What Women Wish Men Would stop Doing in Bed Reboot!

This is a reboot worth listening to. Ever wondered what women wish men would stop doing in bed? What seemingly ordinary acts could be turning them off? I sat down with guests Daisy, a former dominatrix and amateur porn star, and Andrea, a mental health therapist to hash it back in a no-holds-barred kind of way. We sound off on the connection of orgasms to the male ego, and the ever-so-crucial role of consent in sexual encounters.

From nipple tweaking to hair pulling and breast slapping, we cover things that will and won't surprise you. This one is for both old and new listeners who want to lay the foundation for better sex and/or gain a deeper understanding of the foundation that laid the ground for the Ladies Locker Room.

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Chapters

• 0:47 Rebooting Bed Etiquette
• 13:23 Navigating Sexual Preferences and Communication
• 20:04 Consent and Communication in Sexual Encounters
• 34:10 Discipline, Pleasure, and Communication in Bed
• 45:55 Navigating Sexual Boundaries and Communication
• 50:21 Toys in Sexual Relationships
• 55:35 Exploring Women's Desires in Bed
• 1:00:00 Stop Bed Habits Men Should Avoid

Transcript

Annette Benedetti: 0:47

Hi, this is Anne, your hostess for a locker room talk and chocks, the podcast that likes to think of itself as the queer NPR of raunchy women's sex talk. You are about to sit in on the kind of conversations women have on their girls' nights out or behind closed doors, while enjoying delicious drinks and dishing about sex, think fun, honest and feminist as fuck, and always with the goal of fighting the patriarchy. One orgasm at a time. Welcome to the locker room.

Annette Benedetti: 1:27

Today's locker room talk and chocks topic is a reboot what women wish men would stop doing in bed. It may have been recorded almost two and a half years ago when I kicked this podcast off, but the themes that you're going to hear in this episode hold true today. Not only that, this episode is a great foundational episode for those of you who are new to the podcast Certainly you will hear the themes mentioned here repeated all throughout the almost three years of episodes I've created and for my loyal listeners who have been around for a while. Well, it never hurts to refresh, because I can tell you this much I've been doing this for three years and still still many of these things happened to me in bed.

Annette Benedetti: 2:23

I want you to take time to listen to each of my guests and myself, as we do tell you what the don'ts are. Please don't, don't. Don't do these things. But don't worry, we aren't all negative. Also, pepper in the do's and what is being done right in bed. So enjoy the listen and cheers. Our guest today is Daisy, who we had on our last, what one of our last episodes called. So you think you can born Daisy. Will you take a moment to introduce yourself?

Daisy: 2:57

Yes, I'm Daisy. I am 32. I'm an artist. You can follow me at Pink Daisy Art Box on Instagram.

Annette Benedetti: 3:06

So I'm gonna help you out, daisy. Daisy has been a dominatrix, she has been an amateur porn star and now she is turned amazing artist, mama sex positive guest on our show. We also have with us a dear friend of mine who, I'm so excited, is here. I'm so excited, andrea, why don't you introduce?

Andrea: 3:31

yourself. Well, I'm Andrea, as you already told them my name. Thank you, and I'm very happy to be here. I am 49 years old and in my 50th year, I keep reminding myself and I work as a mental health therapist and I'm very excited to be a part of this. I think this is really great, thank you.

Annette Benedetti: 3:53

And our shop for the day. A pro, really so, picked out by our bartender and a royal is the mind eraser. It is yummy and I'm excited to drink it. So, ladies, raise your glasses. I want to thank you for agreeing to be vulnerable and talk about banging and what you don't like and you do like with me today. So, cheers, let's talk about sex.

Daisy: 4:26

While you're taking your drink, can I Mm-hmm? Okay? So as a slight callback to the last episode I was on, so you think you can porn. So you think you can porn. If you haven't seen that one yet, you might want to go back and watch it. So you kind of get the reference I'm about to make. One of the things you mentioned last time was bring your own loop. Bring your own loop. You got to bring your own. So right after the last show, the next morning was up in Seattle, immediately there, and the entire week leading up to it or during it, my partner and I were flirting and getting really excited and building a lot of tension.

Daisy: 5:10

And then on the last night we were just going to go crazy and beat animals and we were. We bought lube and some toys and we were so excited and halfway through the trip we ended up changing hotels. The last night finally came. We were in our bedroom getting clothes, kissing and touching and exploring and it finally came time where we were going to get everything out. We couldn't find the lube. It took 10 minutes and we are tiptoeing around and making sure no one's hearing this because our kids are in the other room and all we want to do is find the lube and fuck each other like crazy. And we couldn't find the lube. And then I just sat there, shook my head and I'm like I should have brought my own loop.

Daisy: 5:58

You just have to have it.

Annette Benedetti: 6:00

You got to bring your own loop. You know what I'll do. I feel like the segues as well. Typically, I would ask one of the guests to kick off like what they don't like that men do in bed. But I think I will start with this have your own fucking lube, dudes. It is not a woman's responsibility to have things. You need to have good sex. You need to have lube. Also, your spit is not a good substitute. So I mean, really that goes together with really my number one thing that I wish men would stop doing in bed Don't spit on me by some lube. Don't spit on my pussy. Don't spit on my body. Don't Like, don't, don't do it. Buy some lube.

Annette Benedetti: 6:50

I'm so offended by the spitting I get so it offends me, it upsets me, I'm upset. Can you see it's reasonable, do you? How do you feel?

Andrea: 7:02

Well, it's reasonable. I was thinking, you know, I bring my own condoms. If I'm having sex with a man, he wears the condom. I'm actually thinking about his comfort in terms of getting quality condoms that are going to be, you know, not in the way of his sensory experience too much, right, and it seems that if he were thinking of me or the woman that he was with, he might consider me bringing some lube would be a good idea, right?

