Locker Room Talk & Shots Podcast
Locker Room Talk & Shots Podcast
XXX Choking in the Bedroom: How to Keep it Safe & Sexy
Your favorite Russian Dominatrix, Lucy joins me for a Locker Room conversation about choking during sex. We can't have ya'll out there choking each other in bed without consent or direction! This episode is full of "how-tos" when it comes to safety and sexual choking as well as keeping it sexy.
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Hi, this is Annette Vinedetti, your hostess for a locker room talk and shots, the podcast that likes to think of itself as the queer NPR of raunchy women's sex talk. You are about to sit in on the kind of conversations women have on their girls' nights out or behind closed doors, while enjoying delicious drinks and dishing about sex, think, fun, honest and feminist as fuck, and always with the goal of fighting the patriarchy. One female orgasm at a time. Welcome to the locker room. Today's locker room talk and shots triple X topic is how to choke them safely in bed. Listen, most of the people I know at some point during their sexual career have wanted to be choked, been asked to choke or choked someone, and it's concerning how much of this happens without any conversation in advance or training or whatever. And so I have with me your favorite Russian dominatrix, lucy, who has choked probably done a lot of choking.
Speaker 2:I feel like less than you might think, because it is so dangerous. So I genuinely try to be very mindful about it, which is what we're here to talk about Exactly.
Speaker 1:Because I think that it is even people who don't like Lucy is obviously her life is immersed in sort of a BDSM lifestyle. If you haven't heard a podcast with Lucy in it, well, you haven't been listening very long, but scroll back. What are some of the episodes?
Speaker 2:I mean, there's so many others, the anal one and the submissive one and the cock cages one the toys one and yeah. I mean really want it's, there's many.
Speaker 1:If you want to get again like the full story, go back to cocks and a cage.
Speaker 1:Cocks and a cage. That's right, lucy and I had had three sums together of a variety of kinds, but that's not what we're here to talk to you about today. What we want to do is keep you safe when you're choking each other in bed, because we care about you. We want you to get off, get kinky, but stay safe doing it, and I think this is an important topic. So we are going to make sure you leave this podcast with some. You know, this is a one on one approach to choking. So if you're vanilla, it's going to be a great podcast for you. If you are into BDSM but you are just like doing it willy nilly without any kind of instruction, this is going to be really important for you too. And then we always come up with some fun shit to throw in around it, because, well, that's what we do in the locker room. So we are having a coffee and breakfast together today again, and hey, cheers.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about choking and sex. Okay, we've all been in the situation, on one end or the other, where sex is happening and then someone's like choke me, daddy, or just choke me, or your partner suddenly puts their hands around your throat and starts choking you and you're like, oh shit, choking is very dangerous. Even in the most vanilla sense it can be severely dangerous. I have certainly had someone go to choke me without asking and do it incorrectly and cause pain to my throat that lasted for days, and we're gonna talk about why that happens, how to avoid it and how you can go about choking in a way that's safe fun. It can happen at different levels at different times and in the end, everyone gets off, gets what they want out of it, but no one ends up in the hospital or dead.
Speaker 2:Yes, do not become one of the erotic expectations statistics. Do you wanna avoid that?
Speaker 1:Definitely we want you to avoid that. Not the way to go out, guys. So I think, starting with, let's talk about why it is. In case this has happened to you and you're on top of someone and you're thrusting away, I'm gonna assume you're a man with a cock or a Vola owner with a strap on and your partner looks at you and they're like choke me. And you're like, well, why, why? So we're gonna talk really quickly about why Do you wanna start?
Speaker 2:I mean why? First of all, this is safety's payment, but it is a feeling of minor euphoria that you experience when you are not quite getting enough blood to your brain.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so in choking, what's really happening is what should be happening is that you are cutting off, restricting the carotid artery, which is bringing blood to the and oxygen to the brain, right, and when you're doing that, you get a little buzzy in the head, kind of the same situation you would with alcohol. There's feelings of euphoria that can take place and that is what people are looking for. It's a rush that people crave and I think also, along with that, the reality is there is this throw with a riskiness.
Speaker 2:Absolutely yeah, because then your adrenaline is also pumping a little bit like something is minorly hopefully minorly needs to be dangerous as happening. So it's definitely an elated feeling that you experience.
Speaker 1:And the sexiness of someone taking that control over you and people can really get into those power dynamics. All of that is sexy, all of that is fun. All that can be done in a relationship where you don't want to jump into whips and chains and really the more intense BDSM stuff. But even though you're not into whips and chains and some of you are, I'm sure it requires the same level of safety right, absolutely.
Speaker 1:So the number one I'm not even going to call it a tip is if you are thrusting away and your partner looks at you and says, choke me, daddy, you need to look at them and say, no, baby girl, not right now. You're going to have to wait, and then, after you're done, you have to sit down and have a talk about it.
