Get Your Sexy Back: 6 Step That Fast-Track Feeling Sexy Again

Has your sexy fizzled? Do you feel like your mojo got up and left and might never return? You aren't alone. Believe it or not, even I have found myself depleted of sensual energy and feeling like I'd never feel sexy again. I have put together 6 steps to getting your sexy back that I will share with you in this episode. But before we begin, what is "feeling sexy" all about and why is it important for you to put energy into. 
In this episode you'll learn:

• What sexy is
• Why it gets depleted and why you might feel like you've lost your sexiness
• Why it's important to invest time in
• How it effects your life
• 6 steps to that will help you get your sexy back

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Chapters

• 0:00 Getting Your Sexy Back
• 8:45 Embodied Sensuality in Daily Self-Care
• 13:40 Reviving Sensuality Through Self-Care

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:44

do the sex. Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me, annette Benedetti, your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats. This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental, physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams. Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure, better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life. Today's Masturbation Monday is all about how to start feeling sexy again after you've lost your mojo, your spark, maybe even your libido. Now there could be a lot of reasons for a dip in this area of your life. It could be that you're just coming out of a very difficult divorce or breakup. It could be that you're struggling in your professional life and that's where you get a lot of your self-worth from. Or, especially if you're a woman, it could be that you're going through hormonal fluctuations. Women oftentimes experience a loss of feeling sexy and sexuality around pregnancy and childbirth and after and when they're going through perimenopause and menopause. As an intimacy and sex coach, I have people reaching out to me every day, all day long, saying they just don't feel sexy or sexual anymore. So you're not alone. But why prioritize feeling sexy or your sexual energy? It's a great question. And how do you even go about getting your sexy back? Well, we are going to be going over all that and more.

Speaker 1: 2:38

Today, I am going to be talking to you about what feeling sexy really even is and why you should nurture it, and then I'm going to share the top six things I did this year to get my sexy back. That's right. This year, I've gone through my own journey of losing my feeling sexy and getting it back, so that it has now not only arrived, but it is thriving. So join me for a coffee in bed and let's get ready to talk about getting sexy Cheers. So the first thing we have to talk about when we're talking about getting your sexy back is that sexy is an inside job. Those feelings of sexiness now I'm going to talk about what they are Do not come from the outside. A lover can't give them to you. Attention from others doesn't give it to you. Sexiness is something you are going to create for yourself. I know for many of us, this is going to be a hard concept to accept. How many times have you said oh, my partner makes me feel sexy. The way that person looks at me makes me feel sexy, or you've just looked for other people to check you out or give you attention. That verifies that you're sexy. While it feels wonderful for others to point out and acknowledge our sexiness, it exists with or without their attention, and it can supercharge our lives and, even better, we can build it from the inside out.

Speaker 1: 4:16

So what is sexiness? You may think you know, but do you really? Let's first start with what sexiness is not. Your sexiness is not your libido. It can influence your libido, it can make you want to have sex, but sexiness and your libido are not the same thing. You can feel sexy and not even be in the mood to have sex. I want to stop and make a quick note here. If you are having problems with your libido, it's important that you go and have a discussion with your doctor or care provider about that and make sure that there's not some underlying health issue that needs to be dealt with. But again, you can feel sexy regardless of whether or not your libido or your desire for physical penetration and orgasm and sexual interaction exists.

Speaker 1: 5:17

So what is sexiness? Well, I've put together a definition I am going to read to you that is going to really help guide this full conversation and your path back to being one sexy ass bitch. Feeling sexy is a felt energetic state of self-awareness, confidence and empowerment in one's body and personal expression. It's a sensation of being connected to your own physicality, sensuality and attractiveness that stems from internal self-esteem. This feeling can arise from a combination of self-love, body positivity, emotional well-being and a connection to one's own desires. It transcends appearance alone and is deeply tied to how a person perceives their worth, uniqueness and ability to engage with their own sensuality or sexuality in a comfortable, joyful and empowered way. So there it is. But why is this important, you might ask Again, why bother nurturing it?

