, of course, you know giving and receiving pleasure is an amazing way to kind of take that like the need to have the hard cock off the table, cause you can do that whatever state the cocks in.

Speaker 1: 20:23

Right. I mean, as we all know, you can start with oral sex. You can start with fingering and massaging all areas of the body, but I like that. You also said, even though a cock is soft, you can still have oral sex. You can still give oral sex and get enjoyment out of it sex and get enjoyment out of it.

Speaker 1: 20:53

Why we attach the cock, halfing to be hard to giving it oral sex is beyond me. Now, a lot of people don't like the sexual position 69, but I love it and you know, for me it's like whether or not the cock is hard or not, I'm still receiving oral sex, so I'm being pleasured. And then I mean reframing my mind around as a cock has to be hard. To be sexy is pretty simple and maybe for me it comes naturally because, again, I've had, I have sex with women, right, and it's not like their pussy gets hard. I mean it can get excited in other ways, but I don't need this like big phallic symbol in front sex organ organ as arousing is just allowing that to be that. I'm here with this other person and I have this opportunity to touch their body and their intimate parts in whatever vulnerable state it's in yeah mean what an act of like, total acceptance, right To like worship a cock.

Speaker 2: 22:10

That's flaccid, you know, and and just not not, yeah, not shy away from it. It's so amazing on the receiving end and it does like create that. It can create that intimacy and also take the pressure off, um, for there to be like this outcome of like okay, this has to end in me ejaculating, or, you know, us going to intercourse. It just takes that off the table and then it can go in so many other creative directions. Like so often, we get these scripts and we just follow those scripts.

Speaker 1: 22:46

What are some other ways that you would suggest being able to interact with a cock that is soft during sexual activities? That can be fun for both people.

Speaker 2: 23:00

Giving a cock massage could be an option. You know, I also think, like you can bring in, you can certainly bring in other toys, like if penetration was something that was exciting, like you could experiment with cock rings, or you could experiment with even like wearing a strap on and fucking your partner with that.

Speaker 2: 23:25

And you know I love to bring in other other like more mental aspects to sex, cause I think so often we focus on the physiology and the like, but when you think about the path, pathways to arousal like the, actually the psychological pathway to arousal is for many people much more efficient and like quick. If you think about you're going to sit down, lay down to masturbate and you're going to like either watch porn or kind of just focus on sensation and massage your body Like what's going to get you there quicker, it's going to be the porn. So engaging the erotic mind like you could I don't know create a fun role play or fantasy around this soft cock. Even there could be some fun stuff to play with in that realm as well.

Speaker 1: 24:14

I know that now not everybody is going to be into this and this could make it worse for some people, but there are like cages for cocks, cock cages, which I have found really exciting to play with, sort of a little bit of chastity play. You can bring that in to your intimacy. But another way that I think people don't often think about is you can actually get a lot of sexual satisfaction from grinding as well with a penis owner, whether they are hard or not, and it can be really fun to do some grinding, like building up to getting to the hard on should it come later.

Speaker 2: 25:02

I love that, like you can still do cowgirl position, like riding, you know, on top, and have an orgasm that way, right. A lot of women enjoy external clitoral stimulation and that's what ultimately gets them to orgasm. I love that and I've certainly orgasmed that way many times in my life. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 25:20

So grinding can happen. Whether she's on top or whether you're in front of her, you can play with her clitoris while grinding, you know, against her. And that, and also I think something we should mention is a lot of women and vulva owners actually struggle with enjoying penetration and experience pain from penetration. You'd be surprised at how many do experience pain from penetration. You'd be surprised at how many do. And so just having like a warm, soft cock on the outside against the vulva and the clitoris can be incredibly exciting and arousing. And then there's not the stress for her of like, oh, am I ready for penetration to happen?

Speaker 2: 26:05

Yeah, and I noticed too, a lot of vulvas are very sensitive, like right at the opening. So even if you can just like maybe play with, like the tip inside and it doesn't have to be hard to do that, um, often, like I know, you know, with my partner if he comes and then like we're able to still have sex and still get there after, cause I feel often more sensitive like towards the opening. So it really just works out great for me. And, yeah, there's definitely ways to get creative with grinding and with, yeah, playing with just like a little tiny bit of penetration or while massaging the clitoris at the same time.

