Bisexual Revelations & Does Body Count Matter?

Body count, bisexuality, and bangin! Locker Room Talk & Shots Podcast is taking on hot topics during Bi Visibility Month as I sit down with returning guest and close friend Liberty Shea Callahan. We sit down with a cocktail we call the Dirty Threesome and share our personal stories about our journey as bisexual women. We also take a stab at the age-old question - does body count really matter? Get ready to talk toxic masculinity within the queer femme community, dick shaming, and how the body count issue is alive and well in both the heterosexual. and queer community. How it shows up might just surprise you.

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Chapters

• 0:47 Bisexual Revelations and Body Count
• 19:11 Exploring Queer Misogyny and Bisexual Experiences
• 35:17 Exploring Sexuality, Body Count, and Self-Acceptance
• 41:31 Exploring Body Count and Sexual Health

Transcript

Annette Benedetti: 0:47

Hi, this is Annette Benedetti, your hostess for a locker room talk and shots, the podcast that likes to think of itself as the queer NPR of raunchy women's sex talk. You are about to sit in on the kind of conversations women have on their girls' nights out or behind closed doors, while enjoying delicious drinks and dishing about sex, think, fun, honest and feminist as fuck, and always with a goal of fighting the patriarchy, one orgasm at a time. Welcome to the locker room. Today's locker room talk and shots topic is bisexual revelations and does body count matter? September is bisexual awareness month and there's a bisexual awareness week. There's a bisexual awareness day, but you know, because I'm bisexual and I've got a lot of bi-babe friends, like my guest today who's with me, I'm gonna celebrate it all month long and I'm gonna be visible as fuck, and my guest today is a returning guest.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 2:03

Hello.

Annette Benedetti: 2:04

Liberty. Hi Liberty, can you remind listeners what the episodes that you have been on in the past are?

Liberty Shea Callahan : 2:13

Yes, I was on one called Unicorns three's, not a crowd.

Annette Benedetti: 2:20

No, it's not a crowd. Oh, it's not a crowd no, that is the name.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 2:24

I was on one about Hump Festival Review and I was on one called From Housewife to Ho, which is a very popular podcast hit because we were both housewives and now we're both hoes. Yeah that's right. I just re-listened to that one. I would like to go back and maybe do a second session of that one.

Annette Benedetti: 2:49

I think that we could. I mean, I can talk about my journey from housewife to ho again.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 2:55

There's some questions I never quite answered in that podcast that we should talk about.

Annette Benedetti: 3:00

But that's not what we're talking about today, and we're having real drinks.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 3:05

Yeah, cheers, it's been a while.

Annette Benedetti: 3:06

We can't cheers yet. You've got to tell them what we're drinking.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 3:08

I will Okay, we are drinking Prosecco. Ménage Tois Perfect for this podcast, of course.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 3:16

With a nice green sticker from my corner store, ménage Tois Prosecco, with a lovely product I'm going to plug Girl Meets Dirt. It's a shrub from the San Juan Islands. It's a woman-owned, female-owned business. I stopped in there when I was on Orcus Island and did a tasting and it's just awesome. It's a peach shrub, so a shrub is kind of like a drinking vinegar and you can mix it with sparkling water, or you can mix it with just tap water, or Prosecco, in this case, or champagne.

Annette Benedetti: 3:55

So basically it's Dirty Girls Meets Threesome.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 3:58

Yeah, and you know, wait, I do love the story of Girl Meets Dirt. How this business came about is Orcus Island used to be the largest producer of fruit like exported to Washington state. And there's all these fallow fruit trees all over the island, like thousands of trees that no one is gathering their fruit. And she started gathering the fruit and making jam and then making shrub from them Awesome.

Annette Benedetti: 4:28

Yeah, and I will drop the link to Girl.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 4:33

Meets.

Annette Benedetti: 4:33

Dirt Meets Dirt, so you can do your own version of the Dirty Minajatois, which is what we're going to call it.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 4:41

Yeah, it's yummy, dirty Minajatois it's really good.

Annette Benedetti: 4:45

It's really good.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 4:48

This is a great one to have with Thanksgiving dinner, actually as a pre-dinner cocktail.

Annette Benedetti: 4:53

It's autumn right now, hey guys speaking of Autumn, yet Shh Big news I am now taking your questions via voicemail. If you scroll down to the description of this podcast, you're going to find a link where you guys can leave me a voicemail with your questions, thoughts, advice that you want. I will base a podcast on it. Or I'll just answer, or I will recruit a professional to interview to answer your questions and all you have to do is click on that link, leave your little voicemail, yay, and I guess they could ask questions me questions too.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 5:33

You can come back.

