The Secret Life of Swingers Inside Scoop: The Experts Weigh In

Are you ready to peek behind the curtain of the swinger lifestyle? Brace yourself for an eye-opening conversation with Candace and Eric, The Impulsive Duo. These two lifestyle advocates, educators, and podcast hosts share their expert insights into the secret life of swingers with Locker Room Talk & Shots Host Annette Benedetti. We navigate through the emotional rollercoaster, ups and downs, and the raw reality of this lifestyle. 

This episode shatters myths and exposes the truth about swinging boundaries and preferences. Candace and Eric share their personal experiences, offering a rare glimpse into protection use, STD testing, and the significance of building authentic connections with potential partners. Tackling the issue of profiles on swinger apps, we discuss the challenges faced by couples new to the lifestyle, unicorn hunting, and the men's struggle to draw attention.

Get ready because if you've been thinking about swinging, this conversation my just take you on a ride from curious observer to well-informed participant. Cheers!
Find out more about the impulsive duo here:http://theimpulsiveduo.com/

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Chapters

• 0:59 Exploring the Swinger Lifestyle
• 14:07 Swinging Boundaries and Preferences
• 25:03 Issues With Profiles on Swinger Apps
• 34:46 Exploring Boundaries and Benefits of Swinging
• 44:56 Exploring the Swinger Lifestyle

Transcript

Annette Benedetti: 1:00

Hi, this is Annette Benedetti, your hostess for a locker room talk and shots, the podcast that likes to think of itself as the queer NPR of raunchy women's sex talk. You are about to sit in on the kind of conversations women have on their girls' nights out or behind closed doors, while enjoying delicious drinks and dishing about sex, think fun, honest and feminist as fuck, and always with the goal of fighting the patriarchy. one orgasm at a time. Welcome to the locker room.

Annette Benedetti: 1:40

Today's locker room talk and shots topic is the secret life of swingers and inside scoop and the experts way in Now. Folks, i know that I've touched on this topic before with an individual who is a friend of mine, who had dabbled in the swinging life, but I'm bringing it today and I'm feeling pretty fucking proud of it. I have folks here who, like, are really really experts, like they have all the answers we want to know. And I'm extra excited about it because, as most of you know by now if you've been listening to my podcast, i dipped my toes in the water of swinging this year. I've been given in a try with my partner, and so I have lots of questions, opinions, and I have two people I get to drill with my questions.

Annette Benedetti: 2:33

My guests today are Candace and Eric, aka the impulsive duo. They are lifestyle advocates, educators and podcast hosts themselves. They are also the founders of Unicorn Landing, an app and community for women in the lifestyle You can listen. If you're listening to this audibly right now, you can also go and check them out on my YouTube channel Annette Benedetti, eric and Candace. I would like you to introduce yourself to my listeners.

Eric: 3:04

We're Eric and Candace and we have been in swinging lifestyle not extremely long. We've been in it almost two years and the only reason I think that we are huge advocates and stuff and built a platform that we did is because we're very open about it. We're very honest about our experiences. We like to show the reality of what swinging is, not just the hookup spicy side of swinging. Everybody knows that you're in this lifestyle to fuck, Let's face it. I mean that's why you're doing it. But the ups and downs, the emotional side and that's what really was our thing was to really start to share that aspect of it. And then, throughout all of our experiences, my wife ended up motivated and created a wonderful app called Unicorn Landing.

Candice: 3:44

Yes, i had a lot of very not great experiences when I first got into the lifestyle. Unfortunately, with men, just a lot of unsolicited messages and pictures and what all these women go through on apps. And I like women. that's the reason we have decided on this journey is I wanted to explore that side of myself And so I was like I want to talk to women. Where do I meet women? Where can I gather women? I don't believe in approaching women on regular dating apps unless they're openly in this lifestyle. So where can I create a safe environment for women to be able to make those connections and kind of have that freedom to be themselves? So that's how Unicorn Landing on it starts.

Annette Benedetti: 4:20

Candice, now we'll get into this, into the podcast, but so you are the one who really decided to launch the Unicorn Landing.

Candice: 4:29

Yes, so Unicorn Landing was my baby, my idea. We'd actually kind of come up with the name Unicorn Landing kind of as a joke one day and I was like, oh, I want to do something with that. But I didn't know where I was going to go And I was like, well, I want to create a community for women, Whereas there are other women like me who can be free to explore their sexuality, you know, but in a safe environment. There's so many women out there who are new to this and just feel like they get on these apps and they're just bombarded by men. The dating app platform was the easiest way for people to connect with others in their local area, So that's kind of so. Yes, it was my idea and it started out as a website and then it quickly turned into an app after that.

Annette Benedetti: 5:06

I just realized something that's kind of big. Eric, obviously people who have been listening to this podcast for now two years, 120, some odd episodes. It's a women's sexuality podcast. Eric, you are the first man who's ever made it on my podcast as a guest. I feel like there should be some celebration and I can't believe it just hit me. That's so supportive of my wife.

Eric: 5:34

Well, no, i am very supportive, and I mean I. That's where you know. I was able to help her out with Unicorn Landy and I created my own social media aspect of the male side of the lifestyle, because our dynamic is a little different and I understand the psychology behind men. Men are different than women. We connect different than women do.

Annette Benedetti: 5:51

Thank you for joining me and thank you, eric, for being here. I did feel like I obviously came across you guys on social media and I think swinging is, and we'll get into what it's about, but it is a couple's activity for the most part. So I'm drinking coffee, it's. I woke up at like only an hour and a half ago and had to throw myself together for this, and you guys brought water. So, see, see, a sexy people. We're not just alcoholics who fuck all the time. Well, cheers, let's talk about swinging and sex, all right, so I just want to jump into it. What is the Swinger's lifestyle?