Speaker 1: 26:46

I love that you bring that up, because on this podcast I have given some instructionals on finding the G spot and the A spot more recently. But one thing I've shared with my listeners is what I discovered is my G spot is like right inside my vagina, like it's right inside, and so what I actually find most arousing is like just the tip. Yeah, I mean, it's just the tip. But so this brings me to thinking about, because this topic really is about like having fun with a soft cock. One of the things I've found arousing in the past is if you are a vulva owner, being on top and then using the soft cock to rub against your clitoris and, instead of using fingers, actually getting to use this warm, spongy body part right, and then you get wet and it's in some ways better than like fingering, I think, because of the way it feels. It's a different sensation, and then that tip of the penis is super sensitive for the penis owner, so they are going to get to enjoy that as well.

Speaker 2: 28:05

Cocks can still, like we talked about, feel aroused, feel pleasure, even ejaculate, when they're soft. So there's no reason why, you know, we have to shy away from them.

Speaker 1: 28:17

That's a good point. Something we haven't mentioned yet is that penises can actually still come, even if they aren't hard. I don't think a lot of people know that.

Speaker 2: 28:25

Yeah, I mean you see like the flashes in movies of, like you know, young men like kind of coming in their pants, which can be, you know, super sexy and arousing to think about or to see and experience oral sex to someone who I was, I would say was definitely not hard and I continued and they came and I was like oh, oh, okay, that's awesome, had no idea and had an incredibly intense orgasm.

Speaker 1: 29:02

But, that being said, folks don't put the pressure on the person with the flaccid penis to orgasm. No one wants the pressure to have an orgasm.

Speaker 2: 29:15

It doesn't feel good, and orgasms don't really work that way either.

Speaker 1: 29:19

No Right.

Speaker 2: 29:20

Yeah, they don't respond well to pressure unless it's the right amount of pressure.

Speaker 1: 29:26

I will say this when I come to think about it, because I've actually done this quite often. I've also used a hard cock to masturbate with, and sometimes a rigid penis doesn't work as well as a soft cock. When you'reid penis, you can use it to insert right inside of your vagina, and I think it's sort of interesting that you brought this up, because I have found post having sex with somebody when they get limp and they've rubbing against the G spot. I find that more arousing than when they were hard and pounding away at me.

Speaker 2: 30:15

So, I've experienced that as well.

Speaker 1: 30:17

It's very common folks, incredibly common. So you can also then reverse that, meaning that even if you haven't gotten hard and been penetrating a woman, you can then go from using the soft cock on the outside of your vulva to inserting it inside of your vagina, to whatever degree that can happen, and commence grinding with a little tip.

Speaker 2: 30:47

Yeah, just the tip. Yeah, that's. Yeah, that's just the tip. Yeah, that's so good. Yeah, just the tip. There's a reason. There's, that's the saying.

Speaker 1: 30:56

Because that's what we all really love. Let's be honest we love when it's just the tip.

Speaker 2: 31:00

Tease us with the tip, yeah.

Speaker 1: 31:03

Any other thoughts on where it can go from there?

Speaker 2: 31:05

Yeah, I mean, I think we've had a lot of focus on just, you know, the genitals and like that is great and that's often, you know, where sex is focused. But I think there's so many other body parts to stimulate, um, and I think it's it's about really like kind of mapping your body out and knowing, like where are your most pleasurable parts and how do you like to be touched? Um, you know, is it like a hand on the belly while you know getting your dick sucked, or is it like you know stimulating the breast, or like grabbing the ass, like what are the things that really increase that level of arousal for you? Um, and knowing that about yourself, but also about your partner, and kind of experimenting and exploring can be really fun, and of course, you don't need a hard cock to do any of that.

Speaker 1: 31:55

Don't need a hard cock to explore someone's body and pleasure or the other areas.

Speaker 2: 32:00

You can even kind of explore your own body, like on your own, and kind of bring that to your partner as well. As something I do a lot with clients is this pleasure mapping practice, where we really, you know, they get to really explore what their body like, what it feels like when they touch their own body, and then can kind of create a little picture and a little map that they can then kind of teach their partner about. So, um, yeah, I love, I love that Like to just really getting to know, to know yourself sexually and your body, your mind, and being able to have conversations about what you're learning with your partner, because that can just increase the intimacy so much and the enjoyment that both people are getting.

