Masturbation Monday: 5 Mind-Blowing Foreplay Tips! Instantly Improve Your Performance In Bed

Welcome to Masturbation Monday. I'm sharing the most important things you need to know about foreplay. These tips come from the sexperts I've interviewed over the past five years as well as the many women and vulva owners who have shared their views on what gets them wet. Prepare to find out the following:
1. Find out what is and is NOT foreplay. 
2. Discover how to make her long for you.
3. How to build lust
4. How to inject passion back into your relationship

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:25

Do the sex. Welcome to masturbation Monday with me, annette Benedetti, your host for locker room talk and chats. This is your invitation to join me for coffee and bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental, physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams. Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure, better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life. Ring loop. Today's masturbation Monday topic is five powerful foreplay tips that will improve your sex life tonight.

Speaker 1: 1:09

Over the past week, I've been thinking about how all of the knowledge I've gained about foreplay over the last three years doing my locker room talk and chats podcast interviews has influenced my use of foreplay, not only when I am with a partner, but also in my own masturbation practice. Yes, I actually use foreplay in my masturbation practice and I'm going to share my top five tips that I've learned from my own practice, from sex birds I've interviewed over the last three years, and from talking to women and people with vulvas, interviewing them over the past three years. Now, yes, I am someone who has a pussy, but these tips, I think, apply across genders. I do think, in particular, they are going to help cis men who are in sexual relationships with women or people with vulvas. Just because of socialization and I think in a patriarchal society, men, cis men in particular are socialized in such a way that makes foreplay a bit more challenging for them sometimes. But I think things are changing and that everyone can benefit from these five tips, and I am because I'm learning to practice them, not only with myself but in my intimate relationships, and I'm telling you right now they turn okay sex into fucking, powerfully explosive erotic sex.

Speaker 1: 2:52

But before I get started and share that with you, I am wanting to make a quick announcement. I am going to be launching Sex Toy Tuesday, starting this week, on my YouTube channel. So if you are a listener and not a viewer over on YouTube, I want you to head over to YouTube where you are going to be able to find weekly Sex Toy intimate product reviews. I will be going over my favorite products new products, old products that I want to bring back to your attention there. So if you're looking for products to spice up your sex life, whether it's your solo sex life or your sex life with a partner, you're going to head over to YouTube and my channel is Annette Benedetti. You can find me there, and that is going to take place on Tuesdays.

Speaker 1: 3:46

But for now I am ready to talk to you about foreplay and, of course, masturbation. So grab your coffee, let's get ready to talk about sex Cheers. All right, let's just launch right into my five tips, five most important things you need to know about foreplay. And number one the number one thing everyone needs to reorient their brain around is oral sex is not foreplay, it is sex. Oral sex is not foreplay, it is sex. If you're starting foreplay with oral sex, you've already missed your window of time for foreplay. You have missed a huge opportunity to build eroticism, lust, longing, want, need, wetness. You've missed it.

Speaker 1: 4:45

One of the things that really has changed with acceptance of and validation of queer sex, queer intimacy, is, as a society, especially in the sex-pert arena, sexual empowerment arena, we have changed the definition of foreplay and sex, because queer sex, which I would argue oftentimes has been more satisfying than heteronormative sex, involves something more than just P and V sex. There's not always a penis to go in a vagina and sometimes a person doesn't want a dildo to go in the vagina. Sex is so much more than that and I've talked about it again and again. Unlock a room, talk and shots podcast. Oral sex is sex. Now that you know that, for many people it may be like, okay, well then, what is foreplay? I mean, you go and you read the articles that all of the mainstream publications are putting out and the first thing they talk about is oral sex. When we're talking about foreplay and you need to wipe that from your mind because I promise you, if you are starting there, your partner is getting a subpar sexual experience. This brings me to tip number two.

