How to Dominate HIM in Bed: A 101 Femdom Guide

Returning guest Russian Dominatrix Lucy walks listeners through a guide to How to Dominate Your Man. in Bed. From how either a man or woman can introduce the topic to their partner to how to get started and graduate to any Dom/Sub dynamic you desire, this episode has it all.

In this episode, we discuss:
Myths & misconceptions
Getting started
Best beginner scenes
Impact play
Roleplay
Anal play and pegging
Aftercare

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:26

Do the sex. Hi, this is Annette Benedetti, your hostess for a locker room talk and chocks, the podcast that likes to think of itself as the queer NPR of raunchy women's sex talk. You are about to sit in on the kind of conversations women have on their girls' nights out or behind closed doors, while enjoying delicious drinks and dishing about sex. Think, fun, honest and feminist as fuck, and always with the goal of fighting the patriarchy. One orgasm at a time. Welcome to the locker room Ringlobe.

Speaker 1: 1:07

Today's locker room talk and chocks topic is how to dominate your man. That's right. Ladies, women, people with vulvas. We are going to talk about how you can dominate your male partner or your penis owning partner. This is a 101.

Speaker 1: 1:31

So if it's something you and your partner, or just you or they have approached you with, are interested in, but you haven't really jumped into it, we are going to give you a guide, me and my guest, who, if you have been around any time at all, you are familiar with if you are new to this channel. My guest is my very best friend, the local Russian dominatrix local to my life, lucy. Lucy is a dominatrix in her regular life, her home life, her intimate life. I've been doing this for years and years and years and she has been on the show to talk about doming, to talk about male chastity. She is the guide through locked over when penis owners everywhere can get their cocks locked up in cages and tease torture, played with whatever for the entirety of the month. Lucy, I'm going to let you reintroduce yourself briefly to my listeners.

Speaker 2: 2:43

Hi everybody. I, lucy, obviously was just introduced, so I am the local podcast dominatrix and we've been doing this for quite a while and I have been on many, many podcasts over the years. At this point, the locked over ones, the toys ones, the dominatrix dude podcast that we already did but we're redoing it to 2.0.

Speaker 1: 3:10

This is 2.0. Dominate your dude 2.0. We have a 1.0 that you can actually go back to the audio podcast. Head up to the link in my bio the audio podcast. We have a 1.0, but it was more of a discussion and not a guide. This is your guide, this is your walkthrough for someone ready to ready to launch into some BDSM Gently, launched, gently. I'm always like charging in. You're always like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So listen to her, not me. I am not a pro. I have played in the arena of domination. I feel like it might even be my natural path, but Lucy really lives it out and is going to be able to tell you exactly what you need to do. It's early for us. We're having coffee and domination. Let's get ready to talk about sex Cheers. All right, lucy, I think the best way to kick this off is just for you to tell people how you. First of all, how long have you been dominating your dude?

Speaker 2: 4:15

I feel like a lost count, but it's been at least a decade plus, all right.

Speaker 1: 4:20

So 10 plus years of experience, folks. How did you end up End up doming your guy? For people out there who have been playing with the idea might help them to know how someone ends up in this situation.

Speaker 2: 4:34

It was a request that my partner asked me about and suggested and he was like, hey, at that point we've been together for at least a couple years, maybe four or five and yeah, he just came in and said, hey, do you want to try some more fun domination type situation? And as the person that I am, I said absolutely yes, this is great, let's do it. So it wasn't a surprise to you, not really. I feel like we kind of did a little bit of that Even at the beginning, with just the silly things you do where you, you know, grab up your tie and tie them to a bed or something, something very more generic or more vanilla, I guess people would say. And then, after some amount of years, we just kind of expanded our horizons and all directions. But I was always more dominating, just to begin with, I was the one who initiated our first kiss, but yeah, so it was just kind of like a natural progression that we had.

Speaker 1: 5:42

All right. So she just dominated him from the get go, but no, he presented it to you. You were open to it and at the end of this podcast, we will maybe give you some tips on, if you are in a position of wanting to bring it up to your partner, ways you can approach that. All right, let's just start with a really clear overview, and we're talking about dominating your man in bed. What does that mean? What are you know? What does that mean for our viewers? What does that look like?