Annette Benedetti: 7:34

It's not astroglyde, guys, it's not the 80s, it's not the 90s Astroglyde is out of. There are so many amazing lubes and I understand that maybe you're like lost when it comes to lubes. Here's the thing there are great articles out there, so you get online and you Google best lubes for women and you will learn about water based lubes and when to use what lube. If you, for instance, decide for some reason, you want to use the butt instead of the vagina, there are different lubes to use. So read about it and bring your own lube. Here is to lube. Come on, a great invention that is underappreciated.

Andrea: 8:25

Well in this segway is perfectly to my number one stop on my list of things that I accumulated here, which is stop trying to fuck a dry pussy, which also means learning what a dry pussy feels like, checking it out first, knowing the difference between a lubricated pussy and when it is not. I even had an experience once where my partner at the time that I was having sex with checked and thought that I wasn't lubricated, when, for once, I was, and it was really awkward. It was like you're not lubricated and it's like actually I am. Do you even know what a lubricated pussy actually feels like?

Annette Benedetti: 9:08

So wait, so wait what does that mean, if he didn't know you were wet?

Andrea: 9:12

That's just embarrassing for me. It was weird, it was really. It ruined the whole moment I was totally ready to go.

Daisy: 9:20

There's not need to be a slip and slide for you to slide in. Maybe that's what it was. Is that what their expectation is? The slip and slide?

Andrea: 9:29

I did not ask.

Annette Benedetti: 9:34

Andrea takes a long snow drink of her glass. So, hey, I think what we're saying is get to know the vagina, what it feels like when it's happy, when it feels like when it's angry, what it feels like, you know, just get to know the vagina. And Daisy is acting out what an angry pussy looks like right now. No, seriously, like I think that that's a great point. I remember I mean this was my senior year high school boyfriend and I remember at some point he really wanted to have sex and for whatever reason I was not. My body was like not into this. I mean I can probably think of a lot of reasons right now I wasn't, but I remember I finally was like I mean he wasn't and he probably was reacting to my body's disinterest. He was semi hard and my body was like go away. And finally I looked at him and like can we stop trying to put your limp dick into my dry vagina? Can we just stop? Yeah For finding my own voice for once. I had such a young age.

Daisy: 10:51

Anyways, they just like to barrel in there though you know, like talking about banging school, they just jam you up, Don't? Just jam it in there ever.

Annette Benedetti: 11:03

Sensitive.

Daisy: 11:05

Then hard and fast like a rabbit, fuck race jackhammer.

Annette Benedetti: 11:09

No, thank you. I mean, sometimes, I will admit, sometimes I like I like that, but it's like you got to work up to it, the frenzy has to be mutual and then the frenzy lasts, the frenzy where you get a jackhammer. It's short lived. So guys like, when you get finally get permission and she's like fuck me, fuck me hard and fast. You get that for like 60 seconds and then stop. It's a treat when that happens, right?

Daisy: 11:34

That actually kind of Goes into my next thing Don't be afraid to change positions. A lot of times I feel like we get really stagnant and stuck with especially male on top Kind of positioning, and don't be afraid to change positions. A lot of times Things can get Desensitized or oversensitive or desensitized. Sometimes, if you feel like you're, as a man, if you're approaching climax, stop for a second, change positions in between, changing positions, kiss and Just be intimate and or worship the person that you're, you're being intimate with, or especially if you're someone who Can't that seems like a good number and can only come once, and then they just, you know, that's it for them for the night, which is fine, hey guys, that is fine.

Annette Benedetti: 12:29

But either learn to draw it out or Learn to fuck us after you come, because we don't need your cock to come. We literally don't need it to come. There are so many other things we can do that are fun and sexy, and I'll tell you what. There is nothing like a guy who knows, after he comes, how to keep having sex absolutely Oral doesn't have to just be a foreplay or it can be the entire game. Go down Cheers to oral, being the entire game.

Andrea: 13:11

And you get a woman off by eating her pussy out. You don't need your lube, I love all right.

Annette Benedetti: 13:23

Can I just say this one of my most favorite things is having Penetration after orgasm.

Andrea: 13:29

I actually. You're really tightened up, it's great forever.

Annette Benedetti: 13:32

Yeah, which segues to my biggest thing. You have a lot of big things. Look, I Appreciate that. A man wants me to come, I do. I don't appreciate when, like 10 minutes into fucking, he's like are you getting close, are you gonna come for me, come for me, come for me. The minute you do that, I am done, I'm done, I'm done. It pisses me off, it causes anxiety. I am not a woman that comes easily and my body it just. I'm like oh, he's bored, he like it puts pressure on me. Also, it tells me my orgasm for you isn't about me, it's about your ego. And look, hey guys, my orgasm isn't about you, it's about me.

Annette Benedetti: 14:27

I have had amazing sex with men who have never made me come. My love for sex and my enjoyment of the sexual experience is not centered around the orgasm, it's the Experience. Orgasms are great, but they aren't the end. All be out of it. And if you start making my orgasm about you, first of all, I have spent. I'm what? I'm 46. I've spent many years perfecting that fake orgasm for people like you, because the stress kills the experience. I will clinch, I will make the sounds, you'll think I came and and I'll go out with my girlfriends and take shots and talk about how I could not come because you kept saying for me.

Daisy: 15:15

We can't all come on command like Sean like you know I'm again. I'm just not built like that.

Annette Benedetti: 15:21

You're gonna have to listen to. So you think you can porn To some people can come on command. That's great Good for them. I'm not one of them and I think most women are ladies chime in because I could go off for hours.

Andrea: 15:33

No, I, I've always unit as kind of a fantasy.

Daisy: 15:36

So if you're going to do that, you're asking for a fake orgasm if you're asking at the 10 minute mark, yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna fake it. I'm obviously we don't have time for this. So, whatever, let's get it done. However, if we are at the 30 minute mark or like it's, we've been going a while and you're reading my body and you're watching my facial expressions and you can genuinely tell that I'm getting close and you do something like grab me around the neck and tell me to come, that will make you come. I'm gonna come and it's gonna be great.