Candice: 6:31

So for me the Swinger lifestyle is I mean, there are many different aspects of like the ethically non-monogamous lifestyle, but when it comes to swinging it's more of like a friendship, like sexual based, you're just, it's something that like us, you know, we consider ourselves, you know, almost monogamous a lot of the time, but then we call it spicy sprinkles. We like to add that little bit of hot, sexy, fun time to our bedroom life and explore sexuality, and so it's more just like fun than it is like building actual relationships besides friendships. So for us it's something a couple activity. I know that there, even if you are people that do like the hot wife situations, things like that.

Annette Benedetti: 7:15

What is the hot wife situation? A?

Candice: 7:17

hot wife would be a if say you're a couple but I would go off with men or couples by myself. So that is called hot wifeing. It's not our dynamic but there are a lot of people out there that do that And that's still considered part of the swinging lifestyle, because you are reconnecting with your partner. You still have a you know, you still have your primary partner. You're not really like dating other people, like we don't consider our relationship open.

Annette Benedetti: 7:45

Right. So my understanding and clarify if I'm wrong is that in swinging the couples are monogamous in the sense of you have your relationship and you do connect with other people to have sex, but it's just sex. It's not building a long-term connection that has commitments.

Candice: 8:08

Yeah, that's more of the poly lifestyle and they do overlap. We know poly people that also swing and vice versa. Sometimes we know people that have swing and it just accidentally happened that all of a sudden they're in a poly relationship and that you know it happened very organically. So they do. They can't overlap, but us personally, we're not out seeking like a you know, another person to join our relationship.

Eric: 8:31

And we're not also in an open relationship where, like an open relationship, you had your primary partner but you're dating other people. There's no dating at all, and swinging It is friendship and it is. every now and then you have some fun, Yeah fun with friends.

Candice: 8:45

You get naked with friends.

Annette Benedetti: 8:47

Right, folks, if you listen to my last podcast, i interviewed a couple that became a thruple and dated specifically for becoming a thruple. That's very different than what we are talking about today in swinging. Can you talk about the different dynamics in swinging, for example, there are couples like you and others who invite unicorns in. There are couples that swap. I mean, there seems to be, from my perspective, a variety of dynamics. Can you talk about the different dynamics and then share which dynamics you participate in?

Eric: 9:28

So you have a lot of different dynamics because there's no rule book on how to be a swinger or what swinging is like. This is how to be a swinger. These are the rules you follow. No, and the reason for all the different terms is so that, let's face it, couples that are in this lifestyle you don't have a lot of time, this isn't your number one life priority, so you want to know what somebody's into real quick. The couples that typically what we've learned is the majority of the couples that get into the lifestyle to begin with, are the wife is bisexual, the male is straight. So essentially they're looking for a unicorn, and a unicorn is a single bisexual female who will play with couples, and then most couples will find out. Okay, they're very hard to find. So then you look for other couples. Then you also have the dynamic of like. You have the stag vixen dynamic, which is the dynamics where they like to watch each other. you know pretty much have sex.

Annette Benedetti: 10:17

What is the stag vixen dynamic?

Eric: 10:21

So the stag vixen dynamic is watching each other have sex with a different partner, but not in a degrading fashion. So it's not a. It's not the cuck fashion, where the cuck is the degrading side, to where the stag vixen is more of just the watching essential side being there, sometimes maybe participating towards the end. What have you then? you also have a bull, which is one of the most overused terms, i think, because men, single men, find out there's a term called a bull, which is a well endowed male who's single in the lifestyle. But I always feel that a bull also, the biggest thing that makes somebody a bull in this lifestyle is that they understand and know what this lifestyle is about. That just because a woman's a swinger doesn't mean her legs are open for everybody. Women aren't addicted to sex. They're not in this because their partners and pleasing them. They're not there to try and replace the husband or the boyfriend or anything. They're there just for fun and as a friend, respectful to boundaries and communicating.

Candice: 11:14

Yeah, because I get asked on a daily basis like oh, when's it my turn with you? or?

Annette Benedetti: 11:18

ooh, ooh, like also guys. Don't ask that, when is it my turn? go, fuck yourself.

Candice: 11:23

Men like to degrade you like that. So unfortunately there is a stigma. But the actual bulls like genuinely good bulls, are men, like Eric said, who understand the lifestyle, they respect the boundaries, they respect our relationship, they just enjoy the fun sexy dynamic And they're also being respectful and not approaching either approaching my husband smart.

Eric: 11:45

And then you also I mean you have a dragon, which is more of a BDSM term, which is a single bisexual male, because there are a lot of bisexual males or by curious males in the lifestyle. But there's a lot of masculinity like toxic masculinity, where a lot of guys aren't open about their bisexuality. Women are very open about bisexuality, men are not, and so there's actually a huge demand for that in the lifestyle to and again, they understand and know what the lifestyle is about. Your to do a dictionary on all the terms and all the dynamics. I mean you literally would have pages full of all these terms.

Annette Benedetti: 12:19

Yeah, what dynamics do you to plan specifically?

Candice: 12:23

So I bisexual, i like women and Eric and I have known this since we met And you know I've had these conversations with him I was in a monogamous, monogamous relationship and married with some, you know, before Eric for 12 years And I knew that was a side of me I wanted to explore. And then I met Eric and you know we felt we became really good friends and fell for each other. But it was something I still wanted to explore. So we have, course, like the typical swinger, you know we like to bring in unicorns, find fun. You know attractive women have a good time with, but I like to make friends with them.

Candice: 12:54

I have to have a little bit of a connection with people I can't just I have a hard time with like any sort of like stranger hook up, anything like that.