Speaker 1: 34:00

Right, so you would suggest that for each individual in this situation, or is that something that?

Speaker 2: 34:04

the person who doesn't get an erection can do and then let their partner know. Even though I don't get caught Hard, here are some things I really enjoy, like. Here are other parts that I love, you know, being touched, and also here's how I like my cock being touched, because a lot of times we're not actually teaching each other how we like to be touched, we're just kind of like hoping they like it and it may be too fast or too slow or not the right pressure. You know this goes for all bodies. So I think, not being afraid to show you know, say like show me how you like to touch yourself and then watch or have them actually guide your hand in the right place.

Speaker 1: 34:37

As a woman, I have never been taught how to pleasure a cock that isn't hard, or even interact with one. You know, yeah, or even interact with one. You know yeah, usually and I would say almost exclusively any education, even in pleasure education has been around what to do with a penis once it's hard. But obviously there's plenty to do with a penis that can pleasure it, that can make it feel good, regardless of how hard it is. So if the man has taken time to figure out how he enjoys being touched, even when he's soft, and can share that with her, that can be very empowering and arousing.

Speaker 2: 35:29

Yeah, absolutely, very empowering and arousing. Yeah, absolutely, and it, yeah, and it can and and if, if he can, also, like, show her through his sounds and his body language and his words that he's enjoying it, it will help with any of those feelings that we talked about in the beginning of, like her. Taking it personally, I think a lot of times, like we want to have more expression from our partner because, like we want to know if we're doing a good job, and so that's a really easy way to show them without having to, like you know, necessarily tell them. So, yeah, I think it's making me want to say, like some little tips that you know, I'm just thinking, yeah, I've never formally learned how to pleasure a soft cock, but, like I think a lot of you know, a'm just thinking, yeah, I've never formally learned how to pleasure a soft cock, but, like I think a lot of you know, a lot of people aren't aware.

Speaker 2: 36:14

I know this was mentioned in a few episodes ago, where you talked about penis size, I think, and it was mentioned that so much of the penis is actually inside of the body. So, you know, having your hand around like the base of the cock, and you can kind of like squeeze a little and also like massage, like under the balls, and kind of the part of the cock that is inside of the body, like while the breast is in your mouth, and that can feel so pleasurable for so many many people with cocks that you know whether they're hard or not many many people with cocks that you know whether they're hard or not.

Speaker 1: 36:58

Yeah, can we talk more about that? Because that's that's actually something that I am not familiar with. So a large part of the penis is inside the body. Can you talk about different ways, like you just gave a little bit of an instructional, but the mechanisms behind that and pleasuring the body that way?

Speaker 2: 37:14

Yeah, I mean you can think about it like you're still like kind of jerking it off, but it's your underneath. You can kind of like go underneath the balls and you can often feel it there and you can just kind of do a like a little pinching and just up and down while you're sucking or using your other hand to massage, and then also, if that's tough, you can go on top of the balls and still kind of access some of that. It can often like done in conjunction with the mouth or the other hand, just like it just increased the pleasure that's, yeah, they're experiencing but, it's not as hard as it sounds.

Speaker 2: 37:54

You know, just, you kind of have to get in there and make sure that you know you're, you're not hurting them or anything. Be you know, be sensitive because obviously the balls are right there, but don't ignore the balls Definitely. That's another thing you can do with soft cocks. I can't believe we haven't talked about that yet. You know the scrotum, that skin is very sensitive. So, like you know, using your mouth licking that, dental sucking, you know using your hand with some lube to like kind of massage or use your fingers on the balls, like, can be also another fun way to play and pleasure like, can be also another fun way to play and pleasure.

Speaker 1: 38:34

Some people like it a little rough. So running your fingernails up, uh, over the, the scrotum and the, the balls at the same time, like and and actually I probably need to, and we'll do a full podcast just on on the balls because we totally ignore them, like that doesn't even exist, it's just the cock. But yeah, I mean, and it's not as though we look to balls to get hard, they just exist and they bring pleasure.