Speaker 1: 6:26

Well, again, why bother nurturing it? Well, sexuality and sexual energy is a core aspect of human identity and when we are disconnected from our sexuality and sensuality or sexiness, it can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, depression, a lack of ability to attach to others. That can even conjure feelings of deep anxiety and worry and concern. Reclaiming your sense of sexiness is going to help you increase your confidence. It has been shown to improve emotional resilience and to help people feel more connected to not only themselves but to others. Additionally, disconnect in this area of your life can affect other areas of your life. It can lead to low motivation, which can affect your job performance, your employment, your money. It can create poor body self-image, which affects your relationships. It can also lead to higher stress levels, which has been shown to release cortisol into your body and affect your overall health.

Speaker 1: 7:42

Reconnecting to your sexuality, your sexual self-esteem and your feelings of sensual self restores balance to your whole life. If you've been listening to my podcast for any time now, you know that I believe and promote and so many of the experts I interview agree as well that our sensual selves are intertwined with every other aspect of our sense of self. When you lose your relationship with your essential self, your whole self is going to be off balance. The following six things are things that I have personally integrated into my life this year upon having found discovered that I had really just lost my sexy, and these things have become part of my regular, daily, weekly, monthly practice, and I am confident that if you start incorporating them into your life, you're going to be able to get your sexy back fast.

Speaker 1: 8:45

One of the first things I want you to do on your path to getting your sexy back is to identify and embody what feeling sexy means and feels like to you, and a great way to do this is through meditation and breath work, and here is how you're going to do it. You can do this at any time of day, but a really good time of day to do it is in the morning, when you're still in bed. If you have to wake up 15 minutes early, and before you even pop up and go and get your coffee, I want you to lay and relax in some comfy position and close your eyes. You're going to start tuning into your breath and then I want you to go back to a moment in your mind where you felt your sexiest, where you walked into a room and you just felt like you owned it with your sexiness, where you felt confident and beautiful and sensual in your body.

Speaker 1: 9:56

Really, break it down and take note. Were you feeling bold and strong and confident, moving with power, or were you liquid and sensual in how you moved across the room? What were you wearing? What were the clothes that adorned your body that made you feel sexy? Were they light and flowy? Were they tight and revealing? What did you smell like? Were you wearing a certain scent? What did your skin feel like? Do you use lotion or body oils that make you shine. I want you to really tap into that moment, slide into that skin, feel like what it feels like to be that person again, and when you capture it, noting all the details, I want you to use your breath to inhale that feeling up through your core.

Speaker 1: 10:57

I like to create a circular motion in my mind with my breathing. So if you are on my YouTube at Talk Sex with Annette, I can demonstrate with my hands the direction of the flow. But as I breathe in, I am pulling the energy up through my yoni, my pussy, my sexual parts, up and into my mouth and then I'm letting that sexually empowered energy pour out and down and over me. And that is the breathing exercise we're going to do. As long as you can hold on to that sensual version of yourself, you're going to inhale the energy up and in, up through your yoni, up, so it fills your lungs, comes into your throat, comes out of your mouth and it just pours down and out and all over you. So you literally feel like you are bathing yourself in your own sexual sensual power. If you can do this for five or 10 minutes, it is going to make a difference in your day. Try and hold on to that feeling as you get up and move, to grab your coffee and go and take an actual shower. Embodying that sexy self is going to be a great way to start your day and, yeah, it may not stick with you. If you are really just in sort of a raw place in your life where feeling sexy just seems so challenging, it's okay, you don't have to force it, but we're going to try and tap into it at least a little bit every day.

Speaker 1: 12:38

Step number two to bringing your sexy back is going to be taking some of the aspects from our embodied meditation practice into our daily self-care practice. So, number one, if you haven't been feeling sexy, you need to sort of take note of your self-care overall. Are your basics in place? Are you getting up and brushing your teeth every day and taking a shower and doing sort of the bare minimum to do your self-care? That's most important. That is groundwork that has to be there. But our next step, if all those things are being taken care of, is to start integrating some of the things that we discovered in our meditation. So you should have been taking note of, like, the clothes you're wearing when you feel super sexy, what your skin felt like, what your scent was, all of those things, and then you can bring them into your daily self-care practice. You can start with something as small as so.

Speaker 1: 13:40

For me, scent was a really big thing and I started integrating perfume. A daily splash of perfume, perfume. A daily splash of perfume cologne. I happen to love and use Eye of Love pheromone perfumes. I also decided to use them because I felt like adding the pheromone aspect might boost my confidence. In fact, the one that I use is called Confidence by Eye of Love, and it's designed specifically to make you feel more confident, whether that's in bed or out in the professional world. I am very sensitive and reactive to scents, so this was powerful for me. Just putting one spritz on a day, I just felt a little bit sexier. I also love having super soft skin. For me, that feels sexy. I went out and I got some lotion that I love that's lightly scented.