Annette Benedetti: 5:34

Yes, ask us, because we're going to talk about a lot of shit today and we're going to let's dive in because I know you all know, liberty and I are friends. We met on a date because we went on a date together. Liberty and I have not had sex, just like you guys know, but we have had sex with the same couples. Yes, we have kissed.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 5:58

Is that okay to say?

Annette Benedetti: 6:01

We have kissed Liberty and I have kissed she's a good kisser and we banged the same couple. Just go listen to that unicorn episode. It's pretty amazing.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 6:13

Is that the only person, people we have in common? I don't think so. Probably not. I don't think so.

Annette Benedetti: 6:19

Okay, nope, another episode, another episode. Maybe we'll figure it out, but we're both bisexual, obviously, and we have had quite the year of experiences. And because it's by Visibility Month, I think we want to review and reveal the things that we've learned being by, being by and on our journey. Both of us have partners who are men.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 6:51

And we love those partners very much. We love the cocks.

Annette Benedetti: 6:56

We love all of them. I like to say the cock, but it's because I really, yeah, I like the male energy.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 7:02

I like, I do like it.

Annette Benedetti: 7:04

I also like the cock.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 7:06

I'm not gonna lie.

Annette Benedetti: 7:08

It's a good part of the deal, but we also we're bisexual, so I want to give you a chance to launch into what is this year so far. If you've had a revelation about being bisexual and on your journey, what would you say it's been?

Liberty Shea Callahan : 7:30

Oh my gosh, it's been a. I think it's been mostly accepting myself, accepting myself as bi. I'm not. I'm still a little closeted being bi. I'm not super out there. You won't really find lots of you know in my social media posts about being bi. I'm still a little shy about it and so I think it is that I'm slowly opening up, about talking about it, slowly accepting that it's a spectrum and I fall on a part of the spectrum and it really doesn't matter where you fall. That's just who you are. We're just people. We have feelings and it's okay for those feelings to change and those interests to change. It's okay to have new experiences and I think I've really also come to love the idea of being pansexual. You love who you love and you like who you like, Even though with all of that, I still struggle a little bit with being bi.

Annette Benedetti: 8:41

Can you talk about, because I think this is very common. What is it that makes you struggle with it?

Liberty Shea Callahan : 8:49

I think it's that I have not been able to find, have maintain a romantic relationship with a woman. That is where I feel like I fall short on the bi spectrum the bi being bi which I don't think I'm alone there. I'm sure there's many, many other women who have the same experience and many men, probably by men, who have the same experience. I think I am mostly sexually attracted to women and men and I am romantically attracted to men. I think that is common. But within the bi community and the queer community there is a little bit of stigmatism with being a sexual object for people like me. I struggle with that. I really do, because I don't want to objectify anyone. I also just haven't had the chance or opportunity yet to. It just hasn't happened yet. I've gone on some dates. I've met some people. I've disappointed a few people. Someone who didn't realize I went on a date and she didn't realize that I was in a poly relationship with a man. I could just see immediately she was deflated.

Annette Benedetti: 10:15

Was she deflated because you were poly, or because you were poly and you had a male partner?

Liberty Shea Callahan : 10:20

I think both, I think both of those things she didn't know you were poly. No, I didn't hide it, it hadn't even come up yet. I met her in real life, real time, not on an app where you you met her with me. I did. I met her with you at a queer event and it was amazing. I loved that night. That was so much fun. I drew on your butt that night.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 10:46

First you drew on it for a long time and we were like what's wrong with this marker. Then we realized the cap was on.

Annette Benedetti: 10:53

Oh my.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 10:53

God, my butt was just hanging out for everybody to see, although luckily nobody was watching, because everyone was dancing and having fun. That's true.

Annette Benedetti: 11:02

We may have had a drink. I drew on her butt and I wasn't seeing anything. Maybe it's like invisible glow ink and then realized that oh my God, that's hilarious. Yes.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 11:17

That was a super fun night. I loved watching all the baby queers. I felt jealous of them learning who they are so much younger than I was and feeling so comfortable to be out and be open and be in this really amazing space with supportive women. It was awesome, it was great, it was a good night.

Annette Benedetti: 11:45

That was a good night it's super fun Until the end.

Annette Benedetti: 11:47

But for me I want to kind of rewind and touch on the idea, and I think a lot of bisexual pansexual women who are maybe coming to either the realization or having their first opportunity to practice being bisexual in real life later on in life and maybe this is true for younger bisexual women too, but I recognize this with older bisexual women more who have been maybe in heterosexual facing relationships and then have gotten out and then they're like okay, now I want to try dating women. I think it's interesting to me that heterosexual people don't question their heterosexuality prior to fucking around with someone of the opposite sex.

