Confessions of a Cuckquean Kinktober Reboot!

Sign up for the e-newsletter: https://she-explores-life.ck.page/e9760c390c
You may be familiar with the terms: cuck and cuckold. But have you ever heard of a cuckquean? Locker Room Talk & Shots Podcast hostess interviews her special guest Ellen, a self-proclaimed cuckquean. By the time listeners get to the end of this episode, they'll know what a cuckquean is (and a cuckold) and all the different ways the cuckquean kink/lifestyle works.

Sex-Themed Cocktail
You get all the answers to these questions and more. So, pour yourself the episode's themed drink the Quean Bee. You can find the recipe and more sexy shots here.

Send me your questions: https://www.speakpipe.com/LockerRoomTalkPodcast

Use code EXPLORES15 for 15% off all Womanizer Products at Womanizer.com.

Get 30% Off Sex Toys & Lube with code EXPLORES30
at thethruster.com: https://bit.ly/3Xsj5wY

Get 15% Off The Life Saving, Erection Enhancing Tech Cockring By Firmtech with my code ANNETTE15 at: https://myfirmtech.com/annettebenedetti

Get 15% Off The Life Saving, Erection Enhancing Tech Cockring By Firmtech with my code ANNETTE15 at: https://myfirmtech.com/annettebenedetti

Get your intimacy questions answered, enjoy erotic audio readings and more.
https://talksexwithannette.com/talk-sex-with-me/

Chapters

• 0:47 Cuck Queen Lifestyle and Exploration
• 13:21 Relationship Fantasies, Power, and Boundaries
• 23:35 Exploring Non-Monogamous Relationships and Compassionate Consent
• 36:28 Discovering Power in Non-Monogamy
• 44:49 Concerns and Challenges in Non-Monogamous Relationships
• 52:15 Exploring the Cut Queen Lifestyle

Transcript

Annette: 0:47

Hi, this is Annette Vinedetti, your hostess for a locker room talk and shots, the podcast that likes to think of itself as the queer NPR of raunchy women's sex talk. You are about to sit in on the kind of conversations women have on their girls' nights out or behind closed doors, while enjoying delicious drinks and dishing about sex, think fun, honest and feminist as fuck, and always with a goal of fighting the patriarchy, one orgasm at a time. Welcome to the locker room. Today's locker room talk and shots topic is a kinky reboot, if you will, a blast from the past. As we are rounding up to the end of kinktober, aka October, I thought it was only appropriate that we revisit one of my favorite interviews Confessions of a Cuck Queen. For those of you who are new to the locker room, this is a real treat.

Annette: 1:57

If you have heard of Cuck Queening in the past but aren't quite sure what it's all about, by the time you get to the end of this episode, you are well. You're gonna know it inside and out and from a very personalized point of view. If you have been in the locker room with me for a very long time, it is time for you to brush up on your Cuck 101 knowledge, because, coming down the line for you in the next week or two, I have an episode on Cuck Holding, so we are going to get a completely different view of a very similar topic. Now, if you don't know what this whole Cuck thing is all about, trust me, you want to stick around and find out. So I'm going to remind you all to please scroll down to the notes in this episode's description, and you're going to want to subscribe to my e-newsletter because, of course, I always make sure to send you guys all of these juicy episodes along with the content that I'm creating around it.

Annette: 3:06

But, even more importantly, I've been inspired by Loctoer and all the sexy kinky topics we've been talking about, and I am partnering with some amazing brands out there to run some pretty sexy giveaways. I am talking sex toys, folks, lots of sex toys, and some of you are going to get them for free. But the only way that I can get you the information about these giveaways and awesome products is through my newsletter. So make sure you sign up and stay tuned and up to date with well future episodes that are coming up, because you are definitely going to want to hear about Cuck Holding as well, especially after you listen to this interview. So, without further ado, I'm going to introduce you to Ellen, the Cuck Queen, aka sexual entrepreneur. Ellen, why don't you introduce yourself?

Ellen: 4:05

Hi, I'm Ellen and I have quite a few avenues that I like to go for attention. Mostly I have sexual attention and I have dirty or naughty I should say naughty Twitter, naughty Reddit only fans. I like to sell my panties and my socks and anything that anybody will buy.

Annette: 4:31

I'll sell it. I would like to interject that Ellen did share with me. She is currently at this moment wearing some white socks that will be going to some lucky buyer later. I feel like I'm taking part in something fun and kinky and literally doing nothing. Yeah, that's how I feel Very exciting, oddly so.

Ellen: 4:52

That's exactly how I feel.

Annette: 4:54

And most importantly, for this podcast, you are. I am a Cuck Queen, A Cuck Queen and we are going to talk all about that and she's going to help guide us through this. Would you call it a lifestyle or a kink, or both?

Ellen: 5:09

It can be both, I think. For me more it's a kink. The lifestyle of it is pretty involved and I like to flow between kinks, so it's a kink.

Annette: 5:21

Alright, great. And today's cocktail slash, mocktail. Ellen is not a drinker. Well, a mocktail drinker is the Queen Bee, which is a gen drink, and essentially you can make it with gen or without gen, depending on the time of day and your mood and whether or not you're drinking. So, Ellen, thank you for joining me today. Let's raise our glasses and let's get ready to talk about sex. I'm ready. Cheers, alright, I am super ready for this. So I want to start with.

Annette: 5:56

I looked up the definition for Cuck Queen. First of all. I thought it was very interesting. As a word nerd that I am, cuck Queen is spelled differently than I thought it might be. Queen is Q-U-A-N. In case any dirty motherfuckers are out there looking it up and I know you are You're going to stumble upon Cuck Queen porn and spin the all night rubbing one out to it. I feel like that might be on my porn menu tonight for one of my 365 days of orgasms.

