Masturbation Monday: Anal Sex with Women: A Guide to Getting Started

Introducing anal play and anal sex to you relationship with a woman, can feel a little bit like taking a leap into the unknown. She has a perfectly good vagina. How to you explain your interest in penetrating her anus? This episode is the complete guide to bringing up anal sex with your girlfriend, wife, or partner with a vulva. In this episode you will learn:

·       How to communicate your interest in anal sex

·       Why it’s pleasurable for a woman

·       The risks

·       The benefits

·       How women can orgasm from anal sex

·       Three research-backed forms of anal stimulation women love

·       Aftercare

Mentioned in this episode: 

Guide to the G-Spot: https://youtu.be/tczpp7qsttU
Guide to the A-Spot: https://youtu.be/qRpwSKc3-qQ
Booty Fem Butt Plug: https://youtu.be/dzzlA-7Icd4

My substack: https://talksexwithannette.substack.com/

Use code EXPLORES15 for 15% off all Womanizer Products at Womanizer.com.

Use code Explores15 for 15% off Womanizer, We-Vibe, & Lovehoney products. Everything from pleasure air tech toys to lingerie.
Head to https://womanizer-north-america.sjv.io/B0ORDx
or https://wevibe-north-america.sjv.io/R5Z24a
https://wevibe-north-america.sjv.io/R5Z24a
Use code Explores15

Chapters

• 0:00 Introducing Anal Sex to Women
• 8:11 Exploring Anal Sex and Intimacy

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:44

Do the sex. Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me, annette Benedetti, your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats. This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental, physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams. Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure, better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life. Today's Masturbation Monday topic is how to introduce anal sex and anal play to a partner who's a woman or a vulva owner. There's a lot of literature out there about how to have anal sex and anal play to a partner who's a woman or a vulva owner. There's a lot of literature out there about how to have anal sex and anal play, but a lot of it's focused primarily on men and people with prostates. But the truth is, anal sex and anal play offers a new kind of intense and wonderful pleasure for women as well. Unfortunately, a lot of people, especially heterosexual-oriented men, struggle to bring up their desire to explore anal sex and anal play with their partners who are women or vulva owners. So today I am going to focus on how to not only bring up and introduce anal sex to a partner who is a woman, but how to get started and have a lot of success with first-time experiences. But before we dive in, I want to remind my listeners that you can become a viewer and head over to my YouTube channel. I have a new YouTube handle and it's at TalkSexWithAnette. You can also head over to TalkSexWithAnettecom and find out more about my intimacy coaching offerings. Finally, scroll down. You're going to find a link to my newly launched sub stack where I am giving subscribers an adult inside view of my own personal intimacy journey and the lessons I'm learning along the way. I will be sharing through articles, personal photo essays and exclusive podcast episodes. My exploration is your next guilty pleasure, so let's dive in Cheers.

Speaker 1: 3:02

So how do you introduce anal sex and anal play to your partner who's a woman? You've been thinking about it for a while. Maybe you've done it in the past with another partner. You are going to start with communication. Before you ever get into the bed, you are going to want to bring it up to her, see how she feels about it, address questions, concerns. This is an opportunity for you to set up boundaries and talk about the things you've either done in the past or fantasized about and you want to try out and give her an opportunity to communicate how she feels about it. Maybe she has done it in the past, maybe she hasn't, and she has a lot of weird feelings around it. Giving her the space to be honest about how she feels about it and share her feelings is at least planting the seed, if not opening a door, to a whole new level of pleasure. The second thing you're going to want to do is get educated. So you've talked to her about it. Maybe she's curious, maybe she's cautious, maybe she's super interested. The next thing you want to do is start to educate yourself about anal sex, how to have it and why it's going to be a good experience for her.