Annette Benedetti: 12:39

It is just an assumed sexual orientation and maybe people's argument would be that that's the natural sexual orientation. But I actually don't believe that's true. I'm going to tell you all like and I'm like. That's not the argument we're going to be having here. But I have found oftentimes I hear women saying that like, questioning whether they're bi or whether they belong in the queer community, because they haven't. Yet you know, oh, I've kissed some girls, or maybe in college I drunkenly had sex with one woman and I know I'm. I find women attractive, but I haven't like and it's like. Is there a number of women you feel you have to bang, to like to be granted the? You are queer.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 13:26

Right.

Annette Benedetti: 13:27

You know it's kind of crazy to me. It is Because if you think about the opposite in the in the heterosexual world and this is going to this is a great place to like tie in the whole body count conversation that's going on Think about the opposite in the heterosexual world. Right, like, the more men a woman bangs, the more everyone's like her body count is too high. It's not like oh, she's a bane bang like 50 dudes. She is super heterosexual and she gets the like fucking gold medal of heterosexuality because she just banged 50 dudes. It's like. It's like. It's like the more men you bang as a heterosexual woman, the less value there is to you as a heterosexual woman. Yet, in our case, as a bisexual woman, if you haven't had more women, then you are more likely, your identity is more likely to be questioned by the queer and specifically lesbian community.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 15:29

Yeah, this is true, and I mean, how fucked up is that? It's pretty fucked up, and so I think, so you kind of are validating some of my feelings by saying, okay, there are some people who would question on the, from the lesbian community, who might question well, how gay are you? You know, like, are you gay enough, or I don't know what is gay enough? I know, I know what is gay enough, don't know, don't know, I don't know, I just know. I haven't yet had the experience, but when I was in I got to have a and that was there. I got to have a lot of fun in a space in the spring where I did feel completely comfortable just being who I am, and part of that was being bisexual and part of that was, you know, hooking up with some women and it felt great. And it was great because there were no questions, there was no worry about like we just we were, just who we are, and it was so much fun.

Annette Benedetti: 16:37

I mean, let's be clear, I was there, but I wasn't there yes. I was in the house, but I wasn't in the room.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 16:47

And it was super fun and it was, you know, a kind of a surprise. I mean, one of them was someone you guys heard me talk about on the threesome podcast.

Annette Benedetti: 17:00

Go back and listen, go back and listen.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 17:02

Yeah, so one of the women who was from the second couple I talked about on that podcast came to this retreat that Annette and I were part of and I hadn't seen her in a year and a half because I had kind of cut it off because of her boyfriend who was jealous. But she came by herself and it was just like it was when we first met. I mean, we're just very, we're very affectionate and she makes me feel good and I make her feel good and it was fun for the most part. But you had a threesome. Oh, oh, yeah, that too. Yeah, we had a threesome with another woman.

Annette Benedetti: 17:41

So, folks, you know how many women does she have to bang?

Liberty Shea Callahan : 17:45

to be pretty. I know, I know, and that was totally led by. I'll call her Salem because that's where she's from. It was led by Salem. Salem led the threesome with Beaverton.

Annette Benedetti: 18:00

Oh my God, you had a threesome with Beaverton and Salem and as Portland, I feel like a failure. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know yeah that's Portland, salem and Beaverton had a threesome Right and that's weird. Keep Portland weird. Cheers to that, all right.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 18:24

So it was. It was great, it was super fun and I really like let go of all my inhibitions and just did it. And it was totally. I'm blaming Salem, it was totally her doing that threesome would not have happened without her. She led a lot of this actual energy over the weekend. I mean there was just she was like oozing it.

Annette Benedetti: 18:49

So yes, she was yeah, so I want to bring this around. Liberty is definitely queer. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 19:03

We established that at our closing circle of the bisexual women's retreat weekend Right, which we will be having another one soon. But I haven't had anything since then.

Annette Benedetti: 19:15

Oh, I mean, I had that date, but that didn't go so well, but you haven't had anything since then, except for the date that didn't go well. She was very into you and if you hadn't been poly, and if you hadn't had a dick in your life, then you definitely would probably be dating her right now. Probably yeah, Probably would have had sex with her?

Liberty Shea Callahan : 19:33

Yes, probably Right. Yeah, but no, I was. I've never had that experience where you see someone deflate in front of your eyes. It's not a good feeling. I mean, I'm not saying she was like brokenhearted, but just like, well now what. She drove a long way to see me that day.