Speaker 2: 6:14

I mean, it can look almost like anything you could think of. So in a dominating bedroom situation, you are definitely in charge of the whole sex activity. So you come in and you say I'm the boss and you deciding on whatever play you're trying to do be it bondage or pegging or furniture, fun times, we'll get to it, or other types of situation and then you are in charge and you just let them know what is going to happen, in like a scenario type way, and then you act it out.

Speaker 1: 6:53

And it can play. Yeah, like and you call it a scene when you're coming into it. It's called a scene when you're coming in to do it. It can also include impact play, but the point is it doesn't have to be all of these things. That can be any one or a combination, depending on what your interests are. Right, exactly.

Speaker 2: 7:12

As well. It can just be a little if you are, especially with the starting situation, it is more the commanding presence that you're showing. So instead of letting your person know, hey, can you get me a cup of coffee? Simply say so, and so I need a coffee right now. And like a more dominating voice and don't ask you command the action to occur. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 7:38

Suck my clit. There you go.

Speaker 2: 7:41

On your knees Exactly. Wash those dishes in a napkin, naked.

Speaker 1: 7:47

I'm talking about oral sex. She is talking about dishes. You can see, our needs are different.

Speaker 2: 7:52

My dishes have been dirty, so here we go, left house. My clit needs some attending to.

Speaker 1: 8:00

Now let's talk about myths and misconceptions. I think that, generally speaking, the conventional, socially accepted norm is oh, the man is dominating the woman in bed, right, and I feel like a lot of men, people with penises, people who identify as a male figure, are afraid to admit that they want to experience domination. And I also think that oftentimes, especially in the cis heterosexual world, women can shy away from wanting to dominate and dominating and can have a negative reaction to being asked to dominate Because they feel like it means something about their femininity. So can you address some of those myths and misconceptions?

Speaker 2: 9:40

They are. Yeah, they're all very much myths, according to 7000 Reddit posts that I have read about this topic. It's a good source, by the way. There's quite a few Reddit groups that are just great for that, but so many men do want that vulnerability, so it's since it is about control. Men have to be in charge so much of the time in their jobs and they're kind in their lives. They're. They are forced into this charge role by our societal the patriarchy yes, those guys, and a lot of the time.

Speaker 2: 10:15

I don't think they necessarily want to be in charge all the time and I mean nobody does nobody does.

Speaker 1: 10:22

Being in charge is a lot of work. It is to be in charge in every area of life.

Speaker 2: 10:27

When you have a partner, especially if you have a partner in family, it's fucking exhausting exactly it's completely normal to crave someone else to take the reins for a while exactly, and sometimes the your person with the penis comes home and they're like I've been in charge of my whole life for the for the last eight hours and I just do not want to be in charge anymore. Can someone take over? And that is when the domination kind of situation comes through, where they are giving you away the charge and then you can say, hey, suck my clit, do the dishes at the same time now.

Speaker 1: 11:01

You know, I don't know all those things. Watch the dish, then suck my clit, go back and forth yeah, absolutely, I can come up with this.

Speaker 2: 11:07

Definitely not, I think, a lot of people want that.

Speaker 1: 11:10

It's not emasculating to a man to take charge. And look, there are also tons of surveys, lots of studies that actually show that men who are very dominant in life out in the, the non bedroom, non sexual world, desire being dominated. It's a source of catharsis and a lot of women find empowerment who are, regardless of if they are, you know, powerful outside of the bedroom or not. It's an empowering experience for a woman to be able to take charge in that way.

Speaker 1: 11:53

I I was listening to someone speak about dominating and a sex expert, if you will, and I love the way they said it is when you go into a dominating scene, whether you're the dominator or the one being dominated, the persona you're bringing in there is sort of like a costume.

Speaker 1: 12:16

You get to put it on for a while. It does not define your whole personality. You get to put on the submissive costume, you get to put on the dominant costume and just enjoy that experience in the moment and then, when you are done, you can go back to being whatever you are. So misconceptions if you are a woman dominating in the bedroom, it does not mean you are not feminine. In fact, there are tons of high fem dominatrix out there who are just like, embody femininity, and the same for men, masculine people who want to be dominated, dominated and play the submissive role. It does not mean that everywhere you go in life, you're, you know, not masculine or whatever. This bullshit is out there about a beta male which is you know. That's all bullshit. It's all bullshit. Assignments of character by the patriarchy which is hurting you it's such a narrow-minded view.

