Masturbation Monday: 6 Irresistible Things Women Find Attractive in Men (My Thoughts, What Science Says & Real Women Tell All)

Happy Masturbation Monday! I have a dicey relationship with men, yet I keep finding myself fantasizing about them when I'm taking care of myself. So I decided to do some research and self-discovery and uncover what traits cis men possess that keep women (and myself) coming back for more. What I found out surprised the f*ck out of me. Listen in to find out what I desire most in men, what science says, and what the women in my community are talking about. In this episode you'll discover:
What I find irresistible in men
 -Where does physical attractiveness stand?
- What is approachability?
 -Are bad boys hot?
-Which personality traits are irresistible?
 -Do sensitive guys come in last?
- Do women like facial hair or baby faces?
 -Daredevils hot or not?
 
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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:25

Do the sex. Welcome to masturbation Monday with me, annette Benedetti, your host for locker room talk and chats. This is your invitation to join me for coffee and bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental, physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams. Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure, better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life Ring-loop. Today's masturbation Monday topic is the top six traits women find irresistible, magnetic, super sexy in men. Now, how I came up with this topic is that y'all know that I'm bisexual by now. If you've been listening, if you are new to my podcast, welcome.

Speaker 1: 1:22

I'm very, very queer. I have a complicated relationship with men folks and if you have been listening for any time, you're well aware of that and I'm definitely in a sticky place with dudes at this point in my life. I definitely am struggling to find myself attracted to men, struggling. I'm working on healing my relationship with the cis men of the world, but when I am masturbating, I find myself in the fantasy realm, including men quite often, more often than not, in my fantasy world, and it really has me in this place of curiosity and wanting to do some discovery around what I am attracted to in people that I would consider for a future partner and I am sort of wanting to look into. I am attracted to all the genders, folks. I'm very queer and very attracted to just people, but I recognize there are different things that I oftentimes find myself attracted to in different genders and I feel like now is a great time in my life to kind of break down what it is that attracts me to the different genders I'm attracted to. And it's a great time for me to talk to my sisters out there, other women who are also attracted to cis men, and find out what they are attracted to in men, because I think a lot of women out there have complicated relationships with men. Certainly, studies are showing that women are currently more dissatisfied now than ever with relationships with men. Many, many women are choosing to be single rather than engage in relationships with men. There's an epidemic a quote epidemic of loneliness in men out there who are struggling to find partners.

Speaker 1: 3:39

So why not take this opportunity to not only dive into the studies and dive into my own psyche and dive into my community of women and get some information to give to the cis men out there of the world about what we really desire, what we are really looking for in our male partners. So I did the research. I've done a lot of looking inward for myself and I reached out to my community of women Made up of a lot of bi-pan women, but also some heterosexual women and I got feedback. I got a lot of fantastic feedback for you, so this is going to be a great episode. I want you to grab your coffee and get ready, because I'm going to tell you what the research says. I'm gonna tell you what I discovered about myself, and then I'm gonna share a lot of information and quotes that were sent to me by women I know, and by the end of this, you're gonna have a good idea of what women really desire and can hardly resist when they find it in a male partner. So grab your coffee, curl up in bed with me and let's talk about masturbation Cheers.

Speaker 1: 4:54

First of all, I wanna kick this off with something that kind of blew my mind as I was thinking about what an irresistible man would be to me. I discovered something really interesting that I'm going to be exploring. The traits that I came up with that I absolutely desire, want, need, should I ever have a male partner again are traits that I most appreciate and am proud of in myself. These traits are all traits that I embody in myself, that I feel proud of in my friendships, and what I kind of realized, interestingly enough, is that I was looking for a mirror of them, and I was looking for a mirror of them. I have looked into what I'm attracted to in women and non-binary people and I will get to that in future episodes, but I recognize that the traits that I'm about to share with you are traits that, from whatever conditioning being raised I had a very masculine father figure growing up, in good ways and bad but these are traits that I think I just instinctually associate with masculinity and men and that I look for in partners. Now coming up with partners who have these traits truly beyond the surface and aren't faking it. That's been a challenge to me, so I'm just going to go through them. The traits I see in myself that I know are the key traits that I desire in a male partner.