Annette Benedetti: 19:55

I mean, if I had been her I would have been like maybe I don't want to date you, but let's have sex.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 19:59

Yeah.

Annette Benedetti: 20:02

I mean like, get something out of your gas money, right, get something out of not to be shallow, but why miss out on a good deal?

Liberty Shea Callahan : 20:10

I know.

Annette Benedetti: 20:11

I know, and so that brings me to my revelation.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 20:17

Yeah, tell me, tell us about yours. Yeah, top, top me off, top you off.

Annette Benedetti: 20:21

I have a birthday party to go to. This is off topic, but you all know Deanna aka Ruby, a silver medalist and Olympian in the squirting sex Olympics.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 20:32

I did not know that what I need to listen to that episode. Yeah, you got to listen to that episode.

Annette Benedetti: 20:38

Also expert at Titty's sex.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 20:42

Well, that doesn't surprise me.

Annette Benedetti: 20:44

No, no, it's her birthday Well tomorrow, but tonight we are celebrating it and we're going out dancing. I would like to challenge her. Oh, a squirting, All right guys.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 20:53

So if that happens, we can't show it on YouTube.

Annette Benedetti: 20:59

Maybe we'll start up an only fans account. Oh, how are you talking? And I'm going to use my friends for that, but anyways, because we know how you feel about squirting.

Annette Benedetti: 21:08

Okay, yeah, I'm not good at it, I would never win that contest and I'm not even willing to try it, but anyways, I want to bring this around to like my revelation this year, which has I guess it's not a revelation, but it's a solidification of something that I thought and I have experienced, maybe to the max this year is and lesbians, queer fans who really decide more to the lesbian spectrum. I love you, but we got to have a fucking talk, okay. As a bisexual woman, I have had moments where, when it comes to the attraction and dating spectrum, I've been like maybe it's better for me just to deal with the devil, I know, than the devil I don't meaning men versus women. Again, that's very gendered. I have been shocked at how much toxic masculinity is embedded in the lesbian, specifically, and queer film community and I'm going to give examples of it instead of just throwing this out. And I think it's super important that we talk about it and I think that the victims of it well, they're all queer films, but I think specifically bisexual women are in a position where we really maybe see it more clearly and I'm going to explain sort of why.

Annette Benedetti: 22:43

One example of it that I've run into a lot as a bisexual woman when I'm talking to lesbians about how do you feel about bisexual women, what are some of the things that come up that bother you, because it's very clear that some lesbians just won't date us at all.

Annette Benedetti: 23:01

They're like if you've had a cock in you, no, I'm not interested. And I kind of want to get to the root of that right and some of the things y'all say. Like a good example, I was talking to a lesbian a while back and one of the things she thought was fun to say was like well, my cock can be any size and it never goes limp. I've got that on men and I want to talk to you about why that and it really gave me the ick. It really gave me the ick because if there is one thing we've worked on in this show is to talk about how sex is not cock-centric. Right, like you just made, sex cock-centric. Whether it's a real or a fake cock, it's about the cock and I think that's rooted in toxic masculinity and the patriarchy and the idea that arousal and sexual satisfaction comes from the cock.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 24:04

Yeah, right, and doesn't at all.

Annette Benedetti: 24:07

I mean, that's exactly what it is. And not only that. You're like competing now with men Like I've got a bigger cock than you, Mine will stick.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 24:16

You don't have to right. That's the point here. Right it is, and I think that's just us.

Annette Benedetti: 24:22

We're just like. I'm not with you for a cock. I'm with you because I'm attracted to you and because I know we can have sex that's fulfilling, regardless of whether you strap it on or you use your fingers or mouth or toys or whatever. So that's just one example of it. Another example, especially, I think, in the poly community, is I was talking to another lesbian and I was asking her. She was poly and she made a comment about a woman she was attracted to. But she said well, she is already seeing multiple people and I know that she's seeing more than one guy and I don't want to see a woman who's seeing more than one man. And I said, well, if she was seeing two other women, would you care? And she said no, now that wouldn't bother me, but if she's like yeah, if she's with like two guys, that's disgusting. And this comes back to the body count shit and like, generally speaking, when I think about the topic and look, if you aren't on TikTok, maybe you're missing out on this, but probably not.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 25:28

Yeah, we need to clarify what that means.