Speaker 2: 13:15

We are such multi-dimensional people that you can have 27 hats, and most people do. I mean your work persona is not the same as your home persona, not the same as your friend persona, not the same as your lover persona. It's all different. I hope. How boring of you if it is. Yeah, if you are very mono-dimensional, stop it, stop it, stop that shit, we don't like that.

Speaker 1: 13:37

That's not sexy, all right. Well, um, let's say things to consider before jumping into dominating your dude.

Speaker 2: 13:45

Top considerations safety first always recommending um to know where all your safety things are like. If you are doing rope stuff, where your scissors are, if you're doing any sort of like lock type things where your keys are to the locks, perhaps review your cpr, just in case choking.

Speaker 2: 14:09

If you're doing some choking yes, exactly some of this stuff is obviously not. I mean, I feel like, since it's 101, don't do anything dangerous and don't just go, geronimo and jump all in. Definitely, safety first. Respect your boundaries. Make sure you establish all the boundaries. I think that's another very important stuff establish all your boundaries before you jump into anything. I think we're gonna send a picture of the little contract that you can use, where it lists everything and you can check off saying hey, yes, okay, not okay right.

Speaker 1: 14:42

So beforehand there is a contract that you can use. It's a btsm contract. The two of you can sit down and I think there's yes, maybe no yeah, yes, maybe no yeah to different uh hard no like right to different activities in dom scenes.

Speaker 1: 15:02

You can say I am interested in this, I'm not interested in this. Hard no on this. And you both need to be clear on that. Of course that contract can change. I'm sure what you did when you first started dominating your dude changed drastically as time went on. Then you can be tiptoe in deeper. But to start that needs to be super clear consent, consent, consent yes, consent, boundaries, safety.

Speaker 2: 15:32

You have to be very mindful of all those things. Do not just, yet again, jump in without actually discussing any of these things with your partner that you're dominating or being submissive to, especially submissive to because in some situations, it can get dangerous as well as unhealthy, because you might get abused, and that is unacceptable right, right.

Speaker 2: 15:55

Also prior to starting, you got to choose your safe words absolutely and sometimes practicing using your safe word just in day to day life is a good way to judge how well your partner will respond in a scene situation. Just get together, decide your safe word and word and even if it's a remote like disagreement that is happening at the time. Perhaps it is like the dishes that haven't been washed in two days and you're like, hey, do the stuff. And they start being mad at you and you can say whatever you say, for it is guacamole and everything needs to stop at that point, and if that is not happening, that is not a good situation.

Speaker 1: 16:41

Which brings us to building trust before you dive in. This would be a great example of how to work on building trust before you dive into dominating or being dominated. Back to the safe words. I love the idea of the safe word practice. Perhaps for beginners, using the stop signal, safe words is a good idea because it's like really clear what that means Green, it's a go. Yellow, it's like all right, we're hitting kind of this. If you might need to bring it down a little bit. Red is hard stop. Whatever you're doing, everything stops. Now Lucy is beyond that and likes to use vegetables as her safe word.

Speaker 2: 17:27

I feel like it's not something that would come up otherwise. So it's very jarring while somebody yells guacamole at you. But red is fine too.

Speaker 1: 17:39

Whatever is easier, whatever you come up with those ahead of time and if you are gagged, assign, assign or holding something in your hand you can drop. Yeah, that's the one, because gagging does happen a lot, even at the 101 level. People love to do, you know, make it so that people can't talk and people can't see, and stuff like that. So you've got to have signals that are easily and quickly recognized. What are some other ways that you can build trust in advance?

Speaker 2: 18:11

Oh, another good thing would be if you are into domination type situation. There's quite a few books that discuss all of it, and then maybe if you can give your partner one of the books and see if he actually reads it, and then you can discuss it, that would be a good way to build trust.