Speaker 1: 6:35

Strength and resilience was number one, and I'm not just talking about physical strength although I do recognize that that is something that I find sexy but I mean overall strength, strength of character, the ability to withstand difficult times and be rooted and there for your loved ones to take the blows and get back up again and again, especially in love and in relationship. If you have a relationship that lasts a long time, you are inevitably going to be confronted with difficulties. You are going to be confronted with harming one another in different ways over time. We always hurt the people we love, but the ability to repair and come back together even stronger. The next one is security and stability, and for me, I realize security has become probably the number one thing I need in relationship Somebody who I just trust and I know is there for me unconditionally, like I can be my worst self at times, my messiest self at times, and they are going to be my safe place to rest, knowing that I can be my full, authentic self and they are secure with me and I can be secure with them. Stability, I mean that's an obvious one that I think definitely some conditioning comes in there, the idea of a man offering this stability.

Speaker 1: 8:07

The next one is protectiveness and loyalty, and this is really important to me. This is guys. The protector that I was raised to believe was in men, a core trait in men which I definitely have not experienced throughout my life. In fact, I've experienced quite the opposite. Now I am definitely you can ask anybody who knows me, anyone of my friends, the people I've dated I am a protector. If someone steps up to the people I love, I step in immediately, even when it's not wanted. I cannot help it my children. I am a protector at core and this is something I have found incredibly hard to truly find in a man. I'm often presented with a man who will act like it's a core trait, but when the rubber meets the road, I'm the one who's kind of left standing there to be my own protector, which is great. It's a great source for resilience I've built, but, boy, that would just be such a fucking sexy thing to find in a man.

Speaker 1: 9:18

Now, to get to sort of something a little more surface level when it comes to physicality, I have a type. Undoubtedly all my friends would be able to list this off really quickly, though I have not always dated this type. I love dark hair and dark eyes. I love dark hair and dark eyes. It is an Achilles for me. A little bit of a dark beard going on. I just really gets me. However, if you were to look at my history of partners, it's definitely not always been my go to, because the other things outweigh it.

Speaker 1: 9:56

The next one is kindness and curiosity. I love Kindness in the eyes of a man. Curiosity guys. I want you to hear this one and use it in your dating life.

Speaker 1: 10:12

I can't stand spending time going on a date with a man who has zero curiosity when it comes to who I am and what I'm about, when I ask all the questions and they say nothing, like I leave knowing their whole life story. They don't even know my last fucking name, and it has happened so many times. I love it when I can tell a man's really curious about who I am. That is sexy. It's sexy. A man who knows how to ask questions and I can tell like the essence of who I am is interesting to him. Right, ask questions, be curious. Kindness, curiosity and I mean obviously that in my mind also embodies intelligence.

Speaker 1: 10:57

And last but not least, for myself, I'm not into soup, and this again is surface level and this is something that could be tossed aside for the right guy. I like a thick dude, I like some muscles, but I will take some pudge on a guy over a super, super, super skinny guy, like I don't know. That's one of my things. But again, I have dated super, super skinny guys who weren't that muscular in the past, because they had other traits that I like. But I just wanna talk about traits that I'm attracted to. I like a guy with some bulk to him.

Speaker 1: 11:40

Now what does science say? I've shared with you what I want, what I look for, but what does science say? Now, these traits? I'm gonna give you six traits that were pulled from a variety of studies and I went deep. I went deep into the studies and articles and actual research papers to see kind of what you can find. An article that says whatever you want it to say. But I really wanted to see what women meaning women out there in the wild in the world, hundreds and hundreds of women, thousands of women, if you will are saying that they find attractive in men. And I will tell you what came up over and over again.