Annette Benedetti: 16:16

So here's my question I think there are some women who like to hear that kind of thing, so is that a discussion that we could have in advance, like what is advice for guys who are like yeah, like ask in advance, like do you like to hear that?

Daisy: 16:31

Yeah, I love that. So this again kind of goes into something I wanted to say. Is that talk about it. I love it's like dirty talk. It's what do you like? You know what is? What is the the craziest thing you've done in bed? That kind of helps gauge Mm-hmm, where, where's some of the possibilities that we can go. Are we on the same wavelength? To where Like into the same weird shit? Right? I feel like something that we keep talking about is that we're kind of trained from a younger age that it does Center around the man and what they want. So as women, we don't really talk or even really think about what we want until we're older, until we're willing to kind of claim sex back as, like wait a minute.

Daisy: 17:19

This is something I'm doing. I never enjoy this, but it's something that you have to practice, and that's something that I'm gonna say again is Touch me like I touch me. So they should watch Absolutely, absolutely. In that I'm really particular. I have a very small clitoris and my labia All of it is fairly small, very tucked, and so I have a very specific way that I like to be touched. If you touch me almost any other way, it's gonna be hyper sensitive and it's almost gonna hurt. So if you don't touch me, right, don't touch me at all. And so I I love when my partners Approach me from behind and I get to take my hand and guide it down and I get to show you how I Want to be touched. If you're gonna, if I'm going down on a man, he's fine grabbing my head and doing things and communicating what he wants. So I'm gonna show you what I want and I'm gonna show you how to touch me.

Andrea: 18:29

I'm gonna say I've never been able to comfortably masturbate in front of a lover. We're here like that, no, can.

Annette Benedetti: 18:36

can I ask you like what?

Andrea: 18:38

Well, so first of all, I know let's just cheers, because I feel like we're just drinking your drinks and I am really feeling this drink, by the way, good very. My friends call me sip sip smash, so I Drinking tolerance here. Sip sip smash, I like it. My current partner is gonna hear this and insist that I masturbate for him at this point and I think I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna have to do it, not because I have to do it, but because I Feel.

Daisy: 19:10

I should do this. Have you ever masturbated for yourself?

Andrea: 19:14

Yes, like in a mirror. Yeah, I'm all about myself.

Annette Benedetti: 19:22

So it's off topic, but not really, because I what is that?

Daisy: 19:31

vibrator off? Hey, now probably wouldn't be surprised your whole bedroom just like started vibrating.

Annette Benedetti: 19:41

I've got a lot of vibrators. So I yeah, do you know why? You're something, there's something about being watched.

Andrea: 19:48

I think I mean I have. I have recorded myself and sent an audio of myself Right when you are live you don't get to edit bringing it back to topic is One of the things that are on the stop doing. This list is Stop doing certain things without consent, which is like masturbating in front of me, you know.

Andrea: 20:12

Oh I need the consent has been, yeah, events where, you know, my partner masturbated right next to me when I really just wanted to go to sleep and you know, I didn't appreciate that necessarily, or I think that there needs to be a setup when that's what's happening. Right, you know, there needs to be consent and and that's one of the things that I think consent is important for right how we came up with this topic was locker room talking.

Annette Benedetti: 20:43

Shots sprung off of a column on she explores life called locker room talk and and one of me. The first I article we did was on this topic. What I did was I just asked a whole bunch of women what do you wish men would stop doing in bed? And I would say 90% of what came up was consent-based. So, like women were, like stop slapping my tits without asking.

Daisy: 21:09

I was like what they're doing what?

Annette Benedetti: 21:13

But just like there were all of these things slapping tits, slapping pussy, like choking.

Andrea: 21:19

Anything involved in the anus is a popular one.

Annette Benedetti: 21:22

Yeah, hey guys ask about the anus ahead of time. I do feel like a lot of guys are pretty good about that.

Andrea: 21:29

I think practical conversations with the intention of conscious sexual encounters are far more powerful than what are your fantasies and all that other stuff that you know. I think a lot of guys use that as a way to try to get you in the mood and they really do want to please you know. I really think it's a big part of male psychology to be good in bed for women.

Daisy: 21:55

So one of the sexiest moments that I have ever had actually involved consent. I had a partner that we were starting to make out. It was still where we were kind of kissing. And she says you know, while we're kissing, I'm going to touch an article of clothing and I'm going to tap it. I want you to indicate if I can take off that article of clothing. And so, as we were kissing, there was no, they didn't have to be a conversation. The setup that's all it took was hey, I don't want to have to stop, so I'm going to tap your clothing, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna tap your pants, and then you get to decide can I take your pants off? And then I'm going to touch your bra and you get to tell me like just nod or moan and indicate that I can take that off. Right, and there was no break, there was no awkwardness.

Annette Benedetti: 22:55

So guys take note here's a great way to make consent, because I do think a lot of men struggle with the idea of how do I make consent sexy without killing the moment or you know just, they don't have the tools Get creative.

Andrea: 23:11

Well, yeah, and I mean along what I was just saying too, and to kind of release what you're saying is, I'm really turned on by someone who's preparing, you know, and still open to any outcome. It's like, oh, you know we've got a date and you know I'm thinking. You know I'd like to have sex, but there's no guarantee that we will and we don't have to have sex. But if we do, you know, what kind of lube do you like? What's your favorite lube? I want something that's going to work for you, right, because that's going to be the best outcome. And I would like someone who was taking that kind of thoughtful consideration and preparation and be like wow, right, you know, I would really like that. That would turn me on.

Annette Benedetti: 23:53

I did just recently have someone ask me what kind of I was, what kind of lube I had, and I was. I was like kind of caught off guard by it. You know, what I think is sexy is like spending an evening looking up toys you want and sending links and then like, hey, if you're smart, you're going to order this.