Speaker 1: 18:29

I think the other thing that is a big trust filter. When you are looking at that yes, no, maybe list, that in and of itself is a trust building exercise in the sense that when you exchange, if you are, if you react natively to someone's fantasy or interest and mock them or like ooh or what or why would you like that, you are going to break trust instantly. Anytime you react negatively or judgmentally to someone's interest, defensively to their interest, fantasy, dream, whatever it is, you're going to break trust. They aren't going to feel comfortable or confident being open with you.

Speaker 1: 19:20

And I get that sometimes it's hard because maybe you didn't know your partner would be interested in something. That is a hard no for you. But the thing is you can hear it and you don't have to do it. You can say, you can say, oh, I, that's a hard no for me. Right now I hear that's something you are open to. But you know, be prepared to learn things you didn't know about your partner's fantasies and interests, without holding judgment. Remember, fantasies are just fantasies, they happen in this world. They don't have to enter the actual real world, you don't have to participate. So that would be another really key thing to building trust.

Speaker 2: 20:51

For sure. Yeah, you must be able to have conversations about sex, even just normal sex, vanilla sex with your partner, without any sort of retaliation or judgment or use or negative type feedback, heading into the first scene.

Speaker 1: 21:09

What are the best beginner domination scenes for a couple, a man and a woman trying out this man as submissive, woman as the dumb?

Speaker 2: 21:22

Okay, so I think the first things would just be the verbal commands that you can do just in your general sex activity. As Annette was saying earlier. You can say look my clit harder, faster, softer, get on the bottom, I will be on top and in charge.

Speaker 1: 21:42

Maybe start by just practicing owning what's happening in bed, telling him what's happening? You know, for instance, if you are like you know, go down, lick my clit, suck it. You can grab his hair a little bit and just yeah, push his head down. There you go. Yes, maybe, push his head down. But starting with just that verbal command, I like to add in when I'm dominating a dude, making him think me for everything he gets to do to me, that is a really good one.

Speaker 1: 22:14

After he licks or while he's in the middle of doing that. Thank me, thank me for this opportunity. Tell me how good it tastes.

Speaker 2: 22:23

That's a good one. Yeah, like, thank you for letting me into your pussy. It's a good one.

Speaker 1: 22:28

You should do that anyways.

Speaker 1: 22:29

Thank a woman for that, but yes, yes, thank you for letting, thank you for sitting on my face so but the woman in this case should be commanding that, demanding things, and this is where I think step two could come in. So maybe the first time you're dominating, you keep it verbal and then the next level could be, if this is something that you're both interested in, you want to like level it up to impact play, adding in a light spanking. If that's what he wants, then commanding things and like giving a little like smack on the ass or a spanking should they not do it to your satisfaction?

Speaker 2: 23:13

Absolutely. Yeah, you can also. Just if you are sitting on the face, for example, which is one of my favorite, you can pinch their nipple really hard.

Speaker 1: 23:22

You've negotiated all of this ahead of time. Yes, but you can start then working up into adding in different types of punishment established in. What kind of punishment is?

Speaker 2: 23:34

they are interested in punishment, obviously, or maybe they just want to be restrained so you can yet again grab a silk scarf those are pretty sturdy Tie their hands together or tie them to a bed frame, if your bed frame allows for that, and then they're kind of more restrained. But then you can still tell them what to do, like like my clit harder, softer, a little to the left, whatever it is that you need, and then yet again go up from there, depending on what you wanna do, if you want to introduce some more interesting scenes, like when maybe it is the dishes that you want done that day, and then you can put them in an apron and have them naked. That's one of my favorites.

Speaker 2: 24:17

So you can role like if you can role play that yeah you can say do the dishes. And then, after they're done, then you can tell them Now they, such a good boy they are, come with Mike Lidget's reward.

Speaker 1: 24:28

Yeah, so reward is part of the dominating your guy. It's not all just punishment and telling him what to do. Don't forget to reward. Having them on their knees is an easy way to dominate, for everything that happens, right Like that, is an act of submission. Something else that you could do is a foot worship, just not that they have, like, if you're not into your toes being sucked and stuff like that, cool. But you know, like licking your shoe, using your foot to like put on their head or whatever.

Speaker 2: 25:10

That's something you could do. I mean, whatever you checked off your list, you can start trying a little bit at a time.