Speaker 1: 14:38

Now turn your attention to your clothing, and I'm not just talking about style, I'm talking about the material your clothing is made out of. What materials feel sexy against your skin? What materials, what clothing pieces make you feel more at home in your body? If you have clothes you are wearing that make you feel uncomfortable. They're tight in areas you don't want them to be tight. They're bagging in areas that just make you look frumpy, Get rid of them. If you get down to just two or three outfits that you feel sexy and good and confident in and comfortable, stick with those and build from there Everything you do to take care of yourself, put attention to what makes you feel good and sexy and know that you deserve going above and beyond the basics. So we're going to level up your self care practices and we can start with one thing at a time, but go back to that meditation practice and pull out one or two things that really made you feel sexy and start integrating them into your daily self care practice. The third thing that we're going to do and this is not going to surprise you at all is we are going to start integrating a daily self-pleasure practice that is going to help us bring our sexy back. This practice is all about you. It's all for you. There's no one else you're answering to. I am going to ask for you to designate at least 10 minutes a day to a self-pleasure practice.

Speaker 1: 16:21

Now, yes, I am talking about quote masturbation but it doesn't have to include your genitals. This is literally just indulging in sensual self-pleasure. If you are in a place in your life where you just are not comfortable with the genital touching, that's okay. Your practice can consist of taking your clothes off, laying in bed Maybe you feel like you need covers on or uncovered. You can use your own fingers to run up and down your flesh for some sensual touch, just like getting that nice, soft, sexy touch. You can run it over your arms, your neck and your chest, your breasts, your nipples, whatever you feel comfortable with, and then slowly work up to a pleasure practice that maybe it's just a light touch over. If you are a vulva owner, light touch over your labia, your clit. You don't even have to really get into playing with it if you don't want to. You can just wake it up a little and just allow your body to indulge in pleasure.

Speaker 1: 17:36

Now, as you go along and start feeling more comfortable with this pleasure practice, you can build up. You can add in maybe sensations you haven't tried before. I love pleasure, air tech I've got the Womanizer next chair in my hand. I love the little sucky, blowy feeling it gives. It gives little puffs of air, and you don't even have to use this on your clit. You can use it on your nipples, but you can also just set it in between your legs and enjoy sort of the air, the puffs of air and the vibes that come off of it.

Speaker 1: 19:14

This self-pleasure practice is all about you. You get to decide where you get touched, where you touch yourself, what you touch yourself with, how long it takes place. You don't have to orgasm at all. There's no pressure to orgasm. You're not with a lover who's wanting you to come and asking you when that's going to happen. It's all about you.

Speaker 1: 19:38

I would recommend, as time goes on on your self-pleasure practice, to turn it into an exploratory practice, because this is your opportunity to really get to know what areas of your body make you feel sexy feel sexy to touch and be touched that's right. What areas of your body feel sexy when you touch them, Like you're going to turn yourself on with your own touch, and what areas of your body feel good when they're being touched. You are making love to yourself. You are falling in love and making love to yourself, and that's what this practice is going to be about. The fourth thing you're going to do to bring your sexy back is start a mirror practice. Now, there are lots of different ways this has been done, but I'm going to keep it simple for you, especially if you're in the throes of really not feeling sexy. I want to keep it basic.

Speaker 1: 20:36

Every morning, my mirror practice is this I wake up, I get naked and I stand in the mirror and I look at myself and I look over my body. I turn from side to side and do a full inspection and I admire my favorite parts. The very first thing I do is recognize how much I love my ass or how nice my tummy looks today. Whatever it is. I find beauty in parts that I just find easy to find beautiful that day, and sometimes it changes. Some days I'm like, oh, my belly looks bloated. And when those feelings and thoughts arrive, I welcome them and I'm gentle with them and then I deal with them right. So if you find yourself looking at your stomach and you're like, oh yuck, instead say wow, it's hard today, it's hard to love you today, but you are lovable and you are beautiful and I accept you because you're my body and I'm beautiful, and change your language. You can change the nasty things you say to yourself, acknowledge them, legitimize their existence and then change the language you're using to be gentle and loving to yourself, and you're going to do this every morning. For me, it's literally like a five minute practice. Tops, it happens real quick on my way to the bathroom, but I never miss a moment in the mirror in the morning.