Daisy: 24:17

Also going to adult stores or sex shops or toy stores or whatever you want to label them. A lot of them will have testers or samples of lube, so you can go there and say, hey, I'm interested in some lube, can you make some suggestions? I'm shameless. I'll ask anybody about lube, about toys, whatever, and if you just ask, they are happy to give you samples. They receive boxes of them to hand out.

Andrea: 24:50

Can I just make a plug for coconut oil?

Annette Benedetti: 24:53

That's my favorite Wait wait, coconut oil is your favorite lube, mm-hmm.

Andrea: 24:58

So, just like that's just. That's pretty much what I use, because I'm very prone to I think you know reactions to anything that is not very, very natural and organic, and it works. It works. I bet. It's affordable too. And, well, you know, you can put it in your coffee, you can use it to cook with, and then you put it all over your skin and, yes, you can put it in your vagina and it does not disrupt your flora and fauna From your morning coffee to your evening fuck coconut oil.

Daisy: 25:33

I do remember using it to give my dog medicine once.

Annette Benedetti: 25:36

So it does it all. Cheers to coconut oil.

Andrea: 25:43

Am I the only one on drink two? No, I am Okay because, for those who know me, I want drink two.

Annette Benedetti: 25:49

Daisy is schooled and she's like oh, she's like, I've seen these bitches before. I am such a lightweight, and so I know she says that every time, but mostly she's just like. I don't want to end up being like you guys.

Daisy: 26:03

I know, I'm a Daisy. I'm a lightweight too. Unfortunately, that still does not stop you. You end up thinking that I'm still a tank, which I am not.

Andrea: 26:12

You all have more tolerance than I do with alcohol.

Daisy: 26:16

You're a drunk asshole.

Andrea: 26:17

Why I am drunk as fuck. Right now I am on one drink and one sip. I am seriously drunk.

Annette Benedetti: 26:25

So she's been drunk, so come on.

Daisy: 26:27

So she's definitely a nascent rosy. Through the phase it's pretty adorable though. I just have to say here I think that we have different definitions of drunkness.

Andrea: 26:38

And this is probably the first drink I've had this year.

Annette Benedetti: 26:42

Oh cheers to that. I'm so happy that it could be here. I feel like you're talking about sex. We're trying to get you drunk, daisy. I was like I think you're trying to get me on a drink too. All right, here's back to the goddamn topic. We've gotten through quite a bit, but I feel like we have more. All right, we have more. There's definitely more.

Andrea: 27:04

This could go on very long, I think you barely scratched the surface. This lady came in with a list of nine things we have touched on, about two or three of nine things.

Daisy: 27:17

And that's just you. I'm so easy to please. I'm just like I've got two little bullet marks you had only two things.

Annette Benedetti: 27:24

I had four. I had four total, but give us another one, Daisy. I'm curious.

Daisy: 27:29

So all of mine kind of intertwine a little bit. One is just that penetration isn't the goal, it's not. It's not like I know you want to get your dick wet, but like slow down. For me, I love to feel worshiped and sexy In my normal day to day. I don't always. I very rarely, very rarely feel sexy on my day to day. I'm busy, I'm a mom, I've got other things going on and the last thing I'm thinking about is am I sexy? I feel like worship is really the word for it. Where?

Annette Benedetti: 28:36

a guy will worship your body.

Daisy: 28:38

Yeah, I like partner better because I don't fuck everybody, so whoever it is, yeah. Whoever I am having sex with, just to say, like I'm not going to cut off anyone because of gender, I want that person in the moment with me right now, to think that I am the sexiest fucking thing they have ever seen.

Annette Benedetti: 29:00

I watch movie sex all the time and I'm like that's so much fucking bullshit Like the screen and they're passionately like kissing and then he rips or panties down and shoves his cock in and they have an orgasm in three minutes At the same time.

Daisy: 29:15

They always get off at the same time, though Instantly.

Andrea: 29:18

Some men are good at that though that way, and that's not a bad thing. It happens like that you come in together. Yeah, yeah, I know a guy. Yeah, that's really good at coming right when I mean right when I do. Couldn't be me.

Daisy: 29:36

I know my primary partner is really good at waiting for me and making sure, like changing positions and things he's really good at waiting for me and doing that, but not like the rip the panties down, cock inside and three minutes later you come.

Annette Benedetti: 29:53

Does that happen, does that happen?

Daisy: 29:55

If you're building the tension all day long and like, okay, so my current partner was also at one point my boss oh, that's sexy Like that and working in the same place where we can't touch each other all day long and wearing a short pencil skirt and heels and you can feel his eyes on you during the day, and then going home and there's all that tension and build up and yeah, smash together and so it was really quick. Yeah, I mean it was quick and passionate, but there was the build up still. Yeah. So question does this almost?

Andrea: 30:37

I mean, I don't really have any experience with it because I have no self control. Is this almost?

Daisy: 30:41

into like edging territory, cause I have never done like edging, but I've heard people talk about it. No, no, no.

Annette Benedetti: 30:50

I'm very curious. I spend a lot of time doing that. Oh, you're an edger.

Daisy: 30:55

Totally.

Annette Benedetti: 30:56

Interesting. Alright, so back to what we don't want guys to do. Why is it so hard for us to stay on topic?

Andrea: 31:03

It's a hard question for women to answer. In general, I have found and I think that should be mentioned, like I asked, I had trouble answering it at first I think women in general want to be really positive, you know, and Returing to men, yeah, there is male ego stuff to deal with and even at first I'm like what do I really want men to stop doing?

