Be Better in Bed! Self-Pleasure Practice for the Sexual Erotic Blueprint

The Sexual Erotic Blueprint may be holding you back from pleasing your partner! Blow her mind by expanding your moves in bed with this self-pleasure practice. In this episode, Somatic Embodiment Coach AveryDean Swift shares an in-depth look at the sexual erotic blueprint, and how to explore it in your own body in a way that expands your relationship with sex and pleasure, so you can surprise your partner(s) with new moves that excite and satisfy their sexual appetite.

Don’t forget to catch Last Monday’s episode in the Energetic Erotic Blueprint and the two full-length episodes below which provide a more in-depth understanding of the Erotic Blue Prints.

The Erotic Blueprints Part 1: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1692988/11034772
Part 2: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1692988/11069034

Erotic Blueprint Quiz:
Take the Erotic Blueprint quiz: https://theblueprintbreakthrough.com/?oprid=7475&ref=78757

Subscribe to my e-newsletter: https://she-explores-life.ck.page/e9760c390c

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To find out more or book a session with me visit:
https://talksexwithannette.com/hom

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Chapters

• 0:00 Masturbation Monday
• 15:20 Exploring Pleasure Potential in Masturbation
• 25:39 Embracing Pleasure Beyond Orgasm

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:44

Do the sex. Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me, annette Benedetti, your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats. This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental, physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams. Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure, better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life. Today's Masturbation Monday topic is self-pleasure, aka masturbation for the sexual erotic blueprint type.

Speaker 1: 1:30

If you've been listening to Masturbation Monday for the last couple of weeks, you know that my guest, somatic sexologist, erotic educator and embodiment facilitator, avery Dean Swift, is joining us to teach us how to self-pleasure, to explore, discover, find out more about our erotic blueprint type.

Speaker 1: 1:53

Now, if you are a longtime listener, then you may have already listened to my past episodes on erotic blueprint, which I did with Avery Dean, but for the sake of this podcast, in short, the erotic blueprints are a set of maps that help us find the path to our eroticism, pleasure, our turn-ons and, hopefully, eventually, some orgasmic sex.

Speaker 1: 2:19

And by getting to know what your type is and or your partner's type is, you're going to become the best lover you can be. I think that's what we decided last week, because you're you're going to become the best lover you can be. I think that's what we decided last week, because you're not only going to understand how you receive pleasure and how to make sure you're getting your needs met. You're also going to start to understand how your partner needs to receive pleasure in order to want to bang you. So for my listeners who are struggling to connect with partners and struggling to figure out how to please them most, this series that we are doing is going to be super helpful and, in the end, hit that end goal of hopefully getting you laid more. So we're here to help you out. But before I go any further, I want to let Avery Dean introduce themselves and tell you a little bit more about what we're doing.

Speaker 2: 3:12

Thanks, annette. My name is Avery Dean Swift I go by they and them pronouns and I'm an erotic educator and a coach and a facilitator. I work with individuals. I work with couples, one-on-one to help engage themselves more in their physical bodies, ground into this reality and build the lives of their dreams. I also work with groups in some retreat settings. I do some ecstatic dance retreats at Brighton Bush and I also teach youth sex ed. I'm so grateful to get to teach young people how to have pleasure-oriented sexuality education from a young age, consent boundaries, medically accurate information, et cetera. What a gift. In my work, I also end up coming up a lot against former wounds and trauma, so I work also with some trauma resolution and integration as well.

Speaker 2: 4:02

But today we're here to talk about the erotic blueprints. I am a licensed erotic blueprint coach. I've been learning with Jaya since about 2020, so a little over four years now and when I found these erotic blueprints it was like coming home to something that my body already knew and my system already understood. But the erotic blueprint framework gave me language for it and gave me access to a community and a group of people who are already having these conversations. So Jaya realized through her years of working as a somatic sexologist and sexological body worker, she recognized that there's these kind of five unique blueprints in which our sexual energy, our eros, our eroticism, our turn on, our arousal, move through different people.