Speaker 2: 39:02

Yeah, Just check in. And you know, like you said, some like it hard, some it's too much. So just just kind of check in and find that sweet spot for for your lover, and you can even like pull and tug. And, yeah, give them, give them lots of attention.

Speaker 1: 39:17

I always see in a lot of the education material out there around pleasure, about how complicated and complex woman's pleasure, pleasure is, and the vulva, the clitoris, all that. But I think we simplify the male organ and the penis. We're like, oh, it's just a penis, but there's actually a lot to the actual penis and when we talk about pleasuring each other's bodies, we really need to be looking at the whole body and taking in the male body, the penis, the penis owner's body, including the actual shaft, the balls. You've got the perineum below it and that is another place where you can have fun giving your person pleasure, regardless of whether our heart on is attached to it or not Something else that some people may be open to or not.

Speaker 1: 40:21

I have been with a partner who couldn't get hard and we enjoyed anal stimulation, so I was able to give him a peace spot massage through anal sex and that was incredibly exciting to me to be able to enter a partner and have sex that way and at the same time as I was doing that, even though he was still flaccid, I was still massaging his cock and it was the whole act of just pleasuring my partner, regardless of hard-on, just like as a woman and a vulva owner, I love it when my partner is going to prop up and take some time to work on me and pleasure me.

Speaker 1: 41:04

There are ways to do that, regardless of if I'm wet. Let's say I am being pleasured by my partner and I'm not wet and they get lube and that's the fix. Well, the fix with pleasuring your partner with a penis who's not getting hard is to just continue to massage them and find other areas of their body that feel good to them, yeah, and, and you know, men, penis owners can certainly orgasm from the P spot, you know, just like without, a hard on yeah, we can orgasm from the urethral, urethral sponge or G spot, so it's like.

Speaker 2: 41:43

But often that part of the body needs some waking up, like it don't expect it to just happen the first time, but play with a finger, play with maybe a P-spot massager, and start to wake that part up and see what's possible there for you.

Speaker 1: 42:00

So do you have suggestions for toys to include in soft cock play?

Speaker 2: 42:06

Yeah, I would say experimenting with some butt plugs, getting experimenting with like some butt plugs or the they make specific P spot massagers, as I mentioned, like experimenting with those. For a lot of people that is like what helps them get to orgasm is having that added stimulation in the ass, the asshole, as well. So, um, and then I think, some fun toys to use on a vulva if the cock isn't getting hard. I love a good hard, whether it's made from crystal or made from stainless steel, like a good wand that is curved and shaped perfectly to hit the G spot or G zone. I love the Pure Wand, pure wand by enjoy, um, I also have a, a wand that's kind of curved it's. It's not quite as curved as the pure one, but it can also reach all the way up to my cervix, which I love that um as well, and that's made by gemstone, yoni, uh, they make like crystal sex toys.

Speaker 2: 43:12

If you're into that kind of thing, if you're into crystals, you can explore there.

Speaker 2: 43:16

Um, and then, if you're a, uh vulva owner and you love you like a vibrator you know, I love the womanizer brand that kind of like have the sucking sensation on the clitoris, that can be really fun to play with, like sometimes I'll use that or I'll, you know, massage my, my clitoris while my partner fingers me or uses a wand on me. So that would be an option as well, and I I I'm hesitant to say penis bump, because I know the point isn't to get the cock hard, but it could be something definitely, you know, use like a medical grade, uh, like, if you want to explore that, because it could be a type of thing where maybe you just need a little help getting hard and then you could put a cock ring on the base. I love cock rings. They're one of my favorite sex toys to use. So if you know, if, if maybe you can can get hard sometimes but it's more of you know some, it's only an issue sometimes then you could experiment with something like that as well.

Speaker 1: 44:20

And there are cock rings that go around the balls. I think they are classified as cock rings. I think we've put down one that I love called the Verge, and it will vibrate against the perineum, or you can turn it around so that if you are a vulva owner and you're grinding on a soft cock, you're going to get the vibrations from the cock ring on your clitoris, and they can stay soft, but they're going to enjoy the vibrations as well. So, definitely, looking at different types of cock rings ones that go around the base some of them will stay on even when the cock is limp, and then there are some that will go around the base but also around the ball. So it doesn't matter if the penis is harder or not, it's still going to create that vibration against the penis, and then you can grind on them and get the vibration against your clitoris and then have a wonderful orgasm.