Andrea: 31:26

And I'm like I don't know. You know it took me. It was a very my first answer. My first real answer was a very general umbrella term. You know it was stop making it all about your orgasm. Yeah, you know, and we've touched upon that a little bit, you know. But trying to dive deeper into very specific things, you know, dude, stop doing this thing, this one thing, you know, and trying to be very specific, you know it does almost even feel negative. I mean, we want to say things what we would rather have. I even asked a guy what have women told you to stop doing? I was like, well, really nothing. They tell me things they'd rather I do or things they'd rather I do differently, because even we women, especially, were all really different. You know things that I would really like some of my partners to have stopped doing. Other people like, or maybe they would like you know?

Andrea: 32:24

and who are we to say that all men should stop doing these very specific things? You know there just are a few things that really we can say. All men need to stop doing this Right.

Annette Benedetti: 32:36

I that may be so funny when you said, what have you actually said, stop doing? And I was like what have I actually said, stop doing? And there was one thing that came to mind right away. I find that men really like to live in their banging you and they hit your cervix like it feels good to them and it hurts and I'll say I'll say stop or out or like whatever. I make a sound that's like I'm not happy with the situation and I don't know how many times that's led to them actually doing it more, more like knocking my cervix around, and it makes me fucking angry.

Daisy: 33:23

Have you asked to change position during that, because a lot of time it's the angle.

Annette Benedetti: 33:28

Well, it is the angle, but it's also like the depth was so, and it's like when you feel that happen, don't fucking do it. It doesn't and I don't know. I think it feels good to them. I don't know what it is, but I have found like there's a big problem with that and it's like, yeah, I get angrier and angrier and then I'm just a bitch during sex.

Daisy: 33:54

I wonder if that is part of male ego, where they feel like they're hitting your back wall and that's what they think is like I'm hitting some sort of back wall. I've heard it feels good to them.

Annette Benedetti: 34:05

They'll be like it feels good and I'm like, well, fuck you. It hurts me in a way that makes me hate you. I think it's a discipline thing.

Andrea: 34:12

I think that you know there are a lot of men who really work to be disciplined at controlling their urges so that they can be the best lover they can be to their partner, and some men you know get so caught up in their own pleasure, that they don't have the practice of discipline right, because it does serve them. It serves them psychologically, it serves them emotionally, it serves them in their own sexual gratification to hold off, and and they just haven't learned that yet and they haven't gotten the reward.

Annette Benedetti: 34:52

I do think you're right. I think there's something that like feeds the ego. Like I'm so deep that I'm doing this thing and it's on such a primal level they keep it, but then I'm just like you will never fuck me again. It makes me want to flick their balls.

Andrea: 35:08

I think that if yeah, if they know it's not, it doesn't feel good to you to be so deep and they keep doing it. They're lost in their own pleasure at that point.

Annette Benedetti: 35:18

Right, right, right, yeah, yeah. But I and Daisy, right, like I have found, like I've learned to work with my own body.

Andrea: 35:25

I'm short, I'm shallow in some ways yeah, have you ever been with a man who had a really long cock?

Annette Benedetti: 35:31

Yes.

Andrea: 35:32

Didn't do that to you, so you know it's a control issue. Yeah, it's so funny he has the ability not to do that to you and still get great pleasure. So there you go.

Annette Benedetti: 35:44

She's familiar, she's a little bit of a go-in or cougars and cubs conversation. I have actually yeah yeah.

Annette Benedetti: 35:51

I really I think that I had a lover who was younger and a little bit larger and never had this problem with like the minute. It would make me uncomfortable. The amount of control this individual had over their giant penis was almost set me back on my heels. At my age and, having been with you, know people my age who are also very well endowed but also careless, and it made it awful. There was a period in time when I was like I would not, like, I would not want to date anyone who was large. I was like it's a turn off, I don't want to deal with some, some guy with a large dick who is gonna hurt me and and like, not, like, it's not fun for me, not fun. Size is not a thing for me. It's really like the person if they use it. And yeah, it's really how you connect with the person, how they listen to you, how they use what they have. And again, there are so many things to do with the woman. Just stick your penis in me, right?

Andrea: 37:05

well, I always say you don't have to have a penis at all.

Annette Benedetti: 37:11

I would say every woman at this table. I do okay without one, because you're definitely okay okay every woman at this table can agree you don't need a penis to get off. Cheers to that, ladies. Okay, do not hit the cervix um something else.

Daisy: 37:37

I have one one that is a me in particular thing is I don't have many things that are really really, really off limits for me. I'm willing to try it, just about anything. Don't pull my hair. I feel like a lot of people do it in a way that I consider incorrect, where if you, if you, just grab my hair in the middle of my head, it just hurts, hurts. It doesn't have the sexy you she knows, she knows there's. Yeah, you can learn how to do it right, guys. It is to the point where I have had it incorrectly performed so many times on my poor, tender head that just don't, don't pull my hair, I'm done, I'm out so you think a conversation in advance.

Annette Benedetti: 38:25

What happened?

Daisy: 38:26

oh yeah.

Annette Benedetti: 38:26

I. Do you like hair pulling? Do you have? I find that I will say this. I feel like most men in pregame conversation will ask about choking.

Andrea: 38:36

For sure, throw a hair pulling and it's not being into that yeah, absolutely absolutely and like everything, just sorry hair pulling, and I think you've been a little. Sometimes a spank can be executed correctly without a lot of you know needing to talk about it. But it really think about it. Do you really know what you're doing? If you have any doubt at all, if you haven't talked to a lot of people and really researched it a little bit, and you can literally go to classes on how to do this stuff. Well, go to kinkfest.

Daisy: 39:12

Yeah, I just feel like this is something that men do, you know. I don't want to generalize, of course, but I feel like, with the hair pulling, with the spanking, it is something that they will like commit to like a hundred percent because they've seen, it, like in porn and on movies, and they'll just like go full throttle with like the hair pulling or the spanking, like before you have that conversation and, like you said, there is a right way to go about it. Like the hair pulling, like you know, ease into it.

