Masturbation Monday: How to Finger a Woman (or Yourself) Right. 15 Techniques

Whether you are a woman or a person with a vulva just embarking on your own self-pleasure journey or you are in a sexual relationship with a woman or a vulva owner, this episode is for you. I walk you through 15 fingering tips and techniques that build pleasure, eroticism, and offer the possibility of incredible orgasmic satisfaction.

• In this episode you will learn:
• The fingering mistakes that most people make
• Clitoral fingering techniques
• Vulva fingering techniques
• Where the G-Spot is and how to excite it
• What and where the A-Spot is and how to excite it
• How to bring fingering to conclusion
• Hot to track your fingering progress

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:25

do the sex. Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me, annette Benedetti, your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats. This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental, physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams. Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure, better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life. Today's Masturbation Monday topic is how to finger a woman or yourself 15 orgasmic techniques. So yeah, today I want to talk about fingering the art of using your fingers or your hands to pleasure yourself or a partner with a vagina. So these techniques are meant to bring yourself or this person pleasure, with the possibility of an orgasm, though An orgasm is not the end goal necessarily. Now, as someone who obviously believes in the importance and power of self-pleasure and masturbation and all of the benefits that orgasms bring about, I have spent years, years exploring my own pussy, my own pleasure, my sexuality and how to make myself more orgasmic. But I also understand that I am not the norm. Far too many women, because of the shame and oppression around their sexuality and around their actual pussy, have not had the experience I have. In fact, many women have neither seen nor touched themselves outside of what it takes to clean themselves and manage their period. So if a woman does not know what brings her pleasure when it comes to touch and fingers, how is she going to communicate that with her partner? That's the conundrum. So the 15 techniques that I am going to dive into are meant to help a woman who has not explored herself begin that journey, and or a partner who wants to pleasure his or her partner with a vulva. It's going to give you kind of a roadmap to learning about fingering and how to use your hand to bring your partner pleasure. Now I'm not just going to talk about the techniques. I'm also going to go over some of the things people just commonly do wrong when it comes to trying to self-pleasure with fingering, and then, of course, the solution to that as well. So let's get ready to talk about fingering. And then, of course, the solution to that as well. So let's get ready to talk about fingering Cheers Before we get started. I am calling these techniques fingering, but they do involve the whole hand, so let's just be clear about that. Fingering really is kind of a weird thing to call what we do when we use our hand to pleasure a woman, because to give a good fingering, you have to know how to use your whole tool. So let's get started.

Speaker 1: 3:41

The number one technique I am going to go over for you. It also comes with the number one complaint women have when it comes to partners fingering them, which is, before you go to finger a woman, make sure you have taken care of your hands, meaning they need to be washed and cleaned. The nails should be trimmed and neat. If you have calluses, please remove them. It can be very painful to a sensitive vulva. Women are constantly saying how gross it is when they're like with somebody and they just go to use their hand on their pussy and it's dirty and unkept. So if you want your person with a vulva, your woman, to get excited about you touching them, then go wash your hands. If you are taking care of yourself, also remember to take care of your hands in advance, because you can introduce bacteria to your vagina and pleasure yourself and then end up with a pH balance that is off, which is absolutely no fun. Fingering technique number two this coincides with one of the most common complaints women have about their partner trying to finger them, which is don't go in dry. Get some lube. Get some body safe, ph balanced lube that is meant to lubricate the vagina. So don't just grab lotion. Make sure it's a body oil or a lube that is going to not upset the pH balance of the person or yourself who you are fingering. I have a whole list of amazing lubes that I'm happy to share with you and discount codes, but regardless, make sure she's sufficiently wet.

Speaker 1: 5:27

Fingering technique number three is called cupping. You are going to take your entire hand. Now, if you are on my audio only podcast right now, you can always go over to my YouTube channel at Annette Benedetti and see my visual aids. But I'm holding up my hand, fingers together, and I'm going to cup my palm. So there's a little bit of a divot in it. You're going to place your entire palm over your vulva or your partner's vulva. That includes the vaginal opening, the labia, outer labia, inner labia and clit and you're just going to cup it and you're going to allow the heat from your body to warm her body or your vulva and then you can start moving your entire hand in a very small circular motion. This is going to start warming her up, getting your pussy excited. Then you can start to flatten your palms so there's more actual pressure on the labia and clitoris and then you continue to move your hand in that circular motion. It's sort of a grinding sensation, if you will.