Speaker 2: 4:50

And we all have access to all five of them in our own unique ways, and many of us have them in kind of a certain order or a stack. Where we have the most access to one, there's one in which we're the most comfortable or the most familiar, and then the one where we're next most comfortable and familiar, on down the line to the one that we are the least comfortable or familiar with or that we have the least access to. So, in short, those five are the energetic, the sensual, the sexual, which is what we're going to talk about today, and it's the one most of us are most familiar with because it's the most portrayed in our culture and in media. Then there's the kinky, which most of us are at least somewhat familiar with, and the shapeshifter. The shapeshifter has elements of all the others combined into one type with its own couple, unique elements as well. But we'll get there.

Speaker 1: 5:37

Don't worry, we are going to put a link to the erotic blueprint quiz in the description of this podcast episode. You can go and you can take it. Podcast episode you can go and you can take it. But, as we said last week, while you'll get an idea of what your blueprint might be doing, the practices that we are putting in these Masturbation Monday episodes is going to help you really tune into what you truly are hopefully correct.

Speaker 2: 6:03

Yeah, so when we take something like a quiz online, most of us answer that from our head. So when we take something like a quiz online, most of us answer that from our head. So you'll get a sense of what your brain thinks your blueprint type is, or maybe should be, based on what you've been taught to believe about yourself. And then putting these things into practice and really feeling them in our bodies. That's the way to really know what our full system recognizes as our blueprint type and what our system really responds to. This week we're talking about the sexual blueprint type and it's the one people are the most familiar with. Again, like I said, because it's the one that's kind of been shown to us as like the one way that sex is and the sexual blueprint type is thing A goes into slot B and you rub it around until things happen and that's really legitimate. Sex does work that way for 20 to 25% of the population and that's what we're shown in TV and movies and a lot of porn as being the thing and the way that sex works, and in reality, it's just one of the ways that sex works, but it's a pretty potent way. Reality, it's just one of the ways that sex works, but it's a pretty potent way.

Speaker 2: 7:12

People who are true sexual blueprint types are really aroused by direct genital stimulation, direct genital contact, nudity, looking at naked bodies and really kind of goal-oriented just get right down to it, get to the deed, get to the orgasm, get to the climax and then be done with it. It's very directive, it's very goal-focused and because of that it's really reliable and relatively simple. Sexual blueprint types know how they're aroused and they're consistently aroused in similar ways every time and they can reliably get to that place of climax and orgasm and for many sexual types they actually really need that in order to be able to relax. It's part of like a stress relief endorphin cycle for a sexual type to be able to get to that climax, to get to that orgasm. It can be a really important part of their self-care.

Speaker 1: 8:04

Yeah, I definitely use orgasms to relax. All right, now you know more about it. Let's get ready to talk about masturbation and the sexual blueprint Cheers. Whether you're someone who has the sexual blueprint or not, what is a masturbation practice, a self-pleasure practice, going to look like if you're setting up just to like experience that and to see where you are kind of in the blueprints in relationship to that or how you could function with somebody who is just a sexual I said just for somebody who is. I'm not rejecting the sexual blueprint because I think there are elements instantly that I relate to. Like I actually do really feel like I need to have regular orgasms, like the orgasm is important for me for relaxing and stuff like that. But so what does that masturbation session look like for me?

Speaker 2: 9:03

So a self-pleasure session for a sexual type is going to be pretty direct, pretty focused, pretty to the point.