Speaker 1: 25:17

Right and something I think that could be helpful, especially if your man or your a man who's new to this and you're worried about feeling emasculated or that affecting your masculinity, is after you get done with your scene. You could then take your partner in a very masculine, dominating way and sort of like balance. You know how you feel inside. If that's something that you need after your first couple of times, let her dominate you. Especially if this is something you've really been wanting to try but you have not done any work to sort of undo the patriarchal conditioning that tells you you're not man enough if she dominates you in bed and you feel like you need to find balance afterwards, let her dominate you According to what you're wanting. We've outlined just verbal domination. We've outlined a little bit, adding impact plan.

Speaker 2: 26:14

Minor restraints.

Speaker 1: 26:15

Minor restraints, even a little bit of feminization with an apron on, If you're not comfortable with the apron thing you can put on a fancy, one of those masculine ones that say barbecue, barbecue.

Speaker 1: 26:28

Yeah, you know, start there and then work your way down, but then afterwards you know, like your aftercare which we're gonna get to in a minute could be, then you get to be really take on the masculine role and be intimate with her in that way. Now we're gonna jump into the array, the breadth of options that come with dominating your guy and the things he might be interested in, but either afraid to tell you, or you should prepare yourself to see on that negotiation page, the contract page, obviously you know the verbal domination they may be interested in being verbally dominated to the point of degradation, humiliation. If you wanna know more about that, scroll back. I have a video on YouTube with a kink master sexpert, lisa Phen, who talks about how to do the humiliation play, impact play.

Speaker 1: 27:26

Yeah, impact play, let's talk about the breadth of impact play really quickly like the different tools, how far that can go.

Speaker 2: 27:33

You can. I mean there's a plethora of tools you can start out with your hands. You can go to spatulas in your kitchen I mean obviously clean ones and then clean them again, and then hairbrushes Things you can buy now. Things you can buy now, there's paddles, whips, floggers. Floggers are the nicer ones you can start with, especially if it's quite a big flogger. Those don't actually hurt as much. They're more like sensual even. Definitely, for whips you gotta practice a lot because those will leave quite a bit of bruising if you're not doing it correctly. Canes are great. Make sure, obviously, you know areas that you're not supposed to hit, like the kidneys and on the back and stuff. Floggers are great for backs because you can be pretty gentle with it. But anything that becomes more impactful, like paddles and canes especially, you have to keep away from organs that can be damaged. You don't want to actually injure anyone and I am positive that there's like a picture you can find online where to not hit for medical purposes and stuff.

Speaker 1: 28:46

And remember, when you start with impact play, do not start with a hard swing. No, no, no, don't pull back and go 100%. You start with very gentle spanking and then work up an intensity using those words, the safety words. This is where the red, yellow, green works well, because your partner can say yellow to let you know you're getting close. So you kind of know that the micro increases in impact.

Speaker 2: 29:17

Up to the hard, no, and as well as keep your partner excited, because the more endorphins that are flowing through their brain and body, the higher they can go, because that will also know some of the pain and it will be more exhilarating for them all around.

Speaker 1: 29:33

Yeah, yeah. So keep them turned on. It's not just hitting them, it's sexual, right. Yes, then we've talked about restraints. There's all different kinds of restraints, from simple rope play. Again, make sure if you're going to use rope, you've got scissors nearby to cut them loose should you need to in a pinch. Obviously, there's all kinds of handcuffs. Make sure that you have the keys, I mean. There's even more intense restraints.

Speaker 2: 30:04

Restraints that are leather, that are nice Some that are Velcro.

Speaker 1: 30:09

I love the Velcro ones because they are their easy release. They're more comfortable. Also, Lucy has a stockade that comes down from her ceiling. I mean Medieval torture. You would be medieval torture. It can go there if you're advanced.

Speaker 2: 30:26

I have an arm one and a neck one, so you can kind of adjust. It's nice.

Speaker 1: 30:31

Now, one thing we haven't talked, two things we haven't talked about yet that I want us to just breeze over a little bit. I have in-depth episodes on each of these A butt play, pegging. We've done one on pegging as well. It was again more of a conversation. We may come back to it and go in-depth with pegging, because I think it's an important topic, especially when you're doing it with a penis owner and you have a vulva and you don't have the same anatomy. It's good to really know what you're doing. But many, many, many men and people with penises and prostates desire anal stimulation. Let's go back to our myths and misconceptions. Like anal play, butt play with men in no way emasculates them. There is such an incredible pleasure center for them that is often equated to the G spot in women.