Annette: 6:34

But when I actually do call-outs looking for people with certain experiences and I did a call-out actually looking for someone who had experience with Cuck Olding and we'll get to what that is later only briefly, but the first response and Ellen did witness this was someone responded doesn't that mean cheating? And then I went and I researched Cuck Queen online and I was kind of mortified because you know, here in the locker room we do not accept any kink or lifestyle shaming and the definitions I found out there were largely had talked about adultery. I want to be clear. I'm going to read you the definition. This lifestyle slash kink has nothing to do with adultery. It is a consensual situation that leads to everybody getting off. So the definition I found that I liked the most is a woman in a relationship who gets sexual enjoyment out of watching or knowing that her male partner is having sex with other women. Note this is not adultery. This is a consensual situation. Does that sum it up right or do you want to add to that?

Ellen: 7:53

Yeah, that sums it up perfectly. Yeah, that is what I've gone off of as well, and it's simple as that. Yeah, it's consensual.

Annette: 8:06

Her guy is not cheating, he's not doing anything behind her back and she benefits from it in some way, and we will talk about that. But I want to start with. So when did you first learn about being a cuckoo queen and think, huh, maybe that's me and I want to do that?

Ellen: 8:56

I think I was already doing it and I didn't have a name for it. We are swingers, and so seeing him with another woman was like the highlight of any play experience, and so I found myself really looking for women that he could date and have sex with, and so I just found myself doing that. And then I think I was on Tumblr back when it was really nice and cool and I started seeing stuff about cuck cuck queens and I was like, oh my gosh, that's me. I totally relate to that.

Annette: 9:34

So let's time frame this. You have a partner. Is it a husband or just a partner? Just a partner, not married but serious, do you live?

Ellen: 9:43

together.

Annette: 9:43

Yes, we live together. How long have you been together? Seven years. So swinging was your first step. Is that correct? Yeah, so at what point in year-wise and into swinging did this start to manifest?

Ellen: 9:57

Oh goodness, we started swinging probably seven or eight months into the relationship and I think I fell into this maybe a year and a half or two years in, and then in practice it was probably three years in.

Annette: 10:18

Meaning. You put a name to it and you were like this is what we're doing, yeah.

Ellen: 10:23

And there's a lot of nerves behind it. There's a lot of anxieties and emotions that have to be worked out and figured out, and so getting through those took time and getting the gumption to be able to say, yeah, go find somebody.

Annette: 10:41

Can I ask you your identity, sexual identity? How do you define yourself?

Ellen: 10:46

Bisexual, Bisexual yeah very bisexual.

Annette: 10:52

I say that too and sometimes I'm like, why do I say that? And I think it's because there are women who dabble in it. And then like, if you're someone who's queer as fuck and like you really are into women and you find yourself getting sexy with a woman who kind of dabbles, you're like oh weird. Yeah we're not on the same level.

Ellen: 11:11

Yeah, you didn't say very by, and I can tell why you didn't say that now.

Annette: 11:17

That is so funny. I do that myself. Yeah, I'm super queer. I'm super queer. That's interesting. I just want to interject that what you're talking about resonates with me.

Annette: 11:30

When I started this is quite a while ago, before I would say I really became comfortable being open about my sexual interests in life and sexuality, but started having my first threesomes with, at the time, a very long-term male partner. One of the things that threw me off, before we even had the threesome together, was I knew that in my own fantasies masturbation fantasies the thing I kept focusing on was the idea of watching a woman with my male partner, and it led to so much conflict because, of course, I like, I assume you I came into being in a society that's very monogamous Minded, that still does not understand anything outside of the conventional monogamous structure of relationships, so I felt like something was inherently wrong with me that turned me on about that, and so I'm excited about this conversation because I think, on some level, there are probably a lot of women, you know, who find themselves like getting excited and not understanding why yeah, I am.

Ellen: 12:42

I. You know, I have this amazing partner and he's kind and generous and he is amazing in bed and he's hot and like the thought of sharing him and watching another woman's reaction. It's like live porn in front of you. It's just amazing, it's electric.

Annette: 13:00

So yeah, Before we move on. I have so many fucking questions.

Ellen: 13:05

I have so many answers. I know I'm excited about it.

Annette: 13:09

But what about it specifically excites you and turns you on? I mean, you've, you're talking about that a little bit right now, but I think it's more complicated and layered and then that so it is and it's evolved.

Ellen: 13:22

at the beginning it was very it wasn't an internal thing, it was just like something I wanted to see your do or taste or whatever it was, and so the fantasy started with. I don't know how gross you can get, but we want.

Annette: 13:42

We want details. It's not gross.

Ellen: 13:46

This is not gross.

Ellen: 13:48

The fantasy started with wanting to clean up him and a woman after he comes, and so cleaning up his come like out of her, cleaning him like with my mouth, and so that was the fantasy for me and that was before I knew what cleaning was like. I just that was what I wanted so badly. So that's where it started. It started with that fantasy, but now over the years it's progressed into a very internal battle of sitting with myself if I'm feeling the jealousy or the anxiety. It's like a game for me now being able to take all of that negative, disgusting, like insecure feelings and that abandonment stuff that I'm blessed with from my past, and turning that into Like nothing, just an emotion that just goes away.

Annette: 14:48

So having power over your own emotion, so it's not only it sounds to me like a sexual thing, it's like this emotional empowerment thing.

Ellen: 14:59

Yeah, your experience very much so yeah, it started. And there's a sexual component component to it as well. He comes home after playing and showers like that's the thing. Get home, he showers, brushes his teeth, gets in bed and then we fuck and it's like claiming him back, reclaiming. That's the reclamation.

Annette: 15:22

So this started in a swing or situation where you were involved, so you would watch, you were present, you would do the cleanup. Did you ever get to live out that?

Annette: 15:32

Times yes, it's so funny how I actually came upon the whole terminology the cuckoo and the cuckoo thing and why started searching out people to talk to us. I you know how sometimes when you're watching porn and you're scrolling through porn and you're in the middle of masturbating, so it's not like you really want to fuck around with switching things are watching, and I found myself watching a cuck and like the man was doing the same thing. He would wait until the woman was done getting fucked and he'd go and do the cleanup. And I was like Midmaster Bay, should. I'm like what am I watching? Like what the fuck is this man like? And I'm like oh, oh, yeah, yeah, it was weird. And then I went back for more. So you, it started out where you were there, but now you're not always there are you there?