Speaker 2: 9:09

It's generally speaking, maybe start with a little bit of lube and go straight into session for a sexual type is going to be pretty direct, pretty focused, pretty to the point. It's generally speaking, maybe start with a little bit of lube and go straight into genital contact. There might be other stimulation of other erotic zones, erogenous zones like the nipples or the mouth, if that's something that really turns someone on. Or these are people who might go directly to porn for that visual stimulation and wanting to see pictures or videos of other naked bodies. But for a sexual type it's really going to be straight to the clitoris or straight to the penis, stimulating that organ in whatever way gets the most stimulation the fastest and getting to that outcome, getting to that climax, getting to that orgasm. So people who really truly are the sexual blueprint type, they know how to get themselves off and y'all are probably pretty good at it. So what I'm actually going to speak to today are some ways that you can help deepen and expand your pleasure, even within that sexual blueprint type, and also open up doors and pathways for you to be able to expand the ways you experience pleasure so that you can meet up and match up with someone whose blueprint type is different than the sexual type. So, those of you who are sexual types, you know what you like, you go straight for your genitals, you get your climax, you get your orgasm and you go on with your day. I want to encourage you to make some space to slow things down a little bit, because one of the um, one of the shadow sides and one of the challenges of the sexual type is that it's so goal focused, so goal oriented, so outcome driven, that we lose track of how to experience all the pleasure that's available outside of that one straight line, direct path to the outcome. So I want to encourage you to slow down a little bit.

Speaker 2: 10:58

Most sexual types use a firm to a hard touch on their genitals and a lot of speed, and sometimes increasing speed until they get to that climax. And the drawback of that is that if that's the way you always practice, you got to keep increasing the speed and you got to keep increasing the pleasure to keep getting to that climax. So I want to encourage you to slow things down a little bit. Spend a little time touching yourself, and it can be right directly on your genitals, because if that's what turns you on the most, then go there. But slow down your touch.

Speaker 2: 11:34

Play with touching yourself in ways that are different than what you're used to.

Speaker 2: 11:40

If you are a sexual type that uses what Dan Savage calls the death grip, that can be a really hard thing to engage with a partner with, because nobody's mouth or anus or vagina or hand can death grip in the same way that we can death grip our own genitals.

Speaker 2: 12:00

So if that's you, it's going to be even more important, if you want to be able to experience really expansive pleasure with a partner, to play with this in your own body, with learning how to experience pleasure with a softer touch, playing with.

Speaker 2: 12:15

What are the other ways you can touch yourself that still feel pleasurable but aren't the same go-to pattern that has become familiar or even wrote in your body and in your masturbation practice familiar or even wrote in your body and in your masturbation practice?

Speaker 2: 12:32

You might also consider what does it feel like to stimulate your mouth or your nipples or other parts of your genitals, your scrotum, your vulva, your anus in softer and more gentle ways that still bring you that pleasure but start to expand out a little bit from like a deep rut that many sexual types get into with their masturbation because it is so reliable and simple and repeatable that they can go there every time and it works every time until it doesn't. If you can play with expanding your capacity for pleasure before you get to that place where the same old thing doesn't work anymore, not only can you learn to experience pleasure in more expansive ways and through more different pathways, but you can also have more opportunities to connect with a lover and to experience mutual shared experiences of pleasure that are different than that one pattern that it's easy for a sexual type to get into.

Speaker 1: 13:29

I would imagine that this is where a lot of couples can end up, suffering from feeling like it's routine sex, like here's the thing that gets us to the orgasm. And while that's exciting at first, eventually it's like okay, we're doing the thing to get to the orgasm and it feels more like maybe work for a partner than it does feel like pleasure. Like eventually, well, a being hard for a partner to replicate and B, eventually not doing the job anymore and then having to do more and more. I actually knew a woman who got to the point where the magic wand on high volume like wouldn't even do it, like she like nearly broke one volume, like wouldn't even do it, like she like nearly broke one, just trying to get enough pressure and enough vibration to um.

Speaker 1: 14:31

And and what I know listeners are going to say is, oh, vibrators ruin you. This is I, you know. I don't, I don't believe at all that it's about the vibrator. I think it's about this and I think it's about the fact that you aren't training your body, You're not allowing your body to feel other things and the possibility beyond, just like straight to like nailing the shit out of your clit or jerking yourself off really hard. So which is what I think you're talking about, right?