Candice: 13:02

So for me I like to make those connections. But we also know uniforms are very hard to find and that's how it kind of evolved into the more couples swapping thing with us is we're like oh well, there's other couples who are looking for women and other couples, and then we kind of started to explore that avenue as far as like meeting other couples, and so our dynamic is we will meet other couples and if we all five and you know that we're very big on vibe and if it feels right, everyone's attracted, everyone's having a good time and it just naturally happens, we can plan things and the women have to be bisexual like the other women, because that's kind of you know why we like to do that. So we're open to the couple swapping because that dynamic it can be really hot, like once you kind of get into it. We've had some extremely like hot experiences. We've all had some awkward, challenging experiences and then like their soft swap as well, which is another term when you say you swap, do you guys swap in the same room?

Eric: 14:38

The same room playing. You have separate rooms, so there's couples that will play separately and you'll meet up with a couple and you'll literally both go to different rooms and you fucking different rooms.

Annette Benedetti: 14:47

Do you guys do?

Eric: 14:48

that. No, we only do same room play. Yeah, it seems like weird.

Candice: 14:52

I'd like to like watching him while I'm having fun and hearing them and touching the girl and touching the other guy, and there's body parts touching body parts. For me, that's the part we like. We like to be all right there, everybody touching everybody and having fun.

Annette Benedetti: 15:08

So you do couples and you do unicorn Women. Do you do a single man?

Candice: 15:17

It's not my Sexual desire. There is a whole another side of things that we do like only fans content for only fans content. We have It makes freaking out. It's good money and it's not that I hate it, but it's not my likes. I don't have a strong desire. It's not something that I like enjoy sexually and it's not.

Eric: 15:38

And it's not a lot of dick in your face. Yeah, and it's not really a thing of mine.

Candice: 15:42

I don't really have this strong to that desire to sleep with other men. The couple thing is fun, but only because, only if the other wife is bisexual and we're getting to play and touch and you know, like we're all having fun.

Annette Benedetti: 15:52

What are some rules? Are there some common rules for swinging?

Candice: 15:57

I feel like everyone in the lifestyle, calls it your boundaries. What are your boundaries as a couple? Yeah, so a lot of the common ones I think are gonna be same room or separate room play same room play is pretty common, i think. And then people will have either full swap or soft swap, which meaning there's no penetration. Don't mind playing, touching, oral Wives, kissing, wise touching, but as far as Some people have a little bit of a hard time with the actual like, having sex with another partner, the actual penetration, for safety reasons, And a lot of couples start off who are new, with soft swap because I mean, from a guy's standpoint, i mean you've never seen your partner fuck somebody else.

Eric: 16:38

Watching your partner fuck somebody else, you see they're really hot, or it is a traumatic experience. I mean it really is.

Candice: 16:45

That's reality of it And you almost have to kind of build up to it, or you already have that kind of mindset Or some of those things where you're like I don't know what it up, but you get into that situation And it's really hot and you're in that room and things are happening and you're like, wow, actually, like there's been times where Things that Eric would have no idea would turn him on and then it's all of a sudden, like you know, like watching you do that, like was so such a turn on for me and like I had no idea, never think that was hot.

Candice: 17:09

But like you know how it is, how you get when you're in that sexual turned on moment, things are way hotter than they are when you're like not, it's like almost. If you ever watched like some really weird porn or something You're like did I just watch that.

Eric: 17:20

Yeah, another common boundary to his protection. I mean a lot of people are very big on protection use and also SDI test results.

Candice: 17:29

Yeah, so that's a big one in the lifestyle. So a lot of people are always like oh, are you guys afraid of STDs? You know, and people in the Lysol are very take it very seriously because we also, we have friends, we have a reputation to protect and we have each other to protect. So when I was single I was not getting STD checked all the time, like you know. I mean I tried to be careful But it wasn't like a big priority of mine, like it should be. But when I'm in this thing, your lifestyle I'm, you know you don't want to give anybody anything, you don't want to give your partner, you know. So we're caught. We're getting STD checked all the time, doing at home tests. You know I my doctor knows I'm in a lifestyle, she'll do it anytime. When we carry those STD results around, i have it on my phone, i can show anybody at any time.

Eric: 18:10

One's hit and miss. It goes through waves. We'll do like a live stream or something that everybody in there is is no kissing. And then you will do a live stream and everybody in there is Well, why don't you kiss? type deal wait.

Annette Benedetti: 18:22

So there are people who go into swinging and they're like you you can't kiss each other again.

Candice: 18:27

I don't really have this strong desire to sexually be with other men. I kiss women, obviously that's fine. I'll make out with women all day, all day, as many as I can. As far as like sitting and intimately making out with another man not on my to-do list It's more just sexual. It's not like we're just sitting making out now. Obviously, if you're making out and there's kissing and you know whatever on the neck and that's fine, but it's not just this like intimate, like you're not having this like make-out session with the opposite sex. Eric is also very weird about Personal boundaries and touch.

Annette Benedetti: 19:00

Eric is like you can kiss my dick.

Eric: 19:07

So I'm very open about it. Like so I've leveled with autism, which is you have a bubble, essentially, so I have to get to know people. I mean, even with my wife and I, we do not kiss a whole lot. What I'm what I mean by that, though, is like sex to me is sex, kissing is not sex. Kissing to me is actually very intimate, because I've let you into this area, um and so, for somebody I don't really know to start getting towards my face. I don't like that. So now, all of a sudden, now I'm not excited about the moment anymore and fucking now I'm more concerned of. I have to keep you away from my face because you're invading my space, and some people it doesn't make sense, but to some it's like oh shit, okay, that makes total sense And we've got a lot of couples who just don't kiss the opposite partner above the neck.

Candice: 19:47

Yeah, like things happen, but you're not just sitting there on the bed having this like intimate make-out session.

Eric: 19:53

And again, that's just our boundary. I found it's really kind of almost split 50-50. There are couples, because a lot of people take kissing is almost more intimate than sex. To watch your wife with another guy or whatever is cool. I'm with another girl, you know we're all having fun, but then to look over and somebody passionately just making out and stuff can definitely throw you off. It. Give you that What the fuck. You know what I mean. And so that's where it comes down to why it's so important to you know To share what your boundaries are, because you always have those conversations before you go into any sort of situation.