Annette: 16:23

is some explain this.

Ellen: 16:26

Oh gosh, yeah, at the beginning I was always there. That was part of our swinging journey. It was like always together. It was always the same room, eventually the same.

Annette: 16:38

What same room, like we're you were in the same room okay.

Ellen: 16:42

And then eventually turned into me like Just going through the motions and being like I'm done fucking other people, like I just want to relax, you go fuck if you want, like I don't care anymore. And so it turned into him trying to find other couples to go play with their other single females and I would stay home. And so it was able to turn into, I guess, turn into what it's become, just from I, just from going through the motions, I suppose so are you there anymore, or has that stopped?

Ellen: 17:20

I haven't been there in a while and I can't even, I couldn't even tell you the last time I was there.

Annette: 17:26

Can I ask why?

Ellen: 17:28

Yeah, you totally can. I think that I don't know, maybe I don't know why. I think I just kind of needed time for myself. I've just like totally been focusing on me and my growth and Making sure that I'm strong and I'm solid, and putting my energy into other people just wasn't something that felt right to me.

Annette: 18:57

So there, I was at home. You're there, you are at home and he's so. He has to see, have a regular people. That.

Ellen: 19:05

He does, yeah, he does, and it's hard for a single single fella to find anybody to play with, ever so it is. But yeah, he has a couple that he plays with. He goes and joins and and then he has, he dates women.

Annette: 19:21

I think he's dating one kind of seriously right now, but I don't ask him about it, so that's not part of your cut cleaning then?

Ellen: 19:32

It is because he goes on dates with her and he leaves or goes out to like, go out to dinner and then have sex, and so, like there's all of that, me sitting there and feeling it.

Annette: 19:45

And do you fuck him every time he comes up? Now, no, you're like not anymore.

Ellen: 19:50

No, in my fantasies, yeah, I would do that. I would reclaim him every single time and it would be primal and passionate. But the reality of it is sometimes he comes home and I'm like, don't fucking touch me, like I'm just repulsed, which is unfair, but sometimes it just doesn't work for you, oh yeah. Interesting. Yeah, it's not always like fantasy world and I don't know what the switch is. I don't know so.

Annette: 20:18

I love that you share that part of it. Yeah, because that makes sense, and I mean in any kind of relationship, monogamous or not. You just have those Times when you're like I should be turned on right now.

Ellen: 20:29

Right now, I need you to get the fuck away from yeah yeah, and it's so hard because On his end, you know, I'm telling him like go, I'm fine, go have fun. And then he goes and has fun and does like what I said you could, that I'm like okay with me gets home and I'm like you know, it's just A mess sometimes.

Annette: 20:51

So that's. That's why I think yeah, that's life and that's sex. So I'm gonna ask a question that I think everybody listening will want to know is the role ever reversed? Is he ever in the cook? Cook old, I still learning Roll, I know I never know how to pronounce it.

Ellen: 21:08

Yeah, no, there's a humiliation aspect that goes into the cook old lifestyle and that's not a part of our lifestyle. I don't know that. That's a cook queen Thing. I think I've seen it sometimes like I think it can be, yeah, certainly can be.

Ellen: 21:32

It's just not a part of our world. But the cook old is for sure a humiliation thing. We are, we do, I think stag and vixen. Vixen is more of what we would is a setting. Yeah, it's a, it that's a king, that's so there's like cuckold and hot wives and there's stags and vixens and so the stags and vixens are more of going out and having fun with other people, but there's no humiliation. It's like the same thing, it's just different flavor.

Annette: 22:09

Interesting. Yeah, I think I'm gonna have to write a Like dictionary terminology article on this, for she explores life and all of these different things. That does get complicated, but that's because there are variations to everybody's interests right one size does not fit all.

Ellen: 22:27

in this case, yeah, yeah, and that's actually how it started, how everything is. Our forest was the swinging. He wanted me to find another guy to have a threesome with. He's straight and he just likes to share me and I like to have sex with more than one guy. I mean, I mean Right, yeah, and so there's an aspect for sure that he enjoys, that he loves to see me with other men, with other women, with other couples, but, yeah, the humiliation part isn't there.

Annette: 23:06

so Right, right, that's well, we're gonna have to have you back on to talk about the male, male, female threesome. I actually haven't yet gotten into the three this specifically three some and group sex scenarios A bit, because there's so much to it. But it sounds like you certainly have experience and I love that. Your attitude is like wouldn't want that, right? Yeah.

Ellen: 23:33

Doesn't want an Eiffel Tower alright.

Annette: 23:35

So what I want you to walk me through is the very first time you had him Fuck another woman in front of you and you sat back and watched before coming in. Clean up the mess. Clean up the mess that sounds so romantic.

Ellen: 23:50

I don't know how you could say romantic, but the first time I just remember we were in a hotel room, we were with a couple. The husband did not want to play at all. He actually wanted to sit back and just watch as well, he was a cook in that situation.

Ellen: 24:09

I don't think so. I don't know. The humiliation part wasn't there. It could have just been him wanting to watch his life In ecstasy, so that's I don't know. Yeah, okay, but there we were, and the first time watching my partner with another woman was like everything I could have imagined it would be. There's no jealousy. The word conversion definitely comes to mind when it comes to being there with him when he's having sex.

Annette: 24:47

Can you please define that for listeners? Explain it to the best of your ability.

Ellen: 24:53

What conversion I okay, best of my ability is Feeling really like happy and joyous seeing your partner in like the throws of ecstasy in that situation, but just being happy, seeing your partner happy.

Annette: 25:14

Being in a way, in a way pumping away perfect, alright, but yeah, I'm seeing him.

Ellen: 25:22

There's a, there's this look, that when we catch eyes and we're like looking into each other's eyes while he's having sex with another woman, that is indescribable and that's like one of those moments that Affects a relationship without any words being spoken, in a positive for sure. Yeah, it's just a intense feeling. And then seeing the woman like just having so much fun and enjoying herself and getting off like over and over is like amazing. So Just sat on the bed, watched him have sex with her like I would Like play with her, like I don't know, play with her kisser, stuff like that. His hem help him out. Like I don't know, I was just hands all over the place and helping hand.