Speaker 1: 12:20

The number one, and I believe this to my core women do not place physical attractiveness at number one or even highest on the list. In fact, what all of the studies did agree on is the only time that women prioritize looks is if they're out there looking for a fling and they're like I don't wanna talk to you, I don't need to know anything about you, I just need a good bang tonight. So you know, I mean, maybe for some of you it's like okay when I'm just gonna focus on my looks. But I can tell you this right now, you can be as fit as you wanna be, you can try to be as quote conventionally handsome as you desire, but if you are only working from the outside in, women will not stick with it. We don't care about that. What we do care about number one is approachability, and that, seems, is just seeming very friendly, easy to talk, to open. That's sort of number one and it makes sense. Obviously, the first thing most of us watch for in men is are you dangerous? Are you going to hurt me? Are you going to off me, right? So we wanna see someone that looks safe to approach. Second of all and I love this, I love this selflessness wins, kindness, consideration. Selflessness took top place way over the bad boy traits. Bad boy traits are out folks. They may have been in in the 80s when I was young, they are out. So if you're trying to do the bad boy thing, just know that you are gonna end up in the loneliness camp. Oh, and this one's obvious to me.

Speaker 1: 14:12

The third one I'm gonna talk about that came up in the studies was personality, and humor really was at the top of that woman. Love, a man who can make her laugh, and just a charisma. Having charisma and this speaks to me Like I'm telling you right now, I have had men who I would have never thought I'd be attracted to really pull me in and hook me with good charisma, knowing how to talk, how to connect, how to make me laugh, how to make me think. Work on work on your charisma. The next one sensitivity. Having a sensitive side, displaying empathy, caring, and one of the articles said one of the ways women start ladies. This is pretty lame, but if you own a dog, your chances of finding love with a woman go up. Not a cat, apparently, a dog. I found that kind of funny and probably a little bit true.

Speaker 1: 16:06

The next one, number five, if you will Light facial hair. Ladies love some facial hair and I can get behind this one. I can get behind this one. I used to really be into the baby faces and now I can solidly say I like a little. I like a little scruff on a guy. It's sexy man. I get a little weak in the knees. So you know, you can enhance your attractiveness by growing out some facial hair. And then the last one and I hadn't even thought about this one and I find it a little bit fascinating is women are drawn to risk takers. Men who are risk takers, and what that seems to mean is just being adventurous. So maybe into snowboarding, scar diving you don't gotta do that for me, but I'm sure that that also maybe goes over into the professional realm or I don't know. So risk takers Ladies, ladies, get wet for risk takers. So now you know what the studies say. I'm gonna read off.

Speaker 1: 17:11

I got a lot of really great feedback from the women in my life and I'm excited to share with you what they have to say and then we can look at how it lines up. I mean, so far I feel like what the research says is largely in line with a lot of the things I look for. Certainly, looks are low on my skill of what's important. I'm not gonna lie, I like a nice hot body, but I can forego it for the other things. So I am now going to share with you what the ladies in my life shared with me about what they find irresistible sexy in men. This woman says I've been with my partner 12 years. The fact that he's open-minded and more than willing to do the inner work is so hot to me. We have supported each other's evolution and self-discovery and it truly feels like an equal partnership. Also, the fact that he's funny, thoughtful and a proud feminist is just hot to me. I love everything about this. This speaks to me and I love that it's from someone who has had a long-term relationship with ISIS men.

Speaker 1: 18:20

Number two I'm drawn to confident, intelligent men, not just book smart, but thinkers. Men who can read what's in front of them, whether it's a room or an individual, and work with what's there instead of trying to make it something it's not. I love a sense of humor. As a poly person, I love a man who creates space for me to explore sexually, both with him and without him. I love a man who will quietly take out the trash when I'm not looking. I love a man who sits beside me while I work through my own shit, without either running or taking responsibility onto himself. With that said, I've been on this planet for 52 years and I've only experienced this the last few years. I think men like this are rare and I feel really fortunate to have such a man on my team. I just I love everything about that and I think that statement definitely reflects both what the research says and what I'm personally looking for. So I'm seeing already some redundancy here.

Speaker 1: 19:22

Number three I tend to be drawn towards men with bi-wife energy. Obviously this is coming from a bi-companion of mine. And she says the not toxic masculinity, toxic masculinity is out folks. She says they are an extreme ally to the LGBTQ community. Clearly they don't blink an eye when you try to get them into a silly costume. This makes sense to me as a bi-woman. They'll paint their nails for fun, they suggest pedicures for a date night, they understand their privilege and they use their privilege for good, et cetera. There's also something about masculinity as caretaking energy, intelligence and humor also get me. So it seems like intelligence and humor are really top, top notch here with the women for sure. It keeps coming up.