Speaker 1: 45:26

One thing we haven't focused on, I think, enough in this conversation is that, even though your penis may not get hard enough for penetration, you always have your fingers.

Speaker 1: 45:36

You know, you have your tongue, you have your fingers. Really learning to use your fingers, though, because the beauty of fingers is you can add as many as you want, depending on how you know how much penetration she wants. And you really have to get your fingering game on point. I do have an instructional video on that that's been wildly popular. But I think, even if you do get hard, knowing, knowing that like there's more for penetration than just your cock, and like sometimes you know you are having sex and you come quick and she hasn't come, then you need to be able to do something else as well, and your fingers are a great option. And then also there are a lot of toys. But in this conversation I'm trying to focus as far as penetration goes. I want to focus a lot on, like, just other body parts that can come into play when one body part is is not rising to the occasion.

Speaker 2: 47:28

You can really target that spot, like the right spot. You know you can curve your fingers just so you can do this little like come hither, motion and really focus, whereas most cocks, like, are not shaped like that and you're not going to be able to to really pinpoint the right spot that feels good for you know, and learning the specific vulva that you're interacting with is really important because it's not there's no one size fits all approach to getting a woman to, or a vulva to, orgasm. There's, you know, every, you know our, our wiring is is different and unique to each of us. So, um, yeah, like knowing the parts of your, your vulva owner, listening, like knowing where on your vulva and your vagina feels the most sensitive to you and being able to really teach your partner and show them, um, and also through, like, mutual masturbation can be a great way to do that too, just like masturbating together. It can be so intimate and so amazing and like I love that really feel so good.

Speaker 1: 48:33

Yeah, mutual masturbation is sexy and and it's sexy and it's something you can do regardless of hardness or wetness together, yeah, and you can learn a lot from just watching your partner. So I'd love to kind of sum up what we've gone over for kind of a takeaway package for my listeners. Can you sort of outline what you think the most important points and maybe a little like think of it as a little guide that someone can just go to really quickly tonight, when there is not a hard on involved, and go okay, like here's how I'm going to approach intimacy tonight with a soft penis.

Speaker 2: 49:14

Yeah, yeah, I'll do my best to sum it up. We got a lot in, but I would say we talked first, you know, about communication and the importance of putting it out there and talking about it. If it's happening, you know, getting the feelings out both. Both parties are going to have feelings about it. So having a conversation about that and, as much as you can, you know if you're the penis owner who's not getting hard or the you know partner who's on the other end of that, like not taking it personally and try not to shut down and kind of pull back and let that like kind of shame take over. And knowing that there's so much enjoyment to be had. And then exploring other parts of the body. You know often like getting sexy starts with that. Anyways, you don't want to go straight to the genitals. Whether you're hard or not. You, you know, usually it takes a little bit to get aroused. So just enjoying that part without feeling that pressure like oh, I have to get hard or I have to get him hard, and just yeah, allowing your bodies and your pleasure to lead.

Speaker 2: 50:25

And then playing with some giving and receiving of pleasure. Maybe you take turns or a love that you brought in 69. I think that that's a great alternative as well to the turn taking. If you can, if you can manage all that, um depends on the person. For sure, you know, bringing in toys, like really, if you're, if you're someone that's really turned on by like getting your partner off, really turned on by like getting your partner off they're a Volvo owner like bringing in those toys that we mentioned.

Speaker 2: 50:56

Um, and you know, not ignoring the, the psychological aspect of arousal. And you know, maybe playing you could play with like some dominance or submission or a dirty talk as well, to kind of add that other element of stimulation in some fantasy I love, to something we didn't talk a lot about. But even just running like a fantasy and through your mind can be another way to bring in the elements of that turn you on, even if you know they're not actually there, and that can kind of keep you engaged and and aroused. Yeah, and then not forgetting about the anus and that there's a lot to explore there as well, on, you know, for all bodies. But if, if you're dealing with a soft cock, like just not ignoring the anus, you know not being afraid to really get in there, and you know, use your mouth, use your hands and, just like, worship it whether it's hard or not, and you can still give hand jobs, you can still give oral sex.