Ellen: 26:20

I did yeah, totally did so kind I know, and so I just I don't know, I love it, I love it so much I like um so wait, wait, wait.

Annette: 26:34

Don't jump out of the story. Jump out of the story.

Ellen: 26:37

You're loaning that helpful hand, making out with them, and then and then you know eventually no, I can't say eventually if we're going blow for blow here. Blow for blow, um, I think that a big part of it, because I am so very bi. I love to have my mouth on both of them, either of them. Um, just any way that I can up the pleasure, I'm all for it. Like I'm just a pleasure bot in that situation, like I don't exist, like my feelings don't exist, like I am just so hyper-focused on making sure that they are like feeling amazing, so, um, so, yeah, the orgasm like she usually I think she was like coming, you know, over and over. But when he came, we had talked, we discussed all of this before before anything ever happened. Um, you know, we got the consent that it would be okay for him to finish inside of her and Um, so all of that was already worked out.

Ellen: 27:48

And so he was able to do that and I just went to town and like went down on her, just like it was I don't, it was amazing Um. And then I cleaned, like I just went to town on him, like just gave him head, and so, yeah, that was kind of so then what happens after that? Um, we high five. Did you really high five?

Annette: 28:15

No, not that time. I do high. What are you talking about? I did used to high five.

Ellen: 28:19

I mean we had a couple. Okay, I shouldn't jump from story to story, but yeah, you can, you can you can go from one, not high five to the other.

Annette: 28:27

So yeah, finish off with a couple in the high-fiving. I want to know how that goes.

Ellen: 28:30

Yeah, we had a couple that we played with like they were our couple. We were just, we were with each other like I don't know how we were pretty um, I don't know we weren't monogamous with this couple, but like we were with them and so every time that Hem and I had sex, like after when we both came, we'd high five and like that was our like we would just laugh about it afterwards and I don't know. You got to keep it fun and light, so Absolutely Um, so the high five is pretty much.

Annette: 29:00

But in this case you didn't high five, you cleaned them up and then you're like ehhhhh, and the guy wait, the husband. We forgot about him in my mind. He's gone. He's still sitting over in the corner watching all.

Ellen: 29:11

Yeah, he was having the best time. Wait, was he jacking off or anything?

Ellen: 29:15

No, and maybe he had like issues there or something like that like maybe he wanted I don't know, like that's another thing, you know. Yeah, yeah, like um and so no, he was just the most kind guy ever. Like he was so sweet, um, when it was all, like when the sex part was done. Usually we just kind of like lay there just relax, like joke around, laugh, talk about like whatever you know. Just um kind of take the energy from like crazy high, like get everybody back down to like resting heart rate Right Before we put our shoes on type of thing. So um, yeah, that we had got a hotel room and um, so they ended up leaving. We stayed in the hotel room and broke the bed in some more.

Annette: 30:09

Nice. Yeah, I think what I love the most about this story, um, like, even when you refer to the husband who was sitting in the corner the whole night, you're it's very compassionate and adoring, and I think that's something that I hope my listeners get out of getting to listen to, uh, my different guests and whatever their kinks or experiences are. It's hard sometimes, I think, for when you live in a society that's so brainwashed, to think monogamy is the only way to be able to imagine something outside of that uh relationship style that's also uh loving and compassionate and adoring of everyone who's involved. Yeah, you know, and and I think this is a good example of why, specifically, this isn't about being an adult, an adulter Right. This is something that does.

Ellen: 32:18

It fulfills everybody. It fulfills everybody's cup in a different way. Um, and that's huge. It's huge when we're meeting new people, when we're gonna play with somebody new. Everybody has to have a reason why they're there, and everything has to be valid and consented to and, um, everybody has to be on board, or else it's just not gonna happen.

Annette: 32:43

Right, right. Yes, this is consensual guys, so let's talk about consent when you're not there. How that started. Tell me about the very first time you guys decided we're taking this to a different level, and maybe not next level. It's a different kind of cut queen situation. Tell me about how you arrived to that and then we'll go into what that was like for you.

Ellen: 33:05

It kind of was next level Um, he had my partner, he had a fantasy of joining another couple, um, and so that would mean that I wasn't there, um, and I am all about letting, helping him make sure that his fantasies are reality. Um, he does that for me, so I am more than happy to do that for him. We had a, um, a couple that we're friends with that I actually met on my naughty Twitter and, um, we met with the sole purpose of playing with them. Um, and I needed to just kind of take a step back from playing at that point and I mean, I don't know, you can't always be a ice princess and fuck all the time.

Annette: 33:53

Right right.

Ellen: 33:55

Yeah, I kind of nudged him into like why don't you just talk to them about going over, and you go over there and you play with them like leave me out of it, and you go fuck her and come home, and so that's what it ended up being. Um, yeah, they were close, by their neighbors almost so.

Annette: 34:16

All right. So you come to this conclusion that you're going to do this thing and he's getting ready to go out the door. What do you guys do Like? Do you? Is there some sort of pre preparing? Do you send them off with, like, a lunchbox and a little what? This has, a little I love you card inside of it? 100% no.

Ellen: 34:42

Um, no, nothing that's um sexy or anything like that. Um, I like to spend that day and like, don't talk to me about anything that's real life. Like don't bring up the kids, don't bring up the bills, don't bring up money. Like leave anything that's like real life off the table for the day and just be like, just be, you know. So that is to lower your stress?

Annette: 35:10

Oh yeah, because you're already have that level of stress knowing your partner is going Mm. Hmm, okay, so you didn't have to hold on to the fucking real life shit. Yeah, yeah.

Ellen: 35:21

Exactly, I don't care about the kids at this moment, like you're, fine.

Annette: 35:25

I'm not like that Right.

Ellen: 35:28

Um and no, we started off having rules, um, and we started off with rules when we I hate the word rules when it comes to playing now. So I'm saying it like very in an agitated sense now Um, but yeah, we had rules that I mean just like that. We that I expected for him, I expected him to follow.