Speaker 1: 22:07

The fifth thing you're going to do to bring your sexy back and it's very closely related to the last one is you're going to start taking pics. You're going to start taking sexy pics. Now you don't have to do them naked, but you are going to spend some time in the camera and you don't have to do this every day. I would suggest twice a week when you're just. You know you're you're feeling kind of at your best for the week, or maybe you have a cute outfit on, or maybe you have a cute outfit on, or maybe you have cute underwear on. You're going to start a relationship with your camera on your phone and you're going to take time to see what angles you like. How can you stand or pose in a way that highlights some aspect of your body that you do love? That does look a little sexy, that you do love? That does look a little sexy.

Speaker 1: 22:59

If you are struggling to find any pictures that you feel good about, maybe look for sources of inspiration. Go and find a photo that you think is a really sexy photo of someone with a body like yours. Try that pose, try different lighting. Try to find some area of your body that you like to capture a picture of. Maybe it's your face. Maybe you really like the angle of your nose. Maybe you think you have cute feet People are into that. Maybe you love your hands or your neck I don't care what it is. But you're going to start taking pictures that are sexy of yourself or some aspect of yourself. Try and find one or two photos a week that capture that little sexiness you found in yourself.

Speaker 1: 23:45

That week exercises in getting my sexy back was finding movement that felt sensual, that supported my sexiness and just felt good. Now you might think this means writhing around in some way. That's overtly sexy, but that's not true. What it meant for me is I used to be a runner and then I started walking and listening to music that sparked sort of romantic, sexy aspects in my brain and allowed me to dip back into that meditation about sexiness or to have sexy fantasies while I walked and I integrated movement with sexy music and that was sensual movement for me. For a while I also decided dancing really felt good to me, so I'd put on my favorite songs and just move my body in ways that felt good. I decided to take classes and that was super fun. But if you're in a place where A you have the money or time for that, or you just don't want to be around other people moving in ways that are sexy to you, that's fine. Do it at home. There are tons of online resources for sensual movement. It could be yoga that feels sexy to you. It could just be turning on your favorite music for one song a day and moving your body.

Speaker 1: 25:12

Movement is so important to reconnecting with your body, with your essential self. The path back to feeling sexy is a path back to yourself, and doing that through movement, through meditation, through breath work, through self-care, through self-pleasure, is going to be the best way to fast track starting to feel good, sexually empowered and attractive again Now. At first, these six exercises may not make much sense to you, like you may not see how they are going to bring your sexy back, but as you do them again and again, what you're going to see is you are recreating a relationship with your sensual self. You are re-embodying that person and claiming them for yourself. The ways in which you are bringing your sexy back have nothing to do with anyone else. They only have to do with you and you finding beauty and worth within yourself, you investing in yourself.

Speaker 1: 26:25

Oftentimes, when we don't feel sexy or we lose our sexy, it's because we have put lots of energy into other people and it hasn't been reciprocated, or we put so much energy into other people we haven't had time or the ability to put it back into ourselves. Reclaiming your sexy is going to demand that you give to yourself as much as you give to others, that you acknowledge your worth and worthiness of the attention, the time, the money, the resources that you give to others. Sometimes it might even mean that you give a little less to others while you give back to yourself, because once you are fully reconnected with your essential self, your sexy energy, you are going to be more abundant and more able to give to others at a higher capacity than you can. When you're in this place and you're going to feel good about it, your days are going to end feeling fulfilled and nourished and whole, and they're going to begin feeling empowered and excited about life. So I would love to hear from you. If you decide to embark on this little challenge and start with my six practices. Let me know what you think.

Speaker 1: 27:47

If you have any questions about regaining your sexy, how to do it, why you should do it, how you can take it to the next level, or perhaps if you feel like this is beyond where you're ready to start today, I'd like to know. You can reach out to me at Annette. At TalkSexWithAnnettecom. You can scroll down and leave a voice note on my speak pipe. You can leave a message in the comment section of this video. I'd be happy to answer your questions. Also, if you are looking for someone to coach you through getting your sexy back, I'm here for you and excited to embark on that journey with my listeners and with anybody who's looking for some one-on-one support. All right, folks, that's it for now. So until next time, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers, thank you.