Annette Benedetti: 25:30

Body count is this big issue that has come, and it's not just on TikTok. I think that we just haven't called that in the rest, in our other life, outside of social media, men who think that women who have been with more than I don't even know what their OK number is Maybe it's five more than just a couple men. The higher their body count is, the less their worth is. You don't want to be with a woman who has a high body count.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 26:02

That's what some of the TikToks are about.

Annette Benedetti: 26:05

All the men who are on the train, but it's not just the men. Here's what I'm telling you. The body count issue isn't just a dude thing. We're fem women. Lesbians also feel that a woman, a bisexual woman, who has been with too many or has too many men in her life is problematic. Right Like if they're poly. They don't mind a woman having like many other women in her life, but if there's more than one cock in the picture, she's nasty, she's bad, it's the same fucking bullshit.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 26:46

Yes, that's wrong.

Annette Benedetti: 26:48

Yeah, it's absolutely wrong. It's another thing that I have experienced as a bi woman. Sort of trying to find my way in the queer or femme community is just the way the ick factor they'll get when they know I have a male partner. The idea that I interact with a penis and I interact with what comes out of a penis. Suddenly I'm a dirty person. It is the exact same shit as the body count thing coming from toxic, dangerous beta men who think they're alphas, yeah right, and it's just as damaging to me as a woman. But yet it's not held to the same scrutiny. Right, right, right, it's not held to the same scrutiny and it makes me feel just as fucking bad.

Annette Benedetti: 27:41

Yeah, yeah, that's fucked up, and that is, I guess, has been one of my big revelations in this year trying to find my places. I think I always am and you always are and a lot of our most beloved people are in the queer community.

Annette Benedetti: 28:00

I think that bi, bisexual woman, pansexual woman, anybody who's open to the array of genders I am very much open to. I think all genders are sexy and interesting and bring something like amazing to the table, and I think that we all end up facing these kinds of things. I also feel like the idea that cocks are gross in the queer femme community is transphobic. Interesting yeah, Trans women may or may not have penises or enlarged clits or lady dicks or whatever, but it's the same deal right, we're shaming a body part.

Annette Benedetti: 28:50

We're equating the worth of a person to a body part.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 28:53

Right, that's yeah, and it's so. I think it's easy to fall into like a comedic trap like sort of about that, but it's not funny. I mean it's not. It's really everybody. Everybody has value and worth and it doesn't matter who they've been with or how many times. What's our message for the bi bisexual women out there?

Annette Benedetti: 29:20

Like going through this you have to find your people because it's a rough world.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 29:25

It is a rough world.

Annette Benedetti: 29:26

I think I mean Liberty and I were sitting and talking before we started this podcast and I mean one thing that has been crucial for my mental, my mental health, my physical health has been finding a community where I feel truly, I can be truly myself, where I have secure relationships and where nobody is going to shame me for the stuff I bring to the table, yeah, and I think that's like, ultimately, what I want in my relationships is currently I'm in a poly relationship, my partner is completely fine and open with me being with a woman or with another man, and there's no.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 30:15

You know, as long as our relationship remains kind and compassionate and loving and honest and all of that, then we don't have an issue. Sometimes I wonder if down the road, I'm gonna decide I wanna be in something more monogamous, but I'm always gonna be bisexual and I know you have faced this a lot in the last couple of years Like I'm always gonna be bisexual. So there's always gonna be, and that's where I do just sort of look at, you know, if I were to be in the monogamous relationship with a man or with a woman. But I still have that little itch sometimes. It's like I want that to be able to be something we can be open about and talk about as needed basis.

Annette Benedetti: 32:09

I think there's something about.

Annette Benedetti: 32:10

I think the struggle for me is when I'm out as a bisexual woman, when I'm in my community, and I have learned also that my community, that I fit into something I'm really settling into is a community of bisexual women, like really made up of bisexual women that can I can turn to you, that can under I mean regardless of who I'm in relationship with.

Annette Benedetti: 32:40

When I say community, it does not this does not exclude my partner as a man, or if I were to be with a woman who was a lesbian, exclude that partner. But when I say my community, I mean the people I turn to who really can understand my experience, like it's strongly seated in bisexual woman identifying people. Yes, yeah, and it is crucial to me so that whether I am monogamous or poly and over the course of my life I've kind of shipped it in and out of those relationship styles I have people who see me Like it's very important to me to be seen as bisexual and people might ask, like why do you care if people know you're bisexual, right? What is your answer to that?