Speaker 1: 4:20

A lot of people have no concept of why anal sex and anal play would be of interest to someone who is a woman or has a vulva. Why is anal sex and anal play pleasurable for women? You're going to want to let her know why embarking on a journey into anal sex and anal play is of interest for her, if she doesn't already know. A lot of people think anal sex is only pleasurable to men and people with prostates, because anal sex allows men's prostates, which is sort of like their G spot to be pleasured. Well, anal sex offers women a whole new level of pleasure and even opens a door to different types of orgasms. The anus and surrounding areas are rich in nerve endings and it makes them extra sensitive to external stimulation. Now this external stimulation can provide women with a whole new type of pleasure, so it offers the opportunity to have a new pleasure-filled experience that they may not have had before. Anal penetration can also offer women the opportunity to enjoy internal fulfillment. Many women enjoy the feeling of being full, and anal sex, anal penetration and anal play offer a new way to access and enhance that feeling of being full. Also, anal penetration offers a new way for a penis owner or a toy or a partner to access internal structures that can lead to orgasm, and I'm going to get to that in just a minute. But the third way that anal sex and anal pleasure can offer women a new kind of satisfaction and excitement is that it offers women access to a whole different level of blended orgasms, blended orgasms being orgasms that originate from two or more different erogenous zones so we're going to talk a little bit more about that and that can actually make orgasms that are brought on through anal enjoyment and sex and play. Incredibly powerful, mind-bendingly powerful. Just a little personal experience insight there.

Speaker 1: 6:54

So how and why do women have orgasms from anal sex and anal play? There's four primary ways that anal play and anal sex can lead to orgasm in a woman. I'm going to go over them. First, anal sex and anal play can stimulate the internal clitoris. The internal clitoris has two legs that extend up and back to where the anus is. Through anal penetration and play, the clitoris gets stimulated. Those two arms are nerve rich and oftentimes it can result in an orgasm for a woman. Second, anal sex and play excites the pudendal nerve, which runs through the perineum, the labia and the clitoris and heightens sensation and intensity through the whole genital area. Third, anal sex and anal play can indirectly stimulate the A-spot and the G-spot. They are located on a wall that is close to the anus, so they receive indirect stimulation, which can lead to powerful orgasms. If you want to know more about the G-spot and A-spot, scroll down. I have guides to both. Finally, the pelvic floor muscles which contract during orgasm are activated during anal play and anal sex, which can lead to, again, more intense climaxes.

Speaker 1: 8:11

So what are the benefits a woman is going to get out of having anal sex? Well, first of all, she is going to gain access to new sensations that can enhance her pleasure and intimate life her pleasure and intimate life. Adding variety to sexual experiences tends to make sex and intimacy even more satisfying for people. So we're adding to sort of that menu of sensations we get to enjoy when we are in an intimate relationship. Second of all, exploring new sensations, new sexual experiences, can enhance intimacy and connection between partners. So this is an adventure you get to embark on together, and who doesn't want a stronger, better intimate relationship?

Speaker 1: 9:00

So before we move on, we do have to address the potential risks that come with adding anal play and anal sex to your sexual repertoire. First of all, having anal sex increases your possibility of STI transmission. So it's really important to practice safe sex, especially when you are having anal sex. Second, anal sex and anal play can irritate hemorrhoids if you have them. Also, if you are not cautious and careful, it can lead to perforation of the rectum. It can lead to anal tearing, and that's why it's really important that you know how to do it before you start embarking on and participating in anal play. Finally, anal sex and anal play can result in BV, yeast infection or UTIs if not done correctly. There is the risk of introducing bacteria from the anus to the vagina and the vulva, and it is important for women to protect their pH. We are going to talk about how to do that as we dive into how to start having anal sex and participating in anal play.

Speaker 1: 10:12

Before you get started with anal sex and anal play, it's important to prioritize, prioritize, prioritize hygiene First of all. It is going to make her feel more comfortable, so you want to start with a conversation about hygiene. She may want to make sure she's gone to the bathroom before you start having and participating in anal sex. She may want to take a shower and wash the area, and sometimes some of us are more comfortable if we have an opportunity to do an enema. I do not suggest regular enemas it can disrupt the natural balance of your system, but you can do light enemas where you're just washing that lower portion of your anus out and that just might make her feel sexier and less concerned about poop, because that is going to be top of mind, especially in the beginning.