Speaker 1: 20:15

Number four for me, whether they are romantic interests or not, making me laugh and being intelligent are the biggest turn-ons, and my smile helps Good hygiene. I'm so glad someone said this. Otherwise, I'm mostly attracted to people based on their personality men or women. So hygiene, guys, hygiene. I'm actually surprised that didn't come up more. Number five what I love about cis men in my life is the fact that they are discerning when it comes to women's health and social issues. They are genuinely caring and loving. When I am feeling down, I guess I'm just lucky, but I think it's a strong and sensitive nature of these men that makes me feel so loved. Strong and sensitive.

Speaker 1: 20:59

Number six physically, I like feeling small, dominated, being spooned, playing with cock, having big fingers inside of me and on my throat consensually for funsies. I like some facial hair. Well, there it is, guys. I like that when I'm with a guy I don't have to worry as much about public perception and can feel safer, even if he. They are not normative. I definitely like bi men more than straight ones, queers rather than heteronormative, cis men raised as such, who are new to challenging that side of them. I like men that aren't afraid of crying or having emotions. I love how, after I'm with a man, I go home to my wife and she feels so tiny in my arms and so soft. I love the contrast and I love that. I love all of that, especially that the sexual side of it was brought into play and kind of the things in sex that I think cis men bring to the table. Right Cock is great, it is, it's nice to have that sexually and the bigger fingers I loved that and sort of that dominance comes into play. Number seven they've been in therapy or are in therapy. They need to have done the work and I don't have to explain diversity and equity to them or defend feminism. Oh God, yeah, there's nothing that turns me off quicker than a guy who wants to like battle about feminism with me annoying.

Speaker 1: 22:31

Number eight humor, confidence. Ultimately, I've fallen for the fake confidence of several narcissistic men. I want you guys to listen to this. Something that hooks me in a potentially unhealthy way is the feeling of I know the real him that others can't see. This is something I'm working on. So humor and confidence. And I do feel like what I have also been not I wouldn't say the humor part, but the confidence and kindness and strength is often faked up front and I get hooked and then find myself down the road going, whereas this like secure, strong, confident dude. I thought that I had fallen for. So faking not cool. That leads to lack of trust and security. Number nine humor.

Speaker 1: 23:22

Humor comes up again and again in this. I like baby faces, but I also like a husky body type. You and me, girlfriend, if you make me laugh, I'm in hook line and sinker, but you have to have a job or do chores If you want to stay at home, but mostly be self-sufficient, caring, open communication, have hard conversations as well as being funny, romantic, open-minded, honest thinking of others. And finally, last but not least, number 10. I love big, muscular guys who don't take themselves too seriously. Think Jason Momoa. I love that and I did have someone who, through she, loved men with long hair. So there are some of us out there that like that. Anyways, guys, I feel like what we learned from this is there's a lot of repetition in what women like. Humor is a big one. So y'all need to study up on your comedy and not guy comedy, girl comedy. Very, very different.

Speaker 1: 24:23

Intelligence came up a lot being theorized having done the work, not from the outside in. You know, being in good shapes great, but if you're still, you know you haven't undone the shit on the inside. We will feel it and we don't like it Work from the inside out folks. That's what a lot of women are saying here. So I feel like, from what I said I was attracted to and looking for what turns me on, to what research says, to what my community of women, many of them bisexual. So it was kind of nice to have that contrast of women who are attracted to you, know all the genders out there but can say specifically in men what they find attractive. That's useful information for you Whether you're looking for a bi woman or not.

Speaker 1: 25:13

If you have questions, comments, send them to me. Annette at SheExploresLifecom, drop them in the comments below. I am thinking I may do a round table on this topic where we can just have like a group of women really talking about what turns them on, both personality, wise, trait wise and in bed, what men specifically bring to the table. Let me know if that's of interest to you. Get ahold of me, follow me on social media, email me. You can go to the link in the bio of this podcast episode and find all my stuff and get ahold of me. You can scroll down and click on the link to my e-newsletter. You're gonna want that because I'm sending out lots of fun, sexy information that's going to improve your intimate life instantly. So until next time, I'll see y'all in the locker room. Cheers, ya, commander. Bring Shyamid, come in. It's Glenda.