Annette: 35:53

Can you tell me what those rules were?

Ellen: 35:55

Yeah, um, I just didn't want him to have have anal sex with her and I just wanted him to wear a condom. That was all.

Annette: 36:05

those were your wow, yeah, oh, can I ask you why you didn't want him to have anal sex with her? Um?

Ellen: 36:10

because at that point, like it was sacred, anal sex was sacred. Yeah, like he could. He was a one butt man at that point in his life and that was mine.

Annette: 36:23

You know, was that mentioned in the? It was. It was mentioned in the swingers podcast. I think I have the same reaction. I was like, really Like the butthole, I know, I guess Go ahead no.

Ellen: 36:36

Expand. I think that, um, it was anal sex, was you know, at that point, something that wasn't super easy for me, and so I, I don't know.

Annette: 36:50

Like it was. You would have been jealous if you there was a woman who could just slide in and like whatever.

Ellen: 36:57

you can't have that much fun Okay.

Annette: 36:59

That's awesome.

Ellen: 37:01

Yeah, um I, and there's also a taboo factor to the back door that is like such a turn on, and I feel like that was like the one thing that was like, well, let's just leave that between us, like let's let that be our passionate taboo thing, yeah. So that was at that point. Now I don't give a shit what he does, literally, literally just don't bring that shit home. I'm going to wash that off wherever you're at my friend. Yeah, hold it off.

Annette: 37:34

Oh God, that's great, um, I think it's also fascinating to me that it's come up in two podcasts now. In the situation, and, uh, in what is non monogamous situations, apparently the butthole becomes golden.

Ellen: 37:49

Yeah Well, it's golden anytime really. Right, like it's probably just the carryover from the monogamous culture that we've all been raised in.

Annette: 38:00

So that's right One, but people All right, uh that. So that was it for the rule.

Ellen: 38:07

Yeah, yeah, no, that was it for the rules. I'm sorry, I was just. You just thought of something. Yeah, no, nothing, um nothing exciting. Um, that was it for the rules, though, and that was like as simple as I could keep it. At this point, though, we're at boundaries where it's like don't, I don't know, like I don't even know what my boundaries are anymore, like I've just had to let go of so much over the over time and realize like he's coming home.

Annette: 38:34

All right. So now he was not allowed to stress you out during the day he left. You said goodbye to him. Did you see him out the door?

Ellen: 38:44

Yeah, for sure. I walked to the car with him big hugs and kisses and told him to have fun and made sure he had lots of condoms and sent him on his way. Loop, did you give him lube? Um no, oh my God, no, I was like that lady better have lube. She needs her own fucking lube.

Annette: 39:00

Yeah, all right. So this is the one situation where our mantra of bring lube is actually it's up to you. If you're having uh, uh cut Queen's uh male partner over to bang you, you better provide your own fucking lube, because the cut Queen is not responsible for easy entry for you?

Ellen: 39:20

No, I could with my mouth, but not with lube. There you go, yeah, sorry.

Annette: 39:26

Um, so he's out the door. You've packed him off in the car with condoms, and what do you do? What is that? How long was he gone and what did you do with yourself while he?

Ellen: 39:37

was gone. He was gone probably two and a half hours or so and I yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just like putts around the house. It was summertime. I remember so vividly. I was on a Zoom call like I think it was during like 2020, it must have been.

Ellen: 40:03

But yeah, I was on a Zoom call with my two girlfriends and we were just chatting and living our life. I was just trying to keep myself busy. I just didn't want to sit and like realize what he was doing and so I just kept myself busy with friends, with probably like cleaning, and then I got to the bedroom and I was fine, like once he was gone, so there was no sexiness for you going on while this was going on.

Ellen: 40:31

No, no, and I think that in my fantasy I think so on paper in my head, whatever you want to say like this is a much more sexy fantasy that I have going on, like in my head it was like he's gonna come home and I'm just gonna like take him and reclaim him and we're gonna have the most passionate sex ever. And he came home and he showered and we had really amazing sex, but like it just wasn't. I mean, I don't know it, just it wasn't what you had thought. Yeah, the first time it wasn't. There's been numerous other times and yeah, it's amazing. It's just so hard to judge like how I'm gonna feel. So weird.

Annette: 41:24

So it's interesting to me that, even though the first time it sounds like it was mostly just stressful for you and you had a little sex after, what made you want to continue doing it.

Ellen: 41:33

Well, I knew that he had so much fun and I knew that the couple had so much fun and I enjoyed that. I'd never want to be like well, that wasn't what I wanted. Like it didn't work out the way I wanted it to work out. So I just started to look at different avenues of like okay, well, how can I look at this differently, or how can I react differently, or how can I. I just tried to come up with different ways to come at it.

Annette: 42:08

So so at what point did you start enjoying it? Or have you ever enjoyed it like, as like it gets you off?

Ellen: 42:16

I think that I do enjoy it. I guess that sounds kind of crazy, but there's a power that comes from letting your man leave your house and go and have sex and have like an amazing time with other people and you not being there, and there's just so much power that I've derived from being able to sit with that and realize like I'm not missing anything, I'm okay, right. And there has been a couple of times where I was like he went with a woman and I talked to him. I asked him to ask her if he could send pictures to me while they were out having sex.

Annette: 43:04

Ooh, yeah, so that would be hot. I could see that.

Ellen: 43:08

Yeah, so I was like getting pictures and so a couple of times that's happened and that's always like just being a little bit more involved is when it becomes way more like sexual for me Right, right.

Annette: 43:20

So it sounds like, with this kink slash lifestyle experience, it's a combination of sexual gratification, but also personal growth and strength, and I think it seems like also knowing that this person always comes back to you. Regardless of how good of a sexual experience they have with someone else, it's a you that they wanna be with.

Ellen: 43:44

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that's what it's boiled down to for me, and really the realization that, like, nobody is anybody's and no matter what rules or boundaries or anything that I ask for, like whatever is gonna happen, is gonna happen. I just have to trust that he has me on his mind. He has, like us, our life, like all of our stuff you know, in his head.