Speaker 1: 11:08

Second, it's really important for the person who is going to be playing with the anus to know the rule of no double dipping. Once a finger, a toy or a penis has gone in the butt or the butt area, it cannot go back in the vagina unless it's been washed. If you are using toys, you can have separate toys for the vagina and for the anus. If you're using fingers, you need to make sure to wash your hands before you go from one to the other. If you are using your penis, a way to make that transition easy is to use a condom. You can take the condom off, put a new one on in between vaginal penetration and anal penetration. Finally, this should be a talk you have in boundaries, right up front. But do not come inside of her while penetrating her anally without permission. This may not be something she wants. The aftermath may be too much for her to handle up front. She may never want it at all. That is a big no-no, unless you have consent.

Speaker 1: 12:15

So let's talk about getting started with anal sex and anal play with a woman. She needs to be relaxed, and one way that you can do this is through a relaxing massage of the anus and the area around it. You can participate in rooming if that's something that you're interested in. Get a whole bunch of lube and make sure to massage the area so the muscles relax, because if they contract, she's going to feel pain. We want her relaxed, we want her to feel comfortable and those muscles to be releasing. So next, you want to ease in to anal sex and anal play with a woman. You want to start small, so start with some external stimulation with a well lubed finger and then move to a finger or a small toy, especially if she's never done this before. It gives her an opportunity to get used to the sensation relaxed kind of let go of all of the noise in her head and for those muscles to let go.

Speaker 1: 13:19

Next, let's just go back over the fact that the anus is not a self-lubricating part of the body, so you need lube, lube, lube. A silicone-based lube is ideal because it's thicker and it lasts longer, but if you're using toys, then you are going to need a compatible water-based lube. Make sure to get a high quality lube before you dive in. That is key. There are three different types of anal touch that research has found women generally enjoy, so I'm going to walk you through the three different types of touch that you can explore with your partner. Fun fact in 2022, the results of the first ever large-scale study of anal touch and women's pleasure was released, and what the study found is that there are three different types of touch that women largely enjoy during anal play, and here's what they are and how you can do them with your female partner.

Speaker 1: 14:24

40% of women who took part in the study find what's called anal surfacing pleasureful. So that's external stimulation of the anus. You can touch it lightly, rub it during sex, during oral sex is a great time to explore this, but this is just light, external touch. We are not putting the finger in at all, and that's a fantastic place to start. 35% of women find what's called anal shallowing pleasurable. So 35% of the women polled in the study found that just the tip of the finger, not not a penis, inserted in the anus felt pleasureful to them. So anal shallowing is just that you are inserting just the tip just the tip folks in the anus and moving your finger around gently, of course, communicating with her the whole time to make sure it feels good to her. Finally, 40% a whopping 40% of women find anal pairing pleasurable. So anal pairing is just as it sounds. It's either external touch to the anus or penetration of the anus, paired with vaginal penetration or clitoral stimulation. Those are three different ways you can touch a woman anally and explore with a woman to get started, to find out what feels good for her. So now you and your partner are finally exploring anal sex.

Speaker 1: 16:00

Here are some tips I have for you to make sure that your anal play experience with your partner, who's a woman or a vulva owner, is successful and you get to do it again and again and again when having anal sex for at least the first several times, maybe forever. Find positions that allow her to be in control of the depth and speed for which it goes. She needs to be able to slow you down and stop. You have you back out if it's starting to cause her discomfort or pain. Some beginner-friendly positions are sidelying. It gives her the ability to control depth much better. Or on her stomach that's another great position. She might also find it easier to be on her back at first and have eye contact with you so that she can communicate clearly what she needs in the moment.

Speaker 1: 16:54

My next tip is make sure you are keeping the line of communication open at all times. Even if she's not communicating with you, it's important for you to be asking her how she feels. Does that feel good? Again, I want to say yes or no questions are the best. Open-ended questions that bring her out of her body and into her mind may ruin the experience for her. Does that feel good? Do you want me to slow down Deeper, slower? All she has to say is yes, no, yes. Also, make sure to start by going slow. You should not start out fast. You should not penetrate her quickly. If you do any thrusting at all, if you get to the actual anal sex part of things, or if you have a toy inserted, thrusting should not be fast and hard unless she asks for that and communicates that it feels good, it feels safe and she's not experiencing any pain at all.