Speaker 1: 31:38

So if your partner brings up that they want you to do anal stimulation, anal play, pegging, don't freak out about that.

Speaker 2: 31:47

Don't assign, don't go, feel gross.

Speaker 1: 31:49

Right, understand like there's a reason for that. It's extremely pleasurable for them. But maybe let's you can go back and listen to the full podcast. But quickly, how do you introduce that? Starting with yes, starting with With a finger?

Speaker 2: 32:06

With a finger, and unless you have kind of a weird thought that like I don't know if I can do a finger, you can get a tiny butt plug and start with that instead. Tiny, tiny.

Speaker 1: 32:18

And then work your way up in butt plugs. You don't have to start with a strap on for pegging. You can just get a dildo of any size.

Speaker 2: 32:28

Start small, I get it.

Speaker 1: 32:30

This is where penis size on the smaller side is a plus, yay, don't listen to what all the dudes out there are saying about dick size. They don't know what they're talking about. But yeah, start with a small dildo and work your way up, and then.

Speaker 2: 32:50

And then definitely start using don't just strap on your harness situation and go for it Start with your using it with your hand and then so you can kind of tell how far, how close, what's going on, and then they can give you better feedback as well, and then eventually graduate to bigger things and eventually as well to a harness situation you can wear.

Speaker 1: 33:14

Right Now again, I've got a full podcast episode on that. Scroll back it's not too far back on my YouTube channel at Annette Benedetti. And then there is Mailchastity, which I would say is Lucy has claimed fame on this channel. Cox and a cage folks. Cox and a cage.

Speaker 2: 33:41

That's another domination activity that you can incorporate into your fun play time, and it can just be for the duration of the sex activity that we're seeing that you're engaging in, where you can put your person into a cage type situation and then use all the other options available to you, like their face, a dildo. Just have them hold it or have them use it on you, and then I don't know, yeah, and if you come back to a humiliation play, say, well, this one is so much, and you can say that this is so much better than your penis. That's dominating. That's dominating, yes.

Speaker 1: 34:19

So yeah, you are gonna want to. I am telling you, remember way back when you first told me about Mailchastity and I was like I don't know why anybody would ever want to do that. Then I got to play with Mailchastity a little bit, a little bit. I never got the full meal deal. And let me tell you, Was it fun. Was it fun it really was.

Speaker 1: 34:46

I think, like if you are in a sexual situation where you have that openness with someone and that ability to like, really communicate with them and play in this realm of the unexpected, it is, it's exciting, it's sexy. A cock in a cage just ladies listening, men everybody listening. What surprised me the most is how sexy a cage around a cock. That's excited, looks Like it's fucking hot. Think of it like jewelry. It is like jewelry or like almost like, in some ways like lingerie on the cock. But you're right, I think jewelry maybe is a better way to put it. And I think that a lot of men instantly feel like, oh, you're putting my penis in a cage. No way am I gonna let a woman cage my penis. Yes, you are, and you're gonna love it. You're gonna love it.

Speaker 2: 35:44

And remember, there is safe words for this stuff as well. So, even though the ladies are in charge in this situation, you are still in control, and if you say you're safe word, everything stops.

Speaker 1: 35:56

Right. So look, I feel like we've walked you through some 101 entry level steps into this dominating your dude world. The most important things are number one, addressing all of the misconceptions that can be scary, like within your relationship, like have the conversation. That removes the shame. I acknowledge that these are just play roles and that it in no way speaks to who you are as a man, who you are as a woman in the relationship.

Speaker 1: 36:31

So, addressing those misconceptions, then discovering what the things are you wanna try out, do that contract, build trust by not being judgmental as you share the contract. Then set the scene. What are the first things you wanna try, even if you're like, fuck it, let's just go, let's just go don't. And I'm gonna tell you why, because sometimes you feel that excitement, you jump in and do it and it's jarring. This is like it can be a very jarring thing and though it seemed so great to jump into, you go balls to the wall and do it all and suddenly, and it jars you in a negative way, and then it just then you don't wanna do it again.