Annette: 44:17

So it sounds like it's almost a testament, though, to your relationship, like you have that much trust and that he does always come back and that he does honor you, and that every time that happens, it makes you feel more confident.

Ellen: 44:31

Yeah, yeah, for sure. More confident and just closer and less anxious about the next time.

Annette: 44:40

Well, cheers to that. Cheers to that, all right. So is there a time when a woman that he goes with I think this is a common, would be a common concern. What if she tries to quote, take him away or lure him away from you or make it more than what it is? I imagine that has to go through your head. Has that ever happened and if so, how did that go?

Ellen: 45:18

Um, yeah, I mean, I guess that went through my head at the beginning, but that goes back to nobody's, anybody's. And if he can be lured, then be lured, be gone, like goodbye. That's just something that I don't even think about, I don't worry about if it's, if it's going to happen, it's going to happen, yeah. So yeah, I just um, I don't know if I ever had fear that he was going to be lured, but there's a fear that she's going to be better than me, like she's sexier than me, she's going to give him better head. All this stuff that's like kind of irrelevant, yeah. But yeah, those are the fears, not that he's going to be taken away, but that the next time we have sex he's going to be thinking about her.

Annette: 46:05

So and so has that ever happened? Has any woman tried to interfere in a way that made you uncomfortable? Oh, a hundred percent. I was going to say I'm watching your face clearly, so will you? Share.

Ellen: 46:20

I don't know those are. I mean, I'm happy to share Um, but yeah, those were tough times. He's yeah.

Annette: 46:30

Well, tell me about how it happened and how you knew about it, because it's not in front of you, right?

Ellen: 46:34

Right, um, yeah, so we've had our ups and downs for sure. Like, our relationship hasn't always been amazing. It nobody's is. Yeah, especially not when we're such a sexually driven like. It's such a sexually driven relationship yeah, I shouldn't say it like that, but sex is very important to both of us. I don't think anything's wrong with that. Right, resonates. Yeah, for sure. Um, there's been a couple really rough patches, and the last one was one of my friends who he also chatted with, and they were starting a plan getting together and having sex like behind my back.

Ellen: 47:19

She was um, she was engaged. It was behind her fiance's back and I knew, because I'm just in tune with the guy I live with Right. He starts treating me differently and I know immediately like something's fucked right now.

Annette: 47:38

Well, and so that would then be a great example of the difference between the cut queen relationship slash situation. And then what verge is on adultery, right? Oh, because the cut queen thing is all um, up front and in in your face, and this was different than that. Now I think that listeners will be like we'll see it led to that. Um, I don't know if you would agree or not. I would say that this happens all of the time in monogamous relationships. I don't, I don't think the two are related and I just want to state that you haven't said that. I'll ask you your opinion. But before anyone heads down that path this situation that you just shared about him talking with her behind your back, all of that, I am willing to bet a good 90% of the monogamous listeners out there have had times when they're like who are you talking to?

Ellen: 48:35

over there 100%.

Annette: 48:37

Why are you smiling Like right? And this has nothing to do with you being you two having that element.

Ellen: 48:44

No, no, Um, and you're right. This would happen whether we were monogamous or we were not monogamous. Um, eventually, you know just the person that he is. He would have started wandering and that's just the way it is. Um, the reason, the reason why we're still together right now, I would think, is because that we are in the lifestyle and we have this intense base of communication that we're already working off of, and so we're able to sit with each other for months and be completely vulnerable and raw and open about you know why things happened, what happened, and take responsibility. For his part, I could take I'm not taking responsibility for somebody lying.

Annette: 49:38

Right no.

Ellen: 49:39

But, um you know, I can at least be empathetic with where he was.

Annette: 49:44

Right.

Ellen: 49:45

And, um, that's not something that I've really ever seen a monogamous couple be able to make it through.

Annette: 49:53

So, yeah, I would say when I'm talking to my friends about cheating and stuff like that, the truth is, in situations where cheating happens, usually and I've been cheated on far too many times to care to share but usually I can see kind of where on my end I had responsibility, not with their choice, but whether I stayed or whatever was going on between us that I was feeding into, that created, you know, um. So I think that you're right. I think it is a testament to be able to sit and talk through and work through things.

Ellen: 50:30

Yeah.

Annette: 50:31

Um, have you ever had someone that you did agree to? So it was within your queen, uh relationship, uh female that you had agreed to, that he was going to have sex with, then turn around and try and shift that relationship and pull him away? No, that hasn't happened. So, within that context, the trust is solid and the people are, um, honest and ethical. Yeah, so that's interesting to me. Yeah, that's what I was. When I originally asked this question, I assumed you were going to say, oh, this woman who said this was all she wanted, but then it turned out she wanted this, and that's not the case.

Ellen: 51:17

So it's the men, like if I'm talking to a guy, it's the men that try to pull me away. Oh interesting, Never the women.

Ellen: 51:26

Women can like get any. I mean I shouldn't say it like that but like women have so many people to choose from. If they meet somebody like my guy who's um committed to you know in a relationship, but totally upfront and honest and open about what his intentions are, you know, and clear with his relationship status, then she can she knows she's safe to like stay and have some fun and keep dating and like be safe and knowing that it's just going to be fun.

Annette: 52:02

Right. So if you want to just get laid, have fun, she can continue dating, and if she finds someone else, she does. So what would you say to let's shift a little? I want to make you the advisor. If this resonates with a woman out there right now listening, or any listener out there who's like oh, I experienced these feelings and I wonder we're going to have to look it up. There must be a term that's similar for people who are non-binary or don't fit into this heteronormative.

Annette: 52:37

The queer thing? Yeah Well, it's kind of what. How does that apply to lesbians? How does that apply to, you know, gay men or whatever? So, anyways, I don't have that information. Do you have that information?

Ellen: 52:49

No, I've never even thought about it.

Annette: 52:51

So many of these terms just were created without different identities in mind. But let's say, a human says this resonates with me. I have these feelings. What would you say? What's the next step? How do they move forward with experimentation or initiation?