Liberty Shea Callahan : 33:34

My answer would always be that anytime I'm visible or just like this being on a podcast, storytelling is that if there's someone out there struggling and they identify with our story and it's helped them in some way, then that's a good thing. So if, by announcing showing up as bisexual publicly is helpful to someone else to show up as themselves, their authentic selves, then that is a good thing, and that is why it is important to show up. Yeah, and I know we don't. Yeah, we all know no one necessarily needs to show up as heterosexual. We're here for the other people. We're here for the people that don't have necessarily a community or a place to turn, who aren't feeling like they fit in, and I wish I had this.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 34:28

When I was in college or high school, I definitely did not want anyone to know that I might be bisexual. Definitely I was terrified of it. I had a roommate that was a little snakey with me. I mean, she was one of my best friends, but she liked to mess around and but I was terrified that she would turn on me and make it be my fault. I'm the one that's weird.

Annette Benedetti: 35:00

I'm the one that wanted it and it wasn't a good feeling you know not at all, and I think that when you aren't seen you can go to some really dark places.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 35:13

Yes, that is so true. When you feel like there's no one else. And I think over the course of my journey this like sexual, you know, learning about my sexuality, becoming more open, about it being on your podcast, talking more openly to people I just really have learned that there really is something for everyone. There's someone for everyone. There's whatever it is that you desire. There's somebody else that desires that too, and it's just about finding the right community or people that you can share that with. Yeah, but don't stop searching.

Annette Benedetti: 35:57

No, because there are people out there, but also listen to your intuition Absolutely. And I think something that bi women do a lot is they try to fit into queer communities that don't fit them. For example, I think for me is when I have tried really hard to fit into more lesbian oriented communities or leaning communities where the idea of someone being open to and attracted to other agendas is looked down upon. It can put me in a really bad mental health space. Yeah, not only that, I think it can make bisexual, pansexual women really feel like they have to kind of lie about their attraction. One a common thing I think I've heard and I know I used to say I don't anymore is you hear women saying well, I'm with my husband and he's different, but if he were to die or we were to break up, I would never date a guy again. That's like a common thing and I think that is less the truth and more trying to be accepted.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 37:12

Yeah.

Annette Benedetti: 37:13

And I'm just like no.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 37:14

Yeah, no yeah.

Annette Benedetti: 37:15

I'm definitely just attracted to people and I will see and be with the people that treat me well and make me feel sparkly and wonderful. That's right.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 37:27

Cheers to that, cheers to that. I think this is a good segue to go into body count.

Annette Benedetti: 37:32

I think it's an important conversation. But I think it's fun to do this conversation not just in the context of the view that men have on body count, oh no, but the view that people of all sexual orientations have on a woman's, because no one cares about men's body count, apparently, but a woman's body count when it comes to penises and penis owning people, yeah, I think it's fascinating if you think about it, it's like people are disturbed by a woman interacting with more than one penis.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 38:12

Yeah, what the fuck. I mean I can't even really speak to this because to me it's not a morality thing. It used to be. I mentioned it on the podcast about From House Wife to Ho. That I did. I wrote fun. I just have to say I freaking hate the word body count, but anyway I did. In my 20s I was still dealing with Catholic guilt and being a Bornigan virgin after having sex at 15 and then deciding I was going to wait until some I don't know what number, because I was like well, I'm not waiting until I'm married, but I'm going to wait until sometime when it feels more right, I don't know. Anyway, so I have gone through the morality issue, did you? You went through that too.

Annette Benedetti: 39:06

I mean when I was very young but my body can't, went up pretty fucking fast.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 39:11

So no, mine didn't. I was keeping the number. I called it keeping the numbers low. I was trying. I used to have people like that.

Annette Benedetti: 39:18

I remember that. I remember that.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 39:20

I used to have people trying. I remember one of my college. It was someone I dated in high school, but then we were still friends in college and we just had this most intense physical chemistry. I would say we still do. Thank God we don't have to see each other. We actually made a conscious decision to not see each other after I got married because it was too intense. But I remember telling him no in high school and telling him no in. I remember laying on my bed in college and telling him no One night and then about probably a year and a half later, I remember calling and saying you remember how I told you that thing. Then I was trying to keep my numbers low. Like I've changed my mind. Can we like we just need to make this happen, like it needs to happen, and it was amazing, it was great. I'm like why did? Why would? What have I been waiting for? I've known you since I was 17. I'm 22 now. Like we could have been doing this for five years. What are you?