Speaker 2: 37:18

It scares you and traumatize yourself.

Speaker 1: 37:20

And it cause. It can be like getting into domination, especially if you're like, hey, let's do the impact, let's do the butt play, let's do all of these things. That's an intense thing to put your body through. It's not just pleasure. You're mixing in pain, you're mixing in mental, mental domination.

Speaker 1: 37:39

submission if you're throwing in humiliation. You may be fucking with your own like internal trauma. So it's so important to start. Just like start with a bossy bitch in bed. Being a bossy bitch in bed, like that's fun and it can be hot, even in a vanilla situation, for sure. Then take next steps, like okay, I'm interested in some impact play.

Speaker 2: 38:02

Start at ground level one.

Speaker 1: 38:06

Just pull the hairbrush out and get a little spanking or pinch the nipples. I liked that idea Little pinch of the nipples, a pinch of the skin and work your way up. If pegging is part of what you wanna do, start small and then from there, you know, you build up. Maybe you try cock cages, and now is a great time if you're jumping into wanting to try to dominate your dude and you start now and work your way up. By October locktober, you're gonna have us to guide you through male chastity and locking up cocks all through October.

Speaker 2: 38:42

And last but not least, aftercare. Aftercare, yes, make sure that after the scene you put away all the things and then just decompress and snuggle whatever you need to do, just kind of like calm down from the high. You can. It's sometimes yet again to the jarring situation If you go all out and then there's no like downtime that can mess with your brain as well. Like you need that downtime to just kind of come down from the high and be present back to your body, so to speak. Snuggle, have a chat about it. If you can't quite chat about it yet, you will still. That is like a requirement. You should talk after the event, say here's what worked, here's what didn't work, here's what we should try next. You have to, and yet again, be respectful and kind and absorb all the information. It's not necessarily a criticism, because you never know, jumping in, will this work or not, especially if you're completely new at the situation. So if something didn't work, just be like well, there's 700 other things we can try. So it's fine, don't get discouraged.

Speaker 1: 39:54

And I think also knowing what someone needs an aftercare which can be different for each person.

Speaker 1: 39:59

Absolutely yeah, and that may be a little bit of an experimentation for you, and not just aftercare for the person being dominated, but also the person dominating. So kind of an example I gave during this podcast was that the man being dominated if it's new to him, he may need to do something to reclaim his masculinity or what feels like masculinity to him. Similarly speaking, the woman being the dominatrix, if it's new to her, may need something that makes her feel feminized and that you still see her as this sexy feminine being Again. It's unfortunate that that's the reality of our conditioning, but make sure to talk about afterwards what can we do to come back to ourselves and feel connected and reassure ourselves and reassured that we're both super attracted to and in love with if this is a important long-term partner with each other, along with as your domination activities like get more intense.

Speaker 1: 41:09

If there's impact play, you may need to bring someone like iced cool down hot spots or may need to rest and recuperate from being flogged and pegged and spanked for hours. So aftercare is important. It has to be discussed and preferably decided on prior to starting, so you at least have things near you to do that aftercare. So I think we covered, just like your entry. You've got some entry ideas into dominating and your man and getting started. If you have questions or comments, things you would like to know whether you are the guy wanting to be dominated or the woman wanting to be dominated, please drop a comment.

Speaker 1: 42:04

If you're on YouTube below, I do go through all of the comments. If yours doesn't show up because I reviewed them first, it's either because YouTube has said you're too naughty to go public or because you're being rude. No, but do drop a comment and I will get the man like Lucy and I will answer them for you, either in a short or in a longer format style or an article or whatever we can. So drop a comment or email me at Annette. It's A-N-N-E-T-T-E at sheexplorislifecom. I think that's it right, Lucy? I think so.

Speaker 1: 42:50

Yeah, Now go out and be dominated or dominate, you know and let us know how it goes. I wanna know how it goes If you listen to this and you have a first thing tell us about your first time. That'd be fun, wouldn't that be fun? Tell us about your first time. We wanna know. If we can't be there to watch, we wanna hear about it. Yeah, all right, guys. So until next time, cheers. We'll see you in the locker room. Bye, 我們的 you.