Speaker 2:Yes, don't choke anyone willy-nilly, and also as a person who wishes for that to occur, don't ask also willy-nilly, because some people will be respectful but others might not be, and you don't want to be in a dangerous situation.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Especially if they have no idea what they're doing Right.
Speaker 1:And so you know, imagine you're intoxicated. You ask them to do it and they're like, well, yeah, okay, and they grab onto your throat. They don't know what they're doing. They grab your throat the wrong way too hard, I have found, especially with like strong big men who really don't know the strength of their own hands on someone's throat because it's not something, hopefully. That's happening very often and you can crush a windpipe real fucking quick man.
Speaker 2:For sure.
Speaker 1:And that is one of the main risks. So have a conversation and you know whatever over a coffee in the morning hey, I was thinking I might want you to choke me in bed sometime and then you've really got to talk about that and make sure everyone's on the same page with what that should look like. Make sure the person you're asking it from understands how to do it, and if you don't know how it should be done to you, then you shouldn't be asking someone to do it. You should do the research ahead of time. What are safety musts? And so let's get into that, and I just want to say right off the bat, the biggest one is they should not be grabbing the front of your throat, where your one pipe is. That is not where they should be grabbing you. Do you want to talk?
Speaker 2:about you definitely are grabbing on the sides of your neck, where the arteries go up into your brain, and that is what you're trying to restrict, like kind of thinking, or those movies are always showing you how to knock out a person and then, yeah, so it's definitely by closer.
Speaker 1:It's right under your ears, kind of down by the jawline on the side of your neck.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that is where and you do want to use two hands. It also can become harder to do.
Speaker 1:Right. But you're thrusting away Right, because you can fall onto a neck.
Speaker 2:Absolutely not ideal at all. So be very mindful when you're doing that, I guess.
Speaker 1:Having an open palm right and making sure that open palm isn't around the neck or we're both over here choking.
Speaker 2:I'm not trying to, I'm not choking. We are pressing.
Speaker 1:Wait, you demonstrated all. Yeah, yeah, that's kind of.
Speaker 2:Because you are trying to, almost kind of you're taking a pulse on someone.
Speaker 1:Right, without putting that throat, without putting the pressure on the front of your neck. Yeah, without putting the thumb around the front of the neck.
Speaker 2:That'll so. You want to keep as much space as possible where the windpipe is.
Speaker 1:Right Bottom line. Don't cross over the front of the throat and put pressure on it. Right, Don't do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, don't do that, which means belts and ropes and all the other things that go all the way around your neck. Should really not be used.
Speaker 1:It shouldn't be used unless you've taken a class and you really know what you're doing, and it definitely shouldn't be used alone, in my opinion.
Speaker 2:I mean I mean, you can probably like, if you have a collar like an actual, that's pretty stiff one, yes, like think puppy play, and you can pull on that a little bit, because they can. Also, you know, there's space in between the neck and the leather, that, or whatever it is that you're using the chain and they can move back to instantly give themselves the ability to breathe, that's a great idea yeah. Style position pretty well if they're on a leash, think, oh, that's a good idea.
Speaker 1:So you're in doggy style.
Speaker 1:But again, if you're doing that in your, your partner's, in doggy style and you have a collar on them and you're pulling with a leash and you're pulling from behind a couple of important things which would have go kind of into all the other tips. Is yanking on anything? Yanking on the neck with your hands, with a leash, is an absolute no. No, you can break a neck, you can break a windpipe, you can break all sorts of stuff. Gentle pulling, gentle pulling, gently, adding pressure, slowly adding pressure. And one of the things that needs to happen in your conversation before you start choking is having a hand gesture, that or some sort of gesture that is easy to make, that is an instant stop, like the minute the fat gesture is made, everything stops, everything's released, and it needs to be something that whatever position your partner, your person is in, can do to indicate to you that they need you to stop.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I find a good thing to do actually is for them to be holding onto something and, as soon as they release whatever that is, make it clangy in fact, so you can hear it as well, and dropping down. That is a good. That is a good. I feel like that is always a good way to stop anything from keep going. Especially if you gag them too, that really helps. I can't say anything.
Speaker 1:Lucy definitely gags people a lot Little If you make it so that they cannot speak. So yeah, you've got to have. Not, there aren't safe words. In this situation, where you're choking someone, for them to make a word like counting on that's not a great idea. You need emotion, you need. I love the idea because, even if, let's say, you did choke too long and they started to pass out, if they drop what's ever in their hand, then you know okay this is like which.
Speaker 1:Let's not let that happen. But all safety precautions in place. Do not yank someone's throat, pull on it hard, snap on it. Do not move their body with their neck, don't you know like? Move their head to the side by their neck, don't you know? Don't do that. Necks are very, very fragile. Exactly. Don't be the statistic, remember, don't be the statistic. If you want to get into choking, that is, using cords and stuff like that, a, I don't do that and it sounds like you don't either.