Ellen: 53:10

I feel like it was so nice for me to be able to be there with him and watch how he is with other women and then know that, like I'm always on his mind, basically Like he's having fun, he's in the moment, but he's not like doing it to get out of his reality, he's doing it to enhance our reality.

Annette: 53:37

So you're saying being in person to start with is your advice. Yeah, I would say be there. How would you bring this up to partner If you haven't discussed it? What if you haven't even really, at this point, dabbled in group sex? Yeah, and you're like oh, I keep having fantasies about my person banging someone else.

Ellen: 54:02

I think a really safe route to go would be either a sex worker or cam girls or something along those lines, where your person can have chats, have some one-on-one interaction with another person and that's a more controlled like you know. That person is safe and their intentions are just the sex.

Annette: 54:31

Right, that's so smart when I thought about the question that it did not come to my mind at all, but I think your right sex workers would be perfect for this, yeah.

Ellen: 54:43

I think that they're undervalued. When it comes to threesomes, the unicorn hunting like, just get a sex worker, that's what they're there for. I wouldn't ever try to do it with any friends. I wouldn't do it with people that you work with, that you know, just don't shit where you eat. But being there, I think starting slow if you're not doing anything as of right now, starting slow with the cam girl thing, I just feel like that's such a safe way to get your toes wet and feel like you're still in control. Right.

Annette: 55:27

Now so people who Do this, our cut queens, aren't always swingers, is that correct?

Ellen: 55:35

Oh gosh, I don't think. Yeah, no, they're not always swingers. A lot of times and a lot of things that I've seen because I follow a couple, like cut queen blogs and stuff like that a lot of times it's a couple, a male and female couple, like go to clubs and they'll find like a hot woman and the woman is biased, like the woman is always bisexual and she'll like just start a quick relationship with the female and invite her back to the room, and so I don't know if that's swinger-ish or not. No, I don't think that is. I don't think so either. But yeah, a lot of it's just like party, find another woman, bring her back to the hotel room.

Annette: 56:22

Consentually, consentually Everything upfront, always, always Everything upfront. Don't trick someone.

Ellen: 56:28

Don't do the switch and bait the bait and switch.

Annette: 56:31

Either works yeah. Don't switch, and bait either Nope.

Ellen: 56:35

Yeah, I think that the club thing is what. I've seen a lot of Sex clubs, I've night clubs just and who knows, I don't know, I don't know that sex clubs are like very, I'd love that they're everywhere out here, but no, they're not the rest of them. Yeah, they're not going to be in Nevada. Oh wait, they are.

Annette: 57:02

I think you might be underestimating how many fucking sex clubs there are out there, I think they might be too. People are horny everywhere.

Ellen: 57:08

Yeah, and Nevada was a really, really, really poor, poor choice on my part.

Annette: 57:13

Yeah, because they have brothels there still.

Ellen: 57:16

Yeah, it's like legal. Yeah, yeah, it's all legal. No, it's dumb.

Annette: 57:18

Right, it's like the one great thing about Nevada yeah, the only. It's like somehow that's where the brothels and leaving there you go. I do think and I do forget I'm in Portland, Oregon. I think I've mentioned that several times. We are very fortunate for being two horny women to be living in this town, because there are sex clubs, a swing or specific one. Have you been there?

Ellen: 57:47

I've been to Sanctuary and that's it.

Annette: 57:50

What? Yeah, oh yeah, there's the other one and the other one, and the other one, and one of them is tons of swingers. That seems to be focused on swingers.

Ellen: 58:04

Just never are seen, never anything that we were into.

Annette: 58:09

Yeah, yeah. So I mean I suppose that could be a place to start, because people are looking to get laid. It's all open and on the table For sure. So dating apps have you had luck with finding partners for this?

Ellen: 58:26

on dating apps. Oh yeah, I'm like cast the net wide.

Annette: 58:30

What is your favorite dating app for this specific ink, for this specific? Like that you can be open and upfront about it, like on your profile or whatever.

Ellen: 58:39

Tinder has worked like magic.

Annette: 58:42

Tinder just seems to be good for just about everything, yeah pretty much.

Ellen: 58:46

Well, friendfinder is like where we have been. Don't you have to pay for that? Well, I figured out how to not pay for it and so, yeah, I would never pay for that. It's such a jankety site, but yeah, that's worked really really well Because it's easy to. I think that the best scenario is generally another woman that's married who is just looking for fun.

Annette: 59:17

And it's going back to their partner.

Ellen: 59:18

Yeah, and there's so much of that. I guess there's so much of that on everything but Tinder, even Facebook dating.

Annette: 59:25

I have not tried that.

Ellen: 59:26

No, it's so stupid.

Annette: 59:28

That's what I've heard. That's what Liberty was on our podcast about online dating and I think said that that was awful yeah it's a waste of time, but I mean you just have to weed through so much bullshit.

Ellen: 59:43

I guess you do on every one of them, but that one's worse, so Tinder has been the best, I think.

Annette: 59:50

Okay, what are the best things about being a cut queen? Best things, the best things. Yeah, give me your top two or three things that are like if you were selling it, this is how you'd sell it.

Ellen: 1:00:03

Oh God, the electricity from all this. Like the sex is electric. It's just unbelievable. Watching your partner please another woman and knowing that like that's my man. I don't know, just so primal and it's amazing. And then the other part is the power that I feel afterwards, knowing that like I have it in me to be able to let him go play and come home and I have like no, I'm not hurting, Like I'm safe, I'm fine. That safety is like priceless.

Annette: 1:00:50

So I mean everything I create. This podcast she Explores Life is all about women's sexual empowerment and this is literally empowering for you. You're saying one of the top highlights is sexual empowerment, just an empowerment in general. So eat that one. Folks out there saying it's cheating, it's cheating.

Annette: 1:01:14

You know, no, I mean, this is a choice and it comes with intense benefits for you, right? Maybe not for everybody, but for you All, right? So we've set the highlights. What are the low lights if you're talking to someone you're like? And here are the things that are the hardest and that you have to be prepared to manage for yourself.

Ellen: 1:01:31

The low lights are the intense emotions, the anxiety, the fear. Yeah, if you don't know what to do with those feelings, it's going to be really hard until you get that figured out Really hard. And that is the low. Like that is that's it, like that's something that if you don't have control over it, it's going to break you.