Eric: 20:29

And like another one is a lot of people will not play if somebody is drunk. Drunk And what I mean by that is it's one thing to have a couple drinks or have a little bit of a buzz going, but somebody who's shit-faced and stuff and then wanting to play, and you just okay, let's play. Well, bob, everything it's gonna go bad.

Candice: 20:44

Yeah, and Eric is sober. So Eric's been sober for six years this July And so for him any you know he doesn't mind drinking and I socially drink. I don't get wasted, but, like you know, i socially drink and so but for him It's like if he's with, because there has been one situation that we have where everybody I ended up drinking too much and they were drinking too much and Eric's just kind of over there like sober and there was some boundaries crossed and Eric just got really uncomfortable.

Annette Benedetti: 22:08

Well, i mean also there's the consent aspect of it. Like it's hard to know if someone's truly consenting if they're trashed right.

Candice: 22:16

Yeah, and then the other boundary that we have that is Common ish is the men do not finish inside other women. So for safety reasons, i mean, obviously there's vasectomies, birth control, things like that. But you know, just in case, a lot of times that is, the most intimate moment of sex is when you're having that like, especially for men, and so when you're re it's almost like you start with your partner doing all these hot things, but it's like you're you know you're winding down the end of the night, you're getting tired and you have that like emotional, like you know, release new orgasm.

Candice: 22:49

You know, for Eric especially, he likes to do that with me.

Annette Benedetti: 22:52

How long have you two been together? to only two and a half years. Yeah and did you start out monogamous?

Candice: 22:59

Yeah, well, i'm not gonna mess, but we started out No, because I mean we started out talking about wanting to have fun with girls, but we didn't, for I mean what we didn't for a little while It was just conversations. I also explored a little bit on my own, like played with a couple of girls alone.

Annette Benedetti: 23:14

I was gonna ask you, candice, so you are bisexual, i'm bisexual as well. Did you have relationships and sex with women before coming into the lifestyle, or was the lifestyle away for you to explore?

Candice: 23:27

I had before, when I was younger, before my last relationship or before, you know, when I was before my monogamous marriage. And then I I Had dated and, like, talked to a couple girls, but I wasn't this Fucker showed up and freaking myself for him. Run it, run all my sex. I was single and I was gonna. I got this new bed And I was like I'm gonna have all this lesbian sex on this. No, and I met him. Runned it for me, he ruined all my sex.

Candice: 23:58

No but he was always very supportive I mean, he's always been a very open-minded type of person, anyways. But I was like you know, this is something I still want to explore. And even that he was like okay, i like I said I had hooked up with a few girls, even alone without him, and he was like oh for, have a good time. Or like I want you, i want you to explore that.

Annette Benedetti: 24:13

So I guess this is where I want to jump into my experience and swinging and sort of talk to you guys about it. Now, i don't know, i guess I'm assuming it's a universal app. My partner and I decided we wanted to give it a try and we heard of Cassidy. Do you guys know about the Cassidy website? Yeah, so I'm gonna tell you my impressions right off the bat and I feel like I, as you guys know, swinging definitely comes with a stigma and some communities queer communities, straight community It comes with a negative stigma which I'm totally against when it comes to pretty much everything sexual. So, but I did experience some of the things. I have an am experiencing, some of the things that I'm like, oh, that's why it gets this reputation. So I want an opportunity to talk to you guys about that.

Annette Benedetti: 25:04

So we get on the app and the number one thing I notice is all of the profiles lead with the woman's body.

Annette Benedetti: 25:14

Most of the time the men aren't even pictured in it And most of the women in most of the profiles are. And first of all, let me say I want women to do whatever they want with their bodies, to feel good about themselves, but most of the women in the pictures have had extensive work done and have what I would call kind of the 80s, you know, model body, and the men are nowhere to be found until you get access, finally, to the pictures of them. And no offense, eric, you're a handsome dude, but the men, oh guys, put down the burgers and beer for five minutes And, as a woman on the app, i'm looking at my guy, who happens to be in phenomenal physical shape and really into health and fitness. I'm lucky that way And I'm like dude, like. It feels like false advertising. It feels like using a woman's image to wrangle in another woman and slip in subpar dick. That's how it feels, and so have you guys noticed this? Candice, does this resonate with you?

Candice: 26:27

So yes, we do see that side of it And a lot of guys try to. And that's where the whole thing of I don't have a need to sleep with other men And we call it taking one for the team Just because the wife's hot like I'm not gonna sleep with. I don't need a dick so bad that I'm going to sleep with another man subpar dick just to be a swinger or just to hook up with his wife or anything like that. So that's where a lot of swingers are so picky And you will hear people find it so difficult to find four people.

Eric: 26:58

That All vibe, all vibe.

Candice: 27:01

All attractive, all vibe, everything like that. That is one of the most difficult things. But yes, most will use their wives' sexy boudoir photos or those kind of photos to attract people. You should always just put your first picture, just you two. It's false advertising.

Annette Benedetti: 27:17

So you guys put a photo of you both up front.

Candice: 27:21

Yeah, we have like this photo we use for a lot of stuff. It's a star kind of like logo photo except actually. I will. I lied on unicorn landing. It is just a photo of me, but that was only because it was a girls app and I kind of well, now that I'm the founder of it, i kind of have like my featured photo. So it's just like keep it there because that's how everyone recognizes me. But they know I mean this is what they know.

Candice: 27:42

But I have a couple of photos on there right away Like the second photo is you and I, So it's like I'm not trying to like-.