Speaker 1: 6:02

Foreplay starts before you've even gotten together in person, or it can, especially if you are already in a relationship with someone and you are texting and talking on the phone. Sexy talk, man. Sexy talk is, I think, one of the biggest keys to hot foreplay, to building the eroticism, the longing and wanting and needing. I mean and maybe it will help you to think of if you're still spinning from the oral sex is not foreplay is. Start thinking about foreplay as just all of the stuff that comes before sex, that builds eroticism wanting, longing, needing. You know that gives you that little tingle when you know that you're getting together with someone sexting, sending sexy messages. Now, if you're with someone who is new, be careful about that, right? Don't go and like, go straight for the like I wanna suck your titties, kind of comment. That's not gonna do it, my friend. And so a quick tip for people if we're talking about new connections and how do you kind of get into that sexy mind frame, don't go straight for sex talk. You'll get shut down so quickly.

Speaker 1: 7:21

My top tip there is curiosity. Everybody wants to be seen. Everybody wants to have someone who wants to really see them and know them, see the person they are on the inside. So start with curiosity, asking questions that let the person know you want to see them. Now let's switch back to talking about people that we're already intimate with. That we want to improve our sexual relationships with. The best place to start foreplay is like before you've even gotten together, whether, if you're living together, start it while you're at work, sending sexy texts. This is also where, if you're already familiar with one another, sexy photos. Now you don't have to be naked in the photos if you're not comfortable with that, but you know a little hint, little cleavage. If you are someone who has boobs, guys, you're all so sexy.

Speaker 1: 8:26

I think something that oftentimes is missing in connection with people with penises and men is. They always ask for sexual photos and sexy pics from women, but they don't send them. Learn how to take a hot pic of yourself, regardless of your gender. I think it's exciting. It's exciting when somebody sends me a photo. It makes me long for this person I'm already planning on getting together with. So we're talking about sexting. We're talking about sending photos.

Speaker 1: 9:00

Phone calls, just. You know, I feel like the sexy phone call is kind of a lost art form. Now that there's texting, people don't call each other. But I really love just a phone call where I know someone's just wanting to chat for a few seconds. Just ask me how I am and let me know they're excited to see me tonight. That's hot. Voice notes I have started using voice notes, sometimes just in communication with my friends, but I think voice notes are a really sexy way to connect with someone and let them know you're thinking about them, missing them, excited to see them tonight. Can't wait to be in their presence.

Speaker 1: 9:45

This brings me to what should be already a really obvious tip. Your mouth plays a role and foreplay just not the one you are thinking of. Right, it's not the oral sex role, but we're talking. We've already talked about sexy talk. If you struggle with sex talk, I want you to scroll back in my locker room talk and shots episodes and find a sex talk 101 with Lisa Fen of BabeLam. She is a sex expert and coach and really broke down sex talk and had a practice that when you're alone, I may or may not be doing. That I have also openly admitted sex talk is where I struggle. So it's very important, but let's move past just talking Now. Let's get into the physical foreplay arena, if you will.

Speaker 1: 10:38

Kissing breath, and one thing that I have noticed I think this will resonate with a lot of us is the lost art of kissing, especially in a longer term relationship. You go from like these hot makeouts, the make out at the beginning of getting to know someone, to like a peck on the lips and then getting to the banging, and that is so sad and such a disappointment. Invest in your make out skills. Find out what your partner likes, experiment with making out and kissing. Find new places on their body to kiss, whisper sexy some things in their ear, kiss down their neck. Your mouth plays an important role. So that also brings me to oral hygiene. Folks, oral hygiene. Make sure you're brushing your teeth, flossing your teeth. Your breath doesn't smell bad because breath is super, super sexy, even if you're just holding each other and you're kind of breathing together. You can build so much sexual energy that way. But if your breastinks are gonna be in a bad way, so have gum on hand if you need to. Yeah, oral hygiene your mouth plays such a big role in foreplay.