Speaker 1: 52:06

You can still do all the same things with a soft cock. You can use the soft cock on your vulva, you can insert it inside your vagina, you can grind on it, you can stroke the balls and play with the balls while giving a hand job, while giving a blow job. All of those things are super fun. And remember that the erection it doesn't have to be present to do all the same things that you would do in the case of an erection. Oh, and a final note you can still come without a hard cock.

Speaker 2: 52:43

Yes, yes, and explore, yeah, explore your peace spot, explore what feels good, pleasure yourself, you know, masturbate and see like what feels good for you, um, so that you can learn your body and bring that to your, your partner, cause they're going to want to make you feel good. Yeah, that's the end, all be all, I think for so many of us. We love when our partners are turned on and let them know you're turned on with your words and with your, your body language positive feedback.

Speaker 1: 53:08

Folks want her to feel desired. Tell her how turned on you are while she's sucking your soft cock. Tell her how sexy it is for her to take a soft cock in her mouth like yes. Tell her, I mean, that's hot, just hearing that's hot and it's taboo, it's, it's like, yeah, it's a it's a taboo type thing.

Speaker 1: 53:29

It's. It's going against the norm. So get into soft cock play. One thing we didn't talk about we talked about caging the cock and sort of that flip dom, sub. But you, as a dom with a soft cock, could get into dominating her and telling her to worship your soft cock, to dominating her and telling her to worship your soft cock and to, like you know, you can actually use that as a way to dominate your vulva owner.

Speaker 2: 54:00

Oh my God, yes, there's so many fun ways to play with. Like to bring in power, play into this, yeah, power play. You can bring in age play Like there's just so yeah we didn't even talk about that Age play. You could get really creative with this, I think.

Speaker 1: 54:19

Totally Get creative with the soft cock. That is what we're going to sum up here. Turn the soft cock into something that's sexy, deserves attention and worship.

Speaker 2: 54:30

Absolutely. It will make your man, your penis owner, feel so accepted.

Speaker 1: 54:36

Yeah, and in turn, he will make you feel like a goddess.

Speaker 2: 54:41

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 54:41

Which is what we really want.

Speaker 2: 54:42

Absolutely yeah, and you can be a service top for sure without being hard, having a hard on right. There's so much to be talked about today.

Speaker 1: 54:53

Yeah yeah, you can definitely be the person dominating the other person with your soft cock. I love all of those ideas. There's a lot to take away there and a lot that listeners can do with soft cocks. So, whether you are bringing a soft cock to the table or you have a soft cock because you've already come but you want to keep going, we have given you lots of ideas and so tonight, go get it on. Get it on with your soft cock.

Speaker 2: 55:26

Yes, yes, don't ignore your soft cock ever, ever.

Speaker 1: 55:30

All right, it deserves part of you.

Speaker 2: 55:31

It deserves lots of attention.

Speaker 1: 55:32

A lot of attention, so can you tell my listeners where they can find you?

Speaker 2: 55:38

Yeah, so I am over on Instagram at. I am Allie Andrews, it's A-L-L-I-E and my website is Allie-Andrewscom, and I would say, yeah, those are the two places that I hang out the most. I do have a free download on my website called my sexy conversation cards, which is a great way to initiate a new type of conversation with your partner about sex or just explore you know yourself. You can use them as prompts to just kind of journal or explore your own sexual self. So go ahead and grab those.

Speaker 1: 56:15

Thank you so much for joining me today and listeners, you can find me on YouTube at TalkSexWithAnette. You can go to my website, talksexwithanettecom. You can ask us more questions to answer about soft cocks or anything else you heard in this conversation by scrolling down to the comment section below and dropping your question or comment If you are on my YouTube channel. If you are not, you can scroll down to the notes below this podcast episode and you can click on my speak pipe. Send me a voice note, or you can email me at annette, at talk sex with annettecom. So, uh, we are always happy to answer your questions and get you the information you desire the most to have the best sex life possible.

Speaker 1: 57:09

thank you for joining me, ali thank you so much for having me and to my listeners I will see you in the locker room. Cheers.