Eric: 27:48

A lot of couples also will have. Like the women. Like you said, they'll have those token pictures that they'll use. It is very common to see that that it's typically going to be the woman, especially if they're newer in the lifestyle too.

Candice: 28:01

But then have you noticed it's the woman's picture. But who are you talking to?

Annette Benedetti: 28:06

The man. The man is the one emailing. It feels yucky And like someone's trying to trick me Outside of the Cassidy app. Swingers often also get onto the other apps and the profile is under the woman. I'll match with a woman and I'm excited about going on a date with this woman. And then suddenly it's like oh, and, by the way, my husband and I date together. I'm like whoa, wait a second.

Candice: 28:33

But we've had a couple of girls on like regular dating apps like Bumble, tinder, things like that. You know, we first were getting into the lifestyle and I'd be like so, like I couldn't get it out of them. I'm like, so what are you into? Are you a couple? You know, like they wouldn't spill it, like, spit it out. And then, like we had a couple of girls, they would like act like they were unicorns and want our attention, and then all of a sudden they'd be like, well, actually we have multiple women.

Candice: 28:56

They'd be like well, actually I have a boyfriend, but he doesn't really know I'm on these apps. I'm like what?

Eric: 29:02

And it gives a horrible stigma to it too, because I mean, people aren't on Bumble, they're not on Tinder and stuff to find couples. Typically they're on there to date, and that's where you really know that a couple's new to the lifestyle, because they don't really, at that point, even know Swinger apps. But then the other big challenges too is that you run onto Swinger apps and so many of them are ran by guys, but it's all the women's pictures And guys aren't dumb. We're gonna lure people in with our hot lies because, let's face it, as a male in this lifestyle, i can tell you the wife usually will get more attention than what the husband's gonna get. So how do I get attention? Well, others, i gotta use my hot wife. You know what I mean.

Annette Benedetti: 29:36

But, candice, do you find that deflating and frustrating sometimes, because I know for myself I found it frustrating. I would also say I'm a super body, positive person, like I'm attracted to a wide variety of people, and but I think for me is just seeing the juxtaposition of these women who are doing all this work, getting that, you know there are at least on Cassidy, and again, women do what you wanna do. There are more, you know, boob jobs and tummy tucks, and then I have seen anywhere else.

Candice: 30:14

Yeah, so, especially websites like that, like a lot of the apps are going to be, which we have discovered. A lot of the apps are. People ask us what's the best one. We'll always say it depends on where you live. Where do you live? Cassidy is huge, in Florida and Las Vegas. There's people who look for certain types of people and you know body types and they want people. You know people that look like that, want other people that look like that, and that's absolutely great. I do know that there are a lot of those apps are-.

Annette Benedetti: 30:43

Regional, regional.

Candice: 30:43

That one. We have it like where we live. I don't really use Cassidy. I have a Cassidy profile. I don't really use it. It's not very popular where we live. Not many people use it. So, yeah, there are definitely that, and then feeling kind of like a piece of meat, like for me, and that was even like with the whole unicorn landing thing. It was like I want to just talk to genuine women who are curious about exploring their sexuality. I want to talk to the wives, you know. I want to talk to girls who are openly unicorns. I also don't, like you know, like I won't approach women on like regular apps unless they openly say their word, because it feels very predatory to you know, like I'm not just going to like hey, are you interested in poking up with a couple?

Annette Benedetti: 31:20

So I want to address that. I have noticed women who come into their bisexuality, meaning not that they discover their bisexual, but they start to explore their bisexuality through the Swinger lifestyle. Something I've noticed that happens is that their approach to connecting with other women can often seem predatory. It is I'm finding women to bring back to my man And I've heard that said from women who are genuinely bisexual but the way that they've learned to be bisexual is through this, through swinging, which, for them, is I need to go out. I need to go out and get women to bring back to my relationship.

Candice: 32:10

So that's exactly where that exact stigma lies. You need to go out and get women. Every woman, every unicorn or woman that we have been with has approached us. We do not actively seek out women. Now, again, if they're on an app and they're labeled as a unicorn and I happen to match with them and I might be like, hey, but I'm not going to push anything, i'm not going to pry into these women's lives, i mean that's where, like that whole hunting term, nobody wants to be hunted. All of a sudden, it's two people against one.

Candice: 32:42

Single women are allowed to explore their sexuality, they're allowed to be unicorns, but they're just as equal to a couple. They you know what I mean. They don't deserve to be. If anything, they have more power than the couples do because they can call shots And there's so few of them that they can be as picky as they would like. So, as far as and that's why we always tell people we have men constantly reaching out to us I can't find a unicorn, my wife, i can't find a unicorn. I can't find a unicorn. There's your problem right there. Your problem is you are trying to find a unicorn.

Candice: 33:11

Your wife is not making connections with other women, making friends, building those relationships, and your wife is not connecting. Women are a lot less threatened by other women and building those friendships And it's almost like any woman that we've been with, like I said, has approached us and I've become better friends with They. Like me, they're kind of just like oh yeah, you're just, we're Eric's, just here for the parts, for the fun. You know what I mean? Cause they want to have sex too. It's for fun And they understand that. But I've also built a relationship with them and they have respect and we've yeah, we have not had any bad unicorn experiences because we have not treated it in such a demeaning or derogatory way.

Annette Benedetti: 34:49

Another question I have for you, candace, as a bisexual woman, i put in my profile as a boundary and role for me, because I would only join people where the woman was truly queer as fuck. And I literally said that like I don't want, by curious, i don't. There's also by comfortable, which makes me feel like by comfortable, feels like, oh, you're comfortable with me, is that-.

Candice: 35:17

My friend just had a conversation about this this weekend, about a girl that she had met, and the girl was like, well, i've never been with a girl but you could teach me and like, see if I like it, and she goes. that doesn't feel very sexy or consensual. Like, see if you like it.