Speaker 1: 11:55

But let's move to my next tip, which is foreplay involves touch, but it does not involve penetration. So now you've gotta start thinking about touch in foreplay without penetration. If you are finger banging someone, you are having sex with them. So if you are thinking of foreplay as finger banging someone, you have already once again missed a huge opportunity for building a radicism, longing and wanting with foreplay. But touch in public, whether it's running your hand along someone's neck or through their hair, you know if you're new or you've been apart a long time, sitting next to each other and letting your fingers lightly brush their leg or their arm or their hands, holding hands this is all foreplay, and creating that physical, energetic connection. Once you are alone, foreplay can move into things like a body massage. Start with a massage, a foot massage if you're into that, running fingers through hair, along the neck.

Speaker 1: 13:07

Touch is so important and we don't spend enough time just touching one another, exploring each other's body and the non non, oh, I wanna say the non erotic areas. But any area on your body can be erotic. Explore with touch and explore the kinds of touch you both enjoy and the kinds of touch that build eroticism. For some people, tickling their arms or their back that's for me, that's the thing for me will get me going. But some people like scratching, like more of that pain, pleasure dynamic. Some people love it when you smack their ass. It's like, okay, I'm ready to call you daddy. Some people get pissed off when you smack their ass. You go in and you smack their ass. They're like fuck off, I'm not ready for that. So explore touch. Finally, and most importantly this is super important and hopefully it's obvious, but it may not be obvious Foreplay doesn't always end in sex and that's okay.

Speaker 1: 14:11

Just because you have invested time in foreplay does not mean that you should feel you are suddenly owed penetration or sex, oral sex, whatever it is. Foreplay can last minutes, hours, days, weeks before it builds into sex. It's just the reality. Foreplay in and of itself should be satisfying to you, you know, maybe a little frustrating. It may just end in you or your other person going home and masturbating. If you're not ready to move into sex for one reason or the other, that's fine. You've still built that longing for each other. Now I'll tell you, there is nothing sexier than someone who can build that eroticism. Step away from it, maintain it till the next time you get together and eventually it builds into this explosive opportunity.

Speaker 1: 15:03

Foreplay doesn't always end in sex, right, but it is an act of building eroticism that ideally eventually ends in explosive sex. You're building wanting and longing. Some ideas for foreplay ways to start thinking about it. If you're living with someone, sometimes foreplay is literally just taking stress off the table, taking barriers to sexiness off the table, whether it's cleaning the house for them so they can come home and relax, or clearing tension that's between you so you can be open to connecting. Those are technically acts of foreplay. Other, more obvious forms of foreplay One of my favorite is sexy assignments.

Speaker 1: 15:54

If you've been with someone for a while and you wanna heat things up, I love sexy assignments, whether it's asking your partner to find whatever five minutes in the day to touch themselves and think about you and text you and let you know when they're doing it, to having them wear a pair of underwear as sexy something that turns you on while you're apart, and maybe take a little picture of it. There are lots of different types of sexy assignments. That can go from pretty vanilla to super, super kinky. Right, you can get pretty crazy with sexy assignments, but that's a great way to build longing and eroticism during the day. I already covered photos.

Speaker 1: 16:40

I would love to hear your questions, your thoughts on these tips.

Speaker 1: 16:45

What do you think about what I've said? How do you feel about having oral sex removed and fingering removed from the foreplay set of tools that you've maybe relied on most of your life? Questions, comments. Do you have foreplay tips that you think I should have included in this list? Let's build a list for all of us. Let's build a list of go-tos so that when you're wanting to spice your sex life back up or you're wanting to start a sexy connection with someone, you have some tools on hand that can work for you. So reach out to me. You can reach me at annette, at sheexploreslifecom. You can leave a comment below. If you're on my YouTube channel, I do read through them and we'll be answering your questions and comments in the future with videos or articles or podcast episode. Let me know what you think I should have included. Let me know if you disagree with something I've said. I'm looking forward to hearing from you. So until next time I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers significant PUATION.