Daisy: 39:39

Don't just fucking yank your head back like no one likes that, I mean, unless I am sure I'm sure that there is that there are girls out there who just, yeah, absolutely love when a man like wraps his entire hand in your hair and like pulls the entire thing. I'm just not that gal, right?

Annette Benedetti: 39:58

so yeah, spanking I like it, but I have been shocked and and I will say this like I'm up front about like when I meet someone like this is something that, when done right, really turns me on. I am actually shocked. How many, how many men I can tell like maybe a class isn't in order. You know I can tell when they're going into it and they're unsure this podcast in the room. I fucking sex life. Now, anybody who gets in bed with me and wants to spank me is gonna be like fuck am I doing it right?

Andrea: 40:40

I don't make your sex life the best it's ever been. No people are gonna know what to do and what not to do.

Annette Benedetti: 40:48

I also think there's like a learning curve. You know like you have to be willing to do it and do it wrong and have someone say, hey, this is what I want. Get over women saying you're doing it wrong or saying, do it this way or that was okay, but. And when she says that, don't sulk and say, oh, you know, ask for us to then feel sorry for you, just be like cool, what do you want? Let's practice. Oh, you want me to bend you over, get over my knee, tell me how to do it. Yeah, you want a butt plug in? Okay, tell me how to do that, let's do that. Let's practice. Get a drink, let's do it.

Daisy: 41:25

I love after sex recaps where I'm like, hey, you know, when you like stuck your finger in my ass, that was great. Can we try that again, but with like lube next time, so like it'll be really good and just being able to. Or, hey, you know, you kind of slam my head into the headboard. Next time you notice that like my head's getting a little sideways, can you like pull, like just grab my legs and pull me down the bed. We've all had a little side.

Annette Benedetti: 42:03

Oh, my jana did a great reenactment. Alright, guys, let's stop, because I do feel like everyone goes through this. Hey guys, when at some point you are banging a woman and you start moving up in the bed and you notice like your head's hitting the the wall because you're probably not mature enough to know you need to get a nice headboard and then pretty soon, like you've moved up more and like her shoulders in the wall and she's bending her head to the side.

Daisy: 42:34

She's trying to accommodate you and your passion she starts getting that dead look in her eyes yeah, don't do that, pull her back, pull her back, pull her into you change positions. What a concept. It's so easy there are so many, you don't lose anything, not a thing. Just flip them over, grab a leg, put it in a different position. Change positions. I haven't done at least three. I feel like I'm missing something, right, right.

Annette Benedetti: 43:20

Andrea came into this conversation prepared. She. She talked to her friends, so she has information from the wider network of women and something that in our pregame talk that came up. Also, can we do a cheers to other women getting in on this podcast and saying they want to contribute with their thoughts? Hey, ladies, thank you. By the way, I'm acknowledging all the Andrea's friends, who well remain nameless, but thank you for giving Andrea a long, awesome list, and one of the things that you brought up that I think we need to touch on. That surprised me, maybe not so much was the comment, which can be taken all directions, of what can men stop doing in bed?

Andrea: 44:11

and and they said, being there a little differently, why I think it bears qualifying that one of these was being there without coffee. Now, that is a very important for a fire in my world.

Annette Benedetti: 44:33

I feel that way. I feel it in the morning, although I love morning sex coffee, it's best after coffee, though for me I do.

Andrea: 44:44

I really need my coffee first and some talking, you know, and then morning sex.

Daisy: 44:50

Slip it in, yeah really I like it right when I wake up, cuz like I'll, I'll wake up horny, like let's go. Yeah, I like, oh man, I am. I prefer to knock it out of bed like that's the best. So if you wake up and like come before, even get out of bed, that's start to a great fucking day. Send, send me to the bathroom, the shaking legs and I am happy we see, we're all different.

Annette Benedetti: 45:14

All women need to come in a box but being there it, some women want you to go away after so my instant thought, andrea, when you brought that up, was I think what in society, and like movies and everything you watch, it's like it's all like men get up and leave after sex and women are like oh, you're leaving me. What people don't realize is oftentimes women want you to get the fuck out after and we aren't conditioned to be able to say that it's not an insult. It's like this has been fun, we've cuddled for a little while. I like to sleep alone and I in particular, I like to process. If it's especially a new lover If I'm with a new lover, I would, and we're getting planned a night together. I like to do that.

Annette Benedetti: 46:10

And then I like them to go away and I like to sit and process it the first time or two and decide how do I feel? Like, how do I feel about something that just happened? Like, is this something I wanted? And I don't want to do it with them there? And if they insist on staying, I feel trapped.

Annette Benedetti: 46:26

And if I feel trapped, then it casts a long shadow on everything and it's like I don't look at it as a good thing, I look at it as, oh, I feel trapped. If I have sex with this person, I'm. You know what I mean. But if they're like it's loving and then it's like, right, I'm gonna go home, I'll text you when I'm home, I'll text you in the morning and say thank you again. That was sexy. By the morning I'm masturbating and thinking about you and I'm like when are we gonna do this again? If you insist on staying or you act weird about the fact that I'm like hey bye, then I feel trapped and I'm not. And women do this too. I know men do this, but actually women do it as well, right?

Andrea: 47:11

Yeah, and I wanna toast just you, because. I am a freedom girl and the minute I feel trapped, it's the relationship is dead in the water. Yep, I mean I just it cannot survive me feeling trapped, mm-hmm.

Annette Benedetti: 47:24

Mm-hmm, I also like it when, yeah, when I leave and I regret leaving. I love that. I love that moment. I'm like oh, oh.

Daisy: 47:37

Not always. I will just say, like I am a greedy bitch, so like we spend the night together, there's a chance that we'll fuck again in the morning. Yes, so that's just kind of my thought process on that.

Annette Benedetti: 47:49

God, I feel like the first couple of times I'm listening to someone like I dread the morning and like is it gonna be awkward? Not if you're just.

Daisy: 47:56

If you start off banging, you just bang the awkwardness away.