Speaker 2: 15:00

Yeah, that is a piece of what I'm talking about, and a piece of it too is the more aroused we are, the more arousal and turn on is moving through our body system, the less pressure we actually need to experience those pleasurable sensations. When our genitals and our body are fully engorged with blood, when there's a full erection present, it doesn't matter if you have a vulva or a penis. All genital tissue gets erect and gets engorged with blood. When turn on and arousal are present, and when that happens, when those tissues are fully engorged, more of the nerve endings are exposed. So there's more access to those pleasurable nerve endings, they can be stimulated more easily.

Speaker 2: 15:44

And when we get to that place where we have to keep going harder, harder, harder, harder, harder what I often uncover with folks who are having that experience is that they're not actually erect in those moments.

Speaker 2: 15:54

They're losing their erection because they're not just, like you said, annette, they're not in their own heads, or they're too deep in their own heads, or they're not engaged and in touch with what their actual arousal and pleasure system truly wants and they're reaching for this thing that used to work, that isn't working anymore, because for many people, the thing that is exciting at first can be exciting when things are new and there's lots of anticipation present and it's all the new chemicals and all of that are coursing through our bodies and then, once that newness wears off, that same old thing is actually not exciting anymore, because it was the newness that had the turn on, rather than the thing we're doing that produced the turn on. And so when we can really dial into what actually turns me on, what actually makes my genitals engorge with blood, what actually gives me an erection, and when we can build and feed and nourish that, then we don't need as much pressure, we don't need as much intensity of the stimulation in order to experience the physical sensations of pleasure.

Speaker 1: 16:59

So this is great. You've given people who are exploring the sexual blueprint a way to expand it. You can go to those genitals and get started. And sharing from my own practice, because what I would say is this because the way I came into self-pleasure was really from the viewpoint of the sexual blueprint, because that is, as you said, sort of what we all know is my masturbation practice and truly, if I think about it, up until you know, recently has been going straight for the genitals Like I haven't. I don't haven't done a ton of buildup with myself, but what I did do that helped. But what I did do, that helped.

Speaker 1: 17:43

And this is going to be especially helpful for people with vulvas, and I just did a few episodes back on finding and waking up your G-spot.

Speaker 1: 17:54

And the A-spot is that if you're a sexual blueprint type and you have a vulva or a vagina, you can masturbate in this way and expand your masturbation practice by trying to wake up some of those other spots. So when I started masturbating, I was just going for the clit orgasm, clit orgasm, and then pretty soon I was like, well, I want to see what's inside, because I had never felt my G-spot. So I started to get toys and find different ways to stimulate my clitoris and my G-spot inside at the same time, right, and then deeper inside, oh, I found the G spot. Now my A-spot's waking up, and so now I can do a masturbation practice that's designed, I would say, for the sexual blueprint. I go straight to the vagina, but one that's becoming more and more expansive, and I'm finding more ways to pleasure. I'm finding new kinds of orgasms and then, when I'm with a partner, regardless of what their sexual blueprint type is, I can use what I've learned to make a more extended, expansive and interesting genital experience for both of us.

Speaker 2: 19:08

Right, yes, that's beautiful, annette.

Speaker 2: 19:12

Yes, because there are so many types of orgasms and climaxes to be had that that can be.

Speaker 2: 19:17

One of the problems with the sexual type is because there are certain things that work, and work every time that we can get in a rut with that, and so I love what you're saying about how else can I explore, even in the same area of my body, working with what already turns me on, but expanding my capacity to feel pleasure, and what one way that you can do that?

Speaker 2: 19:39

Folks who usually go straight to the glands, straight to the clitoris, straight to the penis set yourself a timer for like 10 minutes and, for the first 10 minutes of your masturbation or self-pleasure session, explore what other kinds of pleasurable stimulation you can find, and don't go to the thing that works every time. Don't go there for at least 10 minutes and then, after 10 minutes, if you still really want to go to the thing that works, go to the thing that works, but give yourself that block of time to feel. How else can I stimulate my arousal system? How else can I stimulate my turn on? How else can I stimulate my blood flow and my energy flow in a way that feels sexy and pleasurable. So many orgasms to be had and so many different types of orgasms to be had.