Speaker 1: 6:41

This is sort of what a turn on is for two women who are scissoring and like rubbing their vulvas together. You can use this technique even over the clothes. So if you guys are laying together and sort of getting sexy and you want to start the mood by putting your hand on the outside of her clothes, over her vulva area, and you start warming her up that way, that can be really hot. As you dirty talk to each other, then you work your way under the clothes and it gets even hotter. This is a great foreplay move to make with a partner, but this is also a really great move to do with yourself. If you are trying to manifest maybe, a higher libido or wanting to get yourself in the mood for a full masturbation session, you can use it while watching a sexy movie, your favorite porn, listening to something sexy, just thinking about something sexy. It's a great way to warm yourself up to dive into a full masturbation session.

Speaker 1: 7:51

Fingering technique number four is called circling and it really can start with the inner thighs. Don't forget that the inner thighs are sort of the door to the pussy and there's a lot of excitement that can be built in stroking them, circling the inner thighs and coming up around the upper pussy, the pelvic mound, and then working your way in. You can use one hand or you can use both hands to circle the inner thighs up and around the front pubic bone around the other side and work your way into the outer labia, then the inner labia and then eventually our clitoris. Now my visual representation is going to be this little pearl that is held between my fingers for the sake of YouTube. So you are going to be circling, sort of the outer area of the vulva and pussy and then you're going to be coming in and this is where you can start circling and playing with your clitoris. It's a nice way to slowly wake up the sensations in the pussy and to drive desire and build that desire. At this point you or your partner may begin to get wet. It's okay if you don't. Again, you're going to be using that lube that I mentioned earlier.

Speaker 1: 9:24

Technique number five is rolling, and it is kind of a unique technique that I have not felt people use with me very often, although I love to use it on myself. It's another great way to warm up and excite the pussy area and your partner if you are doing this on them. So basically, if my hand is the representation, you can use this technique on the outer labia, the inner labia and also the clitoris. You're going to take your finger, kind of like you're snapping, and you're going to place it on either side of the labia or around the clitoris or whatever, whatever area of skin you're wanting to stimulate, and you're going to move your fingers as though you were kind of snapping. It's a snapping motion. Don't squeeze too hard, make sure you've got a lot of lube and it's just like massaging, basically the labia and the clitoris really gently. When done right, it can definitely set off a wonderful clitoral orgasm.

Speaker 1: 11:14

Tip number six tapping. Now I want to make sure you understand how tapping is done and we're going to talk about tapping the clitoris, although you can tap the clitoris, but you can tap anywhere on that vulva. That is exciting to yourself or your partner. So when I say tapping, we're not poking. Poking is not desirable. Most women do not like poking, whether it's with your tongue I talked about this in my oral sex podcast or, even more so, your finger, because your finger can be rougher cast. Or, even more so, your finger, because your finger can be rougher. Tapping is using the pad of your fingertip, and you can do this with two, one or two fingers on your clitoris. You can do it with all of your fingertips open hand, just gently kind of. This is a great one to integrate into cupping right. So if you've been cupping for a while and then you just start to tap those fingers on the clitoris or around it or on the hood, it's a great way to get her in the mood for wanting more Fingering.

Speaker 1: 12:21

Tip number seven is tugging. So again, all of these tips should be taken as something to do gently with your partner. So with tugging, you are going to take either the skin of the labia you can use it on the clitoris if it's not too intense for yourself or for her. Obviously, some women have clitorises that are super sensitive, so things like this directly on the clit are going to be uncomfortable. If that's the case, you can tug around the clit using the skin from the hood, but you're just going to do exactly that sort of pull gently on the skin, give it just that, a little bit of a juicy squeeze. I really love this sensation and sometimes, like for me, I like to use tugging so that I basically kind of take my whole pussy and give it just kind of this little squeeze. It's a yummy compression type sensation. Note, with tugging, what you can do if you want to give yourself or your partner an extra treat is you can start with the outer labia, tugging on the outer labia, work your way around and add, circling in and circle, giving that sensation all the way until you finally reach, well, the clitoris Number eight.

Speaker 1: 13:49

We are finally to actual fingering, inserting your finger inside of the vagina. First of all, this is something, if you are doing this to someone else that you are going to want to ask for consent for, make sure that she is ready for you to enter her. Also, if you're doing this to yourself, make sure you're actually ready to receive your finger. Make sure that you are warmed up and actually wanting that penetration. Again, get that lube out. Don't do it without lube unless you're really, really wet and you're not just going to plunge your finger into yourself or your partner. We are going to start with a knuckle deep sensation.