Annette Benedetti: 48:01

Yeah, but you don't know if it's gonna start off that way. It doesn't always start off that way.

Daisy: 48:05

It can, if you try hard enough.

Annette Benedetti: 48:06

I don't like it. I don't like awkward mornings. I like to get into. I know like I take a while to wanna spend a morning with someone. Mornings are precious to me. I spend them like scrolling through my email and masturbating, and with nobody else. That's what my mornings look. Every morning looks like that's right. Tomorrow morning, at probably 8 am, that's what I'm gonna be doing. Do you masturbate? Every single morning, almost every single morning. It's my goal to have an orgasm every single day, or two or three, you're committed, I'm committed.

Annette Benedetti: 48:41

How have we done on our?

Andrea: 48:41

list, just something that hasn't come up at all. That is a thing that really bothers me and maybe some women would like it. You know, once again, everyone's different is pushing my head down towards your cock. Don't do that. I mean pretty much every time if I'm with a man he's getting a blue job. He doesn't have to push my head down.

Annette Benedetti: 49:03

You know, I've heard from other women.

Andrea: 49:05

That's really bothers me. Don't do that.

Daisy: 49:09

I totally agree. If I go down on a head too quickly, I am going to gag and it's not gonna be pretty. And so when I get my head pushed down too fast, they don't know my gag reflex Right. So you don't do it. Your fault. What happens next? So okay, I'm kidding, that has never actually happened, it does happen though it does.

Annette Benedetti: 49:36

It does happen to me it happens, but you might end up with vomit on your dick and no one feels bad for you I know yeah, so stop shoving your head down.

Andrea: 49:45

Even if you really need a blowjob, to say I really need a blowjob, that's better.

Annette Benedetti: 49:51

Then we can say say please, Pretty, pretty, pretty please.

Daisy: 50:00

What I really need a blowjob, pretty, pretty, pretty please.

Annette Benedetti: 50:06

Yeah, god, can we cheers like everyone drank to that and without a, cheers to us like pretty please, pretty, pretty please. All right, god, it's a good drink and it's not killing us like the porn star did.

Daisy: 50:20

I did have another one. Stop being afraid of toys, it's not a competition God damn it.

Annette Benedetti: 50:26

That is a real thing man they're weird about toys. Yeah, If you're a guy and you're weird about toys, I'm just like oh, you've got some self esteem stuff. You're not ready for me?

Daisy: 50:36

Absolutely. I like, like I just mentioned, I have a toy box, I have two toy boxes, I have a lot of different toys that go in different places and do different things, and I love to experiment and I think one of the things is the common misconception that if you use a toy that is bigger than your partner, that your vagina is going to be larger and not you have a nice, nice big vagina and you're not going to be able to please your male partner if they are smaller than your toy. And that is a really unfortunate misconception and I think there's no reason to be afraid of toys. They're there just to enhance the experience and they're not just there for me. There are so many toys made for your pleasure as well, like the Wii Vibe that goes inside of me, so I become a vibrator for you. Fuck yeah, like, let's experiment and let's try all of these toys together and don't be afraid of it, let's just embrace and explore those things together.

Andrea: 51:50

And connection to toys. One of the first thoughts I had, you know, was, guys, stop taking it personally. If you need to use a toy, okay, male sexual functioning sometimes is a thing you know, and I can promise these guys, I think, that their girls do not care, we don't, they don't care if their dicks are functioning the way they idealistically would want them to, you know. And a toy is perfect and women in general, I think, are more than happy to engage in sex with you if they're not in the mood. I've done it a million times, not really feeling it. I'll give you a blow job. I've got my hands. I just don't think I want your dick inside me right now.

Annette Benedetti: 52:44

There's other things we can do, or I'll just squirt some lube down there and take a nap.

Andrea: 52:48

This is all about you needing an orgasm. I'm okay with that. We can do that, you know it's okay, and I think that a lot of guys get caught up in you know well, no, if I'm not feeling aroused, if I'm not getting my dick inside, then it's not worth the effort, not true? And it's so not true for the person that you are making love to. And in terms of this is really all about. You know, your ability to satisfy and you have the ability to satisfy with no penis at all. Right, we don't need your penis. Recognize that. I mean, we love your penis. It's great, it's fun, you know, and when it is feeling like it wants to come out and play, great, I know, but it's not necessary.

Daisy: 53:35

So to introduce a. It seems like this is going to be a slightly controversial thing to say. I wish did happen in the bedroom, as I wish men did say what they wanted. I feel like there is some toxic masculinity that means that men have to be a certain way.

Daisy: 53:54

They have to be that macho man that wants to fuck and that's all they want, and they want to do it hard and I would love if men would communicate more about what they wanted I love. One of the things that really surprised me was when I had a partner a male partner, man partner tell me that he wanted his neck kissed, but not bitten and not like sucked. He just really loved feminine gentle kisses on his neck. And it took him a really long time to open up and tell me that's what he wanted, because he didn't want to feel demasculated. I said I think it was wrong Emasculated.

Annette Benedetti: 54:37

Yeah, it works. It works both ways.

Daisy: 54:40

And because he, because it's not something that is considered manly, and I wish men could feel more comfortable owning those softer sides of themselves or, in general, what they wanted in sex, because that's not all men do want that. They want to be able to do those things they want. Maybe they want to finger up their butt. I'm trying to. I'm trying to.

Annette Benedetti: 55:10

I don't want to finger up their ass. And it's hot. Can we get like, come on, it is, it's so hot.

Daisy: 55:15

I love the tapioca.

Annette Benedetti: 55:16

Is it really tapioca Right?

Daisy: 55:18

now I feel like it's not as much.