Speaker 1: 20:25

Yes, there are, and I always talk about exploring your pleasure potential and I think you can even expand it. I think that most of us have no idea what the potential is out there for us to experience pleasure, and there's so much power in that. And I want to say this pleasure and there's so much power in that. And I want to say this you are going to have to be patient If you have only been accessing your pleasure from one way, whether and you're going to have to go back and listen to the energetic and the sensual blueprints, but whether you've been accessing pleasure from the energetic way or from the sensual way or from just straight to it in the sexual blueprint, in order to start to open new doors to pleasure. It's going to take time.

Speaker 1: 21:17

It's not like you are going to try this other thing the first time and it's going to necessarily do it for you. Maybe it will, but in my experience, you have to be dedicated to try, try again, try again and you'll slowly start. It's practice makes perfect. Same way, for I mentioned this in my podcast Masturbation Monday episode about finding the G-spot. The first time I tried to find my G-spot and wake her up. It did not happen. This is a long. It takes days, months, sometimes years, and that's okay because you're going to be opening new doorways to pleasure, eroticism and the ability to connect with your partners. So I just want to say it's not going to happen fast, folks.

Speaker 2: 23:09

It's good to have patience and a couple more things I'd like to add to. That is. One of the beautiful things about learning to expand our pleasure potential outside of just genital focused orgasms and stimulation is that at some point in our lives those things also start to shift and some of us can know that we just don't have the blood flow to get those kinds of erections anymore. And if we already know how to experience pleasure, turn on arousal in other ways, then we're set. It's easier to make that transition, whereas if we've never explored that until all of a sudden there aren't erections happening anymore, it can feel really scary and like a lot of pressure for people who are attempting to make that transition for the first time when erections are already no longer present.

Speaker 2: 23:57

So it can be a beautiful thing it's almost like prehabilitation for your sex life of expanding your ability and your capacity for pleasure in multiple different ways so that you can continue having mind blowing sex for your entire life that isn't just focused on the genitals.

Speaker 2: 24:14

And in addition to that, one of these ways, one of the ways you can practice this patience with your own orgasm and your own eroticism, is when you are nearing climax, when you feel that buildup happening in your body, slow down, dial back the pressure, dial back the intensity just a little bit, just like 10, maybe 15%, maybe a little bit more, if you can. And instead of chasing the orgasm, instead of going after that orgasm and that climax, let it arrive. Let it come, because that experience of allowing the orgasm to come rather than going to get the orgasm, creates a different kind of felt sense within our energy body and for many people is a more expansive, more satisfying, more full body erotic experience than the chasing of the orgasm, which has a bit of a downward and outward flow of that energy. When we don't chase it it has more of like an inward and upward flow of that energy that can really feed and nourish our whole body and our whole energy system.

Speaker 1: 25:29

I love that and it also teaches you to enjoy and sit in the pleasure that's happening before you even get to the orgasm. I feel like oftentimes people are so focused on the orgasm they're not like in, they can't just be in. The pleasure part of the lead up and being like this is amazing. I oftentimes, when I'm masturbating or when I'm with a partner, I'm like I'm like I want to be in this pleasure moment forever and that's before, long before the orgasm comes. And there are even times when I'm like I don't want the orgasm to, I don't want it to end, Right, yeah.

Speaker 2: 26:09

And that's a beautiful place to learn how to just hang out. I call it marinating. I sometimes even call it marinating in the vortex, because at a certain point it's just this vortex of pleasurable orgasmic energy. And the thing with orgasm is a lot of us think of orgasm and climax as being the same thing and it is really beautiful when they come together. But what is really special is learning also how to separate the orgasmic pleasure experience from the climax so that we can marinate in that vortex of orgasmic energy and orgasmic pleasure. Because there is so much nourishment, there's so much life giving life, affirming pleasurable energy that lights up every cell of my body. When I let myself just really be in that space, without an agenda, without trying to get somewhere, without trying to have a climax, and when I'm not trying to have an orgasm, I can hang out in that orgasmicity of pleasure for a really long time.