Speaker 1:So we're not gonna give advice on that, except to say do not do it until you have taken a class with somebody who does do it and knows how to do it safely.
Speaker 2:As well as perhaps a CPR training.
Speaker 1:Yeah, CPR training would be.
Speaker 2:I think that's a great tip for, honestly, most sex things In reality you should just know simple first aid and CPR by default because it's for safety reasons. But especially in any sort of domination and submission and choking and all the other activities that one gets up to when they're slightly more peculiar than the average person, you should definitely have CPR training.
Speaker 1:I think that you know that's so funny. That is a tip I have never, ever heard someone throw out there like make sure you have CPR and first aid and Does that's. Why does that? That shouldn't, even in a vanilla sex life.
Speaker 1:If you're doing things that are a little bit exciting, like sex out in nature, holy shit, think about all the shit that could happen out there and you know, I think it's a great idea if you're having athletic sex like I've had, if over the last couple of years, like man, I've had times when I'm like Like I might need a little fucking first aid.
Speaker 2:Oh for sure, I have definitely done it. Probably pegging it was pegging, let's be real, to the point where I actually totally injured my leg and then I couldn't walk for like a week. So don't do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I.
Speaker 1:I think I fucked myself into a back problem and a hip problem.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I did.
Speaker 1:I actually had a good physical therapy, so first aid if you're getting into the years, meaning really anything after 30.
Speaker 2:Yeah, stretch and be mindful, injuries, shit, okay so chords, things like that.
Speaker 1:Like seriously, do not get into that shit without some serious instruction, some additional tips if you are too nervous about choking your, lick I don't really want to get into choking my partner If it just doesn't appeal to you. Some things you can do that give sort of the same feeling. Is grabbing them Kind of in the upper shoulder area, close to the neck. That restraining feeling could be a turn on to them. We also talked about very late Breath play. Before doing this episode, maybe talk a little bit about that. This isn't choking. So this is like okay, you don't feel comfortable putting your hands on your partner's throat, what's something else you could do that might give the same sensation but doesn't require that?
Speaker 2:So you can start with breath play. If that is, I mean Functions in a similar way where you are now restricting oxygen, the person is also will be getting that slightly euphoric feeling because there's not enough oxygen in the brain. But what you can do is for ladies and Just face sitting and very snugly around their mouth and nose area. That will be harder to breathe and obviously that will be like a breath play situation or you can have your hand over their nose and mouth for a little while.
Speaker 1:I would like to know that she started with face sitting, like she went straight to. Like you can sit on your partner's face and suffocate them with your ass Instead of yep, hey, put your hands over their mouth and nose.
Speaker 2:That was not. Yeah, no, that was definitely the first thing. I thought I'd do that occasionally, it's more than occasionally. But or if you were very when I don't want to do the first one nonsense, why would I? You can also just restrict their breathing with your hand on their nose and mouth. Yeah, yeah, I mean, yes, you can.
Speaker 1:You can do that as well if you don't want to use your ass, so yeah, but the the safety tips for that are going to be the same, right like they've got to have. Just sure they can make to let you know I need I need to breathe Safety tips all the same. You got to talk about it the ahead of time. Don't put your full weight on their face. Those things are important. Anything else you can think of before?
Speaker 2:No, I think we, I think we got all of it. I think those are. There's something else, but yeah, we come up with it.
Speaker 1:We'll let you know, we will definitely let you know. So go ahead and choke away, but do it safely. Make sure consent with consent. Do not and this happens all too often, all too often do not grab someone's throat without their consent or put a belt around it.
Speaker 1:God Jesus, like people just choking out there, like without even saying hey, and suddenly they got their hands on your throat like what the fuck? Don't be that person? And look, I Maybe feel like I'm being judgy at this moment because I do think, like the vast majority of people who are being judgy at this moment, because I do think, like the vast majority of people, have either experienced it or done it and I have, like been a young and dumb and fucking, you know, done that. But now we are in a sex positive age. You've got educational opportunities like this when you can make it even better by having great conversations ahead of time doing it safely and then really getting sexy with it.
Speaker 1:So if you have any additional tips or thoughts, please send them to me. And that an and ette At she explores life comm. You can find me on instagram, facebook she explores life and locker room talking shots. Join me on my own instagram at benedeti Oops, being benedeti at being benedeti and I'm on tick tock at locker room tock podcast there and then you can watch, not triple x, but you know our regular show on youtube at an up and a daddy. And so thank you again, lucy, for joining me for this conversation. And hey, check your email because I will be sending you tips and product ideas and discounts Just made special for my triple x listeners.
Speaker 2:So cheers, cheers. See you in the locker room.