Annette Benedetti: 55:20

I think that's hot. I think when a guy is okay with that, it's hot. And I also agree with you Like when and I had a recent situation where a guy was just like well, you do this and this, I was like sure it was. So it removed the stress of like what is he really wanting? He said it and I was like fuck, yeah, all right, thank you. And then you know, sometimes it's something you're like maybe I thought that wasn't my thing. And then someone tells me can you do this for me? And I'm like sure, and then I start doing it. I'm like dude, this is my thing, it's so good, it's so good.

Daisy: 55:57

Thank you for telling me.

Annette Benedetti: 55:58

Thank you for introducing me being vulnerable and just asking for like can you please do this to me?

Daisy: 56:06

Yeah, let me give you some of that sexy vulnerability.

Annette Benedetti: 56:11

So sexy. It is Be vulnerable man, Be vulnerable and be open. Be open to when women say I actually can't do it Like I don't want to do that.

Daisy: 56:20

Yeah, it's not being rejected. You're not being rejected or anything like that, it's just but tell us you may be surprised about what you're doing, you may be surprised how much we do. Let me surprise you.

Annette Benedetti: 56:32

Exactly, exactly. All right, andrea. What's on your list that we're missing? Wait? Cheers to vulnerability.

Daisy: 56:39

Oh yeah, I am in on that one. Yes.

Annette Benedetti: 56:43

That's what you want, God. It's getting dark and sexy out here.

Andrea: 56:47

That are mood lighting. There is one thing on my list that I think would warrant a conversation. It's something I personally relate to and have had more than one woman tell me you know she would also like yeah, what the fuck with this thing that happens. People who don't have any breasts or who have never experienced having breasts don't know how to deal with breasts, and we're a very breast obsessed culture. I mean, I love looking at breasts too. They're very arousing. But there's this thing Stop, stop. I've decided it's nipple tweaking. Stop nipple tweaking. The things people do to nipples. Let's go of it being about the nipple. I do like my nipples sucked. Yes, I mean at the right time and it's still. I mean I've even had that done terribly.

Daisy: 57:48

Everything can be done incorrectly. Yes, just be clear about that. There's a right way and a wrong way to do everything for everybody. But I also have an inverted nipple me too. Me too, me too, me too, me too. I do Me too, me too, me too, me too, me too.

Annette Benedetti: 58:03

Me too. Me too I like to have somebody latch on and kind of nurse on it. I don't know why. This is a new thing I've discovered. I'm like you just go and there's some tiny stuff, feel silly. I'm like I feel like I feel like if they were bigger and I went and I had that attitude, it would be sexier. But I'm just like I don't care, like it's a thing, but they're tiny.

Daisy: 58:32

That's pretty hot to me, though, but.

Annette Benedetti: 58:34

I don't want them to tweet and I don't like going guys grab my boobs and like squeeze and hurt them. It's like where did you learn that was a thing.

Daisy: 58:44

Thank you, porn, it hurts.

Annette Benedetti: 58:47

And it makes me want to punch you and break your nose.

Daisy: 58:50

And some people are into that. Get consent first out. Get consent, but you can latch on.

Annette Benedetti: 58:57

Oh god, I'm going to cut this. Huh, don't you dare. It's true, it's like my new thing. It's so sexy.

Daisy: 59:06

Trying to bring this back on topic. You still have your list. Was there anything else that you wanted to make sure you got a chance to mention?

Andrea: 59:12

I think I mentioned all the important ones. I think that what I'd like to do is, in conclusion, go through the list. The thing was what do women wish men would stop doing in bed? And these are the answers that we got. Some of the subjects that are subject. See, now you can tell how much alcohol I've had. I cannot talk clearly. These are the subjects that we have touched upon, just a few that we didn't, but they're pretty obvious and there's not much exploration to go into with them. One stop trying to fuck a dry pussy. Don't fuck a dry pussy. Bring your own lube. It's considerate. It shows you're thinking of her. I really am. It's a good thing to do.

Daisy: 59:58

I really am going to make a sticker. This is bring your own lube.

Andrea: 1:00:01

When in doubt, go down. It can be the whole show. Stop nipple tweaking. That's number two. Number three stop thinking you need a cock. Get along a hard one to make a woman come. Number four stop attacking the clit. We didn't explore that, but it's an obvious one. Stop ignoring the clit.

Annette Benedetti: 1:00:26

Yes, it's somewhere in the middle that you want to be, so is the happy medium folks.

Andrea: 1:00:31

Stop coming first with something someone contributed. Stop showing up with too much saliva and no coffee. Always have coffee. Stop pushing heads towards your cock. Don't push your head down. Stop thinking you can do anything without clear consent. Talk to your partner, find out what she wants. That is it. That is the list and completion. I mean mostly.

Annette Benedetti: 1:01:03

Mostly so, unless we have anything else to add to this conversation, which I know we don't. The windracer worked.

Annette Benedetti: 1:01:11

We are now going to take a moment to forget all of those moments that led to the information that we gave you tonight. So thank you for joining us for what women wishmen would stop doing in bed. I hope you take our comments to heart. If you have questions, comments, additions. You're like, after listening to this, I've got to come on and I've got to add my piece, Contact me. And at Benedetti, your hostess at she Explores Life what Shit. At SheExploresLife at Gmailcom with your thoughts why you think you should be here. I want to thank In Advance Daisy for coming back, Andrea for coming for the first time.

Daisy: 1:02:03

I hope you've come before.

Andrea: 1:02:04

I have.

Annette Benedetti: 1:02:06

Once or twice for the first time with me and Anna, just for being Anna.

Daisy: 1:02:13

The best bartender. The best bartender.

Annette Benedetti: 1:02:17

Making sure we're all saucy by the end of the night.

Daisy: 1:02:19

Thank, you, it's my best move.

Annette Benedetti: 1:02:22

She always succeeds at her job, and so thank you, listeners, and for now, that is it. So have a good night, and cheers, cheers, cheers.

Andrea: 1:02:35

Ha ha ha. All of our aquiara enough to make you� suspect advise.