Speaker 1: 14:29

Now, many of you may know that the G-spot is located right inside the vagina. Now, for some people it's two inches inside the vagina. For me, mine is literally right inside my vagina. I don't even know if it's half inch inside of there. Now, if you have not found your own G-spot or if you don't know where your partner's G-spot is, that's fine.

Speaker 1: 14:50

You're not going to go straight for trying to do the come hither movement that so many, many, many men do aggressively. The minute they have their finger in you, you are going to just put that finger in and you're going to start massaging the inside of her vaginal opening or your vaginal opening. So the G spot is on the front wall of the vagina, so the one that is on your belly side of your body. So, doing soft, gentle circles around your opening to help yourself relax and open up, or doing that with your partner, you can work your finger in a little bit further. You can ask your partner if they want more than one finger, if they're very excited. But do not go for two fingers unless an invitation is given. An invitation is given as you feel wetness arrive. If it does, a great thing to do is then start moving just a knuckle deep in and out of the vagina. You can take any fluids that arrive out of the vagina, drag it up to the clitoris, do a circle around the clitoris, go down and back in only a knuckle deep and once you're really excited and enjoying that penetration, you can start that come hither motion and trying to wake up the G spot. Now I want to Add an addendum to the come hither motion.

Speaker 1: 16:29

A lot of men, people who don't have vaginas, do not really understand the mechanics there and do this incredibly strong hooking motion. Now if your partner says that's what they want, it's one thing. Otherwise you are doing a gentle, a gentle motion. You're not going to hook your fingernail into the vaginal wall. That's incredibly painful and pro tip if you aren't sure where the G-spot is. One thing to feel for is a G-spot when excited will oftentimes start to swell and it's profound and you will be able to feel it. You'll feel it get soft, big, spongy. Oftentimes wetness comes flooding in and then that's where you want to start doing the come hither motion. I also think little circular motions, bringing again your finger up and out, circling the clitoris and going back, fingering tip number nine it's time to go deeper. So now you've woken up the G spot, you are used to having something inserted into you and you're excited about it. You can go deeper or she can give you permission to go deeper. This is where you can start looking for the A spot, and people ask me about the A spot a lot, a lot.

Speaker 1: 17:49

The A-spot is sometimes said to be located obviously deeper inside the vaginal canal, on the same wall as the G-spot. It usually between the cervix and that wall. That's what literature says. It's in a different place on everybody's body. Sometimes it's about two inches deeper from the G spot, but again this can vary on every woman and vagina owner's body. So the best judge for where it is is well, either you're going to feel it out yourself or by asking your partner what's feeling good. Your partner what's feeling good when you get to it and it starts to light up. You're going to know. So you can enter more deeply and, of course, use some of the similar motions. This is where maybe you want to back off the come hither movement and do more of sort of a sweeping U-shaped motion up deeper inside her until you find that spot, of course, bringing your fingers in and out for more of that penetrative sensation is also wonderful at this point in time.

Speaker 1: 19:02

Fingering tip number 11. Now is when you can ask her if she wants you to add more fingers. If you have not already done that, or if she has already not asked for that, or if you haven't desired it before, you can start to experience some stretching sensations or girthy-like sensations. So adding fingers can be really sexy. Some women really enjoy that feeling of being stretched and may enjoy adding fingers all the way up to fisting. That is absolutely not something that you do if it is not invited, if you are not given permission, if she is not eager about it, I'm not sure if you can do that with yourself. If you are a woman who has done that to yourself, well, please feel free to contact me and tell me all about how you make that work, because I'm curious.

Speaker 1: 19:58

Fingering tip number 11. So we have now explored fingering where you're coming sort of from the front side of your own body. Now, this fingering tip is primarily for someone with a partner, though it can certainly be done for those who want to accept the challenge when you're on your own. But try fingering someone from behind if your partner is into it and wants to get a little creative. Fingering from behind can be extremely erotic. When people finger, they seem to get stuck on the idea of the G spot the G spot but there are other hot spots inside the vaginal canal, and some of them can be reached through the anterior wall or the wall that's at the backside of the vagina, and so getting behind your partner, having her on all fours, and entering her from that direction can be incredibly erotic. This also gives you access to fingering the butt, and that is going to be my next tip. So anal stimulation can be incredibly exciting and, yes, even women who do not have the notorious men's pee spot or the prostate enjoy anal fingering. Do not do this without an invitation or consent. Do absolutely use lube if you're going to integrate this into your fingering practice, and remember this most important of all once a finger has been inside the anus, it may not return to the vagina until it's been cleaned. Return to the vagina until it's been cleaned, washed, thoroughly. Otherwise your vagina owning partner is going to end up with a yeast infection or BV and not want you to finger them ever again.