Annette: 1:02:02

And how do you feel this kink quote lifestyle has affected your relationship.

Ellen: 1:02:12

You know, I feel like it's so healthy. We are both getting our needs met. He has this thing where he likes the excitement of something new and I can't give that to him, but I, you know that's not important to me, and so knowing that I mean him having the ability to have that need met is has made his side of the relationship like just feel so strong. And knowing that the trust is there, I trust him, he trusts me, we can go, we know we're coming home Like, we know that we're not going to hurt each other, we're not going to make each other look stupid. It's just so empowering.

Annette: 1:03:02

Right, what are some things that you wish people would get or understand or know about this? I mean, it's not cheating.

Ellen: 1:03:13

That's a big one. Huge, I'm not. I feel like it could be seen that I'm weak or I'm a pushover, or he's just using the relationship so that he can have a home and a house and a steady place and then still be able to just go and fuck whoever he wants. That's farthest from the truth, I feel like those are things that.

Annette: 1:03:45

Assumptions that are made Mm-hmm Right, so got that, guys Got it, got it. Let's start changing the definition of this very legitimate I keep saying kink slash lifestyle because I feel like it's a combination, I feel like it is too, and I guess gotta Google that shit.

Ellen: 1:04:06

GTS.

Annette: 1:04:07

I did a lot of Googling on this topic and I mostly went to porn sites and then I was very disappointed in what I did find. I was like I'm not sharing this, I'm not perpetuating this bullshit. Are there resources for people who want to dabble in cuckoo-ing Gosh? Not really Looks like this podcast, is it motherfuckers? Looks like I'm your fucking resource, no pressure.

Ellen: 1:04:41

Sorry, ellen.

Annette: 1:04:43

You want to talk about it? Oh, I guess I need to start research and writing about this.

Ellen: 1:04:50

Yeah, the golden ticket.

Annette: 1:04:53

Yeah Well, I want to thank you for coming to talk about this Before I start wrapping this up. Is there anything left you have? You want to make sure you've said you want people to know about? This is your moment.

Ellen: 1:05:06

My moment. I just I think it's really fun to explore if you're already swinging and you already look at your partner and are just so turned on by watching them with another person, Maybe think about taking it to the next level and talk about letting him go and play a little bit and come home and it's just. The empowerment is unmatched.

Annette: 1:05:35

I think it would be really interesting to talk to multiple women who are experiencing this and see what the array of experiences are and thoughts and feelings. So this has been very enlightening. Also, it's not just for swingers, it's for all of us dirty motherfuckers out there just saying but I really appreciate you enlightening us. So I'm going to just do a cheers before we launch into who we are and where you can go to. Cheers for joining me and being brave enough to share what I feel is a very shamed kink.

Ellen: 1:06:09

Oh, yeah, oh well.

Annette: 1:06:12

All right so.

Ellen: 1:06:13

No shame in my game.

Annette: 1:06:15

Ellen, you have been marinating those socks for the last hour, while you talked to me about lots of sexy stuff, so I want to take a moment for you to share where people can you have an only fans account. You said you've got your dirty places. If someone else is like, hey, dirty, oh you do, you do, ellen. But I feel like there's somebody out there listening to this that might be like I want some Ellen socks, you want?

Ellen: 1:06:45

some of my socks.

Annette: 1:06:47

I want some post podcast, ellen socks. So tell people where they can go to find you.

Ellen: 1:06:54

So my only fans is PNW, so it's just PNW N, underscore Bella B-E-L-L-A and it's free, so go ahead and peruse all you want. I have a Not Safe For Work Twitter and it's at mermaidsperr, it's and we'll link it. I can send you the link for it.

Annette: 1:07:22

Yeah, for sure For PURR at mermaidsperr.

Ellen: 1:07:28

Yeah, yeah, and on my Twitter there's links for everything else. Nice yeah, so the only fans is linked on there as well. Fun yeah, so people come to my only fans and they love it. And then they reach out to me and they're like can I buy those panties from you? Fuck yeah, you can.

Annette: 1:07:50

You've got to do a whole podcast on that, because I have clearly gone into the wrong occupation.

Ellen: 1:07:57

Yeah, it's a part-time gig for me.

Annette: 1:08:00

For sure it's a side hustle, it is. This is a true side hustle. It is yeah.

Ellen: 1:08:05

Yep, my socks, yeah, nothing sacred, anymore yeah was it ever who cares about socks?

Annette: 1:08:11

Who cares? Somebody does. So if you have questions for Ellen, or if you would like to join me and Ellen talking about this topic, if you're another Cuck Queen and you would like to join us for a threesome, foursome conversation, I would love it. I feel like this is a topic we can do more and more on and learn more about what other people's experiences are like and shed an accurate light on it, because it doesn't seem like there's that much out there. Likewise, I am looking to talk to someone who's in the opposite relationship and it has a cuckold. I believe that's how I think, language-wise, I'm saying that correct. So I'd love to talk to a woman who has a partner that is a cuckold and cleans her up after she's been banged by another guy. I don't even know how to talk about this, so many to me. I'm very curious about this and I want to again shed a positive light on it, so you can reach out to me at annette at shakesploreslifecom, and at annette at shakesploreslifecom.

Annette: 1:09:29

Head over to TikTok. I launched a TikTok account that is Locker Room Talk podcast. I believe that's my handle and it's doing quite well. I'm covering a lot about what it's like to be bisexual. I am covering a lot about my 365 days of orgasms challenge and how that's going. You can also find me on Instagram, bing Benedetti, my own account. You can find Locker Room Talk and Shots on Instagram Facebook. She Explores Life, instagram, facebook and finally, there's also my YouTube channel. In it, benedetti Articles will be going up and I'm definitely going to write some articles on this topic at shakesploreslife. I'm looking forward to hearing from you guys. Don't be afraid to reach out, dm me and email me. So I think that's it Until next time. Thank you, ellen. I can't wait to talk to you again here, cheers, we'll see you in the locker room.