Candice: 35:31

And I know everybody has to have their first time And I remember my first time with a woman. I made it very clear it was my first time and I was nervous, but I wanted to do it. It wasn't like a oh well, maybe I'll like it. Just teach me like-.

Eric: 35:43

Yeah, no, and I mean that's the thing, and it's kind of almost a red flag in a sense of like. When you have someone a girl or even you know Or the guy They're like, we're just, we just want to kind of try this out, and if a girl's just kind of curious, and especially if she has a partner, that is like a nightmare, because they are usually not on the same page And the guy and the guys yeah, we've dealt with this Where the guys literally like hey, convince my wife to do this.

Candice: 36:06

Guys tell us like oh, my wife has mentioned it a few times. I think she'd really like it if she would just try it. I'm like you. Mean you want your wife to be bisexual so you can reap the benefits, like your wife isn't actually bisexual. And here's the other thing that we're really big on Just because you enjoy touching body parts in the bedroom men and women does not define your sexuality. Body parts are body parts. Things can feel good. It does not mean you're bisexual.

Annette Benedetti: 36:31

Right. So the other side of that, before we wrap this up with benefits and how to get started in the Swinger lifestyle is do you ever have women who act like they're bisexual because they want to get in bed with your dude? but you start kissing on them and you can tell oh, you really aren't into me. I know when a woman's into me. I've been fucking women long enough to know when you're here for some pussy And I definitely have had situations where they said they were bisexual but clearly they wanted to get to the cock and we kissed and I was like oh, i feel creepy, like something's off, and it was what I call performative bisexuality to get to the dick.

Candice: 37:17

So I make all of our connections and that's kind of one of again we guess we didn't really touch on that a ton in boundaries. I make all of our connections I win with women. I make those initial connections. Again, every woman that we have been with are women that I have gotten to know very well. They more just want me than him And I make that very apparent. If I saw a girl, that was even because there has been a few situations where they're definitely like a little more flirty with him or things like that. I'll cut it out right there because I don't want to be. he's even had girls that he has hooked up with before, when we were single, reach out and be like oh so I hear I could fuck you again. All I have to do is fuck your wife. I'm like that's not how it works.

Eric: 38:00

And now I'm a piece of me. Yeah, no, and it's out there. But because of our big boundaries, like she makes the connections, there's a lot of reasons behind that. We actually really avoid that situation. But that situation does happen a lot. Actually. It's not super uncommon, that's actually it does happen.

Annette Benedetti: 38:20

What would you say? some of the benefits are to jumping into the Swinger lifestyle.

Eric: 38:26

The best, i would say, is your communication, your relationship. I mean because the Swinger relationship deals with everything an anonymous relationship deals with. I mean they both deal with jealousy and securities, communication, all of that. Where in this lifestyle you have to address it because you're fucking other people. You can't push it all under the rug and then 10 years later try to unpack all that baggage and all the normal stuff of monogamy. Where in this you have to address every situation as it comes up and you start to learn how to communicate with each other And so you get a lot closer because, i mean, you can be open about fantasies, you can be open about a lot of different things, and it transfers into other aspects of your life that you can communicate about bills and you can communicate about money and you can communicate about so many things so much easier where you're actually listening to your partner, you're not just oh well, this is how it is And being upset or pissed about it. You literally both have to validate each other's feelings.

Candice: 39:23

Yeah, like I don't feel like there's anything I could even possibly hide from you anyway. Like you know what I mean We've just been so open about once. You get so open about sex and those type of conversations and good and bad situations. It's like you're just so used to being so open and honest and vulnerable with each other that it's like if you don't communicate and you can't hold resentment in this lifestyle.

Candice: 39:43

If something happens, i can't just be like I don't hold it in. I'm like, oh, that irritated me. He did that or said that to that girl or did this. Literally like later that night I'm like, fuck you, this is what you did. You hurt my feelings. This happened and you're not pushing it under the rug because it'll destroy a relationship real quick if you're holding any sort of resentment or you're not on the same page, your partner's not, 100% your priority.

Eric: 40:05

You have to respect each other's feelings and all of that. Yeah, so I mean it definitely brings you very close to that aspect as a partner. And don't get me wrong, i mean it's like I love her in second. And sex with her is my favorite and stuff, but it's nice to have a variety a little bit, a little bit of a spice.

Candice: 40:20

We call them, yeah, we call them, our spicy sprinkles.

Annette Benedetti: 40:24

It keeps the passion alive and interesting, and something we don't have time to talk about in this podcast, but maybe we'll get another time to chat. I do think you had brought up briefly the reclaiming of each other, and I certainly experienced that with my partner after we've gone and we've played at a sex club or we've had a swinging experience and we come back and we fuck each other. It is like this deepening of a connection that's pretty intense. I would like, starting with Candice, what would you say your top tips? give me, like three, maybe four, for women who are going into the lifestyle. What are some tips you would give them?

Candice: 41:09

So always know why you wanna go into the lifestyle You're not doing. Is there a part of it that you're doing it for yourself? You're not doing it to please your man. You're not trying to keep him around because it's something he wants. You're doing it for yourself. You don't owe anybody anything.

Candice: 41:23

As I learned that real quickly I had men bombarding me. I'd be like, why don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings? or I don't wanna hold true to your boundaries 100%. I have no problem if someone approaches me and I'm like don't feel comfortable if our guy keeps messaging me. I'd be like, well, you can add your wife's this conversation or the conversation's done. Like I have no problem holding completely true to my boundaries. Well, you don't owe anybody sex. You don't owe anybody your body. You only do what feels good and what feels right. It's okay to quit in the middle. It's okay to quit half, you know, when you get there. Like it's okay to say no And yeah, just have fun. Like it's so good for body confidence when other people are finding you attractive. It is good for body confidence And just, i don't know. And that's your thing we're really big on. It's supposed to be fun. The second, the lifestyle stops being fun and you become stressed, uncomfortable, unhappy. Step away, take a break. You know it's okay to like take a break.