Speaker 1: 22:00

Fingering tip number 13. Look, you can move through all the tips that I've shown you many different times. There's a lot to do when it comes to fingering, but when she's done, meaning she's climaxed or she's just done don't just yank your hand out. Move out of the vagina. If you are inserted at the time of finishing, especially if she's orgasmed it at the time of finishing, especially if she's orgasmed, let her complete unless she asks you to remove your hand and then pull out slowly, at a pace that's comfortable for her. But don't just remove your hand. That can be that breaking connection can be jarring to her body. Similarly, if you are fingering yourself, let your hand stay in contact with your vulva or with your body as long as necessary fingering time. By maintaining that connection, by maintaining the warmth and just feeling, all of those feel good chemicals released in your body do their thing. This is where you get all the benefits of pleasure and orgasm in your body. Let it wash over you before you break the connection. Orgasm in your body. Let it wash over you before you break the connection.

Speaker 1: 23:32

Fingering tip 14. It's all about aftercare. So fingering is an act of sex and, just like in sex, when it's done, you need to think about aftercare. What do you need to feel settled and ready to move on to whatever is going to come next in your day. If you are doing this with someone, ask them do they need some water? Do they need to go to the bathroom and take a shower? Do they want to cuddle for a while? What is it that's going to feel good in that moment? If it's you and you've just done this big masturbation practice, do you want to lie there for a minute and sort of meditate on it? Do you need to have a beverage next to your bed? Do you need to go to the bathroom and wash up before you get in bed and go to sleep or go on with the rest of your day? Aftercare is always an incredibly important part of any sex practice, whether it's solo sex or sex with your partner and fingering.

Speaker 1: 24:29

Tip number 15, last but not least, is communication, communication, communication If you are with someone and fingering them or being fingered by somebody. It is so important if you want it to be a good experience to be communicating all of the way through it. I always say if you are the one who is fingering someone else, a good way to maintain communication without distraction is asking yes and no questions. Don't ask things like where do you want me to put my finger now? How do you want me to move my hand now? How do you want me to move my hand now? That really takes the person who's being pleasured into their head and out of their body, where they want to be, where they can feel everything. But you can ask them does that feel good? Did that feel good? Do you like that? Should I go slower? Would you like me to slow down? Yes and no is manageable and keeps it very simple. But as the person who is receiving pleasure, it's really important that you're honest and you're able to say yes and no or stop or slow down and feel comfortable that your partner is going to be okay with that.

Speaker 1: 25:40

I would also like to say that one good method of communication for the self and for others is, after you have done your own fingering practice or with someone else, have a little notebook next to your bed. I keep one for lots of different reasons, but after pleasure practices, if there is something that really worked for me, I like to write it down in my notebook. I like to remember sensations that were great or if I experienced something that was terrible. Keeping a pleasure notebook by your bed is a great way of tracking what feels good to you and what doesn't, so you can build on that the next time. Likewise, if you're the person who is giving the pleasure, keep the notes in the head. Maybe when you go to the bathroom, open your notepad on your phone and type up like, ah, she really liked this or they really liked that, and so you can bring it to the table the next time. So those are my 15 tips for a great fingering session, whether with yourself or someone else. It is a way to start exploring your body, your pleasure or pleasure with your partner in a way that you can build on, and the reason why I think it's so exciting to do it with your hands instead of toys and you know I love toys, but this is a really great way to learn your body not only what you're feeling when you're receiving pleasure, but like how it actually feels in your own hands. Your hand is a powerful tool when it comes to giving and receiving pleasure.

Speaker 1: 27:13

So if you have any questions or comments, I've missed something you think I should include. You have something you just want to add to this episode? Please do me a favor and drop a comment in the comment section of this video. Or if you are on the audio podcast, you know you can email me at Annette at she explores lifecom. Also, don't forget, you can scroll down and I've got a link to my speak pipe voicemail. You can send me your lovely voicemail. I love hearing my listeners voices, um, and if you send questions that way as well, I can use them to answer your questions in video. So again, thank you for joining me and until next time, listeners, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.