Speaker 1: 27:16

And we actually did a podcast episode on it and I will link back to it. Avery Dean and I did an episode on is that an orgasm or a climax? I think it was named something like that, where we talk about the difference between the climax, which is that when you come, the twitching and that wonderful feeling and orgasm, the orgasmic state and learning to play in the orgasmic state. That will also make you a better lover. It will make you definitely the best you can be, I promise. So we covered the sexual blueprint. You know what you're going to do. You know how you're going to practice expanding on it, which will definitely make you a better lover, especially if you have a partner who's not a sexual blueprint. They will not feel shortchanged, which I think can happen oftentimes. So next week we are going to cover what are we covering? Shapeshifter. Next week no.

Speaker 2: 28:14

We're going to cover the kinky next week.

Speaker 1: 28:16

The kinky. How could I forget? Yeah, the kinky. We are going to cover kinky next week, so stay tuned for that. I suggest, after you hear a new one, go back and re-listen to old ones and maybe each day of the week do a different masturbation practice for the blueprints. Because you're masturbating every day. You should be self-pleasuring. You are self-pleasuring every day. Masturbate to me says getting to the orgasm. Self-pleasure sounds a little different.

Speaker 2: 28:48

So the words themselves. The origin of masturbate in the Latin is like a defilement. There's shame in the word, there's shame kind of built into the word, which a lot of our Latin words having to do with the genitals and the names for the genitals and even the nerve system that is our pleasure center nerve, those names all come with a lot of shame and I think the way we talk about these things matter, which is why I like to call it self-pleasure, because that's really what I'm doing. My intention is to create a pleasurable experience with myself, to enjoy my own body, to enjoy my own body's capacity for sensuality, sexuality, eroticism, pleasure, joy and use that to feed my system.

Speaker 2: 29:33

Because, let's face it, we could all use a little more resilience in the world the way it is these days, and pleasure is one way that we can get to joy and it's one way that we can buffer ourselves and soothe our nervous systems and support our nervous systems to have the resilience and the capacity we need to get through some of the day-to-day stresses and tensions that we deal with and to link that back to the sexual blueprint type, that tension, if your sexual experience and your self-pleasure, your masturbation, feel really tense and firm and gripped.

Speaker 2: 30:09

That is a beautiful thing to work with, unwinding, because that leaves your window of available pleasure in that really narrow, firm, gripped place. So if that's your experience as a sexual type, I really want to encourage you and, like Annette said, it may take a little time and you might not enjoy it a lot the first few times, but it's worth sticking with it to play with. How do I soften into experience pleasure from a place of ease instead of a place of that gripped, braced, tension filled, getting to that climax filled. Getting to that climax? How can I soften? How can I breathe more? How can I allow my body to let that energy course through me instead of forcing it down and out of me?

Speaker 1: 30:52

All right, Well, until next time. How about you tell my listeners where to find you?

Speaker 2: 30:57

Yes, you can find me at embodyyoursensescom and you can find me on Instagram and Facebook at embodyyoursenses. That's my erotic liberation side of my work, and you can find me on Instagram and Facebook at embody your senses. That's my erotic liberation side of my work, and if you want to check out what I offer in terms of somatic embodiment, trauma resolution and spiritual integration, you can find that at gorgebodywisecom.

Speaker 1: 31:19

All right and, as many of you know, I have started coaching individuals as well, and you can find out more about that on my website, talksexwithannettecom, where you can also find all of my podcast episodes and lots of fun information. You can also reach out to me at Annette at TalkSexWithAnnettecom, ask me questions, comments, whatever you want. I also want to encourage my listeners to go to the youtube channel at an ep and a daddy, where you can actually watch this episode and you can drop your comments and questions. Uh, below in the actual video, so it keeps everything organized and I can like respond to your question. You can also scroll down and leave me a voicemail on my speak pipe. So lots of ways to get in touch with me. Stay tuned next week because we're going to keep going and keep exploring. So until next time, listeners, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers, cheers.

Speaker 2: 32:20

Ring loud.