Annette Benedetti: 40:25

doing so. Let's talk about let's do this the pros of having a high body count, because I think there are pros.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 40:34

Oh yeah, I have a great analogy. Can I tell you my analogy? I like your, yes, ok, so my analogy is there's a difference between going on a vacation and being a traveler. A vacation is like you go to an all-inclusive resort in whatever Baja or something in Cabo, but traveling is experiences. Traveling is you're having new experiences. Does it mean that those experiences are like a relaxing resort where you get fed all your meals and you have cocktails every day? No, it's not that. But so my analogy is that when you have more experiences, it's you learn more. It travelers learn more about the world than someone who goes to an all-inclusive resort. You're not really getting to know the city you're in. You're not getting to know the country. When you have sex with lots of people, you get to know different things. You get to know what some people find normal, that you were worried about, that you thought maybe was weird, and you find out, oh, like, 10 other people have this same kink that I do.

Annette Benedetti: 41:52

You also learn what pleases you. How?

Liberty Shea Callahan : 41:56

to have orgasms. Yeah, about you. You learn by yourself.

Annette Benedetti: 41:58

Yes, yeah, I mean a higher body count. Can you do it with one person? Maybe, Maybe, yeah.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 42:09

I had a conversation with my housemate before I left the house and I was saying when? Yes, if you have that initial experience and it's really awesome, it usually gets better over time.

Annette Benedetti: 42:22

Yeah, but you won't know if you like threesomes. You won't know if you like two dicks at once. You won't know if you like things that they aren't willing. There's always someone, always has something they're not willing to do. You cannot learn those things, and I mean unless. I mean if you have a partner that's willing to do sexy adventures with you that includes other people or includes going to munches or tastings where you try other things then yeah, I suppose Right, let's be honest, you can't. You don't know the difference between sex with a woman and a man if you're only having sex with one person.

Annette Benedetti: 43:06

You really don't, Although in the context of body count, I don't know that they include women. I feel like usually it's just like how many men have shown up.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 43:15

I think we just need to break that whole idea down and say, listen, this is what it is. Body count is everybody, it's everybody.

Annette Benedetti: 43:22

Everybody.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 43:23

It's everybody that you have had sexual relations with. Whether or not and of course I used to have if there was no penis inserted in the vagina, it didn't count Well yes it does. God, did you have friends that only had anal sex, which is insane Because they didn't want it to count? That is the most fucked up thing. That is so fucked up. That was long before I ever had anal sex.

Annette Benedetti: 43:50

That is still a thing that it blows my mind, I feel like anal sex is next level like body count. That's not. That's like. It's like it's like bonus round on body count level. Absolutely Not only did his penis go in, you went up your ass which takes like, like you got a Right you got a.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 44:10

I know I mean men are you like for the men who are talking about body counts. So do you only count it if a woman sticks a dildo in your ass Like is yeah, what's like a body count for a man.

Annette Benedetti: 44:22

How many dildos have been up your ass, right? I'm only good with you if you've had like One dildo, right.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 44:29

Other than mine, yeah.

Annette Benedetti: 44:33

What a ridiculous, what a ridiculous notion. I mean, I do think, people that are concerned with body count here's what I'm gonna. I am gonna venture to say, and I dare you to argue with me, I think anyone who is, who is concerned about a woman's body count when it comes to male bodies, I bet you they're really bad in bed.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 44:55

I would say they aren't gonna do what we'll do. That's for damn sure. They are not, that is for sure. I mean, that's probably the one thing I've learned about being an older you know, middle-aged woman is we tend to blow the minds of the younger men or those that haven't had a lot of experience and women.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 45:18

And women, because we are comfortable with ourselves. We know what we want, we know what we like, we know how to tell you how to do it. We're not gonna be shy about it. Yeah, it's, there's definitely a bonus there and there's a reason why that's a whole genre of porn, I mean.

Annette Benedetti: 45:37

Oh, you mean women at our age? Yeah, we are not older.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 45:41

We're like perfect, but we're kind of like milfs, milfs, yeah, pretty much Cooters, yeah, so yeah, for me, I think we should talk about sexual health is the only is one of the major concerns.

Annette Benedetti: 45:55

The only con.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 45:57

Of body count is sexual health and definitely.

Annette Benedetti: 46:02

You can have sex with one person.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 46:04

Absolutely, you can have. Yeah, you could have totally and still get some weird thing. So, making sure you get tested regularly, making sure you use condoms if you're not in a relationship with that person. Yeah, that is really important.

Annette Benedetti: 46:19

I think that's like the only drawback is concern about sexual health. Is there another?

Liberty Shea Callahan : 46:25

con I mean. The only other con I see is that the like kind of what I was saying was like a one night stand. It may not be that great, like it might be like meh and but you know what, that's okay. It doesn't mean that you have to be sad about it or mad about it, or it's just an experience.