Annette Benedetti: 42:22

And do you feel, like Candice, women should feel pressured to alter their bodies or get the plastic surgery or do any of that stuff, to participate?

Candice: 42:32

No, so that is it, people. We get asked that all the time too. I get asked so much Like oh, i'm a five pounds overweight, I'm 20 pounds overweight, am I? is there a place for me in the lifestyle? Every club we go, walk into, any lifestyle club, there are people of all body shapes, sizes, races, sexuality, everything. There is a place for everybody in this lifestyle. It's just like dating. There's a place for everybody in society and the dating world. You find people who you vibe with and who you're sexually attracted to.

Eric: 42:58

And some of the people that we've hooked up with. I mean, we played with people who maybe at first you didn't look at them and you were like, oh, they're not necessarily a 10 or you know. and you look at them and you're like, okay. but then you're done talking to them and your vibe is so well, now they're attractive. Now you're like, yeah, let's play, let's have, and it's a fun and playful experience. And that was because the vibe was there, the connection was there. It's not like you're looking for a forever partner. I already got mine. I'm just looking for some fun with somebody else.

Annette Benedetti: 43:25

So that brings me to you. What tips would you give to men in the lifestyle?

Eric: 43:34

To learn to be vulnerable, to learn to be open with your emotions and to share, because that's a lot of what the biggest struggles are is that women are very open and very emotional creatures, where men are very logical creatures, and so for us to be very open and sharing and validating for a partner and to really dive in to some of the stuff that actually will make you maybe jealous or make you insecure, you have to own all that and you have to do it with your partner and to really take your time with your boundaries.

Eric: 44:01

Cause again, everything that you see on porn and stuff like that yeah, it all looks hot, but when you're doing it, some of that shit might fuck you up And then there might be stuff that you don't think you're okay with, that you're all-sun okay with, and things that you thought you were okay with, all of a sudden you're not okay with. I mean, you have to, even with boundaries and stuff in this lifestyle that all evolves and changes over time, and so it's. I think it's just hugely important for guys especially. Okay and fine and I'm good are not answers. You know you have to have conversation and be able to listen to your spouse. Put yourself in her shoes have her put herself in your shoes and to really overcome any objections or challenges that can happen.

Annette Benedetti: 44:43

I love that. Okay and fine are not answers. That's profound And it's true within sex and outside of sex and in any kind of relationship. That's not said enough. Conversations need to happen. What kinds of couples do you think the lifestyle would be right for?

Candice: 45:03

You have to have a very solid relationship. There's nothing more attractive to us when we meet somebody and they're just in love. They just love each other. They just talk about their spouse or like my wife's so hot, Like my wife, you know this and that and they just adore each other. You have. You can't, if you're in you think about going to lifestyle because you're like I'm not satisfied with my wife, I wanna fuck someone else, Not the right people to be in the lifestyle. You probably need to work on your relationship.

Eric: 45:27

Maybe some couples therapy first, and you can tell too, and it's not attractive, you can tell right away. They come off more aggressive, but just wanting to hook up in a sense.

Candice: 45:33

So yeah, people that are just in love with each other, they have a very strong foundation, very. They're curious about kind of you know there's either their sexuality or just experiencing those fantasies. And we always tell people it's okay to start slow, you don't need to wake up one day and be like I'm a swinger now. It's okay to just maybe go to a club and just sit back and watch, see how you feel, maybe download an app, get into a group, chat with a couple or you know whatever, and just chatting, see how do you feel talking to other people, how do you feel your partner talking to other people in front of you. What parts of it do you like? not like, like you don't need to just wake up and be like, okay, we're gonna go to a club this weekend and fuck some other people Like that. Can we know people that have taken like year or two, like a while, for they even got to that point And the people that get into it are the people I mean, if you like, voyeuristic side or the exhibition side.

Eric: 46:20

You know that's a huge part. That's for people in the swing or lifestyle. There are people that are in this lifestyle that just like to be watched or like to watch you know, and that's okay too.

Eric: 46:28

Yeah, if you wanna explore the sexual fantasies together you know she was bisexual and she wanted to experiment with that okay, great, you know that's the type of couple that this lifestyle is good for. And even if you have a real, if you really love each other, really are in love with each other, but you do have that, just your sex life isn't there anymore, let's face it. I mean, we've all kind of been there where you have those highs and lows. We haven't been there, we haven't been there. But what we've all been there, i'm sure, in a relationship where you know you do love each other truly and you find each other attractive, it's just not there. This can add a little bit of that added spice to it. And again, a lot of times people, i think, think of swinging, they think of just jumping in and fucking other people. That's not the case.

Annette Benedetti: 47:07

Yeah, yeah. So it sounds like your relationship has to be solid being in love and knowing exactly what you're going into it for getting started in swinging. You have brought up swingers clubs a lot. What are swingers clubs and how does one find them?

Candice: 47:28

So a lifestyle club is. so every state is different as far as like rules, boundaries, laws, everything, like every county is different because they are sex clubs. They're usually membership only Finding them. there are apps, like there's an app called SLS. they have a list of clubs, even like we have a Facebook group that we run that we have a list of clubs on there And a lot of its word of mouth join local Facebook groups local.

Eric: 47:56

Meet and greet. Go to meet and greet. So there's a lot of meet and greet.

Candice: 47:58

That life is a good place to find, meet and greet things like that. And then just honestly getting on social media. I mean, follow Swingers on TikTok, follow Swingers on Facebook and you'll start to see them talk about events and different things And you just kind of engross yourself in that like community and knowledge, and it's just like a snowball.

Annette Benedetti: 48:20

House parties. Swingers house parties. Got invited to one and we were not able to go because we were out of town. But how do you find swingers house parties?