Speaker 1: 17:54

Finally, don't be afraid to incorporate anal toys into your anal play, especially in the beginning. It could be a great way to warm up and get used to anal into your anal play, especially in the beginning. It could be a great way to warm up and get used to anal sex and anal play. Some toys to consider incorporating into your anal sex play with a woman are butt plugs. There are butt plugs that are actually made specifically for women. I have reviewed one. It's the Booty Femme by Fun Factory. I have a review for it and I'll make sure to include the link to that review below. There are also anal beads. Some people really enjoy having a series of beads that are either the same size or graduating in size to help open up the body and get used to the feeling of what thrusting could be like in an anal sex situation. There are also anal trainers, which are a series of anal plugs, from small to large, that help open up anus and get used to the different sensations so you can get ready for anal penetration with your partner. There are also vibrating anal toys. That can be super fun, especially if she's not ready for anal thrusting. If you just add vibration with a toy that's inserted, it will help her get used to sort of a feeling of movement down there, and it can be super pleasurable to have a vibrating plugin and the vibrations radiating through the rest of the genitalia, hitting the clitoris, the A-spot. I mean she might just have an orgasm from that alone, making it well more enticing to continue investing in her anal play exploration with you.

Speaker 1: 19:38

Finally, aftercare when it comes to anal sex with a woman is super important. I'm going to start with. What do you do at the end If you have your cock inserted in her or a penis inserted in her? If you have a toy inserted in her, do not just pull it out quickly. Do not do that. Let her dictate how quickly removal happens, because it can actually be a little bit painful. If she's orgasmed, her muscles will be tight. It's time to be gentle. She may want to be held afterwards. If she's new to anal sex, she may want you to tell her how beautiful you still think she was, how sexy it was. She may want to take a shower with you afterwards. That might be a big deal to her. Ask her what she needs. Have towels nearby. The cleanup is going to be a vulnerable portion of the experience for her. It's really important to try to extract the idea of anal sex and anal play being something dirty from the experience. So that's something to keep in mind, especially if you want her to do it again and again and again.

Speaker 1: 20:48

Before I sum this up, I want to share with you. I reached out to my community of women and they had some tips they wanted to make sure everybody knew out there before embarking on anal play with a woman, and I think some of these tips are going to be super useful to you and things that I hadn't even thought of. First of all, one woman says no numbing agents. You can be injured because they keep you from feeling what you need to feel so that you can communicate with your partner to stop if it's starting to hurt. She says you can use a natural relaxant if you must, but anything with a benzocaine in it can prevent your body from accepting oxygen. I had no idea.

Speaker 1: 21:29

Another woman says in my opinion, as someone who loves receiving anal from a trusted partner, I can say that your mental state plays a part. Trust plays a huge part. You must be very relaxed. Mental state plays a part. Trust plays a huge part. You must be very relaxed. Your partner must go very, very slowly in the beginning.

Speaker 1: 21:43

A lube injector works great. I love that tip. Lots and lots and lots of lube, more than you think you need. Also, find your sweet spot. Some like deep penetration with shorter thrusts, she says me. Others like long thrusts and more movement, she says me. Others like long thrusts and more movement. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need More lube, slower to stop, et cetera. When done correctly, it should not hurt If it hurts, slower and more lube. Also, if you are intimidated, start with plugs and leave them in for a while before your partner uses themselves, or a strap on toy. Some of the best O's I've had were during anal.

Speaker 1: 22:20

Another woman says warmup makes all the difference and then she says vaginal or clit orgasm first. So she suggests you actually give your vulva owning partner a vaginal or clitoral orgasm first and then do anal play. That's an option as well. So bottom line is anal sex and anal play offer a whole new world of pleasure to women and vulva owners, but there's a lot that goes into it. So don't just pop it on her in the middle of sex or intimacy. Make sure this is something you approach mindfully, carefully and respectfully. If you have any questions about having anal sex or anal play with your partner who's a woman or a vulva owner, feel free to drop a comment in the comment section below. If you're on my YouTube channel, or you can scroll down and leave a message on my speak pipe, you can send me an email at Annette at TalkSexWithAnnettecom, and I will do my best to answer your questions. I get back to you as soon as possible, so until next time listeners have fun with butt stuff and I'll see you in the locker room Cheers.