Annette Benedetti: 46:44

Yeah, but you have sex with someone that you've been with for a long time. Sometimes you have sex where it's meh. Yeah, absolutely For sure.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 46:53

You know I have very few regrets in my life as far as people I have had sex with. I only have two regrets. I was about to say one of them. I see at Picathon every year and I always avoid eye contact. And his wife is really hot, but I just can't make eye contact with him. I walk away, I run away. I turn away because it was a situation where it was the worst kiss I've ever had in my entire life, but I was Could you?

Annette Benedetti: 47:29

hit on his wife.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 47:30

I probably could. I've seen her on his profile, but that night I ended up just like letting him fuck me from behind, so I didn't have to kiss him.

Annette Benedetti: 47:45

You. Let him fuck you from behind to avoid kissing him. Yeah, I did.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 47:50

I was really it was. It was that was during my hormones phase, my WHORE and my ONS's where I just like I would cry if I wasn't having sex five nights a week. It was desperate times, desperate times. I was like absolutely, I had testosterone flowing through my body.

Annette Benedetti: 48:10

Oh, that's awesome.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 48:11

Yeah, it was a little Looking back, I see. So there the body count was way high and I see a little bit of Some friends were concerned about me.

Annette Benedetti: 48:21

All right. So sometimes body count can be a result of hormones anything like that. So maybe you'll have some regrets, but I would argue that keeping your body can't low because you're worried about what other people think you could have regrets for the people you didn't hit it with because of that. Absolutely, regrets can happen either way.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 48:43

Like I did with that person from high school and college. I'm like why did it take us five years? I'm dumb.

Annette Benedetti: 48:49

Look, I'm not saying be a whore. I'm not like pushing people to be whores.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 48:54

That is not even a word, okay.

Annette Benedetti: 48:56

I'm not in the bad sense of the word.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 48:59

Whore can be a good word, yeah, anyway. Yeah, there's no moral reason and I'm sorry for all of you dealing with the purity culture or religious stuff that plays into how you feel about it, because it can really mess with your head.

Annette Benedetti: 49:17

But yeah, body count is a result of toxic masculinity. It can be found in the queer community, queer fem community. It can be found in the heterosexual community, and I think people that are obsessed with that either are obsessed with cocks, like men who are afraid of.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 49:38

Oh yeah, insecure about themselves, for sure, right.

Annette Benedetti: 49:42

But apparently lesbians are insecure about cocks too, and queer fems it's people who are obsessed with the penis. Yeah, in a way that's not good. You can be obsessed with penises in a good way. You can be like yeah, I like a little cock, but if you're like Too many cocks means you're a bad person. No, that's not a thing. That's just not a thing.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 50:06

No, have fun. Go out, have fun, have experiences. If you find a good one, hang on to it. If you find someone you want to be in partnership for and it's like okay, but not great, just be honest about it, work on it. The more. Sometimes, the more you do, the better it gets.

Annette Benedetti: 50:27

I mean don't look at them and say your cock is okay, no, no, no, no, no.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 50:31

I mean my relationship, my polyrelationship. I'm in. It wasn't amazing at first. It was fine. I was a little concerned. If he hears this, he's going to be like what? Sorry, I was a little concerned, but it got better and better and better and better over time and now it is like damn amazing.

Annette Benedetti: 50:56

I love it. Bad cock can become good cock. Not that his cock was bad, but maybe an okay cock can become amazing yeah.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 51:04

And it's not just about the cock, it's about the toys and the fingers and the tongue and all that stuff. Yeah.

Annette Benedetti: 51:13

All right, I feel like we have covered our bi-revelations. I feel like we have covered body count and now we need to go to a birthday.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 51:22

Yep, we're going to a birthday and I'm out of my drink, so cheers. Good night everyone.

Annette Benedetti: 51:27

If you have questions, comments. Now you know that you can send me a voicemail If you want to find me. Hopefully you know where to find me by now locker room. Talking shots on Instagram, facebook. She explores life on both of them. You can join me on my personal Instagram. Being Benedetti YouTube, you can come and see the two of us talking. Yeah, you can join us. Face to face.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 51:51

We look cute and that.

Annette Benedetti: 51:52

Benedetti, we look really cute tonight. I'm feeling good about myself. I am too.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 51:56

I'm feeling really good about myself. Yes, Cheers.

Annette Benedetti: 51:59

So check us out there and subscribe to my triple X. Okay, all right, but we got to go and hey, happy bi-visibility month. Happy bi-visibility month.

Liberty Shea Callahan : 52:12

Cheers, all right, cheers Until next time.

Annette Benedetti: 52:14

I'll see you in the locker room, folks. Bye.