Eric: 48:33

A lot of those are through word of mouth. So you want to get kind of tied into your local community. One of the easiest things is Fat Life is a website out there. It's more for the BDSM Kink community. So you search local events and you'll see meet and greets or stuff for this house parties or vettings And typically with a house party it is, you know it's hosted by a couple or whoever, so they're going to vet people out. You have to be. you typically vet it out to come to the house party because again, you're having people come into your house so you want to know who these people are. So if you check like, fat Life, for example, is a great way to find different house parties out there.

Candice: 49:05

go get that, yeah, like we started a Facebook group here locally And so we've like helped grow this community here. Like there's a we have a Facebook group, about a thousand people in it now, and so that's a good way. Like everyone's like, oh, party here, there are people will post. You know different parties, things like that.

Eric: 49:20

Talking to others, though, is where you really find out about them Like hey, so-and-so, throws a party twice a year. You guys should check it out.

Candice: 49:27

And once you're invited to one and you're vetted, then all of a sudden now we're being invited to more. Like we were invited to a party this weekend which we're not able to go to, but it was like You know, it's like oh, there's someone so stirring up hearty. You guys want to come and like. Once they know you're kind of in the lifestyle, you almost get like some secret invites, things like that.

Annette Benedetti: 49:42

So you use a lot of terms and I think that by sharing these terms it will be easier for people to search for things. So I have referred to swinging and being swingers. You keep saying the lifestyle. Can you walk my listeners through different terms? They can Google or look up. That will lead them all back to the same place, which is the Swinger lifestyle.

Eric: 50:06

Easiest is Swinger's lifestyle is the easiest. The reason we're geared just to use lifestyle because in a lot of social media you have to edit your words.

Annette Benedetti: 50:15

What is pineapple? Let's talk about the pineapple, because people do not know about that. What is pineapple thing?

Candice: 50:23

So the upside down pineapple is the international sign of swingers. When Eric can go into kind of how it became, he did some research on it because he does get asked that. So a pineapple itself, just by itself, is a symbol of hospitality. You'll see a lot of hotels, hospitality industry, use the pineapple. It's just became a symbol of hospitality. Now if you flip the pineapple upside down, it became a sign of hospitality in a spicier way.

Eric: 50:51

You read about it Before the internet. nobody knew how to necessarily identify Swinger party any of that, so it became an upside down pineapple as a hospitality spicy party at somebody's house.

Candice: 51:02

You put it upside down on your front porch and people will be like that's the house.

Eric: 51:05

Right, and it wasn't anything that was even acknowledged until 2017. It was finally acknowledged that the upside down pineapple is a symbol of Swinger lifestyle, so now it's heavily identified as that, but for the longest time it was just an upside down pineapple. Was people swinging and having a sex party? And that's how you knew they were having a party at their house? was there was a pineapple upside down?

Annette Benedetti: 51:27

Wow, we just got a little history lesson from you. 2017, the pineapple upside down became an official sign of the Swinger lifestyle.

Eric: 51:36

Thank, you sir.

Annette Benedetti: 51:37

And to wrap up this podcast, maybe you guys, just one or two quick tips. Somebody listening today is like that's it, i'm taking the leap honey, let's get ready, let's go swing. First of all, what should they do?

Candice: 51:56

First of all, have that. Make sure you're having the conversation, you know why you want to be in the lifestyle. The first thing would be to download apps, i think to download some of the apps which we can obviously unicorn landing for women, obviously but then there are apps like SLS, sdc, cassidy as a website, fetlife, field, threefun. So, yes, download apps and just start talking to people, find some meet and greets And also a good place is meet and greets. You'll see the word meet and greet versus party. So meet and greet is typically held at a bar, a public bar, and it's just a bunch of swingers gathering, chatting, having a drink, saying hi, not making it obvious they're swingers to the rest of the public, just a group of friends hanging out. And that's a very good first step in a non-threatening way because there's no like no, naked people know like, oh, what are we doing here?

Candice: 52:48

I'm nervous, just people chilling hanging out. You have your partner to hang on to if you're nervous.

Annette Benedetti: 52:53

How do you find a meet and greet?

Eric: 52:57

FetLife or.

Candice: 52:58

SLScom is a website. They have an app, but on their website, if you go to their event section, they're really good about posting events. And then FetLife F-E-T, l-i-c-s dot com is also another really good place to find those meet and greets.

Annette Benedetti: 53:17

Well, unfortunately, we're out of time because I have a billion, a billion more questions. I could talk I really do, but what I want you to do is tell everybody where they can find you, because they can find you in a lot of places. Of course, i want you to give them again your app, your website, information, and then, hopefully, in the future, we will get a chance to talk again. So go ahead and let them, yeah.

Candice: 53:49

So obviously on, unicornlandingcom is the best place to download the app. You've got the links for the website as well, because it's an app website as well, or you can download the app on iOS or Google Play. But to get in contact with us directly, theimpulsiveduocom is our direct link And there are. You can get us a touch of this email. Our podcast is on there.

Eric: 54:14

If you Google the impulsive duo, it will pop up on Instagram.

Candice: 54:17

Everything we have is the impulsive duo Instagram, tiktok, reddit I mean we're on every platform you can think of. We also have a spicy page which you know helps a little.

Annette Benedetti: 54:27

Thank you so much for joining me. Hey guys, if you're trying to find me, you can find me on Facebook. She explores life, locker room talk and shots. You can find me on Instagram She explores life, locker room talk and shots. Head over to TikTok. I'm super suppressed over there because I talked about fucking one too many times. But whatever, you can find me, and I'm also on YouTube, and I will be uploading not only this podcast episode, but I'm doing tons of sex toy reviews because I've been fucking myself for you. So you can find me there at NETBENEDEDI. And so, guys, until next time. Cheers, i will see you all in the locker room.